Monday, June 30, 2003
Sunday, June 29, 2003
This has been a busy weekend. We got the horses moved friday and they love it. It has made it much easier for us to work with them. We have been doing some major spring cleaning this weekend and have collected many items for a yard sale next weekend. We also have just about defeated the fleas. We finally broke down about flea collars from the vets office that were 13.25 a piece and they are working great. Plus we have just about gotten them eradicated from the house and yard. Thank Goodness, I was about to go crazy. Anywho not much else is going on, just same 'ol everday worries. Money is so tight.. but i dont want to go there it only depresses me. Later everyone....
Re'
Re'
Thursday, June 26, 2003
I wrote this last night for My friend...
Dancing away
On a cloud lined with gold
Dancing away on whim
Slight of Fancy
Fairy tale glance
I see your smile
Impish and delightful
Freedom on the wings of the wind
Dancing Away on a tear
Dancing Away on a Memory
Dancing Away From us all.
Renee H
This is not a finished work...
Dancing away
On a cloud lined with gold
Dancing away on whim
Slight of Fancy
Fairy tale glance
I see your smile
Impish and delightful
Freedom on the wings of the wind
Dancing Away on a tear
Dancing Away on a Memory
Dancing Away From us all.
Renee H
This is not a finished work...
Wednesday, June 25, 2003
Well, Today was the funeral and by some tiny miracle, it has helped to ease the doubt. This was a "celebration" of Jon's life and a very good one. I found comfort in the words of the preacher and the passages provided in the programs. I found comfort in those surrounding me, and I pray his family found even more comfort than I. The ceremony was way beyond standing room only and gave me a sense that Jon may not be of this world, but he is not gone... He is still with us and still smiling...
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
9:24 pm
I have returned from Family Night at the funeral home. Words come in short spasms and are filled with sorrow, but somehow give relief. The number of people in attendance was possibly some sign of hope? Maybe? I am trying to find it... All I can think of are of his wife and children with no husband ... no daddy... and my total utter lack of usefullness. I can in no way even begin to know what they are going through and my words are so completely empty to me. I want TO DO something to help, but how? Jon was a good person, well known, and loved. I should not feel the things I feel about the woman that took his life.... It is easy for me to say hateful, vile things about her, but I cannot stop. I pray Justice is served if not here on earth.... then in Hell....
I have returned from Family Night at the funeral home. Words come in short spasms and are filled with sorrow, but somehow give relief. The number of people in attendance was possibly some sign of hope? Maybe? I am trying to find it... All I can think of are of his wife and children with no husband ... no daddy... and my total utter lack of usefullness. I can in no way even begin to know what they are going through and my words are so completely empty to me. I want TO DO something to help, but how? Jon was a good person, well known, and loved. I should not feel the things I feel about the woman that took his life.... It is easy for me to say hateful, vile things about her, but I cannot stop. I pray Justice is served if not here on earth.... then in Hell....
It's 6:20 pm, the sun is shining, and God is crying...
The rain is comming down hard and fast and there is no wind to speak of. This just seemed appropriate today after the events of this weekend. I will never understand people and because of this and because of my in-ablility to change and enlighten everyone, I am destined to be unsatified and sad. A friend of mine was shot and killed this weekend defending a member of his family. The person responsilbe for ripping him away from his friends and family was "allegedly" coked up and "allegedly" killed him in self defense with a gunshot wound to the head and back. I was not there so I cannot be certain of the events, but I was taught you do not pull a gun with out the intention of using it. My husband was taught this too. The point is, tonight children, wife, mother,father, sibilings and friends are without this person that brought so much to their lives. I am angry and saddened and disillusioned about the human race altogether and this makes it hard for me to even want to ever leave my house again. But... I will and I will go on and so will his family. There has to be a meaning somewhere......
The rain is comming down hard and fast and there is no wind to speak of. This just seemed appropriate today after the events of this weekend. I will never understand people and because of this and because of my in-ablility to change and enlighten everyone, I am destined to be unsatified and sad. A friend of mine was shot and killed this weekend defending a member of his family. The person responsilbe for ripping him away from his friends and family was "allegedly" coked up and "allegedly" killed him in self defense with a gunshot wound to the head and back. I was not there so I cannot be certain of the events, but I was taught you do not pull a gun with out the intention of using it. My husband was taught this too. The point is, tonight children, wife, mother,father, sibilings and friends are without this person that brought so much to their lives. I am angry and saddened and disillusioned about the human race altogether and this makes it hard for me to even want to ever leave my house again. But... I will and I will go on and so will his family. There has to be a meaning somewhere......
Sunday, June 22, 2003
My good friend, Ronnie, and fellow blogger at "And the Days Go By... Like A Strand...." has inspired me to do a list of things about myself. So here at the facts....
1) I am a Native Texan
2) 32 years old
3) Sagitarrian
4) Lived in the same rural town ALL my life
5) On my Second Marriage
6) Three step-children (all boys) that live with us
7) Two of the three are Twins
8) yup Twins
9) Cannot have children of my own
10) I am a BBW
11) That means Big Beautiful Woman
12) I am 5ft 10inches
13) My eyes are hazel
14) Long brown naturally wavy hair
15) Was once a Rodeo Queen
16) Own 2 horses
17) 4 Akitas(dogs)
18) 3 Cats
19) Strong Willed
20) Write Poetry
21) recovering obessive compulive clean freak
22) have three boys, and 4 dogs and a husband makes you recover quick
23) I smoke Marlboro Red Kings, only brand I have ever smoked
24) drink on occasion
25) Love the Ocean
26) Love the Mountains
27) Christmas is My Favorite Holiday
28) Collect Santa's
29) Mexican Food is My favorite
30) Chinese runs a close second
31) I can Sew
32) love to do the craft thing
33) love to decorate my home
34) Love to Cook but rarely get to, my hubby does the cooking
35) one income family
36) My husband is MR MOM
37) Love to Read
38) Love Music
39) Titanic and Last of the Dogmen are my favorite modern day movies
40) anything by John Wayne is Gold
41) Stevie Nicks is My inspiration
42) love Junk Stores
43) Love Garage Sales
44) I have multiple personalities
45) Love Mythology
46) Love Enchanted Moments
47) to quote Stevie Nicks "Sometimes, She was just An Actress, but you'll never really know"
48) Too serious at times
49) Lookout though when I let Go
50) Loyal
51) Constantly Fighting for the Underdog
52) Hate is an emotion that does not exist for me( It gives the object of hate too much validation)
53) Indifference is better ( It takes the validation away)
54) Blunt
55) Stupid People Piss Me off
56) I dont hold Grudges
57) My parents are still married after 46 years
58) I have two brothers (older) and one sister (younger)
59) I have have 14 aunts and uncles on my fathers side
60) I have 16 aunts and uncles on my mothers side
61) Too many cousins to count
62) I love learning new things
63) I am respected in my community
64) Deeply Emotional
65) Used to be Thin
66) Working on a Healthy weight currently
67) I have lost 7lbs
68) My husband met me as a big woman and loves me the way I am
69) I love me the way I am
70) Terribly frightened of Bridges and Big Looped to Loop Mixmaster Highways
71) I am Native American, Scottish, Irish, and there is a rumour of African American from the French
Creole Orgin In Lousiana
72) Proud of ALL my hertiage
73) The older generation is not
74) Not Afraid to speak my mind
75) But know when to keep my mouth shut
76) Love RootBeer Floats
77) Grew up on Farm
78) Played Sports In Highschool
79) Graduated with Honors
80) Wish I Had a Little Girl
81) Would name her Storm
82) I love Desert Scenery
83) Spiritual
84) Favorite Fruit is a mixture of bananas, cherries, and strawberries
85) I like Oatmeal
86) Cornbread and Milk is my favorite late night snack
87) I dont like sugar cooked on my veggies
88) I love most all Veggies
89) Can Buy a 100.00 worth of groceries and feed 5 people three meals a day for two weeks
90) Want to Paint these blank White walls
91) Good with words
92) Do Not Embarass easily
93) Coca Cola is my favorite soda
94) Own an Old Historical Home
95) Rasin Bran is my favorite cereal
96) Always Broke
97) Dream vacation is Hawaii
98)Went to the bahammas when i was 16
99) Love My husband more than words could ever say
100) Love the Boys as though they were my own....
1) I am a Native Texan
2) 32 years old
3) Sagitarrian
4) Lived in the same rural town ALL my life
5) On my Second Marriage
6) Three step-children (all boys) that live with us
7) Two of the three are Twins
8) yup Twins
9) Cannot have children of my own
10) I am a BBW
11) That means Big Beautiful Woman
12) I am 5ft 10inches
13) My eyes are hazel
14) Long brown naturally wavy hair
15) Was once a Rodeo Queen
16) Own 2 horses
17) 4 Akitas(dogs)
18) 3 Cats
19) Strong Willed
20) Write Poetry
21) recovering obessive compulive clean freak
22) have three boys, and 4 dogs and a husband makes you recover quick
23) I smoke Marlboro Red Kings, only brand I have ever smoked
24) drink on occasion
25) Love the Ocean
26) Love the Mountains
27) Christmas is My Favorite Holiday
28) Collect Santa's
29) Mexican Food is My favorite
30) Chinese runs a close second
31) I can Sew
32) love to do the craft thing
33) love to decorate my home
34) Love to Cook but rarely get to, my hubby does the cooking
35) one income family
36) My husband is MR MOM
37) Love to Read
38) Love Music
39) Titanic and Last of the Dogmen are my favorite modern day movies
40) anything by John Wayne is Gold
41) Stevie Nicks is My inspiration
42) love Junk Stores
43) Love Garage Sales
44) I have multiple personalities
45) Love Mythology
46) Love Enchanted Moments
47) to quote Stevie Nicks "Sometimes, She was just An Actress, but you'll never really know"
48) Too serious at times
49) Lookout though when I let Go
50) Loyal
51) Constantly Fighting for the Underdog
52) Hate is an emotion that does not exist for me( It gives the object of hate too much validation)
53) Indifference is better ( It takes the validation away)
54) Blunt
55) Stupid People Piss Me off
56) I dont hold Grudges
57) My parents are still married after 46 years
58) I have two brothers (older) and one sister (younger)
59) I have have 14 aunts and uncles on my fathers side
60) I have 16 aunts and uncles on my mothers side
61) Too many cousins to count
62) I love learning new things
63) I am respected in my community
64) Deeply Emotional
65) Used to be Thin
66) Working on a Healthy weight currently
67) I have lost 7lbs
68) My husband met me as a big woman and loves me the way I am
69) I love me the way I am
70) Terribly frightened of Bridges and Big Looped to Loop Mixmaster Highways
71) I am Native American, Scottish, Irish, and there is a rumour of African American from the French
Creole Orgin In Lousiana
72) Proud of ALL my hertiage
73) The older generation is not
74) Not Afraid to speak my mind
75) But know when to keep my mouth shut
76) Love RootBeer Floats
77) Grew up on Farm
78) Played Sports In Highschool
79) Graduated with Honors
80) Wish I Had a Little Girl
81) Would name her Storm
82) I love Desert Scenery
83) Spiritual
84) Favorite Fruit is a mixture of bananas, cherries, and strawberries
85) I like Oatmeal
86) Cornbread and Milk is my favorite late night snack
87) I dont like sugar cooked on my veggies
88) I love most all Veggies
89) Can Buy a 100.00 worth of groceries and feed 5 people three meals a day for two weeks
90) Want to Paint these blank White walls
91) Good with words
92) Do Not Embarass easily
93) Coca Cola is my favorite soda
94) Own an Old Historical Home
95) Rasin Bran is my favorite cereal
96) Always Broke
97) Dream vacation is Hawaii
98)Went to the bahammas when i was 16
99) Love My husband more than words could ever say
100) Love the Boys as though they were my own....
Saturday, June 21, 2003
I wrote this poem while going through my divorce. The emotions grip you and sometimes you feel so caught up in the moment, you feel you could let them take over...
Rage In The Night
Loneliness consumes me
As completely as an encroaching
Storm consumes the night
Sky with ominous blackness.
Furious boiling, churning clouds
Hunt the silvery light of the moon,
Blanketing nature's light to feed the
Oppressing storm of despair.
An airless void between the heaven's
And Earth, crashes with waves of thunder
Taunting me with magnetic lightning,
Reverberating with intent to coerce
My subconscious to the surface
Forcing me to remember.
Hypnotic and alluring patterns of
Electricity violates the darkness.
Drawing me closer to the edge of
Eternal madness and suffocating pain.
Each bolt of radiant light herald's
Transparent apparitions of the paper garden
In which I inhabited with another
Not so long ago.
Mounting winds tear at my hair and clothes
Icy rain drops slash at my face as hard
And as frantic as a psychotic lover's
Blade across silken porcelain flesh.
Drenched with natures torment, Timidly
I embrace the savage fury of the storm
Releasing bound torments, frustrations and shame
I raise my head toward the cold glimmer of
Flashing light and scream for Mercy upon my soul.
Renee H Written Winter of 1999.
Rage In The Night
Loneliness consumes me
As completely as an encroaching
Storm consumes the night
Sky with ominous blackness.
Furious boiling, churning clouds
Hunt the silvery light of the moon,
Blanketing nature's light to feed the
Oppressing storm of despair.
An airless void between the heaven's
And Earth, crashes with waves of thunder
Taunting me with magnetic lightning,
Reverberating with intent to coerce
My subconscious to the surface
Forcing me to remember.
Hypnotic and alluring patterns of
Electricity violates the darkness.
Drawing me closer to the edge of
Eternal madness and suffocating pain.
Each bolt of radiant light herald's
Transparent apparitions of the paper garden
In which I inhabited with another
Not so long ago.
Mounting winds tear at my hair and clothes
Icy rain drops slash at my face as hard
And as frantic as a psychotic lover's
Blade across silken porcelain flesh.
Drenched with natures torment, Timidly
I embrace the savage fury of the storm
Releasing bound torments, frustrations and shame
I raise my head toward the cold glimmer of
Flashing light and scream for Mercy upon my soul.
Renee H Written Winter of 1999.
Friday, June 20, 2003
Do you ever feel like a character in a novel? Someone surreal?
Where does the words I write in my poetry come from?
I have had pain in my lifetime, but it is nothing compared to the pain other people have been through.
I have not lived a life of excess, nor I have ever been addicted to any drugs. I think I was walking on the edge with alcohol before I met Bill and the kids. I grew up on a farm, we worked hard for everything we had, my father was good , could be a domineering tyrant, but he was not evil. My mother, for all her mental imbalances, did mold us with certain moral characteristics. I have good relationships with my parents and my sibilings... we have our episodes, but so do all families. So where does this sorrow originate? Have I been given a gift of perception so deep I feel the torment of other people? Have I lived past lives, or do I simply hear the wails of ghosts trapped in a dimension unseen by most people? I believe Stevie Nicks said it best ,"Poets, Priests, Legends of Nothing" I feel as though I relate to all three at some point and time.
My best friend for 15 years, who knows me well, had no clue about the depth of my poems. I sent her all I had and she was in awe. She also felt embarassed that she did not know me as well as she thought... I told her it was not her fault. Somethings are better left unsaid.... There are somethings people are better off not knowing about another person. Most peoples perceptions are distorted, and would not have been able to see the pictures I paint with words and rejection is difficult to swallow and I could not have beared it if she had scoffed at my words. I am not able to have children and my words are my children...
Where does the words I write in my poetry come from?
I have had pain in my lifetime, but it is nothing compared to the pain other people have been through.
I have not lived a life of excess, nor I have ever been addicted to any drugs. I think I was walking on the edge with alcohol before I met Bill and the kids. I grew up on a farm, we worked hard for everything we had, my father was good , could be a domineering tyrant, but he was not evil. My mother, for all her mental imbalances, did mold us with certain moral characteristics. I have good relationships with my parents and my sibilings... we have our episodes, but so do all families. So where does this sorrow originate? Have I been given a gift of perception so deep I feel the torment of other people? Have I lived past lives, or do I simply hear the wails of ghosts trapped in a dimension unseen by most people? I believe Stevie Nicks said it best ,"Poets, Priests, Legends of Nothing" I feel as though I relate to all three at some point and time.
My best friend for 15 years, who knows me well, had no clue about the depth of my poems. I sent her all I had and she was in awe. She also felt embarassed that she did not know me as well as she thought... I told her it was not her fault. Somethings are better left unsaid.... There are somethings people are better off not knowing about another person. Most peoples perceptions are distorted, and would not have been able to see the pictures I paint with words and rejection is difficult to swallow and I could not have beared it if she had scoffed at my words. I am not able to have children and my words are my children...
Thursday, June 19, 2003
Spirit Walk
Lady of Lonely Hearts
Rides the nightmare
Of Mystery on thru
The endless night
Witching HOur
Love's full moon
Illusion of a Woman
Dancing there.... Searching there...
Dark Clouds
Billowing around
Cloaking reality with mist
Stretching Truth.
Creatures of the night
Follow there
Faint footsteps left
Upon the Dew...
Was Anyone ever Really There?
Renee H. 6/19/03
Lady of Lonely Hearts
Rides the nightmare
Of Mystery on thru
The endless night
Witching HOur
Love's full moon
Illusion of a Woman
Dancing there.... Searching there...
Dark Clouds
Billowing around
Cloaking reality with mist
Stretching Truth.
Creatures of the night
Follow there
Faint footsteps left
Upon the Dew...
Was Anyone ever Really There?
Renee H. 6/19/03
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
FLEAS.... FLEAS....FLEAS....AND MORE FRIGGING FLEAS....
I guess I have a new hobby.... Flea Circus. We have been invaded. Fleas everywhere. We have bombed, treated the yard, the dogs, the cats, everything and we cannot get rid of them....I am running away.... I cant stand this. The house smells like a chemical plant.... If there was a monitoring system to detect a chemical imbalance, our house would light up the radar. I heard a rumor that moth balls are supposed to help.... I am all for this... but can anyone tell me how to get their little legs apart?....
I guess I have a new hobby.... Flea Circus. We have been invaded. Fleas everywhere. We have bombed, treated the yard, the dogs, the cats, everything and we cannot get rid of them....I am running away.... I cant stand this. The house smells like a chemical plant.... If there was a monitoring system to detect a chemical imbalance, our house would light up the radar. I heard a rumor that moth balls are supposed to help.... I am all for this... but can anyone tell me how to get their little legs apart?....
Tuesday, June 17, 2003
Tuesday....12:10 AM..... MAC ATTACK....
No... not Big Mac... FLEETWOOD MAC.....I have stayed up well past my bed time to watch VH1 All Access Fleetwood Mac special. Highlighting scences from the making of Say You Will , Mick home videos, and pre-tour last minute gobbly gook.... the show has really fired me up to see Stevie Live....I found out recently the Mac has extended their tour and added some cities...and.. my hubby's home town.. also where my sister lives, happens to be one of those places.... Happiness is NOT Lubbock, Tx in my rearview mirror. Lord willing and the creek don't rise..... I am soooooooooo there. Please Say it is so... Please God... Say You Will..........
Re'
No... not Big Mac... FLEETWOOD MAC.....I have stayed up well past my bed time to watch VH1 All Access Fleetwood Mac special. Highlighting scences from the making of Say You Will , Mick home videos, and pre-tour last minute gobbly gook.... the show has really fired me up to see Stevie Live....I found out recently the Mac has extended their tour and added some cities...and.. my hubby's home town.. also where my sister lives, happens to be one of those places.... Happiness is NOT Lubbock, Tx in my rearview mirror. Lord willing and the creek don't rise..... I am soooooooooo there. Please Say it is so... Please God... Say You Will..........
Re'
Monday, June 16, 2003
What A DAy What A Day....... For every door that closes another one opens...
We have two horses.... and have to rent pasture for them because we live in town and have no place to keep them. The people we rent from have been rather difficult to deal with so we were in a bind earlier today as to what to do with them. Luckily, a friend and former neighbor has come to the rescue and offered us the us of their pasture and stables... Yeah!!!! We now have a place to keep them and where we can start working with them to make them more tame....Yeah!!!! Bill is very excited because he has never had horses before and wants to learn all he can. Me....I am like oh well just another mouth to feed...lol... They are beautiful and majestic animals... Maybe with Bill's help I can find the magic horses once held for me.
I was once a Rodeo Queen, no joke, I was....hmmmm where did i lose my passion for sports, and the outdoors? Maybe when it got to hard to do these things after putting on weight.... Jeans are not comfortable for me as I can most of my extra weight on my upper body.... My legs and arms are surprisingly thin....
Where was I... Oh hell i dont know.... cant keep a straight thought for nothing tonight.... ttfn
Re'
We have two horses.... and have to rent pasture for them because we live in town and have no place to keep them. The people we rent from have been rather difficult to deal with so we were in a bind earlier today as to what to do with them. Luckily, a friend and former neighbor has come to the rescue and offered us the us of their pasture and stables... Yeah!!!! We now have a place to keep them and where we can start working with them to make them more tame....Yeah!!!! Bill is very excited because he has never had horses before and wants to learn all he can. Me....I am like oh well just another mouth to feed...lol... They are beautiful and majestic animals... Maybe with Bill's help I can find the magic horses once held for me.
I was once a Rodeo Queen, no joke, I was....hmmmm where did i lose my passion for sports, and the outdoors? Maybe when it got to hard to do these things after putting on weight.... Jeans are not comfortable for me as I can most of my extra weight on my upper body.... My legs and arms are surprisingly thin....
Where was I... Oh hell i dont know.... cant keep a straight thought for nothing tonight.... ttfn
Re'
Sunday, June 15, 2003
Sitting here, listening to my headphones, I am absorbed in the haunting music from the Soundtrack of "Titantic". The ability to protray raw emotion with the many different musical instruments has always been fascinating to me. My heart beats faster when the dreams roll like thunder and I feel like I am gliding across glass when the I hear the sweet flute. The violin gives the most haunting detail to the score and I am caught up in the frenzy of it all and I feel as thought I am there. Music, poetry, and literature are the great loves of my life and many times I can relate to the vision the creator was trying to make or maybe, it is only the vison inside my soul that I see....
Televison has never been a vice for me. I find it boring most of the time, unless there is something of educational value showing or the Home and Garden Channel....lol.... My husband is a TV addict. I would love to have the radio on all day listening to music where as he would rather have the TV on in every room of the house so that he does not miss anything....lol Go figure....
anyway just random thought....ttfn
Televison has never been a vice for me. I find it boring most of the time, unless there is something of educational value showing or the Home and Garden Channel....lol.... My husband is a TV addict. I would love to have the radio on all day listening to music where as he would rather have the TV on in every room of the house so that he does not miss anything....lol Go figure....
anyway just random thought....ttfn
Happy Father's Day to My DAD and to My loving Husband!!!!
For those of you that have floors to mop... don't walk... RUN to your nearsest Wal-Mart, K-Mart, HEB or whatever and buy the SWIFTER WET JET. I bought one yesterday and it is absolutely fabulous and I love it.... I dont know how we made it without it. Ours cost 22.84 plus tax and came with the first bottle of cleaner, and 6 pads.... Believe it was well worth it with 3 boys, 4 dogs, and a husband that doesn't like to mop. The swifer cut the time in half and there was no dirty water on the floor.... plus it dries instantly; therefore no incriminating paw or footsteps on a clean floor. Plus the cleaner goes a long way.... I highly recomend this product.....
For those of you that have floors to mop... don't walk... RUN to your nearsest Wal-Mart, K-Mart, HEB or whatever and buy the SWIFTER WET JET. I bought one yesterday and it is absolutely fabulous and I love it.... I dont know how we made it without it. Ours cost 22.84 plus tax and came with the first bottle of cleaner, and 6 pads.... Believe it was well worth it with 3 boys, 4 dogs, and a husband that doesn't like to mop. The swifer cut the time in half and there was no dirty water on the floor.... plus it dries instantly; therefore no incriminating paw or footsteps on a clean floor. Plus the cleaner goes a long way.... I highly recomend this product.....
Saturday, June 14, 2003
I had worked late one bitterly cold night, and while driving home the MOON was full and shone this brillant silver blue light all across the night sky. It was hauntingly beautiful, and I felt I was being taunted.... tempted.... to rise up to the moon and the secret world beholden there. It was very Magickal and enchanting.... and this... this is what I envisioned.....
Winter Moon
Dancing through winter night sky,
A cold, icy brightness pierces through
Smoke colored clouds, bathing an
Enchanted fairy-tale forest with
Blue-silver moonlight.
Maidens and lords, children of this magic
Moon, chant ancient mantra’s, invoking
Their Goddess of the forbidden Wood,
Calling out to the Lady of the Moon.
On a cloud made transparent by Love’s
Full moon, the Lady descends upon
Silver wings kissed with gold, her
Robes billowing around her moon,
Her voice ringing out a glorious repose
In answer to the keeper’s of timelessness.
Serenity drapes across this magic world
Just beyond the edge of night
Where winter moonbeams
Dance with delight;
You will find dreamer's spirit there,
come...
Find me there.
RE'
Winter Moon
Dancing through winter night sky,
A cold, icy brightness pierces through
Smoke colored clouds, bathing an
Enchanted fairy-tale forest with
Blue-silver moonlight.
Maidens and lords, children of this magic
Moon, chant ancient mantra’s, invoking
Their Goddess of the forbidden Wood,
Calling out to the Lady of the Moon.
On a cloud made transparent by Love’s
Full moon, the Lady descends upon
Silver wings kissed with gold, her
Robes billowing around her moon,
Her voice ringing out a glorious repose
In answer to the keeper’s of timelessness.
Serenity drapes across this magic world
Just beyond the edge of night
Where winter moonbeams
Dance with delight;
You will find dreamer's spirit there,
come...
Find me there.
RE'
Thursday, June 12, 2003
Well,
I have survived another day.... and even called my mom to rant and rave about various things and I have learned that in order to achieve anything or more precisely what you in particular want to achieve... You have to pull all the stops and throw a certifiable temper tantrum. Sugar and honey does not work and only labels you as a slut.. whether it is the traditional sense of the word or a more broad concept of a slut to society. Being mental you get the courteous of mentally challenged and spoken in whispers... Hell I dont care... I know I am crazy... and please stop whispering where I can't hear you because it only confuses the voices in my head....Then they rebell against the overcrowding problem already there thinking i have brought in more recruits....frankly i dont need the anguish.....
The above was written to be comical with a little truth... You decide what is truth...... By the way.. check out your Magic Fairy's Name.... I am
~ * Your Magic Fairy's Name * ~
Your fairy is called Buttercup Reedfrost
She is a panpipe player and enchantment singer
She lives in clover fields where fairy rings grow
She is only seen during the first snow of winter
link:
http://www.emmadavies.net/default.asp
I have survived another day.... and even called my mom to rant and rave about various things and I have learned that in order to achieve anything or more precisely what you in particular want to achieve... You have to pull all the stops and throw a certifiable temper tantrum. Sugar and honey does not work and only labels you as a slut.. whether it is the traditional sense of the word or a more broad concept of a slut to society. Being mental you get the courteous of mentally challenged and spoken in whispers... Hell I dont care... I know I am crazy... and please stop whispering where I can't hear you because it only confuses the voices in my head....Then they rebell against the overcrowding problem already there thinking i have brought in more recruits....frankly i dont need the anguish.....
The above was written to be comical with a little truth... You decide what is truth...... By the way.. check out your Magic Fairy's Name.... I am
~ * Your Magic Fairy's Name * ~
Your fairy is called Buttercup Reedfrost
She is a panpipe player and enchantment singer
She lives in clover fields where fairy rings grow
She is only seen during the first snow of winter
link:
http://www.emmadavies.net/default.asp
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
Monday, June 09, 2003
I am home today because I had a Dr's appointment to check out my leg. All is well and will heal in approximately 2 weeks...Yeah!!!.....Also, I have been contemplating for several weeks now whether or not to Post my feelings and postion regarding the War On Iraq and President Bush and my very best friend helped me to make up my mind when she point blank asked me my opinon. I was in a hurry and could not go in depth and I got to thinking about it as I laid in bed last night and thought... well, maybe, I will feel better if I take the time to articulate how I feel. I know and accept not everyone has the same opinion on the matter and I hope that my friends out there that read this realize it is entirely my opinion and I, in no way want to take any substance away from their feelings on the matter and of course your comments are always welcome and who knows.... you might even provide information that could change my opinion....
First, I must say I do support the War on Iraq and the ousting of Saddam Hussein. I feel that he was a violent, relentless, manical, dictator that needed to be stopped. One of the main reasons I support the war can be best protrayed in an analogy. While it is a simple analogy, I do feel it puts things in perspective. Take for instance you see a man beating up his wife or hear it, but you do nothing. The beatings progress and take on stronger fierceness, still you stand by and ignore it saying its not any of your business until one day the woman is beaten to death and you have police officers standing at your door asking you questions, and the first thing that pops into your mind is Why didn't I do someting to stop it? Now take this analogy and make the wife-beater Saddam Hussein and the wife the citizens of Iraq and the neighbor that did nothing the rest of humanity or to stretch ... the United States. Get the picture?
Second, I realize no weapons of mass destruction have been found and many people feel they need to be found in order to validate the war, but I ask why ? Isn't it enough to have stopped him and his son or sons from mindless killing of innocent people? Do the people of Iraq deserve the right to live in a country where they can prosper and grow and live without fear of persecution? Do we as humantarians need to put our money where our mouth is and provide these people with the same opportunites we take for granted?
I read an article posted on AOL news regarding Uday Hussein and the Olympic Committe investigating him for beating and murdering athletes that did not "win" during olympic competitions. The story was scheduled for publication in Sports Illustrated but I do not know what issue... This is only one of many documented instances of unwarranted violence. We do not live there, there are probably many more we will never know. My point is we live in a country where we can oppose the government and not be persecuted, we can compete for our country and not be afraid of failing, we can choose what we want to watch on Television or at the Theatres and not have it dicated or shoveled down our throats. We can choose, yes choose, to serve in the military. I have a tremendous amount of admiration and respect for those people who choose to serve our country and their familes and yes I am saddened at the loss of lives in this war and I am humbled by the fact that I cannot possibly ever fully understand what those families are going through. I can, however; express my utmost thanks to the ones who have died, or been injured, and to their families for the sacrifices they all have had to make. Is war just? I don't know... Is it a necessary evil? I tend to think so. I don't like war and feel all avenues should be exhausted before utlimatums are given.
Last, I must say I do support President Bush's actions regarding Iraq and Saddam Hussein. In a day and time when people are too busy being politically correct, I admire this man's gumption to stand behind his words and what he believes. President Bush took action that should have been taken many years ago and finished what Bush Sr. started and Clinton neglected to aggressively act upon.
Ask yourself, and be totally honest, What would you have done? Could you have stopped the sensely murdering by Saddam Hussein without force, or would you have said its not my place to be a moral role model for anyone or would you have ignored the situation?
Thanks to All the Men and Women that serve our country and to the Immigrants that serve as well without full citizenship....Your efforts are not in vain....
Re'
First, I must say I do support the War on Iraq and the ousting of Saddam Hussein. I feel that he was a violent, relentless, manical, dictator that needed to be stopped. One of the main reasons I support the war can be best protrayed in an analogy. While it is a simple analogy, I do feel it puts things in perspective. Take for instance you see a man beating up his wife or hear it, but you do nothing. The beatings progress and take on stronger fierceness, still you stand by and ignore it saying its not any of your business until one day the woman is beaten to death and you have police officers standing at your door asking you questions, and the first thing that pops into your mind is Why didn't I do someting to stop it? Now take this analogy and make the wife-beater Saddam Hussein and the wife the citizens of Iraq and the neighbor that did nothing the rest of humanity or to stretch ... the United States. Get the picture?
Second, I realize no weapons of mass destruction have been found and many people feel they need to be found in order to validate the war, but I ask why ? Isn't it enough to have stopped him and his son or sons from mindless killing of innocent people? Do the people of Iraq deserve the right to live in a country where they can prosper and grow and live without fear of persecution? Do we as humantarians need to put our money where our mouth is and provide these people with the same opportunites we take for granted?
I read an article posted on AOL news regarding Uday Hussein and the Olympic Committe investigating him for beating and murdering athletes that did not "win" during olympic competitions. The story was scheduled for publication in Sports Illustrated but I do not know what issue... This is only one of many documented instances of unwarranted violence. We do not live there, there are probably many more we will never know. My point is we live in a country where we can oppose the government and not be persecuted, we can compete for our country and not be afraid of failing, we can choose what we want to watch on Television or at the Theatres and not have it dicated or shoveled down our throats. We can choose, yes choose, to serve in the military. I have a tremendous amount of admiration and respect for those people who choose to serve our country and their familes and yes I am saddened at the loss of lives in this war and I am humbled by the fact that I cannot possibly ever fully understand what those families are going through. I can, however; express my utmost thanks to the ones who have died, or been injured, and to their families for the sacrifices they all have had to make. Is war just? I don't know... Is it a necessary evil? I tend to think so. I don't like war and feel all avenues should be exhausted before utlimatums are given.
Last, I must say I do support President Bush's actions regarding Iraq and Saddam Hussein. In a day and time when people are too busy being politically correct, I admire this man's gumption to stand behind his words and what he believes. President Bush took action that should have been taken many years ago and finished what Bush Sr. started and Clinton neglected to aggressively act upon.
Ask yourself, and be totally honest, What would you have done? Could you have stopped the sensely murdering by Saddam Hussein without force, or would you have said its not my place to be a moral role model for anyone or would you have ignored the situation?
Thanks to All the Men and Women that serve our country and to the Immigrants that serve as well without full citizenship....Your efforts are not in vain....
Re'
Sunday, June 08, 2003
Earlier, while everyone was gone.... I had the house shut off from the outside world, my candles lit, Stevie playing hauntingly in the background and I was going to sit down and write something profund...Then irony struck and I could not get into blogger and the whole mood was shot all to hell. I have so few moments of complete alone-ness.... My hubby gets him time during the day while I am at work and the kids are at school. I only get complete alone-ness during the 25-minuted drive to work and back every day and on the rare occasions he drives the kids 150 miles to meet their mom. He is hurt and offended when I request to be alone. He does not understand , at least not yet... Mayble someday soon....
Re'
Re'
Well, finally i can blog... I think the server was down this morning or something. I had 5 glorious hours of no kids and no husband and dont you know it the frigging web would not co-operate, so I cleaned house and did laundry. Amazing how much you can get done with no one here to bother you. I have added a link to a web page that contains pictures of things that I like and of me and my husband... Enjoy....
Friday, June 06, 2003
hello again....We went to parents night at Boyscout camp.... and we were late....grrr.... then we went exploring and hiking with the oldest and I, like an idiot, fell and have messed up the tendon or ligament on the back of my knee... Thankfully, I was in the presence of my first aid certified step-son and his former boy scout extrodinaire father.....I was treated like a Level 6 ER patient....Lol.... and taken to the health lodge for examination...No broken bones just a sore ass leg.... I am using a cane for now... We will see how it is in the morning and determine if i need to go to the ER....Anywho... I am off to bed... Ta Ta For Now...
Re'
Re'
Thursday, June 05, 2003
The evening hours flew by so quickly, I did not realize the time until I noticed it was dark outside. Time passes so quickly as I get older. However, I have noticed I move a little slower, have trouble getting moving after sitting for longer than 15 minutes, my behind is widening, and I my boobs are starting to droop.....(my husband doesnt mind).... I guess what I mind, is the getting older...not the process of aging or the changes in physical appearance.... Just the loss of Innocence and wide-eyed exuberence of Innocence. Granted my life is somewhat sheltered, I still have my own Web of life lessons that leave scars. The importance of my actions have really hit home since the kids have come into my life. How much they live and do by mine and their father's example. One of the things I will never forget happened shortly after we all moved in together... I had come in the door after taking the oldest to a friends house(it was on a Sunday) to find one of the twins laying on the couch softly crying.... I immeadiately went to him and sat down on the floor beside him and stroked his hair and asked him what was wrong. What he said to me really shocked me and awed me.... He said...." I really really want to go to church to learn about God and Jesus." I too, started tearing up and silently prayed for guidance because I knew that something spiritual was taking place in his little soul and I wanted desperately to provide the right answer and direction for this young heart. I told him that if he wanted to go to church I would take him. So, the next sunday I took the kids to sunday school and church. The twins had never set foot in a church and let me tell you... I was humbled that day...The eagerness to learn, the attention to every word or action done, right down to bowing their heads in prayer AND folding their hands. When they began reciting the Lord's Prayer without even reading it from the Bible or from the bulletin, I could only watch them through the entire worship service and believe it or not the sermon was about Worshipping and the difference between true worship and going to church. Again, I was humbled. I realized at that point the impact of what I do and how I do it could affect these kids in a positive or negative way and the responsibilty of raising these guys to be productve, stable adults. From that moment on I became a Mother in every aspect of the word and have not looked back. Not everyone chooses the same relgion, icon, symbol, science,
or entity to worship or believe in and I for one do not begrudge any one's choice... I have my own questions and doubts and insecurites about the whole business, but I guess, no, I know that it is important to listen and provide a strong, stable environment for these children. Anyway... just something that was on my mind tonight.
The comments section will be comming soon, please be patient with me.. Until then, if you have something to say please email and i will respond. Thanks for your time and Happy blogging out there..
Love to All...
or entity to worship or believe in and I for one do not begrudge any one's choice... I have my own questions and doubts and insecurites about the whole business, but I guess, no, I know that it is important to listen and provide a strong, stable environment for these children. Anyway... just something that was on my mind tonight.
The comments section will be comming soon, please be patient with me.. Until then, if you have something to say please email and i will respond. Thanks for your time and Happy blogging out there..
Love to All...
Tuesday, June 03, 2003
RANDOM BLOGGING.....
Today has been one of those days where you just want smoke a dube and forget the whole frigging thing....Unfortunately, I cannot partake in such extragavance for fear of a random drug test and losing my job. Which, in the current state of our economy, is not a good thing. Nothing is safe anymore, My days are haunted with fears of losing my job. I am very good at what I do, but if our office closes... being good gets me no where. I have worked at the same place since i was 19 years old, almost 14 years now. Hell, I grew up there, matured, married, divorced, went temporaily insane, and now married again while working there. Before, my job did not matter that much... it was just a job... now I have a husband, three kids, three dogs, three cats, and two horses to love and take care of and support. The twins are partially dis-abled and my husband does not work in order to be here for not only them but me as well and the oldest child. Having one parent at home is vitally important to us and we do very well on one income. We are not able to go and buy every new game system that comes out but the kids have a nice clean home with loving parents, and do not want for the basics. We get the extras as we can and let me tell you.... These guys truly appreciate what they have and are not spoiled at all. These guys are my step-children, but if i had any of my own...I would want them to be just like these guys. The only that saddens me is I dont ever here the word "MOM" Cheesy... I know.... However, I am not their mom, and they know it.... that word is saved for the woman that gave birth to them. That does not mean they dont love me.... but still..... I would love to hear, Momma, or Mom.. I love you....
Anyway... enought of that I am going to bed..... Chao' and love to all...
Today has been one of those days where you just want smoke a dube and forget the whole frigging thing....Unfortunately, I cannot partake in such extragavance for fear of a random drug test and losing my job. Which, in the current state of our economy, is not a good thing. Nothing is safe anymore, My days are haunted with fears of losing my job. I am very good at what I do, but if our office closes... being good gets me no where. I have worked at the same place since i was 19 years old, almost 14 years now. Hell, I grew up there, matured, married, divorced, went temporaily insane, and now married again while working there. Before, my job did not matter that much... it was just a job... now I have a husband, three kids, three dogs, three cats, and two horses to love and take care of and support. The twins are partially dis-abled and my husband does not work in order to be here for not only them but me as well and the oldest child. Having one parent at home is vitally important to us and we do very well on one income. We are not able to go and buy every new game system that comes out but the kids have a nice clean home with loving parents, and do not want for the basics. We get the extras as we can and let me tell you.... These guys truly appreciate what they have and are not spoiled at all. These guys are my step-children, but if i had any of my own...I would want them to be just like these guys. The only that saddens me is I dont ever here the word "MOM" Cheesy... I know.... However, I am not their mom, and they know it.... that word is saved for the woman that gave birth to them. That does not mean they dont love me.... but still..... I would love to hear, Momma, or Mom.. I love you....
Anyway... enought of that I am going to bed..... Chao' and love to all...
Monday, June 02, 2003
Hello again....
Just wanted to give a great big THANKS to Ronnie over at "and the days go by" for all the help and support while getting the kinks worked out for my very own blogging page....I have added a link to his page, the NICKS FIX, and others are comming...Thanks for all your help Ronnie.....
Just wanted to give a great big THANKS to Ronnie over at "and the days go by" for all the help and support while getting the kinks worked out for my very own blogging page....I have added a link to his page, the NICKS FIX, and others are comming...Thanks for all your help Ronnie.....
At some point in every persons life a little turmoil shall fall.....
Pain and heartache used to be very frightening, even dreaded emotions for me to
deal with, but as time has gone by, those very things that once frightened me are now
very cornerstones of my character...Life truly is what we make it.....
Pain and heartache used to be very frightening, even dreaded emotions for me to
deal with, but as time has gone by, those very things that once frightened me are now
very cornerstones of my character...Life truly is what we make it.....
Sunday, June 01, 2003
Well, It has been a quiet un-eventful sunday. The oldest is off to boyscout camp for a week and the twins are gone to their mothers for most of the summer, and the oldest will join them a week from today. It is strangley quiet here.... My husband, lets call him Will, is doing his thing in living room surfing the boob tube and I am doing my own thing... writing and surfing the web.... and of course listening to Stevie Nicks. "Wild Heart" is playing now and I completely identify with this song as do I many of her other works.... on that note here is something I wrote Friday....
Where has malady gone,
The lady of the Moon?
She used to dance wantonly
Seducing me with silver wings
And Lion's mane.
Kissing me softly with
Whispered dreams and impish schemes.
Tell me where has Malady gone,
Tell me naught of her demise...
Tell me where is my dream....
The lady has not gone, my child,
You've simply forgotten how to
Weave your dreams to the moon.
RE' 5/30/2003
Where has malady gone,
The lady of the Moon?
She used to dance wantonly
Seducing me with silver wings
And Lion's mane.
Kissing me softly with
Whispered dreams and impish schemes.
Tell me where has Malady gone,
Tell me naught of her demise...
Tell me where is my dream....
The lady has not gone, my child,
You've simply forgotten how to
Weave your dreams to the moon.
RE' 5/30/2003
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