The Wonder Of It All

I feel as though I am watching scenes from the proverbial soap. I hate soaps and I despise when my life feels as though I am caught up in a day time drama plot/subplot. Why all the "Drama"? Well, lets just catch everyone up-to-date. The man I love more than anything in this world has been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Currently, his neurologist is determining the type he has. Watching my husband detoriate and waste away these last 4 years has been horrible and fighting with doctors to find what has been wrong with him, even worse. Most have said, it was all in his head. Finally, we have a Doctor that seems to know what he is doing. I just hope he does not have any effects that will linger since it has taken so long to determine his illness. The pain he suffers everyday grows worse and he has aged 20 years in the last 4. The memory loss is worse, he has difficulty speaking, sometimes difficulty swallowing, and he is unable to use cognitive reasoning and he has begun using his cane daily. It is even affecting his ability to be intimate.
I am so very angry, right now that I can not even begin to put into words how deep my hurt lingers in my heart and how much I am dissappointed in the whole human or rather rat race minus a few close friends.
I am tired of the struggle. I am tired of being strong. I am tired of keeping it all together with just a tiny strand.
Even though I feel all of these things, I also know there are people close to me that I am thankful for, Allen, Jenny, My dad, My mom, and Bill, and the kids... I am just tired.

I also went to the Dr. today to have an IUD inserted that emitts hormones that was to eliminate my horrible periods. However; the dr was unable to properly insert it due to the fact that my uterus is extremely small and tilted and will not allow for the iud to be inserted. My dr of 15 years did not realize this until today, and this also accounts for part of the reasons I have never been able to conceive.
I hate my life today....

As always, bills are due and no money, school is starting in two weeks and I have no money for new school clothes for the kids. All in all things suck... I am outta here for now... I am depressing myself even more...

Later
Re'