Some Say She is Crazy... I Say I'm Just A Little Touched....

2006-11-26T01:28:00.000-06:00

O' Christmas Tree, O' Christmas Tree

I love Christmas... It is was of my most favorite times of the year. Today, I went my friend Allen's house and helped him decorate his tree after we had ventured to Hobby Lobby to buy new decorations. He passed his old tree down to me and we brought it back here and he helped me decorate mine and it is beautiful. All reds and greens. The cats like the tree... LOL i can't keep them out of the darn thing. Tomorrow, I am going to tackle the outside and try to do my christmas cards. We had a wonderful thanksgiving, and the weekend has been fabulous. The kids mom and I even hit the "Black Friday" sales early and bought a few gifts for the kids. I really enjoyed the shopping trip with her. Well, this is all that is going on for now and life is blessed.

Goodnight,
Re'

2006-11-07T01:13:00.000-06:00

Google killed the Internet Geek

Google search engine has destroyed the joy we simple geeks used to enjoy in finding obscure sights about things we enjoyed or wanted to learn about.

Google has become what MTV was to Radio and I despise it for its attempt at censorship.
Yes, censorship. It picks out the top visited sites and gives me a list to choose from and upon arriving I have yet another link to click to if only i will buy something for so many number of days free.

I could rant for ever but you get my drift.

Peace
Re'

2006-11-05T00:57:00.000-06:00

The Ghost of Autumns Passed...

Autumn is not a delightful season for me and I have become very tainted at the thought of it approaching. Winter is not my discontent, only autumn. Everything haunting my life has happened in Autumn. Death, destruction, failure, divorce, dying of relationships, and myself slipping into a loneliness I cannot even begin to describe. It tears at my heart as though my heart breaking. Even amoung family and friends I feel a strange alienation from them that I cannot break. I feel no bound, no connection.

Is this what having Bipolar means? It has alienated me from my husband. My seventeen year old step-son has driven a wedge between me and Bill and Bill chooses not to see it. Everyone keeps punishing me for overly lossing my temper before I got help and found out I had Bipolar. I never hurt any of the kids, all i did was yell loudly for them to go their chores. I have been the one working for the last 5 years supporting this family. Hell, Bill has even had me move out, but I do not give up. I am tired and these are ramblings of a tired soul.

Night
Re'

2006-11-02T02:31:00.000-06:00

A Poem

Just a little tainted darkness
On the edge of sanity, An
Ironic reality tinged with
Distorted light that ends tonight...

She's made up her" minds, " No
More crying will there be for
He is dead to she...Forever
To be tinged ironically
on her reality.

11/02/06
Renee Herod

2006-10-31T02:54:00.000-06:00

We spend our lives chasing scattered dreams driven by the illusion that the almighty dollar will somehow tame those dreams into something we can grasp, use, and even abuse. I am 35, soon to be 36 and have taken several steps back to re-evaluate my life. I was recently diagnosed as having Bipolar II, which really came as no shock considering my behaviour patterns since I was a child. My husband is facing a horrible disease at the age of 45 and I am in mourning. He is not the same and will not ever been again. I am learning to deal with it. It is not easy and with out my friends and family I would really be insane by now. I have written numerous poems over the months and have not posted any and I am going to begin doing that soon. I am leaving my job of 17 years to be at home and do some healing and helping my family to heal as well. I hope people from all over find this blog and read it and find some comfort in the arms of the words left here in truth, grace and love.

Goodnight,
Re'

2006-07-09T14:51:00.000-05:00

ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE

I don't know if this accurate information or not I read it in passing in a magazine in a doctors office and it stated that more research was being done on the drug Viagra and breast implants than Alzeimer's. Anyone know how to clarify if this is even remotely true? My husband has been diagnosed with early onset alzeimer's and it is a fast progressing form. He is only 44 years old and has tested mentally at the age of 74 and has physically age that much as well.

I am 35 years old and desperately trying to hold on to reality,Hope, and God. None of it has been easy so far.

My blog is now going to become more of a place for me to cry, scream, and have mental breakdowns.
Hope to start hearing from more people soon.

As Always,
Re'

2006-04-25T18:41:00.000-05:00

Politically Correct Terms for Cat Owners

My cat does not barf hairballs, he is a floor/rug redecorator.
My cat does not break things, she helps gravity do its job.
My cat does not fear dogs, they are merely sprint practice tools.
My cat does not gobble, she eats with alacrity.
My cat does not scratch, he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator.
My cat is not a "shedding machine", she is a hair relocation stylist.
My cat is not a "treat-seeking missile", she enjoys the proximity of food.
My cat is not a chatterbox, she is advising me on what to do next.
My cat is not a dope addict, she is catnip appreciative.
My cat is not a ruthless hunter, she is a wildlife control expert.
My cat is not evil, she is badness enhanced.
My cat is not fat, he is mass enhanced.
My cat is not hydrophobic, she has an inability to appreciate moisture.
My cat is not underfoot, she is shepherding me to my next destination (which should always be the food dish).

2005-12-04T14:20:00.000-06:00

Garth Brooks was wrong....

Life is not a dance, it is simply what it is.... Life.

In my desperate attempt to be optimistic about Bill's declining health, I latched out to the neurologists preliminary diagnosis of MS and clung to it because there are so many advances made in treating this diseases. I wrong I was to cling to that idea.

After a year of tests, doctor visits, bill worsening, and a million and one things happening... the conclusion is not MS, it is early onset of Alzehiemr's.
And today I am not handling it well. I have cried all morning. We have known since the 19th of november and it has finally hit me today or rather been building up until today. How does a family live with this?

2005-09-22T20:57:00.000-05:00

BREEDLOVE DEHYDRATED FOODS
WWW.BREEDLOVE.ORG

WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP WORLD HUNGER AND NATURAL DISASTER RELEIF....

$3.62 WILL PROVIDE 100 SERVINGS
THIS ORGANIZATION HAS SHIPPED 2.25 MILLON SERVINGS OF FOOD TO THE VICTIMS OF HURRICANE KATRINA AND IS PREPARING FOR RITA AS I TYPE THIS. BELOW IS A REQUEST FOR DONATIONS AND STATISICS.

Breedlove Dehydrated Foods
1818 N. Martin Luther King, Jr. Blvd.
Lubbock, Texas 79403
806-741-0404***Fax: 806-741-0447

Request for Support

September 22, 2005
Background
Breedlove Dehydrated Foods is a one-of-a-kind non-profit organization based in Lubbock, Texas. As a hunger relief organization, Breedlove processes, blends, packages, warehouses, and orchestrates hunger relief efforts both internationally and here at home. Breedlove has been responding to ongoing disaster relief needs in the Gulf Coast Areas, initially due to Hurricane Katrina. Breedlove is seeking funding to continue those efforts, to provide assistance to those that will be affected by Hurricane Rita, and the long-term needs of those affected by these two catastrophic events. The following table outlines the Breedlove Food produced and shipped to-date and the lead partnering organizations:
Organization Salvation Army of Lubbock/Houston
Houston, TX
NUMBER OF SERVINGS: 3,000

Salvation Army of Lubbock/Baton Rouge
Baton Rouge, LA
NUMBER OF SERVINS: 734,400

Mississippi Baptist Men
Biloxi, MS
NUMBER OF SERVINGS: 21,600

West Texas Council of Assembly of God Churches
Gulf Coast Area, MS
NUMBER OF SERVINS: 54,000

CIS Church Development Fdn/ Salvation Army of Lubbock/Houston
Houston, TX
NUMBER OF SERVINGS: 950,400

United Methodist Church of Graham, TX / Salvation Army of Baton Rouge
Franklinton, LA
NUMBER OF SERVINS: 43,200

Healing Hands International
New Orleans, LA
NUMBER OF SERVINGS: 442,800

TOTAL OF:
8 Organizations in
7 Affected Areas
2,249,400 Total Servings

As financial resources have been stretched to almost non-existence locally, Breedlove has been left vulnerable to be able to maintain ongoing disaster relief and any unforeseen events in the near future.
Breedlove’s Request
Breedlove is requesting funding from multiple potential donors for the processing/packaging, warehousing, and distribution of Breedlove Food Aid for ongoing disaster response to Hurricanes Katrina and Rita.
Breedlove has identified food needs to be a minimum of $900,000.
Ongoing Disaster Response
§ Costs to process, packaging, warehouse and distribute those items range between $0.04 and $0.20 per serving. $1.00 will provide approximately 20 servings of Breedlove Food Aid.
§ Breedlove has accumulated a database of freight donors for the relief response.
§ Breedlove has multiple food aid items beyond our simple Harvest Pro Vegetable Blend (potato, rice, carrot, onion, and protein soup mix) that will be made available to agencies upon request.
§ Breedlove will partner with Barbara Anderson and the Texas Association of Food Banks(19 locations) to deploy shipments of food when and where it is needed. Additional partners will be identified.
§ Texas Food Banks have requested the initial need for 18 truckloads of Breedlove Food Aid, representing 15 to 20 million servings of food.
§ With this funding, Breedlove will be able to respond to requests for food immediately. Our goal is to have a response time of "driving time" to make delivery in the first few hours, then a "24-hour" response time after the first day of the aftermath.

2005-09-03T20:33:00.000-05:00

Failure Of A System...Maybe; Failure Of A Society...Not Yet...

First, I must say forgive me if this particular post rambles. I have many things to say about the New Orleans disaster, the aftermath of Katrina, and America in general.

When did we become a Nation with the attitude of "entitlement"? This attitude grows stronger everyday and people expect the government to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives or simply choose to live on welfare because it is easier. I am not so harden that I do not have compassion for the tragedy in New Orleans and for the people who lost their lives and the people who lost everything. Tragedy is what it is ... Tragedy. No one expects it, No one plans it, and once it happens... It is done and cannot ever be taken back or changed. Long before "government" ever existed, People suffered tragedies and pulled together and got through it. I realize in these modern times we depend upon to many
conveniences and the reality of it all is as a nation and as individuals we have become soft and have lost our survival instincts. We have lost knowledge passed down from generation to generation because we look to the more technologic advances in order to make our lives easier. No wonder we are a "prozac" nation.
These people that lost everything have a horrible ordeal to face, but with help and support from "fellow" man... life can and will go forth. I lost everything I owned except the clothes on my back in a fire and the loss of those material things really made me realize the importance of having lived and not lost any loved ones. The hardest part was getting past the devastation. I am not trying to say my experience can compare to the devastation in New Orleans and the Gulf Coast... What I am saying is the human spirit can pick up the pieces and move on.

I also feel each person has a responsiblity to themselves and to their families and the government cannot be blamed anymore than the victims themselves. People made choices to stay, unfortunately some paid for it with the lives or the lives of their loved ones. Can anyone one person or nation claim to be prepared for an uncontrollable force of nature or a fanatic with an army? The efforts after the Tsunami were no more greater than those efforts during this horrible aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

Man has always endured himself against the elements and when he/she is successful over and over again it simply gives a false sense of security and
invincibility and I feel that god or nature has to exert their authority and humble people once again.

The media has done an excellent job of exploiting all the short commings of relief efforts and the failure to provide immeadiate relief. However; what I have failed to see at this point is the reports of all the aid comming in from all over the nation. People are renting semi-trucks and trailers and filling them with food, water, clothing and other neccessaties. I had the opportunity to meet a group of people from Washington State that are members of the Washingtion Urban Search and Recue team heading to New Orleans to offer their help. These men and women had been driving for over 58 hours on their own time and money...
My sister is Part of a Non profit organization that makes dehydrated food products and it runs strictly on donations and charges nothing for this food and they have transported food daily. Each shipment enough to feed 30,000 people a day. Realtors that have bought the closed Military bases are opening their doors to our refugees. Carnival Cruise Lines have sent three ships to the gulf coast to provide shelter for the homeless. The people of this nation definitely have not turned their backs on our friends in need. I am not so naive as to think that these efforts are enough to take away all of the pain and suffering and loss of lives and homes but it is something to be thankful about.

Look Later for Part II...

2005-08-22T19:38:00.000-05:00

I CAN DRIVE 55…

Yes folks with the rising cost of gasoline, I have decided to do my part to conserve gasoline and help my pocket book all at the same time. No longer will I drive above 55 MPH. I am also trying to rally a group of people to car pool. I can no longer afford the cost of driving back and forth to work each week. Not to mention the havoc said costs have done to other costs as well. Our natural gas and electricity is said to rise up to 66% this coming winter. While we are paying $2.599 a gallon, the country of Iraq is paying .05 cents a gallon for gas… and the war was not for oil "he" says. Rising costs of inflation is "supposed" to be the major factor in costs rising… Hmmm, I watched a report on the news the other night that the estimated cost for a pack of cigarettes was "supposed" to be $2.00 a pack in 2005 as compared to the 1.25 a pack in 1995. New Yorkers are payin 7.50 a pack. While the cost of living is rising, our wages are not. The only energy saving technique our leaders can create and agree upon is to extend daylight savings time…. BIG FAT FUCKING HAIRY DEAL.
So, In my effort to conserve I am making changes. If enough of the citizens did, our voices could be heard.
Imagine if all of the vehicles used to transport goods, mail, packages and so forth went on strike? Our country would lose millions upon millions of dollars in taxes and revenue…. Money talks and bullshit walks….
Anyone have any ideas on how to tighten the belt on our pocket books even more? I would be glad to hear it….

2005-08-02T17:36:00.000-05:00

The Wonder Of It All

I feel as though I am watching scenes from the proverbial soap. I hate soaps and I despise when my life feels as though I am caught up in a day time drama plot/subplot. Why all the "Drama"? Well, lets just catch everyone up-to-date. The man I love more than anything in this world has been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Currently, his neurologist is determining the type he has. Watching my husband detoriate and waste away these last 4 years has been horrible and fighting with doctors to find what has been wrong with him, even worse. Most have said, it was all in his head. Finally, we have a Doctor that seems to know what he is doing. I just hope he does not have any effects that will linger since it has taken so long to determine his illness. The pain he suffers everyday grows worse and he has aged 20 years in the last 4. The memory loss is worse, he has difficulty speaking, sometimes difficulty swallowing, and he is unable to use cognitive reasoning and he has begun using his cane daily. It is even affecting his ability to be intimate.
I am so very angry, right now that I can not even begin to put into words how deep my hurt lingers in my heart and how much I am dissappointed in the whole human or rather rat race minus a few close friends.
I am tired of the struggle. I am tired of being strong. I am tired of keeping it all together with just a tiny strand.
Even though I feel all of these things, I also know there are people close to me that I am thankful for, Allen, Jenny, My dad, My mom, and Bill, and the kids... I am just tired.

I also went to the Dr. today to have an IUD inserted that emitts hormones that was to eliminate my horrible periods. However; the dr was unable to properly insert it due to the fact that my uterus is extremely small and tilted and will not allow for the iud to be inserted. My dr of 15 years did not realize this until today, and this also accounts for part of the reasons I have never been able to conceive.
I hate my life today....

As always, bills are due and no money, school is starting in two weeks and I have no money for new school clothes for the kids. All in all things suck... I am outta here for now... I am depressing myself even more...

Later
Re'

2005-07-17T19:42:00.000-05:00

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE....

I like many other fans, have awaited the release of this book with excitement and of course i was at my local bookstore on midnight July 16th to get my copy. It was 1:30 am before I reached home and I was so tired I fell asleep with out reading it. I woke at 1 pm on saturday and began reading around 3 and did not put the book down until 6:49 Am Sunday morning.... and all I can say is SHOCKING......I am completely upset.....and hope the plot is a trick..... that is all i can say without spoiling for others....

2005-06-26T10:11:00.000-05:00

Stagnent???? I have been called Much Worse......

LOL OMG.... I should be ashamed but I am not. I have been purely lazy and I have loved every minute of it..... TEE HEE... So here is a new post.....

Going Back Again

And then there are the things
That come to pass again
Once we did not comprehend
But now we understand…
Every step away from you
Only brought us home again
To every choice a reason or
Maybe, never any reason at all…
Just like a changing season
Youth has drifted away into
The knowing age of reason
And still, we do not know it all…
And when the light begins to fade
Listen for a heartbeat calling us home
All we ever needed was to dream of home
Maybe we weren’t at our best, Maybe
We could have changed our minds….
But calling out to our dreams…
That was all we could do…
That was all we could say…
We were young, dreaming for the moon.
Reaching for the stars, and only wanting
For you to dream with our troubled youth….

And the now the things have come to pass
And your voice lives within us and
We know the choice was ours to make
And ultimately leading us home….
-Renee H. 6/25/05
Written for Mom and Dad….

2005-05-09T16:43:00.000-05:00

The Inocence Of Youth and The Age Of Reason , errr... umm Confusion

As I have been getting older, I arrogantly patted my own back congratulating myself on my well earned "supposed" maturing and thought, "Hey, now I am wise and shall go forth and spew my drivel at whomever I deem un-worthy." Basically, I don't know when to shut my trap and keep quiet. It seems if I should ever learn this vitrue, I will be at peace. Now, On to other things.

My twin step-sons have a friend that comes over nearly every day to play with them and this kid is an Eddie Haskell of sorts, but I adore him all the same and I am glad the twins have a good friend. He lives with his grandmother, who happens to be the same age as my husband, 43, and he is an inter-racial child from a severly dysfunction family but somehow he has risen above it all and is a very good kid. I like to kid around with him and tease him and he in fact reminds me of a friend I had from childhood until he was killed in an auto accident a few years ago.

Now, this kid, (we'll call him Eddie), is your typical boy, getting into boy trouble and your normal everyday thing with kids in general. Sometimes he would grate on my husband's nerves terribly, and myself too, and I have even grounded him from comming over to play, but something about the kid has always pulled at my heart strings. It was on friday that I realized part of it was him reminding me of my long lost friend and because of his less than desirable home life and me wanting to give something to this kid he could always remember and look back on and possibly even learn something.

And Today, around 1:30 pm he showed up and immeadiately wanted to see me,
His grandmother that he lives with had passed away on Sunday morning. All I could do was grab him and hug him. I am shocked to say the least, considering she was healthy and the same age as my husband and only 10 years older than myself. Eddie hung out here for awhile and I called his mother to make sure she knew where he was and she told me she knew because he had told her he really needed to come and talk to me. I broke down crying. My first thought was how sad he felt he needed me more than his mother, and my next thought was how undeserving I was of this connection to this child. When I told my husband what had happened, he spoke the words I was thinking and feeling, Eddie can come and live with us if the need ever arises and yes we are very serious about this. I am not sure if his mom is going to be able to take care of him and I want him to be safe and with people who care about him. The kid has been through enough. I pray, though that his Mom will rise to the cause and take responsible action. If not my family and I are going to be there......

Later

2005-04-30T20:42:00.000-05:00

Some say my font is silver-gray.... I say it is a hazy shade of winter....

Hey folks... surprised to see an update so soon? Well, hell I am surprised at myself as well.....

I had a post all planned out in this little ol' brain of mine and I guess age is catching up with me because I have forgotten what the bugger was all about. So, I am just going to ramble, which seems to be what I do best nowadays.

I am recovering from surgery fairly well, except that now, everything I eat is automatically turned into explosive devication without probable cause. Which means get the hell out of my way I need the pot!!!!

Bill's Mom is comming for a visit on the 13th and will be the first time I have ever seen her in person. I am a little nervous, but more excited. I know the kids and Bill will enjoy it very much..... Now if I can just get Bill to Clean his mess, I will be in heaven....

That's all for now....

Re'

2005-04-27T18:32:00.000-05:00

Like Sands Through The Hour Glass.....
So Are The Days Of Our Lives....

So I suck at blogging.. big, fat, hair, deal....

HMMMMMMMM....

Things going on with me...

I just had surgery to remove my gallbladder.
I have lost almost 50 lbs.
Bill and the kids are fine.

I hate prissy little girls that think everyone is mean to her just because she does not get her way.
I probably pissed her mom off today and I don't fucking care.
I know my kids are not perfect and lord knows I bitch and gripe at them enough, but I am sick and fucking tired of hearing how Emily is tired of the twins being mean to her, or how they call her "evil", well if the shoe fits......
Anywho, I asked the twins and threatened them with in an inch of their lives, to tell me what was going on and they said they had not called her evil in a long time. She also does not like their friend Brian and because she can't boss him or the twins around when he is here, then she tells her mom that he is mean to her.
I told her mom today that I am not going to stop the twins from playing with Brian just because Emily does not like him and I think I pissed her off..... oh fucking well.
Not much else going on here.... ta for now.

2005-03-17T19:22:00.000-06:00

The other day, I asked the kids to create something for me to hang on my cubicle wall at work....and this is what Matthew came up with and I am very impressed....

NIGHT

Night is cool,
Night is fright,
When I go,
It's sure a sight,
I'm so afraid,
That I hide,
In my closet,
Like a mouse,
Who seen a cat,
And the next night,
And the next night,
Till one day,
I stood up and said,
"I'm not afraid!"
Now the night is scared,
Because it thinks,
I'm a knight,
So I'm the
Knight of the night....

Matthew H. Age 11
3/15/05

I am still impressed....

2005-02-02T18:31:00.000-06:00

I just finished reading a biography about Fleetwood Mac titled Never Break The Chain, Fleetwood Mac and the making of Rumours.... By Cath Carroll....

I must say, I did find the book interesting and informative on certain aspects of Fleetwood Mac I did not know, at first.....And then it happened, close to the end of the book when the author refered to Robin Anderson(Stevie's Closest Friend), as a "He". One can only hope this was a typographically error..... and to me an obvious one. It is the only mention of Robin and I find it hard to believe that the author did not whom he/she was addressing. Anywho, It was a good read for any die hard "MAC" fan and well worth the 14 bucks I shelled out for it.

Now on a different note, I know I have not blogged of late and basically have been too busy, to consumed in my own day to day crisis as well as not giving a flying fuck....

I have written a few new poems and i hate everyone of them and feel totally un-inspired simply because why write when it will never mean anything to anyone but me. At least that is where my attitude has been lately. I will get over it. I am on vacation this week and getting a much needed break from the pressures of work.... Thankfully, when I return next week I will be starting a new job within the company and will be in training for 8 - 10 weeks... sooooo NO overtime... Yippeee!@!!!!

I have also been extremely busy purging junk from my life and my house in the hopes of losing some clutter and adding some semblence of style... If only I could twitch my nose like Samantha, and covert my pack rat of a husband and children..... Boys Suck.....LOL

Right before christmas, Me, my step-son, and a couple of friends re-decorated my living room and it has turned out fabulous.

I have also been doing alot of reading. I am currently working on The Lord of The Rings and should finish it this weekend. I set it aside for a time to rest my brain and read the Mac book. Now I am ready to tackle it again.

I have also cancelled my AOL service and will seeking a new DSL/ Cable provider in the months to come. I want my money to be spent wisely and AOL was riping me off.

Anyway all is well here ... Sorry to have been away so long...

Re'

2004-12-25T21:21:00.000-06:00

The Greatest Gift Part Two...

When I first posted my entry regarding my love for my husband, Bill, and his love and himself being the greatest gift I could ever receive, I had no idea I was preparing myself to be more aware of the love surrounding me. On Christmas Eve Day, at the elderly man that owner financed my home and lives next door to me called to wish Bill, the kids, and I a very Merry Christmas and told me how much he cared for us. I replied, "Abe, well we love you very much too." I have known him for a long time and had never told him those words. He treated my kids as his grand-kids and loved and adored us. When he called, I had a strange feeling and got goose bumps all over and the whole phone call seemed odd.... He then said, "God Bless Ya'll and that is all I wanted to say"... and I said okay and God Bless Ya'll too." A few minutes later an ambulance arrived, then several other cars, and a police car. Abe had clicked off the phone and slumped over in his chair and had passed on. All the way to West Texas I knew he was dead, but could not bring myself to admit it. I had talked to his wife before the ambulance left and she did not know his condition. When I got to my parents house, I called and found out for sure. I cannot put into words the emotions going through my heart. It was very un-nerving to have been the last person he spoke too, but at the same time it was very special and I feel he was telling us good-bye. I also wonder why I was the person he thought to call before he died. It was odd... it was as though he knew he was going... Christmas is going to mean something entirely different to me and my family from now on.... and I think I now have a guardian angel....

All My Love,
Merry Christmas

Re'

2004-12-12T10:08:00.000-06:00

The Greatest Gift...

I have been going through some personal changes over the past year. I have constantly tormented myself with the question of WHY? Why do we exist, Why is there so much pain and suffering in the world, Why do we hurt the ones we love?, Why does humanity seem lacking in moral character?... Maybe, it is because I am growing older, maybe it is because I am still adjusting to an instant family... I am not really sure. When the doctor did my yearly well woman exam, he suggested a baseline mamogram and I went and a lump was found. One I could not even feel. I had to go back for an ultrasound, the radiologist doing it, stopped for a minute and went and got a Dr. I was so frightened and immeadiately I went numb. I was told it was a septated cyst and one in nine are cancerous. I could not believe what I was hearing. I was totally in shock. I had it removed and everything came back okay and I was so totally thankful. During this whole ordeal, my husband was there beside me in a way only he could be. I love his sense of humor and his quiet way of loving me. He told me that in the worse case scenerio that IF i had to have chemo, then I would lose all the weight I had been wanting to lose and if they had to take my breasts then I would be able to get the breasts of mine and his dreams. When he said that I died laughing, and loved him so much more than I already did.
I guess my point in this rambling is that this year my depth of understanding the greastest gift has matured and grown more than I thought possible. Bill and I were meant to be together and the boys were meant to be with us as well. If i never have another thing in my life, it would not matter...as long as I have my greatest gift, Bill....

Merry Christmas everyone...

Re'

2004-11-29T19:25:00.000-06:00

I tried to post the other day but blogger lost my damn post and I gave up. Alot has been going on here. I had a lump in my breast removed on the 11th and thankfully all came back benign.... So, I had plenty to be thankful for this year. Its hard to believe Christmas is almost here....

I spent the holiday weekend at my parents house and had a lovely and relaxing time with no kids and no hubby. The kids went to their moms and Bill had cooking obligations for some neighbors, so I hooked to west texas to see my family..... good times.

2004-10-31T15:20:00.000-06:00

'Tis The Season Of The Witch....

Happy All Hallow's Eve, my friends...

I think halloween is as much fun for the adults as the kids... It is the one night of the year we can dress up as someone else and have fun with fairly little out of pocket expense, if you are creative enough. This year as every year... I am a gypsy witch, and I think my costume is the best ever since my hair has grown rather long and wild looking and I have lots of interesting silver jewelry pieces to add to the costume as well as some beautiful and colorful scarves. My kids enjoy my dressing up and getting into the spirit of things and I get a kick out of their excitement. I have some family members that feel halloween is evil and totally against God... I however do not care. If I am going to hell for brining some joy and laughter into my house for a change then so be it. With that.... Happy Haunting and have magical night....
Re'

2004-10-03T19:17:00.000-05:00

Netflix... How Did I survive without it?

Approximately two weeks ago I joined this movie rental club called Netflix. I am sure you all have seen the commercials for it, and I absolutely love it. For 22.00 dollars a month I have DVD's delivered via US Mail, no late fees,postage paid return envelopes, and 24-72 hour turn around time. No hassle of going to the video store and as long as I keep my rental que full of movies I want to watch and in the order I want to see them, I will always have something new and entertaing to due and I never have to deal with some pimply, hormonal teenager leering at me as though I were the enemy. Thank God for small wonders. So far it has only taken them a day to receive returned movies and the next day or two I get another one in the mail. I am very impressed and recommend it to everyone.

So far I have seen, The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood, Taking Lives, 50 First Dates, The Whole Ten Yards, and La Belle Et La Bete. Anywho, well worth the money.

I made the kids clean house from top to bottom today, took away their tv and video game priveleges and their allowance for lunch money (they wont starve they can take their lunch) until they learn a little respect for me and how hard I work to give them the things they want and need. A few simple chores is not too much to ask of them considering the long hours I work. After one week, if they get their acts together, I will re-instate everything on the condition that chores continue to be done. The kids and I worked hard on cleaning the house and I explained to them if they would just take the time each day we would not have to spend hours on the weekend cleaning. Maybe this time it will work.

That's all for now..
Re'

2004-09-30T22:00:00.000-05:00

Time...

Everyday, my life is full and busy and that is a good thing, but I do miss having enough "time" to blogg. I visit several bloggs and have learned many things, and feel I have grown as person. The advantage of the internet is too use it as a tool to expand your mind and your opinions, to learn about different cultures and societies. I have learned that Americans, in general, are not viewed positively as a whole, and that saddens me. I have been humbled in my own opinion regarding my societies arrogance. Personally, I am thankful to live in a country where I am free. I am ashamed of what some people have done in order to enforce freedom in other countries. I am thankful to have grown up in a place where values and morals are still something we teach our children. I am saddened that we still have adults that need teaching. I am thankful I have a truly commited and loving husband. I am appalled at the number of relationships failing...

Members of our society, expect handouts. It is something our country encourages and I destest this ridiculous notion. We allow women to choose to have an abortion, but the man has no choice when an unplanned pregnancy occurs. We coddle our children to much, and dont discipline them enough.
We give substance to criminals by explaining their actions with doses of "he was neglected as a child" he was molested, she was beaten.... When we should be preventing these things or at least making the criminal realize the consequences of their actions.

Maybe my opinion is too narrow, but I am at least partially right.

Here is a poem I wrote a while back and I have posted it before, but it just seemed to fit how I was feeling. I hope you enjoy.

Social Inequities

Foolishness reigns society
Conscious logical thought is a Minority…
Consequence serves no master
Truth is only an illusion
Fate is our master
------Therefore Our God------
Therefore fools prevail in THIS world.
Folly holds us prisoner
Death is inevitable
Growth is not…
Insolence suffers “Green Manalishi” talks…
Pawns in a Game of Fate
Yes—We ALL Lose
Destiny is the only truth
Idealism is dangerous
Indifference breeds stupidity

And we all just walk away….

2004-09-16T22:11:00.000-05:00

I had a "complete" physical on Tuesday...

Complete.... is now a dirty word in my vocabulary. I was poked and proded and violated and molested in ways my husband has never even had the balls to attempt much less ask. I hate preventative care, but I guess I should be appreciative. Due to proper medication, my blood pressure was down to 120/80, and Doc. was very pleased. I don't know the results of the pap smear or labs yet, but hopefully all is well in that aspect. I also have lost 13 lbs which doc was also pleased but I still have a long way to go. I can no longer have bread or potatoes and sugar must be used sparingly ... ie no sweets and I have to stop smoking... every dr says that... I have lost 33% of my lung capacity, i have emphysema/copd and at 33 that is not good. I was given a very stern lecture and told to stop. I have been given anti-anxiety medicine and it is helping but I still smoke.. just not as much right now. I am on my last pack from the carton we had, so bill and I are both going to quit. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I would give my life for my step-kids without second thought, but to give up smokes? I had never before even seriouslly considered it and now, now I want to stop...
I will probably be doing a lot of posting about this. I think it maybe theraputic because I was wanting a smoke really bad and since I have been typing the craving edged off.

All is well otherwise. Just life as usual, nothing to write home about. Love to All

Re'

2004-09-09T21:50:00.000-05:00

I know I should have my blogging permit revoked for failure to appear....

Overtime at work is killing me physically and mentally, but financially it is going to look pretty nice....

I went to killer birthday party for a very dear friend of mine over the weekend and more fun than is safe to write home about.... tee hee.... Good Times....

I have some new stuff to post but I will share one with ya'll tonight....

Trembling like a wounded bird,
The lady's torment bleeds
To the surface of her resolve,
And the force of aged passion's
Ravages her sanity...
So te lady fades behind
A wall of protection...
Sheilding herself from
Future emotional pains
Within her dis-illusionment
She is like a blade
Cutting All she sees with true remorse,
But still unable to cease.
The will is weak and the anger strong
And the days grow harder, longer,
And the nights colder,
Offerring little repreive.
She hopes to grow softer ...
Even with no direction home...

9/9/04 Renee Herod

2004-09-08T01:24:00.000-05:00

Some Call It A Dream...

2004-08-27T21:07:00.000-05:00

FUNNY THING HAPPENED TO ME ON THE WAY TO POST.....

Tee hee.... I know I have been a naughty, naughty girl for not posting.... but hey I think you will agree that it has been well worth the wait... I have several poems for your enjoyment.... Email me, leave a comment, tell me what you think....

I started a new poetry journal and have dutifully titled it, "In Between The Knowing" My first two poetry journals were titled "Painted Pages Of A Poets Heart"....

The following poems are from "In Between The Knowing..."

And the Angel cried out into
The night and the demons fell away,
The voice calling down the rain,
The moon, and the water...
With the force of a God, A spirit
That moves through all that is, was...

And the Angel raised a
Force of wind and light
Casting away the pale shadows
Lurking outsided the lady's hall...

And the Angel fed the flame
Of hope with a Breath Of
Faith burning down the
Walls of decades past...

And the Angel sang the moon's song
Of love , of a faith of ancients
And the lady, the lady she
heard the wind, and the rain
And felt the wals falling, and
She glowed in the light of Evermore...

Renee Herod
8/27/04

Spirit of the End...
Spirit of the Wind...
Spirit of Everything...
Dances on the birth of an idea...
Long left in shadow...
Alone she wept with this thought...
She alone was tempted for the
Taste of the unknown...
Long left to grieve for this spirit...
She alone loved him...

Renee Herod
8/27/04

When the freedom of
Soft wind and moon lit
Night leaves a soul wanting...

And the lady hears a voice calling...
And waiting...
The vision of yet to come will
Always haunt her....
Always the force of nature
Pulling her to a higher dimension
Welcoming the cleansing
Fog of meditation...
She'll always take it...

And the hand of God crashes in
The night and she is within
A realm of illusion... and
She sees...She sees the death
Of her past, of what she was supposed to be...
No comming back again... the force hath taken
And wills her to wait for the comming dawn...

She can feel it, she can feel the
Forces pulling her spirit...
Sending her chasing the glory
of Knowledge... the force , A
Strenght within her own will...
And Illicit love consuming her...

Renee Herod
8/27/04

An element of Fire,
An element of ice,
Born of the moon,
And graced with the
Eyes of the earth
The lady exudes ancient power...

And in the arms of the ancient,
The wise,--- The forgotten,
She blooms like a night orchid
With sweet sadness, but never remorse...

Renee Herod
8/27/04

2004-08-17T19:35:00.000-05:00

Hello Everyone!!!

Lordy Lordy Lordy!!!! It has been busy around here. It seems that I never have time to do anything extra anymore with the kids being home. My dad had a heart cath done and there was no blockage!!! Yeah!!! School started back on Monday and it has been the usual mountains of paperwork to be filled out and in triplicate since I have three.

The oldest is 15 and hormonal.... I may not live through these teenager years....

The kids biological mother moved to another state this summer
Not much else going on.... I have done some writing here and there and I will get it posted soon.... Love to All

Re'

2004-07-22T21:34:00.000-05:00

Looks like I will be making the ol' switcheroo to Verizon DSL w/ MSN.... Money talks and bullshit walks... toodles AOL.... You are no longer the King in my opinion.

I have been a busy little bee.... I have been going to work out everyday this week and next week I start Pilates twice a week.... Yeah Me.. I have lost 4lbs..... My current goal is to lose 30lbs by September 18th. I am trying really hard to stay with it. I have a total of 120lbs to lose and I will be back to a healthy weight. Considering my weight my cholesteral is at 224 but needs to be lower.... I have already lowered it from 315... go me again!!! .... My blood pressure is up and I am currently taken medication for that but I want to get off those pills.... anywho... not much else going on here...... TTFN

2004-07-19T22:24:00.000-05:00

HMMMMMMMMM..... Interesting Prospects......

I am forever in search of a bargin, however; sometimes, I do pay for the convience of things, such as AOL, BUT, those days may soon be over. Currently, I have DSL through AOL and it costs a small forturne. Today, I found out that Verizon offers DSL with MSN for 29.95 no additional charges. While speaking with the rep from Verizon, I asked her several times... Does MSN charge an addtional charge for use of their services.... Her reply everytime was NO. A neighbor friend has recently signed up for DSL with Verizon and was told the same thing. She is supposed to let me know if this is true.... I just can't help but be suspicious. However, if it turns out to be true... I am so switching.... Good-bye AOL.... I called AOL to see if they offered anytime of promotion package that included the same as Verizon, and no they don't AND they are no longer promoting DSL or offering it to new customers. Existing customers can still carry it but at an additional charge of 31.95 or so a month. So, I am starting to think that I may truly be on too something here and that verizon is the way to go.... and if it is.... YAHOO!!!! I just saved us ooodles of money.... Yeah ME!!!!

2004-07-18T10:45:00.000-05:00

The Truth Behind My limited Blogging....

I have a confession... I have not been blogging,simply because it is difficult to find any thing positive to blog about, so I simply do not blog. I do not want people reading my blog to think I am a totally negative person, though, secretly maybe I am... Who Knows... I think I have two personas... the one I show everyone, and then the one that lives inside my head... I am good at giving advice to people and supporting them, but my own head is a mess....LOL... "No one knows how I feel, or what I say unless you read between my lines." Stevie said it best....

Ta For Now...

Re'

2004-07-14T21:05:00.000-05:00

With deliberate effort, I placed my feet in front of me and climb the steps to my front door. All four of the dogs were jumping and wagging their tails in an unconditional display of their love and affection for me and missing me all day while I was at work. I patted each one hello and said words affirming my love for them and stumbled exhausted to my trusty recliner. After smoking a cigarette that tasted almost as good as the one after sex, I began to shed my clothes... I hate clothes.. especially bras. I peeled my sports bra off and pulled it up over my head and let out a blood curling yelp as any good(evil) commanche indian would after scalping its hapless victum. I had my trophy(minus the blood)above my head and tossed it away. AHHHHH!!! FREEDOM at last... and I rested....

How's that for interesting, Satan Muffin? HMMMMMM????? TEE HEE...

2004-07-12T18:31:00.000-05:00

"What We've got here is.... Failure to Communicate..."

So, I have not blogged in over 10 days.... So sue me... I dont care... TEE HEE...

Updates:

The biotch got 10 years probation,a fine, and 90 days in jail....
The system does not work.

My parents were in town for the weekend so I was very busy with family stuff. Had fun, ate to much..blah blah blah.

Not much else going on.

2004-07-01T21:09:00.000-05:00

GUILTY OF MANSLAUGHTER...

One year and ten days ago a friend of mine, a father, a husband, a son, and productive member of society was ripped from our lives by a woman that is only being partially held accountable for her actions. The trial began on June 21st, exactly, one year ago to the day of the shooting, and yesterday afteroon she was found guilty of manslaughter and not murder which carries a penalty of probation or 20 years in prison. Today, the jury is deliberating her sentence and as of this writing I have not heard the outcome. While I am thankful for some form of justice, I am saddened that the outcome was not more severe, she did take a life. It can be argued that was not her intent, but let us be realistic for a moment. Her boyfriend was beating the shit out of his wife, yes wife, and my friend was trying to get him off her, and the woman went inside the house got a .357 magnum, and returned outside. The gunshot entered his thigh at close range and travelled upwards through his mouth and exiting his head. She told authorites she fired the gun in the air... (sorry folks does not compute). The wife, had been beaten unconscious, and has no recollection of the events after the fight with her husband began. The only three people that really know what happened are the woman, the husband, and my friend...

It can be argued this was a heat of the moment arguement that went all wrong, but it still doesn't change the fact she went and got the gun and used it on my friend and killed him. There are many more facts I could discuss, but it would take too much time, and I cannot change the verdict. I hope she rots in hell...

2004-06-26T22:19:00.000-05:00

Got Poems???

Thing Of Beauty

Was the sky blue today,
Did anyone notice?
Reasons come raining
Down through the tears
From Above...
Lost inside an
Inner torment
Fueled by a lunatic's disease,
She waits for an epiphany,
Waiting on the edge of maddness...
No one came...
No one "got it"
No one provided a boundary...

And life lived and died with
A drug induced bloody euphoria
Shadows of the truth dimmed
By a purple haze...

Renee H.
6/21/04

False Validation

Take a walk outside your
Selfish proximity for
Just a moment of time
And maybe you will find
There is more to you than me..
And the life you lead
Could be so much more
If only you did not breathe for me...

Renee H
6/21/04 not finished

Aging

And she was alone in her darkness
Shadows of her beauty
Dancing through memory
Greiving for life times passed
And the losing grace of age,
Passing down to a
Tried little woman of
A dead era...

Renee H.
6/23/04

Leave

Go ahead, leave ifyou will
No so many tears fell in despair
No stories to be told of love here...
The flame born here,
Shall die here...
Just like me..

All night long
You danced with me and now
Morning is comming
So, Go ahead, leave if you must

The pale grey tears are only
Falling from the sky here...

Renee H

6/23/04

Little Dreamer

It is your heart beat
In the shadows of night
I hear calling to me...
It is your footsteps
In the hall I hear...
Some lonesome night...
And I became like a lunatic
Flying through the
Wind, and the rain
Just to get to you...

Renee H.
6/23/04

Written for the spirit of a mother getting to a frightened child deep in the night...

Vision Of Night

He stole away the light
Within the darkness
And brave she was...
And still she was changed...
No longer a weaver
Of enchantment
The lady faded with in
The Myst, within the night...
And she fell away from the dream,
She fell away longing for a night song...

Renee H.
6/23/04

Untitled

She turned to the sound of a voice
Calling out her name
And she became consumed
With the knowledge of time
Pressing down around her...
Just like the echoes of voices...
And the song she sang became
A lullabye to madness...
She was drowning in a pool of demons
Taunts never stopping, Age
Of reason slipping away...
And she never made it home...

Renee H.
6/23/04

Ilusion Within A Dream

Was it her you saw within
Your dream each night
The beauty unbeholden
To a voice or a brush,
Was she the one enticing you
To live within a lie...

In the silence of a moment,
In the beauty of a moment,
Whose face did you see...
In those dreams...
Whose eyes fell upon your sorrow
In tears of pain rolling down
An innocent face---weeping
For your pain...

But...

Maybe, it was you all
along drifting between realities...

Renee H
6/25/04

2004-06-23T20:52:00.000-05:00

WELCOME TO MY WORLD....

I have been noticing that new people have been reading my blog and I wanted to welcome them and encourage them to post comments even if you disagree with my viewpoint. I am open to education, anytime. Also, I apologize for not posting everyday, but I am a very busy woman, with three step-children, all boys and two of them twins, ages 14 and 10(the twins are 10). I also work 40-60 hrs a week, have 4 Akitas, 1 cat, Two horses of our own, plus 30 more horses,that belong to my father, and a husband to love and nuture. My husband is Mr. Mom and takes care of all that he can during the day, but its a large job that takes the entire family jumping in and takin on duties. Even with all of the chaos, I still find time to write poetry, post on my blog, and enjoy the company of friends. Currently, I actually found time to write several poems today and will possibly post them later tonight. I just finished reading a book about "GIA" titled Thing of Beauty(I know proper grammer requires I underline the title, but my blogger always leaves it out.). I am still enchanted by Stevie Nicks, but have been listening to Sheryl Crow, Alanis Morrisette, and Avril Laigne. Stevie is still my favorite because she can send me to another world when I listen to her. Sheryl Crow is mellow to me and I find I can chill out and relax to her music. Alanis, she is a force all to herself and I love to Jam to her and sing out loud. Avril is a fairly new talent that is still kind of teen oriented, but I like her style and vocal range and look forward to see how she grows musically.

The kids leave in the morning to spend the rest of the summer with their mom, and will not be back until the 6th of august. We are having unusually mild temperatures here in Texas for June, which is great, I don't have to turn on the air conditioning, which means I save money.

Anywho thats me and what is going on for now.... Love to All

Re'

2004-06-21T22:24:00.000-05:00

Humor Is In the Gufaw of the Beholder....

Apparently no one found my little antedote about Slash's guitar amusing. I thought It was hilarious. I guess it was one of those "you had to be there moments"....

The kids are leaving Thursday to be with their Mom for the rest of the summer. I am going to miss them, but I am also going to enjoy a break for a few weeks. Too bad I have to work the whole time they are gone... TEE HEE...

Not much else going on here... Just unusually cool temperatures for our area for this time of year. The high tomorrow is only supposed to be in the 80's, which is fine with me because,normally, it is hitting 100 about now.

I haven't written anything new in awhile.. I have a dry spell going, but it will pass .. it always does.

Well I should be in bed and I guess that about updates everything going on here. Muaz..

Re'

2004-06-18T23:28:00.000-05:00

SLASH'S GUITAR...

Many, many, many years ago, in a Time far and away, My sister and I developed a strong friendship and love for rock n roll music. We were both HUGE Guns-N-Roses fans. We had the words to every song memorized and every move Axl made in the Patience and Sweet Child O'Mine video. Hope was especialy good at Axl's signature Snake move. One night, she and I were at a local hang out for kids in our area. It was a place to play pool, listen to music and of course veg out on burgers, fries, pizza, nachos... etc... etc... Anyway, we were sitting in a booth minding our own "biddness" when these two really "gross" older guys sat down with us and actually began flirting. It was sad, and can we say umm we were most definitely "jail bait"... We were trying to be nice and polite and not make a scene, but we could not get these guys to leave us alone. So out of no where, I said."Hey... Hope did I show you the postcard I got from George the other day?" My sister, not missing a beat says... "Umm no, where is he THIS time?"

ME: You are not going to believe this....

Her: ahh come on just tell me...

ME: You will just die....

HER: Will you tell me already...

Me: He is in California living in Slash's Guitar...

HER: That bugger he always said he was gonna do it!!! WOW awesome.. you gotta tell me everything...

TWO REALLY OLDER GROSS DUDES LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND LOOK AT US AND GO... UMM WHO'S GEORGE???

Without missing a beat and in complete unison, we said and I quote...."He's our imaginary friend from the Sixties and constantly fried"

Needless to say the guys thought we were too weird for them as I continued to give Hope all the glorious details of George's trip across America and finally making it to Slash's Guitar and the Jam sessions and parties he had been to.

That night she and I were so in tune with each other and we used this many times to make people laugh and the stories got wilder and wilder as time went on...

I wonder what George is doing now??????

2004-06-17T18:20:00.000-05:00

Vacation...

I have had a very nice vacation time and have gotten a few things done around here that needed to be done and the kids have enjoyed me being home with them. They have had Vacation Bible School, Summer Reading Program at the Library, swimming at the local pool, shopping and of course swimming in our "redneck" pool. We have also continued working on bricking our back patio. We still have a long way to go, but I can see how beautiful it is going to look when we are done. We got all of these bricks for free when the old library was torn down. We went with a trailer every evening for about a week and picked up all these brick. So far we have bricked two sidewalks in front of the house, bricked two runners for Bill's driveway and have part of the back patio completed. I just hope we dont run out of brick....

I still have a luncheon date tomorrow with my bestest bud, a yard sale on saturday and movies on Sunday with the kids. So, needless to say I have not run out of things to do.... How I wish I could win the lottery and be here everyday. I have been more patient with Bill and the Kids and have really enjoyed being with them.

Fleetwood Mac night was a blast and I still wish I could have gone to the concert but hopefully there will be others.

Our female akita, Shae, is now offically unable to ever bear puppies again. Thank goodness....

There were things I planned to do that I didn't get done simply because I did not want to travel more than 10 minutes from the house. I know.. sad... Tee Hee.. but I like being secluded in my humble abode.

Talk to ya'll soon...

Re'

2004-06-13T23:19:00.000-05:00

GLORIOUS, GLORIOUS, GLORIOUS, VACATION!!!!

Yeah!!! I am on vacation for this whole next week. I have a few back-yard clean ups and odd jobs on my to do list as well as get organized for a yard sale. I have a long way go before my backyard will ever be as beautiful and delightful as I would like for it to be mainly because A) I have 4 Akitas, B) I have three boys C) I live in Texas and by end of June first of July the grass dies from the heat and D) I never have enough money.

2004-06-10T20:33:00.000-05:00

The below is an editorial and my opinon only, after the editorial I have copied and pasted an article posted online at web address http://www.nationalreview.com/murdock/murdock200312030913.asp

Written by Deroy Murdock . I chose this article because of all the information online, his seemed the most factual and researched with supporting documentation.
There were many people that chose to ignore AIDS simply because no one understood it. Many Doctors, nurses, family and friends were afraid and prejudice simply because they did not know the facts about this disease. Lives were not lost because of President Reagan... Lives were lost because of the disease. I don't disagree that more should have been done and still be done but if we have any blame to place its on society as a whole and our own inability to accept rather than persecute. Jerry Falwell was the leader of the Moral Majority during that time and was quoted as saying "AIDS is the wrath of God upon homosexuals." AND he in turn along with the Moral Majority tried to prevent funding for AIDS education programs and counseling. Just for the record, I did not and do not agree with his statement, and I think It is crude and ill- informed and racist. The media forms our preceptions of our leaders and sometimes not with all the facts and tonight I hope I bring you a few. If I am wrong, show me and I will gladly re-consider my position.

Now for the article… It is not of my own writing and credit belongs solely to Deroy Murdock…..

Few men have known Ronald Reagan longer or better than Edwin Meese III. He began working in 1967 with then-governor Reagan in Sacramento, California. He became a president adviser on January 20, 1981, and was appointed Reagan's attorney general in February 1985.
Meese described to me the TV movie's take on Reagan, AIDS, and gays as "totally unfair, and totally unrepresentative of his views or anything he ever said." Meese, who now chairs the Heritage Foundation's Center for Legal and Judicial Studies, recalls AIDS as a key issue with which Reagan's senior staff grappled.
"I can remember numerous sessions of the domestic-policy council where the surgeon general provided information to us, and the questions were not whether the federal government would get involved, but what would be the best way. There was support for research through the NIH. There also were questions about the extent to which public warnings should be sent out. It was a question of how the public would respond to fairly explicit warnings about fairly explicit things. Ultimately, warnings were sent out."
"As I recall, from 1984 onward — and bear in mind that the AIDS virus was not identified until 1982 — every Reagan budget contained a large sum of money specifically earmarked for AIDS," says Peter Robinson, a former Reagan speechwriter and author of How Ronald Reagan Changed My Life. "Now, people will argue that it wasn't enough," Robinson adds. "But, of course, that's the kind of argument that takes place over every item in the federal budget. Nevertheless, the notion that he was somehow callous or had a cruel or cynical attitude towards homosexuals or AIDS victims is just ridiculous."
In February 1986, President Reagan's blueprint for the next fiscal year stated: "[T]his budget provides funds for maintaining — and in some cases expanding — high priority programs in crucial areas of national interest…including drug enforcement, AIDS research, the space program, nonmilitary research and national security." Reagan's budget message added that AIDS "remains the highest public health priority of the Department of Health and Human Services."
Precise budget requests are difficult to calculate, as online records from the 1980s are spotty. Nevertheless, New York University's archived, hard copies of budget documents from fiscal year 1984 through FY 1989 show that Reagan proposed at least $2.79 billion for AIDS research, education, and treatment. In a Congressional Research Service study titled AIDS Funding for Federal Government Programs: FY1981-FY1999, author Judith Johnson found that overall, the federal government spent $5.727 billion on AIDS under Ronald Reagan. This higher number reflects President Reagan's proposals as well as additional expenditures approved by Congress that he later signed.
Table 5 of Johnson's report shows annual federal AIDS spending during Ronald Reagan's watch. This is hardly the portrait of a do-nothing presidency:

Government Spending on HIV/AIDS
Fiscal Year ($ Millions) % growth over previous year
1982 8
1983 44 450.00
1984 103 134.09
1985 205 99.03
1986 508 147.80
1987 922 81.50
1988 1,615 75.16
1989 2,322 43.78

Total 5,727 (billion)
Source: Congressional Research Service

Free-marketeers may argue that the federal government should have left AIDS research and care to the private sector. Whether or not one embraces that perspective, no one justifiably can regard Reagan's requested and actual AIDS spending as a gleefully applied death sentence for AIDS sufferers.
Besides, could much have been done with an even larger cash infusion during the infancy of AIDS?
"You could have poured half the national budget into AIDS in 1983, and it would have gone down a rat hole," says Michael Fumento, author of BioEvolution: How Biotechnology Is Changing Our World. "There were no anti-virals back then. The first anti-viral was AZT which came along in 1987, and that was for AIDS." As an example of how blindly scientists and policymakers flew as the virus took wing, Fumento recalls that "in 1984, Health and Human Services Secretary Margaret Heckler predicted that there would be an AIDS vaccine by 1986. There is no AIDS vaccine to date."
Reagan also is accused of staying mum about AIDS. According to The Encyclopedia of AIDS: A Social, Political, Cultural, and Scientific Record of the HIV Epidemic edited by Raymond A. Smith, "Reagan never even mentioned the word 'AIDS' publicly until 1987."
Actually, as official White House papers cited by Steven Hayward, author of the multi-volume Age of Reagan show, the 40th president spoke of AIDS no later than September 17, 1985. Responding to a question on AIDS research, the president said:
[I]ncluding what we have in the budget for '86, it will amount to over a half a billion dollars that we have provided for research on AIDS in addition to what I'm sure other medical groups are doing. And we have $100 million in the budget this year; it'll be 126 million next year. So, this is a top priority with us. Yes, there's no question about the seriousness of this and the need to find an answer.
President Reagan's February 6, 1986 State of the Union address included this specific passage where he says the word "AIDS" five times:
We will continue, as a high priority, the fight against Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS). An unprecedented research effort is underway to deal with this major epidemic public health threat. The number of AIDS cases is expected to increase. While there are hopes for drugs and vaccines against AIDS, none is immediately at hand. Consequently, efforts should focus on prevention, to inform and to lower risks of further transmission of the AIDS virus. To this end, I am asking the Surgeon General to prepare a report to the American people on AIDS.
Could Reagan have said more about AIDS? Surely, and he might have done so were he less focused on reviving America's moribund economy and peacefully defeating Soviet Communism. Could he have done more? Of course. Who could not have? But the ideas that Ronald Reagan did nothing, or worse, about AIDS and hated gays, to boot, are both tired, left-wing lies about an American legend.
----Deroy Murdock

(note from Re’ I deleted the portion regarding homophobia since it is not pertinent to my point. But I do suggest reading the whole article and you can find it on the address I listed above)

I totally agree with the authors last comments and feel my editorial could not do justice…. Thanks…

2004-06-09T19:01:00.000-05:00

FARWELL TO PRESIDENT REAGAN...

I may be breaking some etiquette rule by not addressing President Reagan as "former" President Reagan, but my intentions are truly of respect for this man and his family. I was in the 4th grade when Mr. Reagan was elected by our nation as our leader and this Presidents time in office has always been a point of interest to me because it was at a time and an age when I first started becoming "socially" and politically aware. We particpated in a "mock" election and the three classes of about 80 kids split down the middle. I was not for Mr. Reagan and Mr. Bush, simpily because my parents weren't and it was during the course of debates at school that I learned the first important rules to choosing a our leader and that sometimes Parents are not always right. In the end, I was swayed by some pretty interesting facts and come election day I voted my heart and voted for Mr. Reagan, though I never told anyone I did, especially my family. I would have been a traitor...I also remember the day President Reagan was shot.. March 30,1981. We were all lined up in the hall to go to lunch and My teacher, Mrs. Wilson, made the announcement and I immeadiately began to cry... I was frightened... I did not understand this act and was afraid our country was now vulnerable to foreign attack. I do not know why I felt that particular emotion and it took several teachers to explain the entire situation to me before I could grasp what was really happening. President Reagan was in office when the first space shuttle was launched, and he was also in office when THE CHALLENGER exploded, which was another pivotal moment in my life. I was proud of the stand he took with Momar Kadaffi and I was charmed by his grace and character. When I learned he had been diagnosised with Alzheimr's, I was saddened for him and his family and prayed for him to be able to continue on in life with dignity and when the end would come... to fade with dignity as well and when I learned the end had come... I sat in my room alone and cried. The first time I have cried real tears in many years. No, I did not know President Reagan personally, but he was an important leader, role-model, and icon during some of the most important years of my childhood. I greatly respect this man and his leagcy and I am thankful he is now at peace and no longer walking in shadows cast by a horrible disease. I pray for his family and loved ones and hope grief touches them only briefly. I have gotten to watch the very little on televison regarding the ceremonies and processionals, but I did get to see today his casket being carried into the rotunda at the capital. After his casket was placed in position a Televsion camera from above zoomed out for an awe inspiring view of his casket and the Honor Guard surrounding it and the glow of the lights around the entire scene. I started crying and when it cut to the horse without his rider, and President Reagan's boots placed backward in the stirrups... I was sobbing. It made me think of some many things, good, bad, joyful, and frightening. I think President Reagan is receiving the best of intentions and attentions and I for one do not think it is being over done. He was a leader of our Country...and should have our respect...

May He Rest In Glorious Peace...

2004-06-08T23:02:00.000-05:00

Ummmmm.... I think I go over board....

I have been busy for about a week planning this total Fleetwood Mac Vigil....and so far I have narrowed it down to appx 10-12 hours for our listening pleasure...Now, me, I can do a 24 hour stint and be totally happy.... but I am not sure Allen is comfortable with that much Stevie and The MAC.... Obsessed you say..... Definitely...Maybe its just a phase I am going through that has lasted several years.... I dont know but I love Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks...

I like other groups and people and I listen to them, but no one has come close( for me) to be as inspiring as they are.

I think I need therapy....LOL

2004-06-08T18:23:00.000-05:00

I got this in email and absolutely loved it....

IN THE WISDOM OF A CHILD....

NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from
the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!

HONESTY

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in
the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a
charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it
fell in the toilet a few days ago.

OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from
his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents."

KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During
her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to
answer
the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then
she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
hitting the bottle."

MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement
and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy
before?"

ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
The
various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a
pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The
tooth fairy will never believe this!"

DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her
dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit."
"And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the
next morning."

DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard
the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently,
his
5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that
proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and
cotton
batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his Father always
said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ... and into the
hole he gooooes."

SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
wasting
my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they
won't let me talk!"

BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He
picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been
pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found", the boy called
out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young
boy's
voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

2004-06-06T20:29:00.000-05:00

Poems, Poems, and More Poems...

I wrote these during the time I was alone during the seperation and subsequent divorce...

Loneliness is the destiny of fools,
Who love too much too often.

Glowing red sky at dusk
I feel the earth’s soft sigh
Gently laying its head to rest
Ending day and greeting Night.

Another day left in the void
Of menial task, passing minutes
Building the passage to a black,
Numbed existence.

Closing my eyes
The world outside slows
To a meandering canter
And my mind awakens.

A nightly journey within
The cobwebbed corners of
My mind, to dreams not yet real.

A thousand fairy tales told
A thousand love’s forsaken.
Tears of solitary reign spilling
Forth in this lonely darkened room

Renee H.

Barren and desolate
The winter moon reigns,
Dormant beneath frozen tundra,
Lying in wait
Imps and elfins slumber,
Restoring mystical powers
Of seduction, of lust.
Night blooming orchids of spring,
Await the return of their Queen,
Dreams of love and oneness
Ripple through their minds...
Hoping the search for her Adonis
Ending and the Reign of Bliss beginning.
Renee H.
Part II of the Goddess Poems...

Mantra Of A Goddess

Listless and free as a stormy nights breeze...
Dark and mysterious as the clouds drifting...
Magical and mystical as midnight's sky....
Bright and bold as the winter moonshine...
Carefree and light as a new lover's kiss...

Such is me on a night such as this...

Thunder, Lightening, wind and rain
Reveal traits buried within me....
My soul yearning to be free on a cloud so high.
Come dance with me in this realm.
Come set me free.

Renee H. Part III of the Goddess poems.

Rage In The Night

Loneliness consumes me
As completely as an encroaching
Storm consumes the night
Sky with ominous blackness.
Furious boiling, churning clouds
Hunt the silvery light of the moon,
Blanketing nature's light to feed the
Oppressing storm of despair.
An airless void between the heaven's
And Earth, crashes with waves of thunder
Taunting me with magnetic lightning,
Reverberating with intent to coerce
My subconscious to the surface
Forcing me to remember.
Hypnotic and alluring patterns of
Electricity violates the darkness.
Drawing me closer to the edge of
Eternal madness and suffocating pain.
Each bolt of radiant light herald's
Transparent apparitions of the paper garden
In which I inhabited with another
Not so long ago.
Mounting winds tear at my hair and clothes
Icy rain drops slash at my face as hard
And as frantic as a psychotic lover's
Blade across silken porcelain flesh.
Drenched with natures torment, Timidly
I embrace the savage fury of the storm
Releasing bound torments, frustrations and shame
I raise my head toward the cold glimmer of
Flashing light and scream for Mercy upon my soul.

Renee H.

Dancing on Moon Shadows

Shadows silhouetted across
A golden mane of sea grass,
Brown and brittle from winter's
Unmerciful toil.

Moonlight bathes the night
With a white luminescent glow
Giving depth to a mystical
Secret realm…

The Infinite blackness of the
Ocean alludes to no horizon.
Waves gently caress the shore,
Surging and receding,

Pungent odor of salty sea life mingles with
Smoke from a fire, dancing lazily,
Like a mournful ghost
Upward, merging with the stars.

The cold dampness of the sand
Penetrates my skin as I lay here
Drifting to thoughts of you...
Unknown to me in the flesh,

I feel your spirit, there, each night,
Dancing on moon shadows and
My longing grows for you as deep
And as strong as the ocean before me,

As the water caresses the shore,
I long to caress you, as the waves
Take hold of the shore, pulling bits
Of Sand unto its breast, I long to
Pull your heart and soul unto me
As slowly and tenderly as the water's kiss.

Renee Mayo

2004-05-31T17:56:00.000-05:00

THE LORD OF THE RINGS~~~RETURN OF THE KING

Last night I purchased the last movie in this trilogy and awoke at 9:30 AM with hopes of getting on early start in watching the movie since it is 3 hours and 20 minutes long. It was not until 10:30 that we actually got settled in to watch it. I was totally enthralled, captivated, and engrossed in this movie. All of movies have been excellent, however, each sequel has been better than the last. With each movie I felt as though I was there, living it all through the eyes of Frodo, Sam, Gandalf, Argon, Arwyn, and the others. I apologize if I misspelled any of the names. My oldest step-son seems to be in the opinion that Harry Potter is better... I do not agree with him... Harry is good and I enjoy reading those novels and seeing the movies... but for some reason the magic of The Lord Of the Rings has completely enchanted me....

2004-05-30T11:48:00.000-05:00

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND!!!

I hope everyone is having a fun and safe holiday weekend. I know I am enjoying just kicking back. The kids went to the local pool Saturday, and are going again today... YEAH!!! I totally enjoy those few hours of peace and quiet. I have actually gotten to do some things I enjoy. Bill, of course, is feeling neglected but tough pootities...TEE HEE... Maybe this afternoon...
Ta for Now
Re'

2004-05-26T19:52:00.000-05:00

So....

I guess my last two post tickled no one's fancy either. So, what to blogg today... hmmmm

FIRST~~~~~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STEVIE NICKS!!!!!

I feel compelled to explain why Stevie Nicks is such an intregal part of my life. She is one of the greatest singer/songwriters, ever. The beauty and mystery of her words are a constant source of inspiration, comfort, and enlightment for me, and the wisdom in her songs has taught much about myself and what a person can endure. She has overcome adversity and has proven to survive even the test of time. She is the person whom I admire most and it is my dream to someday meet her and even show her my work that she has inspired...

"And to those that I love Like a ghost through a fog, like a charmed hour, and a haunted song, and the ANGEL of my dreams." ~~~~ Stevie Nicks

2004-05-25T20:39:00.000-05:00

Tango In The Night
(Lindsey Buckingham)
Tango In The Night

Listen to the wind on the water
Listen to the waves upon the shore
Try to sleep, sleep won't come
Just as I begin to fade

Then I remember
When the moon was full and bright
I would take you in the darkness
And do the tango in the night
Tango...

I keep the dream in my pocket
Never let it fade away
Inside, outside
No loneliness in this dream

Then I remember
When the moon was full and bright
I would take you in the darkness
And do the tango in the night
Tango...

For some reason, this song has me spell-bound...Maybe someday I will tell you why... For now.... I REMEMBER my Tango In The Night...

Re'

2004-05-25T18:34:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BLOGG ANNIVERSAY TO ME

Today, Tuesday, May 25th, 2004 is the offical ONE year anniversay date of blogging for me. Needless to say, since it seems only two people in the entire world read my blogg or leave comments I am gonna keep trying....Happy Day To Me... if anyone cares....

2004-05-24T22:02:00.000-05:00

Can anyone tell me what tomorrow is????
HMMMMM???? TEE HEE

2004-05-23T18:06:00.000-05:00

FOREVER IN SEARCH OF A MEDICATED BLISS...

I tend to theorize that sometimes I need a medicated vacation away from all the chaos. Of course this will never happen, but I can dream. Instead I have opted for an inexcusable state of morbid drunkeneess and by best bud Allen is going to join me. We are having an all night Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks marathon in June in their honour, since I cannot afford to attend the concert. I can hardly wait to just totally chill with my bud... catch ya later...

Re'

2004-05-19T19:30:00.000-05:00

Tonight I am posting several poems I have been working on. Some are finished and some are not. Some of them are good and some, well, some are piss poor in my opinion... but happy reading away.

And the dogs of chasm
Brought down dark shadows
Across the world,
Chasing a phantom,
An apparition without a face.

And the wings of ravens sounding
A lonesome drum, beating
To an ancient time,
Swoop across the sky
Calling out his name.

And the dark days went by
Leaving nothing for hope
Only the onslaught of blood shed
In the name of the HOLY
Or maybe the INSANE...
Renee H. 5/15/04

Beneath the ashes
She walks up there
Never resting
The haunted, haunting
A past, a present...
Where the veil
Between worlds is vague...
She walks up there...
Haunted and forlorn.
Despair her companion
Unable to forget the
Torture of the flame
Driven to maddness
By its devilsh dance...
She walks up there
Beneath the ashes
Waiting for an absolution...

Renee H. 5/15/04

The fate of the lady hangs precariously....

Just upon the best hour...
The witching hour
The lady of lost shadows
Hushes her mournful cries
For silence is a healer,
A lover, to some...
An enemy.
She gives way, breaking
Through to the other side
Watching herself as though
Her essence was held inside
A spinning globe of smoky glass...
Allowing the passage of time
To whisper pass.. as though a dream

Renee H 5/16/04

2004-05-18T20:12:00.000-05:00

26 Rude and Sarcastic and even slightly amusing things to Say...

1) Thank you---We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

2) The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3)I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it is hard to pronounce.
4)Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5)I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't care.
6)I like you. You remind me of when I was young and inexperienced.
7)What am I --- Flypaper for freaks?!!
8)I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9)I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10)I will always cherish the intial misconceptions I had about you.
11)It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12)Yes, He IS an agent of SATAN, but his duties are largely ceremonial.
13)No, my powers can only be used for good.
14)How about never? Is never good for you?
15)I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
16)Your idea seems reasonable.... Time to up my medication.
17)I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
18)I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
19)I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20)Who Me? I just wander from room to room.
21)My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
22)It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
23)At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
24)You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
25)I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
26)Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh, nervously and change the subject.

and 27 is just for Allen....

27) LET ME DRAW YOU A GRAPH.....

2004-05-11T20:56:00.000-05:00

So much to say and so little time....

On occasion, words become a massive swirling, tumbling, and rolling force within my own mind and I am unable to convey a coherent, complete thought on any one subject. That is how I feel right now. I have become aware of something I was not so aware of a few days ago and I am busy trying to absorb and digest this self analysis. As time goes by, it never ceases to amaze and the amount of things I still do not know, and the things about myself and those that surround me. To any of you out there, I apologize for being so absorb in my own world, to not have seen you had a need. I love you all and am who I am today because of some very special people and I thank you...

Love to all..

Re'

2004-05-08T21:53:00.000-05:00

On through the misery
And Moonless nights,
Cloaked in fear, in sorrow
Whispers of ages passed
Echo through the lonely hall
And shadows creep along
The Hallowed memory.
Morose, and Forlorn,
The Lady's spirit bends...
For this...This is only another death.
5/8/04
Renee H.

2004-05-04T21:35:00.000-05:00

The nightly reading sessions have been going well and the kids are beginning to understand better and get the idea of the story line. I think they are actually enjoying it.
I have been busy trying to catch up on my writings and I have a couple of poems to post tonight. Not some of my best stuff... but it was important enough for me to write.

As I slipped away
From the Masses and
Fell upon the decay of the world
A crowd of hapless strangers
Drifted by--oblivious...
The mortal wound festering
On the face of humanity~~
A punishment for those
Who know of what must be...

And Truth Stalls
And Loneliness remains
A truth amoung fools.
Unspoken legends of old
Have faded away to the
Whispering winds for
We no longer believed
And the magick of old
Faded with time.

Like a tunnel, a vaccum
The will of morality is
Consumed in blackness
So the Age of Reason withers
and I weep for the fading light.

Renee H. 5/4/04

I saw it comming,
A great dark storm,
Churning on the horizon
Green light flashing
Burning the night sky...
Born on the wings of God's army...
The beating wings rolling like thunder

I saw it comming,
A great dark storm
Breeding on the night
Festering in the wind
Torn from my chest
My love forlorn
Left to stagnate amoung life's pond.

I saw it comming,
A great dark storm
Sweeping through my world
Surging with chaotic power
Born for only this purpose.

And I saw it going...
My great dark storm...
Sorrow ruling for many still nights....

Renee H
4/9/04

2004-04-29T21:15:00.000-05:00

This afternoon, I say my near 15 year old seen reading a book that was written, in my opinion, for someone on the 4th grade reading level. This made me aware of the fact that my highschool aged child has no clue of the classics. I was appalled at this. I cannot be entirely to blame because I have only had him for the last three years of his life and those have been spent de-programming him and turning him into a productive, postive, and mentally well-balanced child and now I see I have an even greater task before me. Coaching him to read or listen to me read from books of great composition. I have also included the twins in this because it is never to early to learn. I had the advantage of a mother that encouraged and enjoyed reading for enlightenment and enjoyment. Sooooo.... In a effort to expand my children's intellect. I made for our local library, sulky teenager and library card in tow. Needless to say Billy was less than thrilled at my declaration of impending "higher education", all he wanted was to read easy mindless entertainment. We arrived at the library and the librarian was most helpful, but I was dissappointed at the limited selection our library has to offer and the age of some of these books. I was able to obtain, however; Charles Dickens' "David Copperfield", "Great Expectations", and "A Tale of Two Cities". Billy was in tears...literally. I told him he had not even given the books a chance... that he might find them interesting and I would be reading them with him to help him along the way.... He still wasn't happy. So, I browsed some more and found me a book by Carlos Castenades titled " The Teachings of Don Juan"... I have heard of him and bill says I am in for a "trip". I also checked out a complete translated version of Homers' "The Ilyad" as a book on tape and will listen to that while I am at work. With all of this bounty, we headed home, and while walking back to the house, I asked Billy if he would like for me to read "A Tale of Two Cities" aloud and we discuss as we go and he said that sounded good to him.... So I got the twins and myself and Billy and we sat down in the living room with the TV off and I read three chapters before supper. Billy confessed he partially understood it and found it a little boring. The twins ask alot of questions and I answer them as we go. I totally enjoyed the session and told them to plan on this every evening.

What I also discovered by reading aloud to the kids is their total lack of historical knowledge. It was difficult for them to picture what things were like in 1775. Any advice on how I can teach them more about history and things revelant to those time periods? Again, I was graced with Parents that loved history and I was always surrounded by it. I don't remember "learning" about history because it seems it was ever present in my life and surroundings. The twins even have a hard time imagining what things were like in the "old west", and yet again, I am flabbergasted.
So if ya'll have any ideas on how to improve this please email me or leave me a comment.
Also any classics you can think I can add to the list, please jot them down. So far I have anything by Charles Dickens, Edgar Allen Poe, Emily Dickinson, Charlotte Bronte, F. Scott Fritzgerald, and Victor Hugo and of of course William Shakespeare.

TTFRN
Re'

2004-04-26T21:42:00.000-05:00

Okay.. so I had a pity party this weekend.....

I slept the entire weekend and now I feel better... I think I was just worn out from work, overtime, bill and the kids...

I have caught entering my poetry into my hard back journal and now all is left is to type them up and post some on here.... not to worry should happen in the next few days.... see ya soon..

Re'

2004-04-25T16:55:00.000-05:00

No inspiration, No motivation, No Inclination..... who cares and what for's that is all I am blogging .... see ya'll around...

2004-04-21T23:01:00.000-05:00

Way Behind....

I am way behind on keeping my poems cataloged and saved and posting on here. I am thinking of creating a link to view only poetry but I am going to need Ronnie's help with that....
So maybe this weekend I will have time to get caught up and post some new work.
My daily posts have become rather bland and do not reflect the depth of my writing skill. I feel I have been using this more as a Journal with myself in mind as the audience and I want to practice my skill on a higher level than I have been doing recently.

More to Come....

Re'

2004-04-20T11:20:00.000-05:00

Well, Bill and I had a nice relaxing anniversiary. We had breakfast together, which we hardly ever get to do, watched some TV and then I went and bought Petunias to plant in our pots. Saturday is the Annual Petunia Days in my local town. There is going to be garage sales, sidewalk sales and a community photo taken at the city hall....I am taking the kids. It will be one of those fun "memory" things for the kids. We are also planning to put our "treasure" out for our very own yard sale.... Yeah!!!

On a different note... I had a visitor to my blog the other day from another blog, and I was really pleased to see her visit. I visit her blog daily and need to add it to my links section... It is called The Blue Witch. I always have difficultly adding links so I will work on that this afternoon... and BW I hope to see you again.... Thank you so much for visiting....

Re'

2004-04-14T21:54:00.000-05:00

Next Monday, the 19th, is mine and Bill's 2nd wedding aniversary...... any ideas on how to celebrate.???

2004-04-12T20:54:00.000-05:00

Dont Mind me....

My poor pitiful existence has been reduced to hours sitting on the computer in the hopes of possibly, maybe, somehow finding my friends online, or finding stimulating intelligent conversation with other folks. It seems while my friends have meaning to their existence, I have somehow slide into the depths of "ho hum" quite easily and conviently......Easily done when you have 3 kids, 13 dogs (9 of which are puppies) and two horses to contend with everyday......

Don't mind me.... I am just sitting here wondering WHERE THE HELL EVERYONE'S AT AND WHY WASN'T I FUCKING INVITED?

HA HA.....

LOVE
Re'

2004-04-11T23:07:00.000-05:00

Well, It has been a busy but nice Easter Weekend... I ate too much but what the hell.. I enjoyed it.
Not much else going on... The Puppies are getting bigger and will be ready to go to new homes starting next week.... Lets pray to God, Goddess that we have no difficulty selling them....

Love to all..

Re'

2004-04-05T23:47:00.000-05:00

WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER AS A KID....

Lately, I have been thinking of the things from childhood that brings a smile to my face and, Yes, a sense of longing for more simple times. I remember playing in the early spring in our backyard that was above the knee deep. Lush and green and cool. You literally could lay down and become swallowed by a green pillow. My sister and I would play for hours on end with our barbie dolls. We built many a barbie kingdom with highways, biways, lakes and swimming pools. My oldest brother built me a LARGE dollhouse so big it would not fit inside the house. It was a simple design, but none the less it was huge.... I alone could lay down across the third floor(attic). When he presented me with this gift, I loved it from the start and it was unfinished so I set out to fix it up right nice for my Miss America barbie and all of underlings. Now, I was probably about six or seven years old...Lived in a time when kids could be left unsupervised for hours on end with no worries. One day, I decided it was time to Paint the Dollhouse and Paint it I did....I grew up on a farm and my dad was a truck driver... so there was always spare parts and what not laying around and I set out on a quest with my sister to "discover" paint. Now, my daddy was partial to Ford Tractors and we had two of them... Well, you can guess what I found.... a gallon of thick oil paint in the most spendiforous shade of "Ford Tractor Blue". Well I snatched that right up and put it in our trusty red wagon, found a couple of paint brushes, and before I was done I had found a half gallon of white paint.....I thought I was the smartest kid in the world. We left the shade of the barn and headed back to the backyard...How I knew you had to stir paint I dont know but Mom's broom was sitting on the back porch and I thought the handle made the perfect "stirrer spoon". I stirred up the white first and wiped the excess off with my hands then dipped into the blue and stirred it... I wiped that excess off too.....then scrubbed it with hand fulls of grass to leave it "unmessy" for momma. I made my sister paint the inside and I set out to paint the outside. We worked on that thing all afternoon, because I wanted it to be pretty before Daddy and My brother got home from the fields and show it off. I was covered in blue paint....OIL PAINT.... that shit does not come off folks... I had blue paint in my hair, on my face and up to my elbows... I guess you could say i was the first offical smurf....and that was before smurfs were ever heard about. Well, I started getting worried... I didnt ask before I used the paint and I got to thinking....I am gonna be in trouble...So....... I put the paint back after i had finished.... buried the brushes in the horse pasture....NO evidence...NO conviction...Right....WRONG!!!! LOL...I was so innocent in my sneakeary.... Anyway... When daddy got home.. He saw the dollhouse of course... Mom found her broom, and i was down at the barn trying to scrub blue paint off me and my sister. All to no avale.... The funny thing is..... The Idea of A Ford House Blue Dollhouse was so Absurd that my family found it hilarious and I did not get into to much trouble...My only punishment was to be "BLUE" until the paint wore off. I dont know whatever happened to that old dollhouse, but I remember it like it was yesterday....

2004-04-01T21:58:00.000-06:00

This has been an extremely mentally exhausting week. On Monday, my 14 year old son answered the phone ( i was calling from work to advise bill what time I would be home) and he was in a "state". A fellow classmate had commited suicide the following evening by hanging herself. Billy and I continued talking for about 15 minutes and I realized .. I needed to be home.. to be here for him and to listen and answer his questions. I think I handled it as best I could and I think my son has a healthy response and attitude to the whole incident. I on the other hand feel I have been "transformed" yet again at the impact parents and role-models have on our children's lives. The "reality" of it all crashing down around me and I am terrified for the over physical and mental well-being of all three of my kids and "am I doing the right thing"? Becoming a parent almost overnight has not been an easy task and it is one that is extremely tiring, and I do not recomend becoming a parent to anyone that still has "selfish" characteristics. My point being... when you have kids... YOUR LIFE STOPS.... There is no room for "me" time at least not in large doses. The new shoes, haricut, clothes, cd,purse, make-up, underwear, and various other things you so could easily purchase before are gone because you have to put food on the table, clothes on their backs, make sure they are clean and hair cut, and ...AND make them feel like empowered, loved, independent, intelligent, and valuable. Your reward for all of this? NOTHING.... not a thing... not until they grow up and have children of their own and realize all you sacrificed for them. I know I had no complete concept of this until I became a parent. Would I choose this path again? Not in a million years, but i am doing the best that i can with what i've got.... doesn't mean I dont love them with all my heart.... I just know now it was a much tougher job than Ward or June Cleaver ever protrayed....

2004-03-30T21:51:00.000-06:00

I WAS PLANNING TO POST BUT HAVE BEEN DISTRACTED.....

2004-03-29T18:57:00.000-06:00

You are Bella Donna.

Which Stevie Nicks album are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

People didn't think you could make it on your own,
but look at you now. You are a LEGEND. You were
even nominated for a Grammy. Yay for you.

Which Stevie Nicks song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-03-27T22:51:00.000-06:00

The Land Of Nod

The cool, cool, rain washed gently over her fevered soul, cleansing past transgressions, and washing away all the remorse of ancient follies, and as the clouds hurriedly parted the midnight sky, the Moon, Full, and glowing silver light shown through the trees of ancient Nod and her dance of joy began around the roaring fire set ablaze with a flick of the wrist.

I am not sure where this is comming from folks....just felt a need to post it....

Who are the People of Nod?
Did they exist outside Eden?
Were they destoryed by the Flood?
And are these People not spoken of in detail in the bible for a reason?

The land of Nod is mentioned in Genesis and I am not sure what chapter and verse, but I have always wondered who were these people? Did they in fact exist? And why is Christianity and salvation only 2,000 years old?

Tell Me What YOU think....

2004-03-23T19:49:00.000-06:00

My husband is a TV junkie and I well.. I can live with out it to a certain extent. I do have my favorites such Star Trek The Next Generation, The Lawerance Welk Show, Hee Haw, The Dukes of Hazzard, and Saturday Night Live....Movies have to have a certain appeal to hold my attention and there are very few out there that I cannot figure out within the first 15 minutes... 30 tops.... Some of my all time favorites are "Last of The Dogmen", "Titanic", Anything with John Wayne, All of the Lord of the Ring Movies, "What Lies Beneath", "Independance Day" and "Almost Famous"... There are others I enjoy but would not categorize as favorites.... My point in all of this is that my husband if very good at TV trivia and naming actors and actress'.... I am not.... But we got into a debate whether or not the guy that played Data(Brent Spiner) on Star Trek was the same guy that played the eccentric Dr./scientist on Independence Day..... Well guess what..... I won... I got online and looked it up and have mercy on me I was right!!!! Tee HEE... Score one for Team Re- Re'!!!!

2004-03-21T14:23:00.000-06:00

Well, I added some new things today folks....

I put up a Moon Phases thingy and added my friend Tonya's Pampered Chef site.... Yes you can order online through me.... I think...
Also re -added Todd's band site... They are an awesome band out of New York and really Rock.... The band is caled Zero To 60 or Z260 for short. Click on the links and enjoy... They listed under the outside links tab to your right... Just scroll down and Viola' ...Smooches....
Re'

2004-03-20T23:20:00.000-06:00

Today was a "beautimus" day.

The sun was peaked out under the clouds enough to make it warm and pleasant enough to get out doors and do the spring cleaning. We raked leaves, mowed the overgrown clover growing in our backyard, picked up twigs and branches and bits of trash, trimed the narrow spots with the weed eater, cleaned out the flower beds, and cleaned off the front porch and put the tikki torches out. I must say we had a busy, productive, but tiring day. Just as the dusk was approaching a thunderstorm was moving in from the North and it grew dark very quickly. I lit the torches and sat on the porch waiting for the storm... It was a very small one and breif for the most part in our area, but the light show that followed afterward as it moved to the South was extrodinary. I laid back and just watched the lightning and the clouds move across the sky with an unchoregraphed graceful dance.... I felt totally relaxed and in tune with everything around me... I felt it was a befitting end to a glorious day....

Re'

2004-03-16T21:30:00.000-06:00

Here are two poems I wrote during my lunch break today....Hope you enjoy...

For naught of my dreams,
For naught of my hopes,
For naught of my loves....

Drawn from an
Ancient breath
From this place
I dance a dance
Of mortal woe...
Wrought with a memory
Of middle earth and its foes
Where truth became legend
And legend became myth...
So the creatures of the land
Forgot of wars to come
And lived as though
Forever was not but a dream...
Until the Fires of Mordor
Escaped through the eye,
And the Ring spoke once more...

Renee H 3/16/04

Within the deepest night
She seeks the solace of the moon
Dancing with fairytales,
Flying amoung dragons...
Her spirit wans as
The sands of time glide
Pass and the days grow long
Leaving less Time of the Moon,
And all trespasses
Upon her sanity take
Refuge withing the dark shadows
Of her mind...
Binding her to this world alone...

And Out of the mist a song arouse
Lamenting of her woes... Fills the
Night, consoling her tortured heart....
And with a new vengencence
She rises up withing herself
Calling upon the earth,
Calling upon the fire,
Calling upon her beloved Moon...

And as the winds take flight
Across the land she raises her
Hands, shouts to her moon and
Gives it all to the wind...

No longer Forlorn....

Renee H...3/16/04

2004-03-15T20:50:00.000-06:00

Well, It was back to work for me today and guess what... I didn't miss it....I hate my job...I really really do...and yes I am doing something about it... I am still going back to school... I picked up my financial forms and catalog today. Next month on one of my days off I am going back to see a counsler. I need to figure out a way to go full time.... I just dont know how yet....

Not much else is going on... I have a really bad headache and I am going to crash... catch up to ya'll later....

Lots of Love
Re

2004-03-11T22:15:00.000-06:00

I don't fully undersand.... or know what I was put on this earth to accomplish, but I hope that in some way the things I say, I write... mean something to someone out there and maybe... just maybe someone find some solace... and peace...

Ronnie,

These poems are for you.. They are not meant to be sad, but healing and its the best I can offer to you across the miles my dear friend and I hope they help... even if it is only a little....

Kiss me gently my dear friend,
For we know not when our eyes
Shall shine upon each other again.
Tis' no worry for my passing
Merely a dance from one element of
Life unto another...

Kiss me gently my dear friend
For I must go, I must journey
Onward to another space in time
Fullfilling this life's quest and
Making peace with my God....

Kiss me gently thrice my friend,
For it is a holy number
For the goddess of the moon
And I am blessed to have been
Wrapped up in the arm's of Life's Breath...

Kiss me gently good-bye
Carry me in your heart
For I will never truly die
As long as I dwell within there...

Kiss me gently....

Sorrow's blade doth
Cut long and hard, and deep
Just as winter's breath
Expelling across a dorminant lands
And the blade will fest away from
Unbleeding wounds
For time to sauter closed....
The depth of a loss
Never goes unbidden by
The bearer of sorrow and
Time is a friend indeed
Allowing the pain of loss
To fade and the emptiness fill
With memories fond...
Of your love... Your friend...
Mourn, not long... But Mourn Indeed
And allow me to pass....

Renee H
3/11/04

2004-03-04T23:31:00.000-06:00

Gathering of Spirits

A solemn lady waits
Visions spinning under
The power of a blue globe of glass
Dancing at her feet...

But wistful was she
For the times that have passed...

Tomorrow was but a dream
Veiled by long haunting shadows...
And the softness of night
Crept upon her door

------A Night Wind----

Gathering creatures of the night
Lonesome spirits out on the hold
Playing in dark shadows...

Escaping with the lady to her forest
Her only reprieve...
A lonely gypsy, dancing... Seeking
Solace in a modern world
Searching for Times that have passed...
Persuasive are the dreams
Carried on the wings of the night wind

Listen to the call of the Moon
It is her
Calling for you....

Re'
3/4/04

2004-03-03T22:41:00.000-06:00

Hmmmm the posting screen on blog has changed again.... I get so confused....LOL

Well, I worked 12 hours today and I am feeling pretty good about myself...Maybe for once I wont have to work on a saturday and I can sleep late and do nothing ... I can hardly wait... Yeeeeeehawwwww...
pretty busy around here getting the kids ready for their spring break trips and all... I will hopefully post some new poems soon... I had a dry spell there for a while but the creative juices got to flowing again.... Yeah !!!

I will catch up later...

re'

2004-03-01T21:13:00.000-06:00

Well, folks it seems sometimes I get so busy that when the time comes to blogg... my mind goes blank, or I cannot organize my thoughts well enough to write anything worth reading. So tonight I shall ramble away about anything and everything....

My 14 yr old step son is going on a camping trip in the moutains in Colorado with his boy scout troup the week of spring break. So, he needed a pair of waterproof ski pants and hiking boots..... Well, I was fretting over this because I was afraid I was not going to have the money to purchase these items because they can be quite costly. The trip was of no expense to us because he raised half of the money for the trip through pop corn sales and then local business men donated scholarships for boys that needed a little help, which I am very grateful to these men. I think this will be a wonderful and fun experience for him.... but i am getting away from my orginial point...

Anyway, me and the kids headed to a nearbly Goodwill to try and seek out these items and I was a little dissappointed when I first went in and there were was not any hiking boots and at first no ski suits. So, I started browsing the women's plus size section and found me three very nice dresses AND a very nice heavy WOOL designer winter dress coat... The coat was only a DOLLAR... I could hardly believe my eyes... I have gone without a good winter coat for several years now and was so pleased to find this one. Well, as I made my way to the end of the aisle... what to my wandering eyes did appear???? But a rack with 3 ski suits hanging from them... YEAH !!! Now these were women ski suits and I got worried he would not want one since it was in the ladies section but there was a neon blue one he liked and tried it on and it fit!!! yeah!!!! we found a down filled vest to match and the whole ensemble cost......only..... 6.99 Yeah!!! .... So, we head to Wal-Mart to buy groceries and while there we find a fairly nice pair of hiking boots on clearance for on 12.84,,,,, TRIPLE YEAH.... I felt extemely blessd to find what ne needed and did not have to spend a fortune...

Aimless Ramble Number 469

About Saturday.....
I had a really good time with Allen and Jenny on our excursion to Dallas... We were first attacked by birds at a McDonalds' parking lot after a portion of our fries somehow mysteriously ended up spilling when Jenny openned the door of the car to get back in.....I was scared... I hate birds... NASTY BASTARDS....
I got us lost in the Ghetto... which was not good.... Kinda scary too... but I will take the Ghetto over Nasty birds anyday... unless of course there are gangs, shootings, murder and mayhem.....
I really enjoy my outings with them though.. I think we are forging a union of not only great minds but great people... LOVE TO YOU GUYS...

We also can hardly wait to have Ronnie join us for the Mac concert.... I am sure one of us will end up either A) In the hospital B) Mental Insitute C) In Jail or D) All of the Above.... LOL

I am sure it is going to be that much fun!!!

till tomorrow..

RE'

2004-02-29T23:02:00.000-06:00

real busy... project due monday for the kids... didn't tell me until today.....will post tomorrow.. love to all

2004-02-25T21:11:00.000-06:00

I CAN'T WAIT

Saturday I am going shopping with my trusty side-kick, Allen and I am so ready for a day of fun and comic relief provided soley by the twisted sense of humors Allen and I have the pleasure of owning....

I hope you all liked my post from Yesterday.... I know I did....."go me" lol

I am genius ....
Kiss thou which art holy...

Namely ME!!!! lol

I am ready for spring... I am sick and tried of dead grass, dead trees, and mudd... I want green, green, green and more fucking green... blue skies, sunshine and pretty flowers all in a row...

till then.. TA'
Re

2004-02-24T21:16:00.000-06:00

Being the proverberial Smart Ass that I am.... This is for you Allen....

NEW.....

there I posted something new....Ha ha ha... Snort... Gufaw... Gasp.... Snort.... Chuckle.....

Gawd I am gooooooooooooooooddddddddddddd.......

2004-02-19T21:02:00.000-06:00

NOTHING BETTER TO DO

I have been pondering what to post for a few days. Something new, something interesting, something different. So, I have created my wish list. It is intended for fun and for my own pleasure. I hope you enjoy reading it.

My Wish List

1.) Magickally lose weight
2.) Make a living doing something I enjoy
3.) Meet Stevie Nicks and all of FM
4.) Live out my dreams
5.) A whole weekend alone in my house with no husband and no kids

Now for a more material list

1.) Tango In the Night CD
2.) Fleetwood Mac (white CD)
3.) Rumors
4.) Mirage
5.) Behind The Mask
6.) Tickets to the June 16th FM concert
7.) All three of the re-releases coming out March 23rd by FM
8.) Complete works of Led Zeppelin
9.) Live at the Red Rocks (Stevie Nicks)
10.) The complete videos of Stevie Nicks
11.) Fleetwood Mac's The Dance on DVD
12.) Some new nice clothes
13.) A nice vacation
14.) Extra Money
15.) A complete true unabridged version of the Lord Of the Rings Series(books)
16.) One day in my life without a headache….
17.) Insulation for My house
18.) New energy efficient windows for my house
19.) Central Heat and Air
20.) My hardwood floors to be re-finished
21.) For once New furniture.. Not second-hand unmatching pieces.
22.) New Shoes
23.) A spiral perm for my hair
24.) Good make-up and skin care products
25.) For Bill to no longer be in pain everyday
26.) To find the reason for this aching loneliness in my heart.

2004-02-17T21:27:00.000-06:00

Why is it when you put numbers to paper they make perfect sense?

I mean, I figured our monthy Income versus the monthly outgoing and we should not be as broke as we always seem to be....

So..... I am working on a budget.... I am tired of never having money for emergencies, or un-forseen expenses, or money to buy things I sometimes have a hankering for.... So>>> if any of ya'll have any pointers I would greatly appreciate it. Also.... A thousand bucks would be nice to get out of the red and into the black so I can start fresh....Ha Ha... I know... wish in one hand and deficate in another and see which one fills up first....HA HA HA

For 5 days running I am the reigning Electronic Yatzhee Queen... Go me!!! I can never beat Bill at anything and for now I am winning.... Yeah!!!!

I have a new cat... He is part siamese and is 5 months old and I have coronated him as "Shadow"..... because for the first two days he hid in the shadows under my bed and he also was so nervous "shadows moved across his face" until he became aclimated to his new surroundings... He is a good kity and minds his manners and Uses his toilet like a good boy. He loves to sleep on my chest and gives me pious looks if I neglect to serve him his daily rationing of milk. His most favorite thing in the world to play with is a ball of aluminum foil.... Amazing.... Inexpensive and fun to watch.... He shedds like everything and has this incredibly soft fur and is goregous... I am in love...LOL....

I am still working overtime... trying to make it paycheck to paycheck all the while trying to enjoy life and find some meaning and inspiration out there...

Till we Meet Again...

Dance In the Silver Light of the Moon
Dance In the Illusions of old
Ponder upon the timeless stars
and Wish upon a dream....

Re'

2004-02-15T19:07:00.000-06:00

SNOW MAGIC

We awoke Saturday morning to a blanket of beautiful snow and it snowed all day long. Unfortunatley most of it melted as it fell, but it beautiful and relaxing to spend the day with my family. Bill and I had a nice simple Valentine's Day and an even better night...TEEHEE TEEHEE..... I hope everyone had a great valentines and I will be posting again soon..... Bill has that twinkle in his eye... and I simply cannot resist.... MUAZ...

Re'

2004-02-10T21:12:00.000-06:00

YIPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
THE MAC IS BACK!!!!!!!!!

I received an email from the fleetwood mac mailling list confirming that Mac will be touring in the U.S. again and will be in Dallas, Tx June 16th.... I soooooooooooo wanna be there....

2004-02-08T21:33:00.000-06:00

My good friend, Allen, wrote a poem about me recently after a he and I had gone a a grocery shopping excursion and we listened to my most favorite Stevie Songs... and of course I was totally into the songs, singing along and just "into" the whole vibe put off by the the songs... To make a long story short he wrote a poem about me that totally captured my spirit and I love the Poem.... I am sharing it with ya'll and hope you enjoy.....

Rene

Banishing the sun and greeting the moon.
Whispering to trees on sunny days.
Where fields of green swayed like ocean
waves in the wind.
Talking to stars on cold winter nights.
Stars that winked like they were in on the joke.
Animals howled and the hail always drops.
Wishes are cast and dreams never lost.
Raised arms and hair that flowed freely.
Wide eyed dramatization perfected by maturity.
Never-ending smirk and humor behind
concrete facade.
Hee-haw laugher that warms my soul.
Blatant hatred of other peoples' perception.
Yearning for knowledge and truth and
kindred connectedness.
My own personal sister of the moon.
Dancing freely.
Naked. Mightily aware. Joyfully repenting. Beautiful.
Sister of the moon.

2004-02-08T19:02:00.000-06:00

"THE YEAR OF THE MAC"

I am soooo excited... I can hardly stand myself and I am going to hard to live with...... the below is taken from "The Nicks Fix" the official Stevie Nicks Web site.... read it and you will understand my excitement ....

Information below was not written by me and belongs to "The Nicks Fix"

"The album Fleetwood Mac includes single versions of “Say You Love Me,” “Rhiannon,” “Over My Head” and “Blue Letter”, as well as insightful liner notes by Rolling Stone writer Parke Puterbaugh.

Rumours will include a full additional disc of 18 unreleased tracks featuring early demos of “Gold Dust Woman” and “Never Going Back Again,” as well as liner notes written by noted rock scribe Dave DiMartino.

Tusk will include an additional disc of 21 previously unissued demos and outtakes, including a full, unedited release of “Sara.” Additionally, liner notes are provided by Parke Puterbaugh.

All three titles are available on March 23, 2004, at all retail outlets and at www.onlyhitmusic.com. "

2004-02-05T00:04:00.000-06:00

Well, as I promised here are some poems.... there are quite few have fun...

A dreamer left to dream alone
Only becomes entwined in a hopeless
Web spun through time and
The ages, for all their reasons,
Leave me saddened at the loss of
Unbidden fortitude, of youth, and
I feel old

Time is not a healer of wounds
Discontent is really a demon
Disguised by a veil called humanity
On which the worlds reality feed

Renee H

2/4/04

Fear Lead Me Not, Fear Lead Me No More.

An open wound intensified
Behind the veil of onyx shadows
Reflections of a nightmare
Seemingly real
Living among a web of circumstance,
But..Still alone
With the memory, a heartbeat
Pounding out the dream sequence
Over and over until the visions
Become cloudy with a myst
Laying its body across this nightmare
Suffocating the flames, removing
The vise with which it holds you
And the fear subsides

Renee H.
1/26/04

Written after a nightmare about my ex-husband D.

Lady Moon

No, the world has not heard her name
No not yet anyway.
She does not concede to a defeat

Like a vamp, like a ghost, like a
Wisp of the ancients
She floats on down
On through enchanted nights

She never mentions the word magick
No, not on this rotation
Sometimes you can hear her talking,
Chanting to the ancients
Drawing down her moon
Calling forth, invoking a power
Borrowed on a favor of God &Goddess

The fate is something
She has not met, not yet
And still she keeps on

Like a vamp, like a ghost
Like the wisps of the ancients
Calling on the moon
Call her home

Renee H.
1/14/04

No Strength of Character

The world revolves on a disposable
Society, reeking of decay and
All that will be left is the plastic
Shell we mutated to

Below the surface I hear Humanity
Screaming for release, gurgling
For air

Renee H
01/26/04

Prelude To A Change

Living every night
In shadows, in darkness
A veil across a doorway

And as the rain
Swept across her heart
She washed clean the
Haunted spirits of old
Dwelling within her
Lonesome soul
Bathing in loves silver light
Drowning all sorrows
Dancing with the wind,
Becoming one with her moon
And the ageless faded away
Among her Dark Moon vision

Renee H
2/4/04

Sexuality

Into the soft folds
Of forbidden love
Seeking a absolute
Mystique to compliment
Her own psyche.
Torn between worlds
Living one by night,
The other by day
Longing for ALL
Her woes to take
Leave from her heart
And drift away on
The soft gentle wind

Renee H
01/20/04

2004-02-03T22:07:00.000-06:00

So..... I was sitting at my computer tonight contemplating what to write and felt the need to write something Profound..... Well Here goes....

PROFOUND.....

Whew... there I did it....man was that mentally exhausting.....

Okay, but seriously folks. I am way to serious minded for my own good and felt I needed a little humour tonight....LOL....

I am looking forward to this new year and have been feverently praying for more financial stability.... I do necessariy want overwhelming wealth, but I would like to be able to at least put money back for emergencies instead of living paycheck to paycheck. I feel I have made some strong postive decisions and pray that I continue do so...

I also want to take a moment and thank all of the great friends I have out there.. Allen, Jenny, Ronnie, and Tonya.... Ya'll are the greatest....and I am very blessed to have ya'll in my life and have you to lean on...and to have good times with....Everyday, I learn something new from one of you guys and I grow and become a better person for it.... Thanks for accepting me for me and all my faults..... Lots of love to you...

Re'

2004-02-02T23:02:00.000-06:00

What can I say... nothing much is going on and alot is going on.... busy trying to get my taxes finished....Though I wont see much of the return... Its going to pay off a bill....working massive overtime and generally feeling drained... I have a few things I am working on and will post soon.....

Love to All

2004-01-29T20:50:00.000-06:00

Today has been a rough day.... and I really dont know what to blogg about.... so I am going to ramble. I do not want to focus on the negative so I am not going to give it substance by writing about it on here. Saturday, However, Allen will get an ear full....LOL.... well I am going to go do something constructive and get myself together.... I will blogg this weekend...

Re

2004-01-26T21:32:00.000-06:00

Below is an email I got about the differences between Cats and Dogs... I have gotten this before and it always makes me chuckle and have a new respect for my cat, Beau. I did not write and I do not know the author but I thought I would share it....

Dogs And Cats

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:

8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 a.m. Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
Noon- Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 p.m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 p.m. Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!
5:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favorite!
6:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!
8:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:
Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,while I am
forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild scolding I get from ruining the occasional
piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan...

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
placed solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could
hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what
this is and how to use it to my advantage.I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait - It is only a matter of time….

2004-01-25T20:38:00.000-06:00

Here is a List of Things Currently going on In my life....

Reading: Moon Magic (Myth & Magic, Crafts & Recipies, Rituals & Spells) By D. J. Conway

Listening to Stevie Nicks ... anything by her.

Learning about herbs and oils

Favorite candle of the moment is "Leather" Made by Peggy

Still Smoking Marlboro Red Kings

Watching Nothing on TV... I am not a boob toob Junkie....

Last Movie Watched was Terminator 3.... Big Dissappointment

Wanting to see Lord of the Rings Two Towers and Return of the KIng...

I will blogg something more interesting later....

2004-01-22T20:11:00.000-06:00

I soooo... love the New Look of My Blogg!!!

A big kudos to Ronnie over at "and the days go by..." for getting it up and running for me.... I am stupid when it comes all this stuff....

Now if I could figure out how to download pictures I will be happy....
Ya'll have a good one and I will blogg more later....

Re'

2004-01-21T20:40:00.000-06:00

So I have coasted into the new millenium finally...

Well, folks its finally here.... DSL... My area has not had this available until recently and as soon as it came available, I jumped on the band wagon... I got home tonight to my new modem and handy dandy instillation instructions... Which by the way WERE in english and WERE very easy to read and understand and I am impressed with the Service I received from AOL for the Whole schitamacheeze... I am sorry Allen if I spelled that wrong...So I now have DSL... and I am in Love.... Now.. If I could only get a new computer...

2004-01-19T20:03:00.000-06:00

To all the Women in the world hurting right now... For whatever reason, for whatever injustice... I offer a simple poem Written by Veronica Shoffstall.....

Comes The Dawn

"After a while, you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean possession
and company doesn't mean security,
and loneliness is universal.
And you learn that kisses aren't contracts,
and presents aren't promises...
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes open,
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all of your hope on today,
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain,
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
because tomorrow's ground can be too uncertain for plans;
yet each step taken in a new direction creates a path
towards the promise of a brighter dawn.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden,
and nourish your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
and you really do have worth.
And you learn and grow...
With every good-bye you learn.

By Veronica Shoffstall

2004-01-17T18:22:00.000-06:00

OKAY TO CLEAR UP ANY CONFUSION.....

UNDERNEATH THE WORD LINKS TO THE RIGHT OF THE SCREEN IS THE LINK TO MY EMAIL ADDRESS AS WELL AS LINKS TO SOME INTERESTING WEB SITES. THE LINKS ARE NOT ADDITIONAL PAGES TO MY SITE. MY STUFF IS ON A FRONT PAGE ONLY UNLESS YOU ACESS THE ARCHIVES WHICH IS LISTED AT THE BOTTOM OF THE RIGHT SIDE....UNDERNEATH THE ARCHIVES TITLE... AS SOON AS I SEE RONNIE AGAIN I WILL HAVE HIM ADD SOME BETTER TITLES TO EVERYTHING. SO SORRY FOR ANY CONFUSION....