Well, Neighbors and friends I am back online.....Yahooooooooooooo!!!!! My phone service is up and running and things are crazy as usual. I am working mega overtime.....

Ronnie and Allen........ I have sooooooooooooooo missed you guys...... Ronnie, I received the Street Angel CD and I of course totally love it.... I mailed you a letter thanking you....I am glad you and Mark are safe!!!!
I need to go for now...I am trying to get my monitor to show the right colors.... talk to you soon....RE

Due To TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.....

and one bitchy, hick infested, fly by night phone company..... I am out of telephone service until October 20th. I will be using a friends computer from time to time to update my blog.... I have not fallen off the face of earth(though sometimes it seems to be a favorable thing) but will not be able to blog as much as usual unless the problem is resolved more timely by some act of Congress or God... Whichever comes first....ha ha....

Ronnie,

I hope all faired well with the hurricane and that you and Mark are well and so is your family ..... I will keep in touch as best as I can.... I am going to miss my BLOG......ARRRRGHGGHGHGH.... LEAVE ME POSTS AND SUCH.... TTFRN AND TAKE CARE...

Did I mention I married a Nomad at heart? This man that I love has lived in more places that I have fingers and toes, and his kids have lived in more towns than I have even visited overnight. I find this truly amazing. I have a wild heart, but a comment sense brain that gets in my way of throwing caution to the wind and the very reason I do not live in a commune in the hills in California living on the land, writing music and following my favorite rock stars from place to place. But enought about that, this is about my husband's Nomadic Idiosyncrasies, and yes that is spelled correcty.... I looked it up in the dictionary. When I met my husband, we feel completely and utterly in love and could not be apart. He came to spend two weeks with me in June of 2001, and we decided we could not be apart from each other so on my vacation we moved him and his kids to my home(he lived 331 miles from me). After we got moved in and situated, we decided my house was too small for all of us and we bought another house two doors down.... We moved into it the day we got married.... Since we have been in the new house, we have re-arranged furniture at least a dozen times. Now, when I say moved furniture, I do not mean moving the couch from one side of the room to the other..... Bill literally moves furniture and switches rooms all around. I came home from Work Monday and our bedroom is now where the living room used to be... The living is now where the oldest bedroom was, and all three of the kids now share the Biggest bedroom and We have an office in the twins old room. The dinning room is fairly empty since we have no dinning table. We eat off the bar that separates the kitchen from the dinning room. He is also planning to tear out a wall and finish the attic to make a whole master suite upstairs..... I am like Why bother? The kids are going to be gone soon? I fear he does these things to satisfy his nomadic urges..... Guess it could be worse.... I never know what I am going to find when I come home.....

Amazing.... This man keeps me on my toes and I love him...

All of the below poems were written shortly after I started writing again in 1999. Goddess of Nymphs is a very special poem to me because I created it after someone very close to me called me his Goddess...


A Love Found Dead

Your lips, unmoving, no words
To be found, I look upon your face,
Void of color, I hear the
Rasping monotone of death.
Placid tones of surrender
Echoing among these walls,
Hidden voices inciting innuendoes.

Looking into your vacant eyes
Swollen river of despair begins
Silently falling, rolling down
The valley of my cheek

Resting upon satin pillows
Darkness settles upon my
Heart as the coldness of your
Hand seeps into my flesh.

Silently, mentally, I confess
My love once more with
Pleading touch and Your
Emptiness I feel.

Desperation consumes me
And at that Moment I know
All is lost and I step away
Fading to black.

Renee H


Goddess Of Nymphs

Midnight arrives in the secret garden.
A glimmer of movement, pattering of footfalls
Laughter echoing in the darkness of night.

Jasmine and sage waft in the air as though
Pillars of smoke dancing to lure the senses.
Illusions from the mist of a world not there.

Yet you are drawn magically each night
An Interloper, a voyeur, intrigued by
The images dancing to drums.

Urchins, gnomes, and nymphs
Leaping and lurching before the
Glowing flames of their lovers.

Flesh hot and flushed from
Exhertsions of dance and lust.
The creatures part, kneeling

Making way for their Queen
Honoring her with displays of ecstasy
Sighs of pleasure.

Desire lingering in the air
Only a taste away, upon your lips
Wet with wanting as you see her there.

Beckoning you to join her
On her throne. Rule with her

THE GODDESS OF NYMPHS.

THINK OF ME AS ONLY A WHISPER ON THE WIND AND A DREAM IN THE NIGHT.

Renee (means rebirth)

"What I really want is a soul-mate... someone else to catch this drift."----Alanis Morrsiette

Renee H



Dancing on Moon Shadows

Shadows silhouetted across
A golden mane of sea grass,
Brown and brittle form winter's
Unmerciful toil.
Moonlight bathes the night
With sharp white luminescent glow
Giving the landscape a mystical
Appearance of a secret realm.

The Infinite blackness of the
Ocean alludes to no horizon.
Waves gently caress the shore,
Surging and receding, pungent
Odor of salty sea life fills the air.
Smoke from a fire dances lazily
Upward, merging with the stars.

The cold dampness of the sand
Penetrates my skin as I lay here
Drifting to thoughts of you...
Unknown to me in the flesh,
I feel your spirit each night.
My longing grows for as deep
And as strong as the ocean before me,

As the water caresses the shore,
I long to caress you, as the waves
Take hold of the shore, pulling bits
Of Sand unto its breast, I long to
Pull your heart and soul unto me
As slowly and tenderly as the water's kiss.

Renee H

More Words For Thought...

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmkkkkkkkkk.....
I am not sure I understand this new thing on my blogger of only a small space to type in.....strange... very strange...

My topic tonight is again regarding inspiring lyrics by Guns N Roses...

Estranged is possibly my favorite G'n'R song of all times, simpily because it was a very important song to me when I was going through my divorce and I was In fact 28.....here is Estranged...
Estranged

When you're talkin to yourself
And nobody's home
You can fool yourself
You came in this world alone
(Alone)

So nobody ever told you baby
How it was gonna be
So what'll happen to you baby
Guess we'll have to wait and see
ONE, TWO

Old at heart but I'm only 28
And I'm much too young
To let love break my heart
Young at heart but it's getting much too late
To find ourselves so far apart

I don't know how you're s'posed
To find me lately
An what more could tou ask from me
How could you say that I never needed you
When you took everything
Said you took everything from me

Young at heart an it gets so hard to wait
When no one I know can seem to help me now
Old at heart but I musn't hesitate
If I'm to find my own way out

Still talkin' to myself
and nobody's home
(Alone)

So nobody ever told us baby
How it was gonna be
So what'll happen to us baby
Guess we'll have to wait and see

When I find out all the reasons
Maybe I'll find another way
Find another day
With all the changing seasons of my life
Maybe I'll get it right next time
An now that you've been broken down
Got your head out of the clouds
You're back down on the ground
And you don't talk so loud
An you don't walk so proud
Any more, and what for

Well I jumped into the river
Too many times to make it home
I'm out here on my own, an drifting all alone
If it doesn't show give it time
To read between the lines
'Cause I see the storm getting closer
And the waves they get so high
Seems everything We've ever known's here
Why must it drift away and die

I'll never find anyone to replace you
Guess I'll have to make it thru, this time- Oh this time
Without you

I knew the storm was getting closer
And all my friends said I was high
But everything we've ever known's here
I never wanted it to die

--
"Estranged" Copyright Guns N' Roses 1991
From the album "Use Your Illusion 2" Released September 17th 1991

Greetings and Salutations......

One of these days I will become a pro at this blogging thingy and learn how to include links and pictures and such on this thing..... I wanna post a picture of the puppies so badly but have no clue. They are two weeks old today and fat and fluffy and OHHHHHHHHHHH soooooooooo adorable. I wish I could keep them all....

I spend alot of time oooooo'ing and ahhhh'ing over the inspiration and talent Stevie Nicks has influenced me with over the years and today I feel like I should also expound on my other inspirations just to let the world know my horizons are broader. I am compelled by Jim Morrison's poetry and his "mojo". Edgar Allan Poe, also, is another one of my favorite authors and poets. Dean Kootnz is very inspiring as well. He has an awesome ability with Imagery to transpose you the very place, thing, or emotion he is writing about and Intensity Is my Favorite book by him.

Now, the next person I am about to mention, I feel, was not given enough credit at his ability to write compelling verses, or poetry. He lived the life of a rock n roll star right down to the bare ugliness of it all and that is how he and his former band members are remembered. I am reffering to Axl Rose and Guns -N- Roses. His songs and music tell us a story about his life and the excess, the failures, the sucess, drugs, sex, and love. Use Your Illusion I and II is an awesome collaboration. "Don't Cry" is a story that Axl and Izzy about breaking up in a relationship....

"November Rain" was written by Axl and I cannot begin to even express the beauty of the words of this song.... So here they are...

November Rain
W. Axl Rose

When I look Into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same

'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we Both know hearts can Change
And its hard to hold a candle
In the cold November Rain

We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain

But lover's always come and lover's always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking Away

If We could take the time to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
Then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November Rain

Do you need sometime .. on your own?
Do you need sometime.. All Alone
Everbody needs some time on their own
Don't you know I need some time...All alone

I know its hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you?

Sometimes I need some time... on my own
Sometimes I need some time... all Alone
Everybody needs some time...On their own
Don't you Know you need some time all alone

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We can still find a way
'Cause nothing lasts forever
Even cold November Rain....

Don't Ya Think that you need somebody
Don't Ya Thnk that you need someone
Everbody Needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one...

Beauty of Love

Would you die from the
Beauty of a binding love?
A love given in place of your
Dreams? Walk Away?
Leave?
Watch the hearts break,
Worlds shatter, the balance shift
As you turned and walked
Out the door?
Is the Beauty enough to tame
The call of the wild echoing
Within you soul?
Is the Beauty the answer to your
Temptation, luring you like a
Lullaby into passive sleep?

Renee H

8/22/2003

Some thoughts, doubts are better off never spoken aloud…

”Blame it on my wild heart”…. Stevie Nicks…



Nightmare

Like the beating of crow’s wings,
Impending doom resonates
In the air and I feel death lurking.
The staleness of the stiff air
Repulses life to hide in
The darkest corners of this
Now forsaken land.

Drifting across blackened dunes
Of spidery sand the sun beats
Down, no shade from stumps once
Blooming trees, no cool water to
Quench earth’s dying thirst and I
Feel as though I have been transcended
To hell.

Renee H

Love’s Fate

Ironic how the hands of fate
Play their cards and we
Choose to ignore the foreboding
Whispers on the wind.
Moments climax, sought
With tunnel vision
UN-concerned of impending
Remorse lurking on the
Other side of future’s horizon

With a tug at my heart and
A whisper breathed unto my
Soul; Goddess Moon told me of you.
Excited, in awe, of this New
Glory, I did not hear
Love’s clause--- did not
Heed the warning…

For your smiling blue eyes
Warmed my heart and filled
My ears, drowning out the
Dooming echoes.
I can only find comfort
In Hope our love is not in vain
For this life we live together
Was meant to be even if it is
Not for ALL eternity.

Renee H

The fate of love does not lay in our hands.... but in our hearts. We bleed from wounds in order to live, laugh and love again. Bleeding not in vain, but in hopes of expelling all remorse from past trespasses upon our hearts.... Breathe On my friends.

I feel I need to comment today on a topic that is rather serious and most times misunderstood. I am talking about Depression. I am not so bold as to insinuate that I understand the mechanics of depression, but I do struggle against this demon often. I have taken antidepressant medication and it has helped for a period of time, However; after a period of months the medication inadvertantly stops working for me and begins working against me. I do not feel that medication alone can defeat this mind altering phenomenon. I have, over time, begun developing my own course of action that seems to work for me. I am NOT recomending anyone ignore the advice of their Doctor, not all cases are the same and most of the time what the Doctor orders is for the best. I am only referring to my own experiences. Wallowing in self pity only prolongs the drepression and makes it worse, so I decided to try wallowing for only a day and use that day to sleep it off, Usually on the weekends. After that I write about it in my journal and try to pinpoint what has me so upset and decide Can I fix it? or do I just need to write it off....Like water off a Duck's back. If I am really suffering from a dark case of it, I write about it.... Even though I fight this constantly one thing I have never considered and will never consider is Suicide. However, my poems regarding depression are very dark and might give that impression. Understand the poems are merely a tool used to expunge the dark thoughts boiling in my mind and I find that writing them on paper removes the thoughts from my mind. So, on that note I leave you with a poem I wrote.
Depression

Consumed by thoughts of black
Whispered woes filling voids
Tormenting idle body
Growing feeding on the despair
Encouraging dark—ignoring light
Despair is its breeding ground
Hope no longer dwells in your house
And peace no longer lives
Not even in your dreams…

Renee H
8/25/03

Sigh...

The crisp smell of an early fall is in the air and my season is returning... I love the crispness of fall and the rain... The rain falling like a gentle mist from an ancient waterfall... I walked in the cool rain today, letting the spray slowly gently cover me as an old lover would with great tenderness. I wrapped my arounds around myself and raised my face to the gray sky with an awakening of my spirit. The winds were cool and gentle, sweeping away the harshness of summer, bringing the rain with it to wash the sky, the earth, the trees, and... me. I have not had a day of peace like this in what seems a lifetime. I will not forget this day, nor the spirit it has returned.

And the gentle rain fell
like myst from the tears
spent from ancient legends
Bidding on high...
Welshing away a broken heart
taken by some mortal love
Back to their Home
Back to Mother Earth
Away from Immortality.

And the gentle rain
still fell, sending legend's
forgiveness of forsaking
love's tender kiss.
cleansing the interloper
healing the wound with
bitter-sweet tears...

and still the rain fell...

Renee H.
9/1/2003