Sigh.....Summer is my least favorite time of year... The heat is depressing, the high electric bills are depressing, I struggle all year long to pay property taxes. My job is getting on my nerves and I want it all to just go away. I am tired of being the one that always does the right thing but gets the shaft. I cannot afford to buy new clothes... I cannot afford to go on vacation.... I barely scrape by each frigging month and I am SICK of it. Not in a good mood today.. I will blog later....

Okay.... So, I finished the latest of Harry Potter's Adventures, and I must say it was FABULOUS!!! J.K. Rowlings in my opinion is one of the most creative and capable writer's of our modern times. Not only does she bring a wonderment and enchantment alive in the Harry Potter Series, but she manages to neatly provide lessons of morality, character, and dignity for young and old. She delves deep into the peer pressures of young potter and his friends in a manner that all of our teenagers can relate; therefore, giving them insight into themselves and possibly reaching them in ways that parents cannot. I, for one, Do not have a problem with my Step-Son reading these novels... It is not always easy for a teenager to express himself to his parents and If he gains an important lesson from her books then I am grateful. If you as parents have not read these books... Then do so, not only are they fun to read, but hey.. its a great way to have a conversation with you kid...

Harry Potter Links of Interest
Harry Potter At Scholastic
Harry Potter Home Page

Ronnie, Here is that receipe.... Hope you and Mark enjoy




Olive Pesto

1 ½ cups Whole green 2T. Dijon Mustard
pitted olives with pimentos 2 to 3 cloves garlic peeled
3 T. drained capers ¼ c finely chopped fresh
4 T. Lemon Juice basil
1 T. Olive Oil ¼ c grated Parmesan cheese
8 to 10 oz. Linguine

Cook linguine according to package instructions. While pasta
Is cooking, combine olives, capers, lemon juice, oil, mustard
And garlic in food processor or blender. Process until coarsely
Pureed. Stir in chopped basil and cheese; set aside. Drain
Pasta well and transfer to warm serving bowl. Spoon over
Pasta and mix gently. Garnish with Basil sprigs.


Lemon Pepper chicken

4 large boneless skinless chicken breast. Brush with olive oil
Seasoned with the lemon pepper to your preference. Cooks best
In stoneware but glass with do… Should take about 45 minutes
To 1 hour to cook… Start out with about 450 then lower after 15
Minutes to 325 or 350.
Serves 4
Caesar Salad goes well with this and warm rolls….

It is 1:06 AM Friday Morning and I have completed 440 pages of the new Harry Potter book and I am tottally hooked. My hubby and take turns reading in shifts...lol I was inpressed before with the other books in the series.... But I am Awed at J.k. Rowling's ability to hold the readers fascination with the characters and not be redundant. I have tried to read several different series books but quickly became bored and was able to predict endings, that is one reason I do not watch TV....It is sad to be able to realize the whole storyline within a matter of minutes.... This drives my husband insane.....I have only been wrong once in my predictions regarding shows or movies we watch together and he says I am a freak...lol....anywhoo... I am tired and my eyes hurt and I am off to bed.... TTFN

Okay... so I couldn't wait until my step-son got home from his mother's with his copy of Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix... I bought my copy today... and I am throughly spell bound. I probably will read until my eyes hurt tonight. I have several things I want to post but do not even have the energy to do it... I am just going to crawl into bed and read....


Ronnie... My ideas for the dinner are..... Lasagna, Lemon pepper chicken with linguni(sp) and a tangy green olive pesto, Jamacian Jerk Pork, or Blackened Steak..... All go well with the Kendale Jackson Red Merlot.....of course I think this wine goes well with any thing...Let me know which recipe you want and I email it to you.....

One of these I am going to get a job that A) I love B) I will make excellent money at and C) Be my own boss....

I am sick of what I do and I am tired of money always being my top concern.... It depresses me so....
any who.,... TTFN
Re'

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Blogger lost my BLOG It was longgggggggg..... GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.....

This has been a busy weekend. We got the horses moved friday and they love it. It has made it much easier for us to work with them. We have been doing some major spring cleaning this weekend and have collected many items for a yard sale next weekend. We also have just about defeated the fleas. We finally broke down about flea collars from the vets office that were 13.25 a piece and they are working great. Plus we have just about gotten them eradicated from the house and yard. Thank Goodness, I was about to go crazy. Anywho not much else is going on, just same 'ol everday worries. Money is so tight.. but i dont want to go there it only depresses me. Later everyone....
Re'

I wrote this last night for My friend...

Dancing away
On a cloud lined with gold
Dancing away on whim
Slight of Fancy
Fairy tale glance
I see your smile
Impish and delightful
Freedom on the wings of the wind
Dancing Away on a tear
Dancing Away on a Memory
Dancing Away From us all.

Renee H


This is not a finished work...

Well, Today was the funeral and by some tiny miracle, it has helped to ease the doubt. This was a "celebration" of Jon's life and a very good one. I found comfort in the words of the preacher and the passages provided in the programs. I found comfort in those surrounding me, and I pray his family found even more comfort than I. The ceremony was way beyond standing room only and gave me a sense that Jon may not be of this world, but he is not gone... He is still with us and still smiling...

9:24 pm

I have returned from Family Night at the funeral home. Words come in short spasms and are filled with sorrow, but somehow give relief. The number of people in attendance was possibly some sign of hope? Maybe? I am trying to find it... All I can think of are of his wife and children with no husband ... no daddy... and my total utter lack of usefullness. I can in no way even begin to know what they are going through and my words are so completely empty to me. I want TO DO something to help, but how? Jon was a good person, well known, and loved. I should not feel the things I feel about the woman that took his life.... It is easy for me to say hateful, vile things about her, but I cannot stop. I pray Justice is served if not here on earth.... then in Hell....

It's 6:20 pm, the sun is shining, and God is crying...

The rain is comming down hard and fast and there is no wind to speak of. This just seemed appropriate today after the events of this weekend. I will never understand people and because of this and because of my in-ablility to change and enlighten everyone, I am destined to be unsatified and sad. A friend of mine was shot and killed this weekend defending a member of his family. The person responsilbe for ripping him away from his friends and family was "allegedly" coked up and "allegedly" killed him in self defense with a gunshot wound to the head and back. I was not there so I cannot be certain of the events, but I was taught you do not pull a gun with out the intention of using it. My husband was taught this too. The point is, tonight children, wife, mother,father, sibilings and friends are without this person that brought so much to their lives. I am angry and saddened and disillusioned about the human race altogether and this makes it hard for me to even want to ever leave my house again. But... I will and I will go on and so will his family. There has to be a meaning somewhere......

by the way.. the shout thingy is working again....

My good friend, Ronnie, and fellow blogger at "And the Days Go By... Like A Strand...." has inspired me to do a list of things about myself. So here at the facts....


1) I am a Native Texan
2) 32 years old
3) Sagitarrian
4) Lived in the same rural town ALL my life
5) On my Second Marriage
6) Three step-children (all boys) that live with us
7) Two of the three are Twins
8) yup Twins
9) Cannot have children of my own
10) I am a BBW
11) That means Big Beautiful Woman
12) I am 5ft 10inches
13) My eyes are hazel
14) Long brown naturally wavy hair
15) Was once a Rodeo Queen
16) Own 2 horses
17) 4 Akitas(dogs)
18) 3 Cats
19) Strong Willed
20) Write Poetry
21) recovering obessive compulive clean freak
22) have three boys, and 4 dogs and a husband makes you recover quick
23) I smoke Marlboro Red Kings, only brand I have ever smoked
24) drink on occasion
25) Love the Ocean
26) Love the Mountains
27) Christmas is My Favorite Holiday
28) Collect Santa's
29) Mexican Food is My favorite
30) Chinese runs a close second
31) I can Sew
32) love to do the craft thing
33) love to decorate my home
34) Love to Cook but rarely get to, my hubby does the cooking
35) one income family
36) My husband is MR MOM
37) Love to Read
38) Love Music
39) Titanic and Last of the Dogmen are my favorite modern day movies
40) anything by John Wayne is Gold
41) Stevie Nicks is My inspiration
42) love Junk Stores
43) Love Garage Sales
44) I have multiple personalities
45) Love Mythology
46) Love Enchanted Moments
47) to quote Stevie Nicks "Sometimes, She was just An Actress, but you'll never really know"
48) Too serious at times
49) Lookout though when I let Go
50) Loyal
51) Constantly Fighting for the Underdog
52) Hate is an emotion that does not exist for me( It gives the object of hate too much validation)
53) Indifference is better ( It takes the validation away)
54) Blunt
55) Stupid People Piss Me off
56) I dont hold Grudges
57) My parents are still married after 46 years
58) I have two brothers (older) and one sister (younger)
59) I have have 14 aunts and uncles on my fathers side
60) I have 16 aunts and uncles on my mothers side
61) Too many cousins to count
62) I love learning new things
63) I am respected in my community
64) Deeply Emotional
65) Used to be Thin
66) Working on a Healthy weight currently
67) I have lost 7lbs
68) My husband met me as a big woman and loves me the way I am
69) I love me the way I am
70) Terribly frightened of Bridges and Big Looped to Loop Mixmaster Highways
71) I am Native American, Scottish, Irish, and there is a rumour of African American from the French
Creole Orgin In Lousiana
72) Proud of ALL my hertiage
73) The older generation is not
74) Not Afraid to speak my mind
75) But know when to keep my mouth shut
76) Love RootBeer Floats
77) Grew up on Farm
78) Played Sports In Highschool
79) Graduated with Honors
80) Wish I Had a Little Girl
81) Would name her Storm
82) I love Desert Scenery
83) Spiritual
84) Favorite Fruit is a mixture of bananas, cherries, and strawberries
85) I like Oatmeal
86) Cornbread and Milk is my favorite late night snack
87) I dont like sugar cooked on my veggies
88) I love most all Veggies
89) Can Buy a 100.00 worth of groceries and feed 5 people three meals a day for two weeks
90) Want to Paint these blank White walls
91) Good with words
92) Do Not Embarass easily
93) Coca Cola is my favorite soda
94) Own an Old Historical Home
95) Rasin Bran is my favorite cereal
96) Always Broke
97) Dream vacation is Hawaii
98)Went to the bahammas when i was 16
99) Love My husband more than words could ever say
100) Love the Boys as though they were my own....

test.... for some reason my shout out is not showing up....hmmmmm

I wrote this poem while going through my divorce. The emotions grip you and sometimes you feel so caught up in the moment, you feel you could let them take over...

Rage In The Night

Loneliness consumes me
As completely as an encroaching
Storm consumes the night
Sky with ominous blackness.
Furious boiling, churning clouds
Hunt the silvery light of the moon,
Blanketing nature's light to feed the
Oppressing storm of despair.
An airless void between the heaven's
And Earth, crashes with waves of thunder
Taunting me with magnetic lightning,
Reverberating with intent to coerce
My subconscious to the surface
Forcing me to remember.
Hypnotic and alluring patterns of
Electricity violates the darkness.
Drawing me closer to the edge of
Eternal madness and suffocating pain.
Each bolt of radiant light herald's
Transparent apparitions of the paper garden
In which I inhabited with another
Not so long ago.
Mounting winds tear at my hair and clothes
Icy rain drops slash at my face as hard
And as frantic as a psychotic lover's
Blade across silken porcelain flesh.
Drenched with natures torment, Timidly
I embrace the savage fury of the storm
Releasing bound torments, frustrations and shame
I raise my head toward the cold glimmer of
Flashing light and scream for Mercy upon my soul.

Renee H Written Winter of 1999.

Do you ever feel like a character in a novel? Someone surreal?
Where does the words I write in my poetry come from?
I have had pain in my lifetime, but it is nothing compared to the pain other people have been through.
I have not lived a life of excess, nor I have ever been addicted to any drugs. I think I was walking on the edge with alcohol before I met Bill and the kids. I grew up on a farm, we worked hard for everything we had, my father was good , could be a domineering tyrant, but he was not evil. My mother, for all her mental imbalances, did mold us with certain moral characteristics. I have good relationships with my parents and my sibilings... we have our episodes, but so do all families. So where does this sorrow originate? Have I been given a gift of perception so deep I feel the torment of other people? Have I lived past lives, or do I simply hear the wails of ghosts trapped in a dimension unseen by most people? I believe Stevie Nicks said it best ,"Poets, Priests, Legends of Nothing" I feel as though I relate to all three at some point and time.
My best friend for 15 years, who knows me well, had no clue about the depth of my poems. I sent her all I had and she was in awe. She also felt embarassed that she did not know me as well as she thought... I told her it was not her fault. Somethings are better left unsaid.... There are somethings people are better off not knowing about another person. Most peoples perceptions are distorted, and would not have been able to see the pictures I paint with words and rejection is difficult to swallow and I could not have beared it if she had scoffed at my words. I am not able to have children and my words are my children...

Spirit Walk

Lady of Lonely Hearts
Rides the nightmare
Of Mystery on thru
The endless night

Witching HOur
Love's full moon
Illusion of a Woman
Dancing there.... Searching there...

Dark Clouds
Billowing around
Cloaking reality with mist
Stretching Truth.

Creatures of the night
Follow there
Faint footsteps left
Upon the Dew...

Was Anyone ever Really There?

Renee H. 6/19/03

FLEAS.... FLEAS....FLEAS....AND MORE FRIGGING FLEAS....

I guess I have a new hobby.... Flea Circus. We have been invaded. Fleas everywhere. We have bombed, treated the yard, the dogs, the cats, everything and we cannot get rid of them....I am running away.... I cant stand this. The house smells like a chemical plant.... If there was a monitoring system to detect a chemical imbalance, our house would light up the radar. I heard a rumor that moth balls are supposed to help.... I am all for this... but can anyone tell me how to get their little legs apart?....

Tuesday....12:10 AM..... MAC ATTACK....

No... not Big Mac... FLEETWOOD MAC.....I have stayed up well past my bed time to watch VH1 All Access Fleetwood Mac special. Highlighting scences from the making of Say You Will , Mick home videos, and pre-tour last minute gobbly gook.... the show has really fired me up to see Stevie Live....I found out recently the Mac has extended their tour and added some cities...and.. my hubby's home town.. also where my sister lives, happens to be one of those places.... Happiness is NOT Lubbock, Tx in my rearview mirror. Lord willing and the creek don't rise..... I am soooooooooo there. Please Say it is so... Please God... Say You Will..........

Re'

What A DAy What A Day....... For every door that closes another one opens...

We have two horses.... and have to rent pasture for them because we live in town and have no place to keep them. The people we rent from have been rather difficult to deal with so we were in a bind earlier today as to what to do with them. Luckily, a friend and former neighbor has come to the rescue and offered us the us of their pasture and stables... Yeah!!!! We now have a place to keep them and where we can start working with them to make them more tame....Yeah!!!! Bill is very excited because he has never had horses before and wants to learn all he can. Me....I am like oh well just another mouth to feed...lol... They are beautiful and majestic animals... Maybe with Bill's help I can find the magic horses once held for me.

I was once a Rodeo Queen, no joke, I was....hmmmm where did i lose my passion for sports, and the outdoors? Maybe when it got to hard to do these things after putting on weight.... Jeans are not comfortable for me as I can most of my extra weight on my upper body.... My legs and arms are surprisingly thin....

Where was I... Oh hell i dont know.... cant keep a straight thought for nothing tonight.... ttfn
Re'