This has been an extremely mentally exhausting week. On Monday, my 14 year old son answered the phone ( i was calling from work to advise bill what time I would be home) and he was in a "state". A fellow classmate had commited suicide the following evening by hanging herself. Billy and I continued talking for about 15 minutes and I realized .. I needed to be home.. to be here for him and to listen and answer his questions. I think I handled it as best I could and I think my son has a healthy response and attitude to the whole incident. I on the other hand feel I have been "transformed" yet again at the impact parents and role-models have on our children's lives. The "reality" of it all crashing down around me and I am terrified for the over physical and mental well-being of all three of my kids and "am I doing the right thing"? Becoming a parent almost overnight has not been an easy task and it is one that is extremely tiring, and I do not recomend becoming a parent to anyone that still has "selfish" characteristics. My point being... when you have kids... YOUR LIFE STOPS.... There is no room for "me" time at least not in large doses. The new shoes, haricut, clothes, cd,purse, make-up, underwear, and various other things you so could easily purchase before are gone because you have to put food on the table, clothes on their backs, make sure they are clean and hair cut, and ...AND make them feel like empowered, loved, independent, intelligent, and valuable. Your reward for all of this? NOTHING.... not a thing... not until they grow up and have children of their own and realize all you sacrificed for them. I know I had no complete concept of this until I became a parent. Would I choose this path again? Not in a million years, but i am doing the best that i can with what i've got.... doesn't mean I dont love them with all my heart.... I just know now it was a much tougher job than Ward or June Cleaver ever protrayed....

I WAS PLANNING TO POST BUT HAVE BEEN DISTRACTED.....

You are Bella Donna.


Which Stevie Nicks album are you?
brought to you by Quizilla






People didn't think you could make it on your own,
but look at you now. You are a LEGEND. You were
even nominated for a Grammy. Yay for you.


Which Stevie Nicks song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Land Of Nod

The cool, cool, rain washed gently over her fevered soul, cleansing past transgressions, and washing away all the remorse of ancient follies, and as the clouds hurriedly parted the midnight sky, the Moon, Full, and glowing silver light shown through the trees of ancient Nod and her dance of joy began around the roaring fire set ablaze with a flick of the wrist.

I am not sure where this is comming from folks....just felt a need to post it....

Who are the People of Nod?
Did they exist outside Eden?
Were they destoryed by the Flood?
And are these People not spoken of in detail in the bible for a reason?

The land of Nod is mentioned in Genesis and I am not sure what chapter and verse, but I have always wondered who were these people? Did they in fact exist? And why is Christianity and salvation only 2,000 years old?

Tell Me What YOU think....

My husband is a TV junkie and I well.. I can live with out it to a certain extent. I do have my favorites such Star Trek The Next Generation, The Lawerance Welk Show, Hee Haw, The Dukes of Hazzard, and Saturday Night Live....Movies have to have a certain appeal to hold my attention and there are very few out there that I cannot figure out within the first 15 minutes... 30 tops.... Some of my all time favorites are "Last of The Dogmen", "Titanic", Anything with John Wayne, All of the Lord of the Ring Movies, "What Lies Beneath", "Independance Day" and "Almost Famous"... There are others I enjoy but would not categorize as favorites.... My point in all of this is that my husband if very good at TV trivia and naming actors and actress'.... I am not.... But we got into a debate whether or not the guy that played Data(Brent Spiner) on Star Trek was the same guy that played the eccentric Dr./scientist on Independence Day..... Well guess what..... I won... I got online and looked it up and have mercy on me I was right!!!! Tee HEE... Score one for Team Re- Re'!!!!

Well, I added some new things today folks....

I put up a Moon Phases thingy and added my friend Tonya's Pampered Chef site.... Yes you can order online through me.... I think...
Also re -added Todd's band site... They are an awesome band out of New York and really Rock.... The band is caled Zero To 60 or Z260 for short. Click on the links and enjoy... They listed under the outside links tab to your right... Just scroll down and Viola' ...Smooches....
Re'

Today was a "beautimus" day.

The sun was peaked out under the clouds enough to make it warm and pleasant enough to get out doors and do the spring cleaning. We raked leaves, mowed the overgrown clover growing in our backyard, picked up twigs and branches and bits of trash, trimed the narrow spots with the weed eater, cleaned out the flower beds, and cleaned off the front porch and put the tikki torches out. I must say we had a busy, productive, but tiring day. Just as the dusk was approaching a thunderstorm was moving in from the North and it grew dark very quickly. I lit the torches and sat on the porch waiting for the storm... It was a very small one and breif for the most part in our area, but the light show that followed afterward as it moved to the South was extrodinary. I laid back and just watched the lightning and the clouds move across the sky with an unchoregraphed graceful dance.... I felt totally relaxed and in tune with everything around me... I felt it was a befitting end to a glorious day....

Re'

Here are two poems I wrote during my lunch break today....Hope you enjoy...

For naught of my dreams,
For naught of my hopes,
For naught of my loves....


Drawn from an
Ancient breath
From this place
I dance a dance
Of mortal woe...
Wrought with a memory
Of middle earth and its foes
Where truth became legend
And legend became myth...
So the creatures of the land
Forgot of wars to come
And lived as though
Forever was not but a dream...
Until the Fires of Mordor
Escaped through the eye,
And the Ring spoke once more...

Renee H 3/16/04




Within the deepest night
She seeks the solace of the moon
Dancing with fairytales,
Flying amoung dragons...
Her spirit wans as
The sands of time glide
Pass and the days grow long
Leaving less Time of the Moon,
And all trespasses
Upon her sanity take
Refuge withing the dark shadows
Of her mind...
Binding her to this world alone...

And Out of the mist a song arouse
Lamenting of her woes... Fills the
Night, consoling her tortured heart....
And with a new vengencence
She rises up withing herself
Calling upon the earth,
Calling upon the fire,
Calling upon her beloved Moon...

And as the winds take flight
Across the land she raises her
Hands, shouts to her moon and
Gives it all to the wind...

No longer Forlorn....


Renee H...3/16/04

Well, It was back to work for me today and guess what... I didn't miss it....I hate my job...I really really do...and yes I am doing something about it... I am still going back to school... I picked up my financial forms and catalog today. Next month on one of my days off I am going back to see a counsler. I need to figure out a way to go full time.... I just dont know how yet....

Not much else is going on... I have a really bad headache and I am going to crash... catch up to ya'll later....

Lots of Love
Re

I don't fully undersand.... or know what I was put on this earth to accomplish, but I hope that in some way the things I say, I write... mean something to someone out there and maybe... just maybe someone find some solace... and peace...

Ronnie,

These poems are for you.. They are not meant to be sad, but healing and its the best I can offer to you across the miles my dear friend and I hope they help... even if it is only a little....



Kiss me gently my dear friend,
For we know not when our eyes
Shall shine upon each other again.
Tis' no worry for my passing
Merely a dance from one element of
Life unto another...

Kiss me gently my dear friend
For I must go, I must journey
Onward to another space in time
Fullfilling this life's quest and
Making peace with my God....

Kiss me gently thrice my friend,
For it is a holy number
For the goddess of the moon
And I am blessed to have been
Wrapped up in the arm's of Life's Breath...

Kiss me gently good-bye
Carry me in your heart
For I will never truly die
As long as I dwell within there...

Kiss me gently....





Sorrow's blade doth
Cut long and hard, and deep
Just as winter's breath
Expelling across a dorminant lands
And the blade will fest away from
Unbleeding wounds
For time to sauter closed....
The depth of a loss
Never goes unbidden by
The bearer of sorrow and
Time is a friend indeed
Allowing the pain of loss
To fade and the emptiness fill
With memories fond...
Of your love... Your friend...
Mourn, not long... But Mourn Indeed
And allow me to pass....

Renee H
3/11/04

Gathering of Spirits

A solemn lady waits
Visions spinning under
The power of a blue globe of glass
Dancing at her feet...

But wistful was she
For the times that have passed...

Tomorrow was but a dream
Veiled by long haunting shadows...
And the softness of night
Crept upon her door

------A Night Wind----

Gathering creatures of the night
Lonesome spirits out on the hold
Playing in dark shadows...

Escaping with the lady to her forest
Her only reprieve...
A lonely gypsy, dancing... Seeking
Solace in a modern world
Searching for Times that have passed...
Persuasive are the dreams
Carried on the wings of the night wind

Listen to the call of the Moon
It is her
Calling for you....

Re'
3/4/04

Hmmmm the posting screen on blog has changed again.... I get so confused....LOL

Well, I worked 12 hours today and I am feeling pretty good about myself...Maybe for once I wont have to work on a saturday and I can sleep late and do nothing ... I can hardly wait... Yeeeeeehawwwww...
pretty busy around here getting the kids ready for their spring break trips and all... I will hopefully post some new poems soon... I had a dry spell there for a while but the creative juices got to flowing again.... Yeah !!!

I will catch up later...

re'

Well, folks it seems sometimes I get so busy that when the time comes to blogg... my mind goes blank, or I cannot organize my thoughts well enough to write anything worth reading. So tonight I shall ramble away about anything and everything....

My 14 yr old step son is going on a camping trip in the moutains in Colorado with his boy scout troup the week of spring break. So, he needed a pair of waterproof ski pants and hiking boots..... Well, I was fretting over this because I was afraid I was not going to have the money to purchase these items because they can be quite costly. The trip was of no expense to us because he raised half of the money for the trip through pop corn sales and then local business men donated scholarships for boys that needed a little help, which I am very grateful to these men. I think this will be a wonderful and fun experience for him.... but i am getting away from my orginial point...

Anyway, me and the kids headed to a nearbly Goodwill to try and seek out these items and I was a little dissappointed when I first went in and there were was not any hiking boots and at first no ski suits. So, I started browsing the women's plus size section and found me three very nice dresses AND a very nice heavy WOOL designer winter dress coat... The coat was only a DOLLAR... I could hardly believe my eyes... I have gone without a good winter coat for several years now and was so pleased to find this one. Well, as I made my way to the end of the aisle... what to my wandering eyes did appear???? But a rack with 3 ski suits hanging from them... YEAH !!! Now these were women ski suits and I got worried he would not want one since it was in the ladies section but there was a neon blue one he liked and tried it on and it fit!!! yeah!!!! we found a down filled vest to match and the whole ensemble cost......only..... 6.99 Yeah!!! .... So, we head to Wal-Mart to buy groceries and while there we find a fairly nice pair of hiking boots on clearance for on 12.84,,,,, TRIPLE YEAH.... I felt extemely blessd to find what ne needed and did not have to spend a fortune...

Aimless Ramble Number 469

About Saturday.....
I had a really good time with Allen and Jenny on our excursion to Dallas... We were first attacked by birds at a McDonalds' parking lot after a portion of our fries somehow mysteriously ended up spilling when Jenny openned the door of the car to get back in.....I was scared... I hate birds... NASTY BASTARDS....
I got us lost in the Ghetto... which was not good.... Kinda scary too... but I will take the Ghetto over Nasty birds anyday... unless of course there are gangs, shootings, murder and mayhem.....
I really enjoy my outings with them though.. I think we are forging a union of not only great minds but great people... LOVE TO YOU GUYS...

We also can hardly wait to have Ronnie join us for the Mac concert.... I am sure one of us will end up either A) In the hospital B) Mental Insitute C) In Jail or D) All of the Above.... LOL

I am sure it is going to be that much fun!!!

till tomorrow..

RE'

real busy... project due monday for the kids... didn't tell me until today.....will post tomorrow.. love to all

I CAN'T WAIT

Saturday I am going shopping with my trusty side-kick, Allen and I am so ready for a day of fun and comic relief provided soley by the twisted sense of humors Allen and I have the pleasure of owning....

I hope you all liked my post from Yesterday.... I know I did....."go me" lol

I am genius ....
Kiss thou which art holy...

Namely ME!!!! lol

I am ready for spring... I am sick and tried of dead grass, dead trees, and mudd... I want green, green, green and more fucking green... blue skies, sunshine and pretty flowers all in a row...

till then.. TA'
Re

Being the proverberial Smart Ass that I am.... This is for you Allen....



NEW.....


there I posted something new....Ha ha ha... Snort... Gufaw... Gasp.... Snort.... Chuckle.....

Gawd I am gooooooooooooooooddddddddddddd.......

NOTHING BETTER TO DO


I have been pondering what to post for a few days. Something new, something interesting, something different. So, I have created my wish list. It is intended for fun and for my own pleasure. I hope you enjoy reading it.


My Wish List

1.) Magickally lose weight
2.) Make a living doing something I enjoy
3.) Meet Stevie Nicks and all of FM
4.) Live out my dreams
5.) A whole weekend alone in my house with no husband and no kids

Now for a more material list

1.) Tango In the Night CD
2.) Fleetwood Mac (white CD)
3.) Rumors
4.) Mirage
5.) Behind The Mask
6.) Tickets to the June 16th FM concert
7.) All three of the re-releases coming out March 23rd by FM
8.) Complete works of Led Zeppelin
9.) Live at the Red Rocks (Stevie Nicks)
10.) The complete videos of Stevie Nicks
11.) Fleetwood Mac's The Dance on DVD
12.) Some new nice clothes
13.) A nice vacation
14.) Extra Money
15.) A complete true unabridged version of the Lord Of the Rings Series(books)
16.) One day in my life without a headache….
17.) Insulation for My house
18.) New energy efficient windows for my house
19.) Central Heat and Air
20.) My hardwood floors to be re-finished
21.) For once New furniture.. Not second-hand unmatching pieces.
22.) New Shoes
23.) A spiral perm for my hair
24.) Good make-up and skin care products
25.) For Bill to no longer be in pain everyday
26.) To find the reason for this aching loneliness in my heart.

Why is it when you put numbers to paper they make perfect sense?

I mean, I figured our monthy Income versus the monthly outgoing and we should not be as broke as we always seem to be....

So..... I am working on a budget.... I am tired of never having money for emergencies, or un-forseen expenses, or money to buy things I sometimes have a hankering for.... So>>> if any of ya'll have any pointers I would greatly appreciate it. Also.... A thousand bucks would be nice to get out of the red and into the black so I can start fresh....Ha Ha... I know... wish in one hand and deficate in another and see which one fills up first....HA HA HA

For 5 days running I am the reigning Electronic Yatzhee Queen... Go me!!! I can never beat Bill at anything and for now I am winning.... Yeah!!!!

I have a new cat... He is part siamese and is 5 months old and I have coronated him as "Shadow"..... because for the first two days he hid in the shadows under my bed and he also was so nervous "shadows moved across his face" until he became aclimated to his new surroundings... He is a good kity and minds his manners and Uses his toilet like a good boy. He loves to sleep on my chest and gives me pious looks if I neglect to serve him his daily rationing of milk. His most favorite thing in the world to play with is a ball of aluminum foil.... Amazing.... Inexpensive and fun to watch.... He shedds like everything and has this incredibly soft fur and is goregous... I am in love...LOL....

I am still working overtime... trying to make it paycheck to paycheck all the while trying to enjoy life and find some meaning and inspiration out there...

Till we Meet Again...

Dance In the Silver Light of the Moon
Dance In the Illusions of old
Ponder upon the timeless stars
and Wish upon a dream....

Re'

SNOW MAGIC


We awoke Saturday morning to a blanket of beautiful snow and it snowed all day long. Unfortunatley most of it melted as it fell, but it beautiful and relaxing to spend the day with my family. Bill and I had a nice simple Valentine's Day and an even better night...TEEHEE TEEHEE..... I hope everyone had a great valentines and I will be posting again soon..... Bill has that twinkle in his eye... and I simply cannot resist.... MUAZ...

Re'

YIPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
THE MAC IS BACK!!!!!!!!!

I received an email from the fleetwood mac mailling list confirming that Mac will be touring in the U.S. again and will be in Dallas, Tx June 16th.... I soooooooooooo wanna be there....

My good friend, Allen, wrote a poem about me recently after a he and I had gone a a grocery shopping excursion and we listened to my most favorite Stevie Songs... and of course I was totally into the songs, singing along and just "into" the whole vibe put off by the the songs... To make a long story short he wrote a poem about me that totally captured my spirit and I love the Poem.... I am sharing it with ya'll and hope you enjoy.....




Rene

Banishing the sun and greeting the moon.
Whispering to trees on sunny days.
Where fields of green swayed like ocean
waves in the wind.
Talking to stars on cold winter nights.
Stars that winked like they were in on the joke.
Animals howled and the hail always drops.
Wishes are cast and dreams never lost.
Raised arms and hair that flowed freely.
Wide eyed dramatization perfected by maturity.
Never-ending smirk and humor behind
concrete facade.
Hee-haw laugher that warms my soul.
Blatant hatred of other peoples' perception.
Yearning for knowledge and truth and
kindred connectedness.
My own personal sister of the moon.
Dancing freely.
Naked. Mightily aware. Joyfully repenting. Beautiful.
Sister of the moon.

"THE YEAR OF THE MAC"

I am soooo excited... I can hardly stand myself and I am going to hard to live with...... the below is taken from "The Nicks Fix" the official Stevie Nicks Web site.... read it and you will understand my excitement ....

Information below was not written by me and belongs to "The Nicks Fix"

"The album Fleetwood Mac includes single versions of “Say You Love Me,” “Rhiannon,” “Over My Head” and “Blue Letter”, as well as insightful liner notes by Rolling Stone writer Parke Puterbaugh.

Rumours will include a full additional disc of 18 unreleased tracks featuring early demos of “Gold Dust Woman” and “Never Going Back Again,” as well as liner notes written by noted rock scribe Dave DiMartino.

Tusk will include an additional disc of 21 previously unissued demos and outtakes, including a full, unedited release of “Sara.” Additionally, liner notes are provided by Parke Puterbaugh.

All three titles are available on March 23, 2004, at all retail outlets and at www.onlyhitmusic.com. "

Well, as I promised here are some poems.... there are quite few have fun...


A dreamer left to dream alone
Only becomes entwined in a hopeless
Web spun through time and
The ages, for all their reasons,
Leave me saddened at the loss of
Unbidden fortitude, of youth, and
I feel old

Time is not a healer of wounds
Discontent is really a demon
Disguised by a veil called humanity
On which the worlds reality feed

Renee H

2/4/04

Fear Lead Me Not, Fear Lead Me No More.

An open wound intensified
Behind the veil of onyx shadows
Reflections of a nightmare
Seemingly real
Living among a web of circumstance,
But..Still alone
With the memory, a heartbeat
Pounding out the dream sequence
Over and over until the visions
Become cloudy with a myst
Laying its body across this nightmare
Suffocating the flames, removing
The vise with which it holds you
And the fear subsides

Renee H.
1/26/04

Written after a nightmare about my ex-husband D.


Lady Moon

No, the world has not heard her name
No not yet anyway.
She does not concede to a defeat

Like a vamp, like a ghost, like a
Wisp of the ancients
She floats on down
On through enchanted nights

She never mentions the word magick
No, not on this rotation
Sometimes you can hear her talking,
Chanting to the ancients
Drawing down her moon
Calling forth, invoking a power
Borrowed on a favor of God &Goddess

The fate is something
She has not met, not yet
And still she keeps on

Like a vamp, like a ghost
Like the wisps of the ancients
Calling on the moon
Call her home

Renee H.
1/14/04


No Strength of Character

The world revolves on a disposable
Society, reeking of decay and
All that will be left is the plastic
Shell we mutated to

Below the surface I hear Humanity
Screaming for release, gurgling
For air

Renee H
01/26/04



Prelude To A Change

Living every night
In shadows, in darkness
A veil across a doorway


And as the rain
Swept across her heart
She washed clean the
Haunted spirits of old
Dwelling within her
Lonesome soul
Bathing in loves silver light
Drowning all sorrows
Dancing with the wind,
Becoming one with her moon
And the ageless faded away
Among her Dark Moon vision



Renee H
2/4/04


Sexuality

Into the soft folds
Of forbidden love
Seeking a absolute
Mystique to compliment
Her own psyche.
Torn between worlds
Living one by night,
The other by day
Longing for ALL
Her woes to take
Leave from her heart
And drift away on
The soft gentle wind

Renee H
01/20/04

So..... I was sitting at my computer tonight contemplating what to write and felt the need to write something Profound..... Well Here goes....

PROFOUND.....

Whew... there I did it....man was that mentally exhausting.....


Okay, but seriously folks. I am way to serious minded for my own good and felt I needed a little humour tonight....LOL....

I am looking forward to this new year and have been feverently praying for more financial stability.... I do necessariy want overwhelming wealth, but I would like to be able to at least put money back for emergencies instead of living paycheck to paycheck. I feel I have made some strong postive decisions and pray that I continue do so...

I also want to take a moment and thank all of the great friends I have out there.. Allen, Jenny, Ronnie, and Tonya.... Ya'll are the greatest....and I am very blessed to have ya'll in my life and have you to lean on...and to have good times with....Everyday, I learn something new from one of you guys and I grow and become a better person for it.... Thanks for accepting me for me and all my faults..... Lots of love to you...

Re'

What can I say... nothing much is going on and alot is going on.... busy trying to get my taxes finished....Though I wont see much of the return... Its going to pay off a bill....working massive overtime and generally feeling drained... I have a few things I am working on and will post soon.....

Love to All

Today has been a rough day.... and I really dont know what to blogg about.... so I am going to ramble. I do not want to focus on the negative so I am not going to give it substance by writing about it on here. Saturday, However, Allen will get an ear full....LOL.... well I am going to go do something constructive and get myself together.... I will blogg this weekend...

Re

Below is an email I got about the differences between Cats and Dogs... I have gotten this before and it always makes me chuckle and have a new respect for my cat, Beau. I did not write and I do not know the author but I thought I would share it....

Dogs And Cats

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:

8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 a.m. Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
Noon- Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 p.m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 p.m. Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!
5:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favorite!
6:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!
8:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:
Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,while I am
forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild scolding I get from ruining the occasional
piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan...

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
placed solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could
hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what
this is and how to use it to my advantage.I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait - It is only a matter of time….

Here is a List of Things Currently going on In my life....

Reading: Moon Magic (Myth & Magic, Crafts & Recipies, Rituals & Spells) By D. J. Conway

Listening to Stevie Nicks ... anything by her.

Learning about herbs and oils

Favorite candle of the moment is "Leather" Made by Peggy

Still Smoking Marlboro Red Kings

Watching Nothing on TV... I am not a boob toob Junkie....

Last Movie Watched was Terminator 3.... Big Dissappointment

Wanting to see Lord of the Rings Two Towers and Return of the KIng...

I will blogg something more interesting later....

I soooo... love the New Look of My Blogg!!!

A big kudos to Ronnie over at "and the days go by..." for getting it up and running for me.... I am stupid when it comes all this stuff....

Now if I could figure out how to download pictures I will be happy....
Ya'll have a good one and I will blogg more later....

Re'

So I have coasted into the new millenium finally...

Well, folks its finally here.... DSL... My area has not had this available until recently and as soon as it came available, I jumped on the band wagon... I got home tonight to my new modem and handy dandy instillation instructions... Which by the way WERE in english and WERE very easy to read and understand and I am impressed with the Service I received from AOL for the Whole schitamacheeze... I am sorry Allen if I spelled that wrong...So I now have DSL... and I am in Love.... Now.. If I could only get a new computer...

To all the Women in the world hurting right now... For whatever reason, for whatever injustice... I offer a simple poem Written by Veronica Shoffstall.....


Comes The Dawn

"After a while, you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean possession
and company doesn't mean security,
and loneliness is universal.
And you learn that kisses aren't contracts,
and presents aren't promises...
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes open,
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all of your hope on today,
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain,
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
because tomorrow's ground can be too uncertain for plans;
yet each step taken in a new direction creates a path
towards the promise of a brighter dawn.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden,
and nourish your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
and you really do have worth.
And you learn and grow...
With every good-bye you learn.

By Veronica Shoffstall

OKAY TO CLEAR UP ANY CONFUSION.....

UNDERNEATH THE WORD LINKS TO THE RIGHT OF THE SCREEN IS THE LINK TO MY EMAIL ADDRESS AS WELL AS LINKS TO SOME INTERESTING WEB SITES. THE LINKS ARE NOT ADDITIONAL PAGES TO MY SITE. MY STUFF IS ON A FRONT PAGE ONLY UNLESS YOU ACESS THE ARCHIVES WHICH IS LISTED AT THE BOTTOM OF THE RIGHT SIDE....UNDERNEATH THE ARCHIVES TITLE... AS SOON AS I SEE RONNIE AGAIN I WILL HAVE HIM ADD SOME BETTER TITLES TO EVERYTHING. SO SORRY FOR ANY CONFUSION....

SNOW DREAM

Like frozen butterfly wings
The softness falls
Blanketing nature while the lady sleeps
The images of tomorrow (no two the same)
Merge together like pieces of a puzzle.
If only those could see, there IS an easy grace
Floating all around us,
Nipping at our face, like frozen butterfly wings

Kissing eyelashes
Wetting tired eyes.
Cleansing the pollutted night
Absorbing all of time's trespasses
Within its white innocence
In hopes the tired will go on,
Like frozen butterfly wings...

You believe in the moment...
I believe in the fate that we
Go on even after the Snow fall
Melts away...
Born again in some other place
On frozen butterfly wings.

Renee H
Written 1/13/04


Inspired by Ronnie Spady's Snow Queen poem and by the images brought to life In Allens story....

Enjoy...

Anticipation Is A Folly Often Dissappointed With Reality....

Okay so I am a Drama Queen... Never said I wasn't....

The Day after Christmas Allan and I went shopping and I ordered myself a copy of "Stevie Nicks, Rock's Mystical Lady" by Edward Wincentsen.... The book store called me friday night and told me it was in so I went to go pick it up today and was sorely dissappointed....While the book has some wonderful photos and sketches that I truly love, the contents of the book were flat and even I could have written the contents. I felt this was simply an extorsion of Stevie's name and mysticism in order to make a profit. Were the Photos worth Sixteen bucks... maybe.... If they had been in color I would have paid more and not even blinked an eye. The author would have been better off doing a collection of Stevie photographs.
I guess I am going to have to wait for the real "Stevie" book to be published when she does her biography or auto biography.

Nothing much else is going on except more layoffs at work.... So far I have not gotten the Axe....

More to come....

We all have songs that touch our hearts and our souls.
And I too have a song that is possibly my all time favorite country and western song.
“Smoke Rings In the Dark” Sung by Gary Allan is a soulful rendition of a love dying.
The poetry and the music breathe a sigh of saddness into your soul as you listen to it and I think It is one of the better “modern” country songs out there. Here are the lyrics and I hope you enjoy the words and if you do… Go by the CD the Steel Guitar makes a lonesome cry only it could make and totally sets the mood for this song…




Smoke Rings In The Dark
Gary Allan

(Rivers Rutherford/Houston Robert)

Well I won't make you tell me
What I've come to understand
You're a certain kind of woman
I'm a different kind of man
I've tried to make you love me
You've tried to find a spark of the flame that burned but
Somehow turned to smoke rings in the dark

The loneliness within me
Takes a heavy toll
'Cause it burns as slow as whiskey through an empty aching soul
And the night is like a dagger
Long and cold and sharp
As I sit here on the front steps
Blowing smoke rings in the dark

I- I- I know I must be going
'Cause loves already gone
And all I'm taking with me are the pieces of my heart
And all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark

The rain falls where it wants to
The wind blows where it will
Everything on earth goes somewhere
But I swear we're standin' still
So I'm not going to wake you
I'll go easy on your heart
I'll just touch your face and drift away
Like smoke rings in the dark

I- I- I know I must be going
'Cause loves already gone
And all I'm taking with me are the pieces of my heart and
All I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark

I HAVE PMS AND A HANDGUN... ANY QUESTIONS????

Since everyone enjoyed last month's post of "The top ten reasons to remove the child safety cap from midol", I thought I would humor them and myself with another top ten list.....

TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A WOMAN WHILE SHE IS PMS'ING

10)Whats wrong?
Whats wrong... whats wrong??? MY gawd how fucking dare you ask me whats wrong.

9)How was your day?

8) Would you like fries with that? I am bloated like a cow and you want me to buy fucking fries?

7)Anything... dont open your flap and you'll live longer

6) Do you know why they call it PMS? Answer: because Mad Cow Disease was already taken......to which any sane or insane woman in the throws of hormonal dysfuntion will kill you dead and get off because she was PMS'ing

5) So what if your feet are bloated and you cant wear your shoes... why don't you put on something that will fit..... Like, say, Wyoming... (this is just wrong...Plain wrong)

4)Sorry, we are out of chocolate and coffee.....(never, never, never never ever say this to a woman whose body has taken over her mind... she will kill you)
3) Satan doesn't exist....(excuse me.... but he lives in me every 28 days and ALL MAN KIND shall suffer)

2) You mean its that time Again? (wtf do you mean its "THAT" AGAIN... DIE YOU BASTARD)
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING TO NOT SAY TO A WOMAN PMS'ING

1) ARE YOU PMS'ING?

GOOD NIGHT FOLKS AND HOPE YOU ENJOY....

OPERATION "CLEAN SWEEP 2004"

I have declared WAR on the Herod Household and all occupants, including myself.

My husband, my kids, and myself are pack-rats. The men of the household being the worst and I, for one, and tried of the house looking like shit.

On New Year's Day I watched a show on THE LEARNING CHANNEL(TLC) called CLEAN SWEEP. It was a marathon running of all of their episodes. The crew from the show go into a home and clean sweep two rooms of the house and re-decorate, re-organize, and re-plan. The show caters to people whose rooms are in utter chaos. While watching the shows I first started to become a little depressed wishing my house was more decorated and organized, BUT I did not subcumb to the depression, instead I let out a blood-curdleding war cry and DECLARED WAR on Bill and The KIDS. I stormed into our bedroom and told him of my plans and that this year the inside of the house was going to be organized and decorated or I was leaving... Period.. end of discussion. He didn't say much, which was a good thing because my battle plans were already laid and I was not turning back. The kids got home late that night from being gone for two weeks and I informed them that I had declared WAR and told them what I planned to do... At first I think All of them, including Bill, did not take me seriously. On friday, the 2nd, I granted them all a repreive from chores and such since they had been on the rode for 14 hours and thought they might enjoy a chance to play with their christmas loot. I was being a NICE GENERAL.,,,,, BWAAHHHHAHBWAHHHH BWHAHHHHSAAHAHAHHA......
That night I told the kids I wanted their room cleaned and the house straightened up the next day before I got home from working overtime. After working for 10 hours, I came to a house that had hardly been touched.... Only the christmas tree had been taken down.
So, Instead of screaming I grab trashed bags and hollered for the kids to get in their room.

Now, my oldest "collects things" all kinds of things right down to fuzz balls and dust bunnies. The twins are 10 and dont know quite yet how to organize. Billy had three half size book cases full of books he never reads.... I let them pick out a few and the rest went into trash bags for a yard sale. I made the Twins clean out from under their bunk beds.....OH MY GAWD.... kids are filthy... and that is just plain wrong...lol.... I do not have room to explain all of the things we found under their bed. We then tackled the toy box that was so full of stuff it would not even close..... I let them pick out the stuff they played with the most...then the broken things were thrown away and the salvagable items where again placed in trash bags for a yard sale. Santa brought them tool box to put their hot wheel cars and what nots in and we filled them up with their cars. The toy box now is pratically empty... Wow....
We then tackled billy's bed and head board that had all kinds of neat boy type collectable stuff like nails, and fence nails, and well just plain junk that went to the trash pile.... We also clean out the closest and the twins chest of drawers... all of this took from 5 until about 1 am. It sounds easier than it was... We came out with 10 trash bags of TRASH and about 7 bags for yard sale. But wait folks there is more.....

Today... We tackled christmas decorations. This is where the pack rat issue comes in hand with me. I went throught this stage of buying anything cute that was christmas... none of it meant anything... so guess what folks .. I bagged that up too and kept my most treasued items... I went from 6 tote boxes of christmas stuff just for the inside of the house... to only two!!! Yeah me!!!! We then moved to my office and billy helped me to file papers that needed to be filed and various other things and got that organized....

Needless to say it has been a tiring experience and I am not completely done yet.. I still have the hall closet and two china cabniets to sort through and chunk junk....

But the kids room looks great with all of those book shelves out of the way we re-arranged some furniture to make more room... We also got rid of three out dated video game system and placed the most current one in the living room and organized all of the games into a CD Case Binder and chunked the cases...
we cleaned under beds, dressers, and other furniture and really got alot of organizing done...

The house is shaping up and I cannot wait to by some new furniture for the living room and get some paint on these plain white walls...

Anywho... Ya'll be good and have a good Monday!!!!

Lost Spirit

She said…

“Mirror Mirror”
And the winds raised, and the flame of her candle
Went down in sorrow, before the question could
Come to life… The answer revealed itself---
A ghost reflection in the silver glass
Haunt of a spirit from so long ago
Calling friend, cursing Foe, cursing Time…
The dreamer of old, faded,
Transcended through time, Now
Only a wisp of magic smoke
Wafting away on the wind.
Day is dawning
Cover of night slipping away, along
With her hopes, her dreams and the
Spirit of the wind …


Renee Herod
8/20/2003

Life is so short… some of us have the courage to live out our dreams and some of us hardly have the courage to live…

To The Sea...To Be Free

And up from the Ashes
She arose, like a phoenix
Reborn on the wings of hope,
And Dawn of a new day.
Evil shall not prevail

And the spinning globe of glass
Turns on with the force of time
Winter settles in like an old lover.
And the Goddess sleeps in his arms.
Gaining strength for her return.


Another life, another time
Blessed with the kiss of a promise
Holding fast upon her heart and
All of the Years fall away and melt
Unto the sea ...

Like a Phoenix
She rises up out of the Winter

and
Flees to the sea...

Take me... Take me home ... Take me to the sea...
With the night she is gone .... Dancing across the sea with silver wings....

Dancing to be Free...

THE GIFT OF KNOWLEDGE

For several years, I have been wistful, longing for something more in my life. I have been moping around trying to figure out what is missing, and the more I think about it the more I know what it is that I want. I want to return to school and obtain my teaching degree. I want to quit my dead end job and something meaningful with my life, and I have made up my mind to do it. Come the fall, I hope to be able to quit my job and return to school full time. Its going to be hard but well worth the investment of my time and my efforts. I am so excited about this... I will blogg more later this week... it is hard to type right now... I chopped off the tip of my finger yesterday.... ttfn

INVASION OF THE MONGOLIAN BODY SNATCHERS A LA ALLEN AND JENNY STYLE......


Yesterday ...hmmmm Yesterday.... I WAS NOT THE FIRST ONE TO COLLAPSE......NEEENNERRRRRNENRNENENENNENENENENENRNERERERERE....... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.....

Yesterday was my first time attending the Annual Christmas Shopping Spree, graciously hosted by Allen and Jenny A.K.A... "Those Goddamn Mongrolians".....hehehehe.... and I must say I had the absolute most bestest time I have had in a really long time.... and all I have to say to those two bastards is..... "You Die... You Die and go to Hell.... You die hard you die wlong You goddamn mongrolians....." LMFAO.....

Let me share with how my day started....... ((((wavy lines wavy lines fade to bedtime night before))))

Me:(speaking to Bill) are we gonna have Hot nasty Birthday sex?
BIIL: Why... you want too?
ME: well... it is my birthday and my heart wants to but my body is sooo tired....
Bill: Me too....
ME: Lets just relax and watch some tv...
Bill(staring at tv): hmm... do you say something?
Me: naww... I love you baby....

I went to bed at 12ish and arose at 5 am and got ready and went to work.. I worked from 6 am till 9:15 am and then went to Allen's....

Was berated for being late...We all piled into Allen's Durango and off we went.... First was breakfast at Sonic for Allen and Jenny... Then on to Mcdonalds for me...

We went to Justin, Tx to the Justin Boot Outlet and it was totally crowded and you couldn't find anything in the right size.... Allen had a momentary lapse of reason as was feeling all the "gayness being sucked right of him" in the midst of all the macho cowboys sauntering around.... We left and I was again berated ...
Allen: We came all the way down here and you only bought one thing?
Me(pious and pitful): I am so sorry my Lord, it shall not happen again....
Allen muttered something but by then I had spotted another outlet store advertising Rockies for only 10.00 dollars and I shouted to Jenny..... Rockies.... over there lets go....

There I found me a pair of rockies but Jenny could not find any in her size.... I did find her a pair of RED SHINY PLEATHER PANTS FOR ONLY 5.00....I thought she was going to choke me with them...so i said... I guess not huh?

So we go back to the trusty Durano and Allen starts babbling about the easiet way to get to Frisco from there and I said go back like we came except hit 380 and we'll cut across... He proceeded to check his map and said.... 5 points to Re- Re ... 380 it is....
so off we went....

We arrived in frisco and went straight to Pier 1, then some candle shop and a book store and then we went to Texas Land and Cattle Co. to eat....

I have never had such delicious food.... I had a sirloin steak, grilled shrmp, cesar salad, onion strings, wine, garlic mashed potatoes and a ball of ice cream rolled in carmel and hot fudge and pecans.... Heaven ..pure heaven....
We head back to sherman and Jenny lays down in the back with a bad headache. We go to Allen's house and drop off packages and by then Jenny is feeling really bad... she decides to lay down for awhile and Allen and I go to the Mall..... I hate the Mall... and I was so dissappointed in Dillards' international Santa Collection... It used to be very chic... now it looks like the cheap dollar store stuff that is overpriced.... Allen found him some neat journals and waldens and we went back to his house... Jenny was still under the weather and asked us to give her 30 more minutes before hitting Wal-Mart.....
We made it to Wal-mart and that is where the chaos began.......
I have never seen so many morons collectively gathered in one place in all my life.... They were everywhere... I hate the Sherman Wal-mart... I despise it... their toy selecton sucked as did their CD selection... Jenny had gotten her second wind by then and was ready to shop.... Allen and I ... well we were starting to get tired.... By then we had been at it for over 12 hours.... We just wanted to get our shit and get gone.... We were so Evil to Jenny....... I hope she will forgive us...
I thought Allen was gonna pop when I said I had to go to the bathroom....
and i cannot even bring myself to talk about the Electronics incident....

We finally left wal-mart and went to sonic for drinks and back to allens house ... we unloaded and loaded our cars and I headed home... I stopped and got gas and then I was finally on my way..... I got home left all my shit in the car and came inside pulled off my shoes and my clothes and go into my pj's and watched TV will Bill......

The pain set in... OMG.... MY hands ached from being used to pick up and inspect things and ponder. My hair ached from being tossed about, my toes and feet swelled to unbelivable proptions and my jaws hurt from talking so much.... and my sides hurt from laughing so much all day....

All In All it was a really great time and I cannot wait to do it again Next Year.... I was prepared somewhat this year... but next year..... hehehehehehehhe I am gonnna take them "goddamn mongolians" down....hehehehehe...ehhehehehehehe...hehehehehehehehhe mwahhhhh muahhh..... snot... gasp guffaw.....

Merry Christmas!!!!

Happy Birthday to My Daddy....

Tonight we had a really nice and cozy birthday celebration for my Daddy. He turned 65 today. Bill cooked supper and baked a triple chocolate fudge (two-layer) cake. We had fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, black eyed peas, spinach, and biscuits....YUM YUM....The boys all made dad homemade birthday cards and he adored them. It was really nice... I love my daddy very much... He will always be my first love.....

Daddy's and their little girls all share a sacred bond. The first man a little girl falls in love with is her daddy and as she gets older she breaks her daddy's heart with her selfishness and rebellion.... But as Time goes by.... and we get older "The Landslide brought me down" .... and I realize all that was sacrificed in the name of love for your child/ children and you find a new respect and a deeper love for your parents than you could have ever imagined. I love my dad very much and pray for his health, safety, and happiness.... Thank you Daddy.... and I love you...

CLOSED FOR MAINTENCE??????


What's up with that? Evidentily my shout it is suffering technical diffiiculties and no on bothered to tell me..... OH WELL ... I am not on long.. having major anixeity attack and can barely sit still... Email me if the Shout Out thingy is broken..... TTFN

Friday....

Well I made it through another week.... Thank Goodness Pay Day Is next Thursday... I am soooooo looking forward to the up and comming shopping excursion next Saturday.... Another Gift Idea for me folks is Lord of the Rings Two Towers..... I dont have much to blogg about right now... so I will catch ya'll on the flip side...
ttfrn

I TAKE IT BACK I DO HAVE SOMETHING TO BLOGG ABOUT.....

MIchael Jackson and the Allegations of Child Molestation....

I am really surprised, no shocked at the number of people that feel he should just be "left alone". We live in a society that is shocked and outraged when a child has been violated and demand satifaction from our government and the authorities when the child's rights have been violated. We teach our children that is important for them to speak up and tell when they have been wronged. However, in many cases we choose NOT to hear them, because we "just cannot believe" that someone close to us would do such an unspeakable act. By doing this we in turn EMPOWER sexual predators to coerce and maniuplate our children. Sexual predators feed on our vulernablities and are very good at using those vulernablities against us and sometimes we wise up to it and sometimes we do not. They tell us things we want to hear because we are so desperate for kindred spirits and knights in shinning armour that we do not see the forest for the trees.

Michael Jackson may or may not be guilty of child molestation but I do feel if allegations are being made they should be investigated. He lost his right to a normal life when he chose a life and career that depends on the public. If he is innocent, then so be it... If he is guilty He needs to be stopped...

People have made comments stating " whats wrong with letting a child sleep in your bed" To this I have to say if you are a 45 year old man sleeping in the same bed as a 10,12, 13 year old child something is amiss.... My children Do Not sleep in the same bed as me or their father even when they are sick. Its not conducivive to healthy behaviour patterns. I did not sleep with my parents. If I were sick, I slept nearby on the couch but not in the same bed and I have my kids do the same. It does not mean I love them any less.

Also, Have any of you taken a close look at the changes Michael Jackson has made to his face over the years? If you look at the pictures taken inside his ranch of all of those dolls he has, you would see the resemblence. He is trying to look like a doll.... Something is just not right....

Honestly, In my opinion, I feel there is room for alot of doubt of his innocence. However, if I am wrong ... all the better for the kids and their familes. Being a victim and comming forward is not an easy task... You are humilated, violated and persecuted because people simiply refuse to believe.

Sexual Predators are your friends, your family, your neighbors, and your co-workers. They are not all greasy, scumy looking people. Determing if a child has truly been molested is not always an easy task and usually behaviour changes are the first sign... Dont Ignore the signs....

I saw an intresting title to a Blogger Page.....
"Diarrhea of a Sick Mind"

While I did not click my handy dandy websurfing mouse to go view this curious icon.... I found the Title most amusing.....

What is Diarrhea of a sick mind? Tell me fellow bloggers what you might interpret this to be?

I dont really have anything of note to blogg about.... Honestly, I am ready for some new Stevie Stuff.... I would trully like to see her and Lindsey do an album together and just lay it all on the line about their relationship for that last 30 plus years....I realized today that I am the same age Stevie was when Wild Heart and Rock A Little where released..... and I have been listening to those songs for most of my life.... She is truly an Inspiration.

I maybe totally off track here but I think I relate to her writing and her songs and her mystical lyrics because we have similar characteristics... For example,
She has had to be cold and calculating and tough in a man's world. She has had to be strong and go on even when she did not feel like.
Secretly all she has ever wanted to be was a "lady" ... loved and revered... Placed on a pedestal by a Knight in shining armour.... To be visioned as a lovely mystical creature and loved unconditionally....
But reality is a hard game to play...
I think she has had to use womanly cunning to get her voice listened too....
I think her intelligence is far deeper than most will ever realize.
I think that she is not "what you see is what you get" There is a layer there kept covered and we see a little bit of that in her lyrics.

These are just some ramblings of a poet.... dont mind me...

Hope all is well out there for everyone and hope to hear from ya soon...
ttfn

by the way...for all you happy campers out there....Its only 10 more days until my birthday..... Just a few gift ideas listed below....

Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money....

The bad news is.... I am broke....very broke...The good news is come January I wont be so broke....

If I can keep it all together till then Life will be good.

I finally had to break down and have my dr refill my headache pills.... I get tension headaches so bad I cant see straight.
I wish he would prescribe me xanex again....When I had those, I did not stress out so bad....OH Well.....
I hope all of you little christmas urchins are doing well and getting ready for Santa Claus....
I dont have anything interesting to post so I am off to bed....
ttfn

Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmm.......

1) dogs/cats licking their balls
if someone invented ball flavored dog/cat food... we would have alot of happy dogs/cats runnining around....

2) spandex
3) Santa can be re-arranged as SATAN
4) red-necks and all they encompass
5) morons driving 45 mph in the fast lane with their left turn signal
blinking
6) breasts on Men???? I mean what the fuck are those for?
7) the chicken or the egg? which came first....?
8) pot is illegal... doesn't cause cancer... but we can buy booze and cigarettes that cause liver damage, heart disease and cancer....
9) artificially flavored??? why fucking bother?
10) kids.... I needed kids like I needed butt implants....

THE CHRISTMAS SEASON HAS NOW OFFICALLY STARTED....

Today, I finally got to watch my mostest, favoritist, funniest christmas movie in the whole mad mad mad world. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase and Beverly D'angelo. This movie is a satire about Christmas and Family and it is frighteningly true even in its most of the wall dramtics. That is my family.... right down to the cousin Eddie and anything that can go wrong will. I love this movie and I laugh and laugh right down to the very end when the light bulb blows out on the The End sign.. The Christmas Season cannot truly begin until I sit down and watch this movie from begining to end parked on the couch with hot chocolate, my flannel pj's, a pillow and a fuzzy blanket.

I dont watch much T.V or movies for that matter because mostly I can figure out the plot within 15 minutes of the watching the movie. Yes.. I am one of those people that run it for everyone else. But when I do find something that I like... PLEASE SUCH THE FUCK UP AND LET ME WATCH MY DAMN MOVIE. I cannot watch T.V with Bill because he talks constantly and I usually miss something I wanted to hear because he is flapping his jaws. He means no harm and It is just one of those character things that I love so much about him..... Yeah Right....TeeeHeee.....Bill hates watching T.V. with me because most of the stuff I can tell him exactly what is going to happen... drives him nuts.... He told his dad about on the phone one day and they plotted to "fix my wagon" last christmas. We had to stay up until 3 am and watch "Pearl Harbor" in order to see if I was as good as Bill said I was..... When the woman's man's plane went down.... I knew the whole story plot and I blurted it out.... Boy meets girl... boy falls in love... boy "dies" and she finds out she is pregnant and falls in love with his best friend and boy returns and one of them end up dying for the other so everyone can live happily ever after. All Bill's dad could say was well we will just have to watch to find out now won't we? I said okay... but mark my words....Sooooooo we watched it and of course I was right..... Now, dont get me wrong... it was a good movie and was done really well and I did enjoy watching it.... but I could also get up and go to the bathroom without fear of losing the storyline.... After the movie was over, Bill said... See Dad I told you... She is not normal.... I said... well at least I can REMEMBER seeing the movie... In two hours you will have forgotten that we saw it.....(that is another posting entirely, Bill suffers from major memory loss)....

Anyway, My point is.... WELL I DONT REALLY KNOW WHAT MY POINT IS BUT YOU GET IT ANYWAY RIGHT? RIGHT.. GOOD SHOW OLD FELLOW...

I have some poems to fine tune and hopefully get them posted soon....

I am going with Allen and Jenny on their annual Christmas shopping spree on the 20th and I am sooooo looking forward to this.... they have no ideal how much of an evil shopper I am... I truly hate shopping and crowds of people and I cannot wait to have a breakdown in front of them.... It will be soooooooo funny.... teeeehehehehehheheheheh.....

Well, I am off to bed with visions of mall maulings in my head.....

PMS AND CHILD RESISTANT SAFETY CAPS.....

The two do not mix.... When I say I have PMS... I mean I have PMS.... I dont have the time nor the patience to fight a safety cap on a bottle of pills.... So to humor my raging hormones I have come up with a top 10 list.

10 REASONS SAFETY CAPS SHOULD BE REMOVED FROM MIDOL AND OTHER PMS MEDICATIONS.

10) TO PREVENT A HORMONE ENRAGED STERIOD BUFFED WOMAN FROM CRAMMING IT UP SOME UNSUSPECTING PHARMACIST'S ASS.
9) PEACE ON EARTH
8) IF YOU ARE ON THE RAG THEN CHANCES ARE YOU DONT HAVE ANY FRIGGING KIDS TO PROTECT THEM FROM THE DANGERS OF PMS PILLS.
7) HORMONALLY IMBALANCED WOMAN ARE MORE OF DANGER TO THEIR KIDS THAN THE PILLS
6) THREE YEAR OLDS HAVE MORE OF A CHANCE OF GETTING THE SON OF BITCHING BOTTLE OPEN THAN AN ADULT
5) PEACE ON EARTH
4) HANDGUNS AND PMS DO NOT MIX... GIVE THE GAL A PILL ALREADY
3) TRYING TO OPEN A BOTTLE WHILE DRIVING DOWN THE HIGHWAY IS A HARZARDOUS TO OTHER DRIVERS.... NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE A HORMONAL FEMALE BEHIND THE WHEEL JUST TRYING TO GET SOME FUCKING RELIEF....
2) PUSH DOWN AND TURN IS A JOKE... IT NEVER WORKS....
***********AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON CHILD SAFETY CAPS SHOULD BE REMOVED FROM MIDOL***********************
1)ITS AN EVIL PLOT DEVELOPED BY MAN SIMPLY TO TORMENT WOMEN ......

THINK ABOUT IT LADIES....
GOODNIGHT....

Christmas Nymphs and Gnomes I need you NOW.....

I love the whole spirit of christmas and the cooking and making candy and decorating and the magic in all the little kid's faces christmas morning.... Staring in wonderment at all the goodies under the tree and in their stockings. I love it !!! But I also get stressed out over money. It seems that every year no matter how hard I try to have extra money at christmas I never suceed and I have to scrimp and cut corners in order to provide my kids with what appears to be a good christmas. I dont know how my parents ever did it.... Maybe that is why mother is psychotic.....LOL... SNORT ... GASP ... Guffaw.....TEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHe....Anywho....
Ya'll pray for me and maybe some money will fall out of sky......

I have done really well so far at keeping my attitude in check. Its hard... its very hard..... but I am having small sucesses here and there and I focus on those.
Well.. I hope all of you are safe and well... I am off to bed.... I have an appointement with a hot water bottle, a heating pad, and midol.... Smooches.

PERFORMING AN EMOTIONAL AS WELL AS A HOUSE EXORCISM

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

Okay, so I am one of those happy, gay, cheerful, christmas slults that absolutely LOVE this time of year. The smells, the colors, the air, the decorations, the food, the music, and the cheer. I LOVE CHRISTMAS....

now back to the exorcism thingy.. I know its spelled wrong but overlook it... I am working hard to change my attitude and expunging the demon that has been riding my back for way too long and spending 4 days with my mother has been motivation to do so and to do it quickly. My life is NOT horrible... I have a GREAT husband AND kids. A warm, safe, and happy home with wonderful neighbors and a few close friends and lots of aqaintances that respect me and my family. I am a good person with a strong will that is toooooooo serious all the time and make mountains out of molehills.... why my husband has so gracefully put up with me I will never know..... (maybe it is good head) teehee teehee...the latter comment was inspired by my bestest bud Allen and he'll catch my drift....lol
Anyway, I do solmenly swear to uphold my commitment to purging most if not all negative thoughts and actions and to make a full fledge effort to be positive.

Now, I am not so naive to think that I will have bad days and I will still use my right to vent and purge it and turn into something postive. My life is not a soap opera and I will not subcumb.
I promise that I will post on my good days as well as my bad days instead just posting when I have something to bitch about.
I will laugh at my husband's jokes and not think he is trying to say something else.
I will try very very very hard to be more patient with my 14 yr old stepson... I need lots of help on this one....
I am not going to let money problems consume me.

I think I have covered most everything.... Wish me Luck...

Now back to ALLEN'S MOSTEST FAVORITE HOLIDAY OF ALL TIMES.....
CHRISTMAS.......

MUAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHMAUAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAH i JUST HAD TO SAY THAT......TEEEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE

Bill, the boys, myself and Gulliver the puppy all went to Lowe's this afternoon and picked out our christmas tree. We went there because they were supposed to have the best Douglas Fir Trees in the area at a reasonable price of 21.88.... Now those trees were very nice and very green and were lovely. However, my stepson walked past a Fraser Fir Tree and paused to look at it. I stopped to see what he was looking at turned my head this way and that way and fell in love with that tree. I felt like Clark W. Griswold in Lampoon's Christmas Vacation when he found "The Griswold Family Christmas Tree" The choir sang "Hallelujah" and a beautiful golden light shone down on that tree. My husband walked up and I said... Just look at that tree its beautiful.... and My husband said Yeah... it is.... Well, I then noticed the price of 49.98.... and I was hmmmmm..... Lets go look at the Douglas Firs and see if there is one there we like as well.... Well of course there wasn't because we all LOVED the Fraser tree.... So,, I said to Bill... What the hell.... lets get it... Lets not "settle" for once. I was so impressed with Lowe's as well. The clerks trimmed off what I wanted and cut an inch of the bottom as well so it would absorb water better. They netted the tree and provided the nylon string to tie to the top of our van.... We went home a happy family. When we got home, Bill got up in the attic and brought down All my decorations... Which my friends is no easy task... I have a ton of Christmas stuff. Me and the boys decorated the tree and placed the remaining outside decorations on the porch so daddy could finish tomorrow. I still have most of my inside decorating to do.. but it will be a piece of cake with the tree out of the way. My tree decoratons are red lights and green lights, red and green glass balls, silk poinsettas on single stems strategically placed on the tree, red bead garland and red tinsel. When we got together as a family we started a new tradtion of each boy picking out the tree topper and It was their's to keep for when they grow up and get out on there own. This year was Jonathon's turn and he picked out the most beautiful red stained glassed poinsetta with clear light placed behind each leaf. It looks great on the tree.
I still have my santa collection to put out and my many porcelin trinkets but I will enjoy every minute of it. Well I better wind this down... because I could write a book about christmas... TTFN

Peace and Joy to you and yours....
Re

AFTER THANKSGIVING REFLECTIONS AND UPDATES

Well, My feast was a sucess and we ate heartily and happily considering it was almost cancelled at the last minute. Wednesday, my mothers van caught fire in her carport, caught her dinning room on fire, and burned up another car in the car port as well. Both vehicles exploded and pratically burned to the ground. Her carport is gone and most of her dinning room... which was an add on, which in turn ended up saving the rest of the house from bursting into flames. The entire house is smoked damaged and is not liveable at the moment. So we are Thankful this year for everyone being alive and their home not burning to the ground. The house and vehicles are insured, thankfully, so now it is just a matter of re-grouping. My brother and his wife were on their way back from my sisters when it happened so they brought mom down here with them so she could get away from it all. Dad had to haul peanuts so he stayed in their camper trailer and made sure everything was secure.

I know what my mother is going through, I have been through it myself. I lost my entire home to a fire and most of my possessions.... So I can relate. She is still in shock and is being very negative about everything and I kinda lost my temper with her. The people from her area have all offered them housing and use of a vehicle if necessary... Everyone is being very helpful and wonderful. I lost my temper because she made a statement to me "You don't understand... I am homeless....My little red car burnt I dont have a car now..." I snapped at her and said.. .excuse me... I dont know know what you are going through? Bullshit... Mom, I LOST my home and everything in it. All I had were the clothes on my back and one car and NO FUCKING INSURANCE and NO ONE in my community helped me... NOT ONE FUCKING PERSON.... AND YOU... YOU have only lived there for two years and the whole town is offering to help. Your home is repairable, your car is replacable and YOU HAVE FUCKING INSURANCE. So dont pull your self-pity shit with me. Go be negative somewhere else...

I know... I was not very compassionate, but you would have to understand my mother and the "DRAMA QUEEN" she loves to be and she loves to be a victim and wallow in self pity. and then.... I had an ephiany.... I realized I have been becoming her, treating my kids the way she had treated me.... and I was very ashamed of myself and made my New Year's Resolution right then and there. I am going to change my attitude about life and work and my family .. it wont be easy but I will do it. I DO NOT WANT TO BECOME HER. Even if I have to seek counseling I am going to learn how to channel her neagitive genes out of me and into positve ones....

I want my family to remember me fondly, not as a moody, psychotic, drama queen angered easily.

I took the twins window shopping of sorts today to get ideas on what they want for christmas and we had such a nice time. They are such sweet boys. They were not greedy or pushy or whiny. They pointed out their most favorite items which I can count on one hand. I was so proud of them. Not much else is going on... Tomorrow we hang the christmas decorations and I am soooo looking forward to it. I am more in the holiday spirit than I have been in years. Well I must go for now...

THANKSGIVING AT MY HOUSE.... WOOOHOOOOOOOO.....

I am so excited about Thanksgiving this year. Usually, it is spent in the car with 3 boys,me, my husband and a dog.... Not this year.... This year I am staying home while Bill goes to Lubbock to pick the kids up from their mom's. My parents are actually comming here to spend time with Grandmaw, so I told them I would cook and we could do our Thanksgiving on Friday. They are thrilled. I have so far 11 people comming for dinner..... I bought a 23lb turkey, a 13lb ham, and all the fixings. Mom and I are going to cook the things we can on Thursday and just spend the whole day together drinking wine , cooking, chit-chatting and watching our Traditional holiday movie.... You know.. the one with Chevy Chase... "THE GRISWALD FAMILY CHRISTMAS" properly titles Lampoon's Christmas vacation..... My mom and I LOVE this movie. We used to always watch it Thanksgiving weekend to bring in the offical holiday season. We are gonna drink cheap wine and have an all out mom-daughter fest... I am sooooo excited....
Here is the menu:
Turkey
Corn bread dressing
Ham
Cheesy green beans
Green bean casserole
Brocolli and rice casserole
Candied Sweet Potatoes(yams for all ya'll non southerners)
Mashed Potatoes
Cranberry Sauce
Gravy
Relish Tray
Deviled Eggs

Desserts...
Pumpkin pie
Pecan Pie
Cherry Cheese Cake
Sweet Potato Pie
Fruit Cocktail

All Homemade and fresh for the pickings....

Cant wait... cant wait... cant wait....

I love to cook and entertain....
See Ya'll later...

Like Sand Through the Hour Glass.... So are the Days of Our Lives....

A few months ago I posted a story about a cat I named Jagger that found me at the local grocery store. This was no ordinary cat. He was absolutely adorable, totally loved me and was a constant comedian. He followed me across the street today as I went to visit with my neighbors. I had yelled at him to get out of street and he did but came into their yard. Something spooked him and he ran back into the street and was struck by a ford ranger pickup.... It flipped him up in the air and he cartwheeled several times struck the street and died horribly and it was awful.... I was screamming for Bill and all I could think about was for Bill to help me... help Jaggar to help him stop hurting.... All I could do was rub his hind quarter and watch him die..... It was horrible.... My baby is gone and it hurts so bad. I only had him for a little over three months and I was severly attached to this cat. I have really long hair... and he loved my hair he would curl up in it and purr and rub my chin with his face. When he was outside while we would sit on the porch and people would walk by on the sidewalk... he would stalk them... and bow up like he was guarding his territory... Today, the wind has been strong and leaves were blowing every where and covering the ground and he would run and leap and jump and dive into piles of leaves....He was so HAPPY. and I failed to protect him... He slept with me at night and he would purr so loud you could hear it the next room and every evening when I got in from week he would meet me at the car...Not many cats are like that.... This hurts so much.... I miss him

CAPTAINS BLOGG: WEDNESDAY NOVE..@#@$@#@$@#$ OH WHAT THE FUCK EVER....

I CANNOT TELL A LIE... ONLY DID A 10 HR DAY TODAY... BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS... I CAN WORK PART OF MY OT ON SATURDAY..... THANK YOU TO THE OVERTIME GODS.....

LATER....

CAPTAINS BLOGG: TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 18,2003 11:20 PM

DAY TWO

Mornings are horrible... and should be illegal. I arose at 8:01 am... got dressed and arrived at work at 8:52 am.... Worked until 9:40 pm... and got me another 12 day under the belt.... Two down... three to go....

Normally sane people do crazy things when exhaustion sets in.... a group of coworkers working late as well began playing some rap music out loud and stood up for a "booty" call and dance for a few beats.... I suppose this was a well intended "tension" breaker.. and I did hurummph... I know a rather pitiful laugh but I just wanted the day to be over.

36 hours since Gulliver last puked... which is a positve sign and he has begun eating small tidbits of food here and there.... I am praying that soon he will be recovered.......Poor Poor Puppy.

Later Gators...

CAPTAIN'S BLOGG: MONDAY, NOVEMBER 17,2003
DAY 1 OF MISSION MAINTAIN

I did not arise at 5am... but I did arise at 6:45 am and made it to work by 8am... and I accomplised a 12 hour day today.... I worked to 9pm arrived home at 9:40 pm and now I am scarfing down warmed over hamburger helper and typing in my blog...I am one fifth into my mission and still feel hopeful to suceed. Carry on adventurers and until tomorrow.... always remember and dont ever forget..... to piss with your back to the wind....

Later

Captains Blogg: Sunday, November 16th, 2003 8:49 P.M.

My mission.... To Maintain....

I must work five 12 hr days inorder to achieve monetry stability for December. These days must be done consectively and done starting tomorrow, Monday thru Friday. There is no option to fail... This must be done or my world as I know it will suffer....Good Luck to you my alter ago and may the force be with you....



I used to love the holidays, but since comming into a ready-made family and being their sole support Financially , I dread them.... However, inorder to maintain this year I do have the opportunity to work overtime and make some money.... and I have to do it fast because there is only three paychecks left till christmas....
So, My friends out there.... Encourage me this week... ask me if I made the 12 hr day each day..... Anything to keep me motivated .... I must be up at 5 am everyday this week ... and I am not a morning person..... So please... I beg of Ya'll... help me to maintain....

Goodnight... and Blessings to all...

Re

PART TWO: THE BEAST FROM QUAD 5 THAT WOULDN'T DIE!!!!

Here is part two as I promised. Please take into consideration that anything I have say about this person, I have infact said to her face so I can continue with my rant with a clear mind.

This person in my opinion is a bi-polar, schizcophrenic, manic depressive, obsessive complusive socieopath and a boil on my ass not to mention society. Names are withheld to protect the innocent(me)...

This person uses the appearance of sweetness and innocence to maniuplate not only her family but co-workers as well. If she does not get her way, there is revenge, malicious, spiteful, manical revenge. For example, she did not want her husband to switch from the night shift to the day shift and to prove her point she now comes in later at work so he arrives home before her and "gets" to cook supper. She also gives him ultimatiums.

Her child needs speech therapy and she does not take him because it is an inconvience. He needed tubes and she felt the dr's were being too pushy about it.... My kids are deaf because the dr's waited too long...

She refuses to be a teamplayer and does not do any work outside of what she considers "her job". If she can pass the buck.. she will....
Now... this is also a very smart woman..... She has paid for her home and her vehicles and has no debt whatsoever....but she complains because her son needs new underwear and it is just too expensive to waste money on.... he is almost four and still wears size two toddler clothes. The child still sleeps in the same bed as his parents.... The same place they have had sex to create another.... child....Yup, she is prego.... and he still takes showers with momma and daddy because it is easier for her....
She is constantly paranoid the her husband is going to leave her,
she does not like him to do anything that is not with her...
I could go on and on and on and on.... Like I said.... The BEAST that wouldn't die.....

ttfn

okay... So I haven't Hugged My Blogg Lately....

I know my life cannot be so boring as to not have a colorful post waiting for the public to read everyday, but when I get home late in the evening, my brain is so fried, and my nerves so frazzled, I cannot bear to live it over again while I type...
Strange but true.... I am a bit neurotic... Does anyone care? Possibly...LOL....

Today I want to use my bit of cyberspace for evil... pure unadulterated evil.... I have kept my mouth shut for too long and I have got to find a release or find myself in a padded room in a straight jacket drooling.... Okay I know.. a little dramatic but I am going for a good read for ya'll .. stick with me and note the colorful sarcasm as I go on.....

I am in QUAD hell at work....You say "what the hell is a quad?"... A quad is a cubicle of sorts.... Instead of having your own personal desk and cubicle... you share a larger version with 3 other people.... You have no privacy... and sometimes have to tolerate people less fortunate than you that were not given brains at birth....

Am I exaggerating.... I dont think so.... One of the ladies I share with is very intelligent,straightforward and shares most of my viewpoints. The second lady is only visting us temporaily but I like her just fine....... The third lady... drives me nuts...

tune in later for Part Two.... THE BEAST FROM QUAD 5 THAT WOULDN'T DIE

HOME OF THE FREE… LAND OF THE BRAVE

Today, my stepsons had the honor of representing, not only
The Weblos, Pack 1 and Boy Scouts Troop 38(their respective divisions of scouts) but their country as well. The pack and troop were asked to perform the Flag Ceremony as a way of beginning and ending a Program organized in my hometown to honor Veterans.
First, I must say, I am extremely proud of my sons and my heart swelled even larger with love and pride seeing them participate in such an important social gathering. The program was well organized and I felt did an excellent job honoring the men and women that have and are serving our country. Our state representative was on hand to speak, our mayor, and various men and women that have served and are currently serving our country.

I was humbled by their courage…Awed by their sacrifices, and ashamed at my grief over petty trials and tribulations. One man, I have had the honor of hearing speak while a sophomore in highschool was also a speaker today. He served in World War II and survived “The BATTAN MARCH OF DEATH” and being held captive as a prisoner of war in a Japanese prison camp. He did not go into details today, but I remember his story… I remember the crack in his voice as he spoke to my history class telling us how good a drink of muddy water tasted that had a bloated dead body laying in it… I remember the tears gently rolling down his cheeks as he told us it was an honor to serve his country and would do it again without pause. I remember my eyes were not dry either and I remembered the shame I felt at my own selfishness. This man was reduced to 70lbs while a POW… over two-thirds of this body weight wasted… I remember him telling us when he was given food that his body rejected it and he was so hungry that he would eat it again after his body purging it, and he ate bugs and other things just to stay alive. The horrors seen by this man, by other men as well… we the people cannot EVEN begin to imagine or relate. We live in our comfortable little worlds and “THINK” we know the answers to the world’s problems… These men and women DIE for our country, for our beliefs, for our constitutional rights and all for less than what you or I make. They DIE for this…. They SURVIVE unspeakable horrors while we sit by and get our “fix” on disgusting horror movies, senseless killing in action movies, and lewd porno movies, and EVERY one of those men and women that spoke today said basically two things…. They would do it again without question…. And when your life is on the line and you’re in distant land, in a trench, foxhole, plane or whatever…. You have no doubt there is a GOD and you are not afraid because you feel him walking beside you… even carrying you at times…
I am awestruck. I am humbled… but I AM PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN… and I for one, WELCOME HOME ALL THE MEN AND WOMEN WHO HAVE EVER SERVED OUR COUNTRY….

Thank you for your self-less service

Okay... I think I need to attend blogging school... I need to learn how to make my blog more colorful and interesting. I wanna download Stevie trivia and such and pictures and all kinds of things... Where do I go to learn more?

Nick... Thanks for stopping by... I am glad you did. I promise to have more interesting stuff here soon....

Allen... Dude.... My Buddy, My Pal .... What happened today? I hope all is well...... Ya, got me worried, man.....

I hope to get in the mood to do some writing this weekend..... anywho I will catch ya'll later...

TTFn
Re'

I spend way to much time fretting over the little things......

and not enough enjoying the sound of my kids laughter, or taking time to listen to my husband's little jokes to lighten the mood...or the fact that he and the kids have missed me so much during the day that they all can hardly wait to share it all with me. I seem to be too short of time these days and only think about what needs to be done.. .Have the kids finished their homework, are the household chores done... is the checkbook balanced, have I paid the bills... so on and so forth...It seems I cannot seem to squeeze it all in a 18 hour day.... but i trudge forward with the hopes of conquering time and one day finally reaching my "UTOPIA" hA Ha....I do find that as I am getting older that I have less time for stupid people and petty things. I am more apt to speak my mind and lay all my cards on the table for whoever to like or dislike what I have to say. We spend way too much time being politically correct and the problems are still there.... Will they ever go away.... NO they won't... as long as human nature exists mankind will falter, make wrong choices, and simply choose to remain ignorant or uneducated. I do not have a college degree to tag at the end of my name, but I do have the need to grow and learn and develop into the best possible human being I can. As my mother used to say..... No One is PERFECT..... BUT,,,some of us are closer to it than others......

ttfn
Re'

A.O.L HELL!!!!

I DESPISE AOL'S BUSINESS ETHICS AND CUSTOMER SERVICE, BUT I LIKE THEIR INTERNET SERVICE. I HAVE TRIED MSN, EARTHLINK, COMPUSERVE, AND A LOCAL INTERNET SERVICE AND THEY SUCKED..... YEAH SUCKED.....GREAT CUSTOMER SERVICE BUT THEIR INTERNET SOFTWARE SUCKED....

I DOWNLOADED THE 8.0 PLUS AT KEYWORD AOL AND RECEIVED A COMPUTER VIRUS.... I CALLED AOL TO REPORT AND THE IDIOT ON THE PHONE HAD THE GALL TO TELL ME THAT THERE IS NO WAY IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED. MY NEIGHBOR HAD DOWNLOADED IT TOO.... AND SHE GOT THE SAME FUCKING VIRUS.... COINCEDENCE? I THINK NOT.... I TOLD THE PERSON I WAS NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING OR A HANDOUT BUT SIMPLY TO REPORT THE PROBLEM SO THEY COULD FIX IT.... HE PROCEEDED TO LECTURE ME ABOUT THE INTERNET AND UNLESS YOU HAD A FIREWALL YOU WERE NOT PROTECTED AND BLAH BLAH BLAH... I TOLD HIM I WAS NOT STUPID AND WAS AWARE OF THE FLAWS IN BEING ONLINE, BUT THAT I KNEW WHERE I HAD GOTTEN THIS VIRUS FROM.... HE PROCEEDED TO TRANSFER ME TO A TECH... WHO IN TURN TOOK MY REPORT AND DID SO IN AN EFFICIENT MANNER BUT HAD THE CARE AND WARMTH OF A CAST IRON COMMODE ON A SHADY SIDE OF AN ICEBERG.... HE THEN TRANSFERRED ME ANOTHER PERSON WHO BEGAN ADVISING ME OF WHAT ACTIONS TO TAKE... I STATED I KNOW WHAT ACTIONS TO TAKE JUST FIX THE PROBLEM ON YOUR SITE..... SHE KEPT ON...I SAID LOOK ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS REPORT THE PROBLEM... I HAVE FIXED MY COMPUTER ON MY END.. NOW PLEASE INVESTIGATE ON YOUR END AND THANK YOU FOR WASTING MY TIME,GOOD NIGHT.. AND I HUNG UP.... I AM STILL CONSIDERING LOOKING FOR ANOTHER INTERNET PROVIDER... I HATE STUPID PEOPLE POSING AS GENIUS'S BEHIND A SCRIPT DEVELOPED BY CORPORATE BLOWHARDS THAT DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING CLUE ABOUT THE COMMAN PEOPLE AND THE VERY PEOPLE THAT PAY GOOD MONEY FOR THEIR SERVICES. I AM TIRED OF THE COLLECTIVE ATTITUDE BY PEOPLE AROUND ME THAT JUST THROW THEIR HANDS UP AND LET THE MASSES BUTT FUCK US WITHOUT A KISS, A CIGARETTE OR VASELINE....YES I AM PISSED AND PISSED BIG TIME... SO..... THE MORAL IS DONT DOWNLOAD 8.0 PLUS FROM THE INTERNET GET THE FUCKING DISK..... HAVE A NICE DAY...

HI everyone!!!

Grandmaw is doing VERY well and has been pretty fiesty....LOL. She was moved out of ICU yesterday and is recovering nicely and Is HIGH as a kite....She told the nurse to keep the pain medicine acomming or we would have words about that.... She is aspiring to be a drug addict by the time she is dismissed from the hospital.....Her words not mine...lol but she was joking.... She also told the nurse to make sure her coffee was hot in the morning and not cold like it has been. She also said she wanted her Malt -o -meal and nothing else....LOL.... and I was afraid she would not stick up for herself.... The nurse thought she was a hoot and totally loves her spunky attitude.... It was such a relief to see her feeling so spry.....I have not written anything new lately but I am planning too.... I am shooting for a total relaxation day Sunday....

I have lost 18lbs....Yeah!!! I joined a Ladies Workout express today and so far I really like it!!! My goal is to lose 51 lbs by April.... Then 50 more by next october....yeah me!!! I am trying to be really commited to this... I used to be very thin and I know I will never be "really" thin again but I do want to be healthier...... So wish me luck....

I am going to be really busy the next few days and wont have much time to blog. My grandmother, who is 92, fell and broke her hip. She had surgery today and has come out of that well so far. She has a strong wiil and I am sure she is going to be fine, but I am not going to miss a day in seeing her.... I will blog as I can.... Love to all...

I made it home safe and sound from seeing my family and I had a really good time. I had written a poem for my brother and he read it and he cried and then he read it aloud to everyone and we both cried.... I found out he writes too, and a door that had seemed closed for so many years, openned wide again and My brother from childhood emerged again and we were close again.... There are wounds that have not healed from our childhood...Wounds that I have chosen to not think about... Wounds that brother has had eat away at him for years, but we each endured the same "torture" at the hands of our Mother..... I will not go into details... It brings back to much rage, and I am at a point in my life where her actions no longer matter and I can speak my mind to her and still maintain a relationship with her.... She is my mother no less.... Enought of that.. I dont want to go down that road tonight.

I will post the poem I wrote for my brother in a few days... I forgot to copy it down for me and I am going to have him email it to me....

It was exciting to discover that my brother writes as well and he does it beautifully. He is very gifted. He has also lost alot of weight and Looks awesome.... He weighs what he did in Highschool and makes me jealous.... I remember when I was skinny...LOL.... I think he has motivated me..... I want to feel healthy again.....

This week is a busy week... still have overtime, the Peanut Festival is this weekend and we have company comming. The boys are marching in the parade with boy scouts... Their mom maybe comming to see them as well.... So much is happening, Time is flashing past.... and even with all this to do and having Bill and the Boys... My soul still feels lonely tonight.... and I feel ashamed for feeling that way.... I do not understand myself.... I just dont know....

Signed on to my blogger today......

and it asked for a sercurity verifcation because it had been so long since i had posted anything.....HA HA HA.... just kidding....

I have been so busy this week with work and the kids and trying to get organized to go to West Texas tomorrow night to see my parents and my brother. It is my mom's birthday and my brothers 40th birthday. I am excited about seeing my family. I miss them.

I have written some new things and I am going to post them tonight...so here goes...

Untitled at this time

Painted Room with shades of blue
A shelter from a storm ... Raging
Within Her... Ghost of a blood shed
And tormented screams slowly dying
Wiped clean with the dawn of reasoning,
With the rising sun a veil of numb
Fell across her shoulders, Masking a
Shell... Allowing her to exist in the "OTHERS"
World for a few hours...and
For a time the solace of darkness entombed her...
A coma, for the wounds...
Allowing her to heal...And
Slowly the wings unfurled ... giving her flight
And she grew...
And she became a woman with an Ethereal
Essence and she learned
Her Magick and lived in glory...

Renee H....
10/8/03

The Heavy sound of darkness
Filled her room, painted blue, every day
Every night...
The sound of clicks echoed
Like distant footsteps
A Hovel, a hole carved
In A Time
A continuium
Her fortess
Her solitude

Escaping there each night
In search of truth, revealation,
Completeness
Betrayed in her world, Seeking
Acceptance in a new one...
Marveling at the freedom, the souls set
Adrift, Lost on a sea with no end...

Torment defined in new illusions
New name~~~Different game...
All to win~~~All to Lose...
And the ride became more like
The sea, and the danger became
Real, and the price of her soul...

She thought it was all free....

The sound of loneliness....
So thick....
So deep...
Like a fog....
And it twisted her preception, her reflection,
Twisted her mind, on thru the void
She went...The edge of nowhere loomed
Like an unseen Omen... Past the point
The Rescue... A lady of one time...
Living alone, secretly in another...

Renee H
10/8/03

Well, Its a boring Sunday Here~~~~

But I guess I needed it!!! After working my butt off last week with a horrible cold, I need some peace and quiet so I could rest. I took a two hour nap this afternoon and feel a little better. I wish I could have just slept till the morning, but no such luck with Bill and the kids around. Bill has been hounding me lately to get more exercise, and I understand his point, but with having near bronchitits I think I need to get well first before I start going on walks in the humid fall air...

I have written a couple of new poems but need to do some fine tunning before I post them. Hello to everyone and I will be seeing more this week.... TTFN

RE'

FOR BILL AND HIS BOYS... FOR WHOM WITHOUT I WOULD STILL BE EN-TOMBED IN A WORLD OF ONE.....


Countless lonely nights
En-tombed in a world of one
Reaching for the answers,
Reaching for the sun, the moon
and her stars...

A dreamer set adrift on
A age-less tear
Left to find her answer,
If she could only hear the call...

And the days were hard, and the
Nights... well no one will ever
Really know about those...

and just when the shadow's fell deep
Across the dreamer's heart...
A light touched-- A glimmer of a promise

Fueled by Two...
Searching for "The One" and So
The sun, the moon, and the stars came to her...

Her answer delivered, and the tears
No longer fell and she...
She was no longer adrift in a world of one...

Renee H
10/1/2003

For my Moon,... Bill,
For my Sun,... The boys,
For My stars,... the love you give that lights the way....

Without you, there would be no purpose. I love you! All of you....

Sometimes.... Its A Bitch.....

Overtime is here and is here to stay for a while. The money is nice and well needed, but it takes away so much time from my family and the things I enjoy. The kids have been great about doing the small chores which makes things easier and much nicer to come home and see all in order. I have a horrible cold too, and I am completely miserable. I am going to bed early tonight and get some rest. I will probably fall asleep listening to the Stevie Nicks CD I got in the mail today from Ronnie..... I can't wait to here all of it...... Thanks Ronnie you are totally cool!!! Well, the puppies are 5 and half weeks old and almost ready to sell.... I will miss the little buggers but the money will come in handy to either pay off the van or build a fence.... All in due time. TTFN ...

Re'