My good friend, Allen, wrote a poem about me recently after a he and I had gone a a grocery shopping excursion and we listened to my most favorite Stevie Songs... and of course I was totally into the songs, singing along and just "into" the whole vibe put off by the the songs... To make a long story short he wrote a poem about me that totally captured my spirit and I love the Poem.... I am sharing it with ya'll and hope you enjoy.....




Rene

Banishing the sun and greeting the moon.
Whispering to trees on sunny days.
Where fields of green swayed like ocean
waves in the wind.
Talking to stars on cold winter nights.
Stars that winked like they were in on the joke.
Animals howled and the hail always drops.
Wishes are cast and dreams never lost.
Raised arms and hair that flowed freely.
Wide eyed dramatization perfected by maturity.
Never-ending smirk and humor behind
concrete facade.
Hee-haw laugher that warms my soul.
Blatant hatred of other peoples' perception.
Yearning for knowledge and truth and
kindred connectedness.
My own personal sister of the moon.
Dancing freely.
Naked. Mightily aware. Joyfully repenting. Beautiful.
Sister of the moon.

"THE YEAR OF THE MAC"

I am soooo excited... I can hardly stand myself and I am going to hard to live with...... the below is taken from "The Nicks Fix" the official Stevie Nicks Web site.... read it and you will understand my excitement ....

Information below was not written by me and belongs to "The Nicks Fix"

"The album Fleetwood Mac includes single versions of “Say You Love Me,” “Rhiannon,” “Over My Head” and “Blue Letter”, as well as insightful liner notes by Rolling Stone writer Parke Puterbaugh.

Rumours will include a full additional disc of 18 unreleased tracks featuring early demos of “Gold Dust Woman” and “Never Going Back Again,” as well as liner notes written by noted rock scribe Dave DiMartino.

Tusk will include an additional disc of 21 previously unissued demos and outtakes, including a full, unedited release of “Sara.” Additionally, liner notes are provided by Parke Puterbaugh.

All three titles are available on March 23, 2004, at all retail outlets and at www.onlyhitmusic.com. "

Well, as I promised here are some poems.... there are quite few have fun...


A dreamer left to dream alone
Only becomes entwined in a hopeless
Web spun through time and
The ages, for all their reasons,
Leave me saddened at the loss of
Unbidden fortitude, of youth, and
I feel old

Time is not a healer of wounds
Discontent is really a demon
Disguised by a veil called humanity
On which the worlds reality feed

Renee H

2/4/04

Fear Lead Me Not, Fear Lead Me No More.

An open wound intensified
Behind the veil of onyx shadows
Reflections of a nightmare
Seemingly real
Living among a web of circumstance,
But..Still alone
With the memory, a heartbeat
Pounding out the dream sequence
Over and over until the visions
Become cloudy with a myst
Laying its body across this nightmare
Suffocating the flames, removing
The vise with which it holds you
And the fear subsides

Renee H.
1/26/04

Written after a nightmare about my ex-husband D.


Lady Moon

No, the world has not heard her name
No not yet anyway.
She does not concede to a defeat

Like a vamp, like a ghost, like a
Wisp of the ancients
She floats on down
On through enchanted nights

She never mentions the word magick
No, not on this rotation
Sometimes you can hear her talking,
Chanting to the ancients
Drawing down her moon
Calling forth, invoking a power
Borrowed on a favor of God &Goddess

The fate is something
She has not met, not yet
And still she keeps on

Like a vamp, like a ghost
Like the wisps of the ancients
Calling on the moon
Call her home

Renee H.
1/14/04


No Strength of Character

The world revolves on a disposable
Society, reeking of decay and
All that will be left is the plastic
Shell we mutated to

Below the surface I hear Humanity
Screaming for release, gurgling
For air

Renee H
01/26/04



Prelude To A Change

Living every night
In shadows, in darkness
A veil across a doorway


And as the rain
Swept across her heart
She washed clean the
Haunted spirits of old
Dwelling within her
Lonesome soul
Bathing in loves silver light
Drowning all sorrows
Dancing with the wind,
Becoming one with her moon
And the ageless faded away
Among her Dark Moon vision



Renee H
2/4/04


Sexuality

Into the soft folds
Of forbidden love
Seeking a absolute
Mystique to compliment
Her own psyche.
Torn between worlds
Living one by night,
The other by day
Longing for ALL
Her woes to take
Leave from her heart
And drift away on
The soft gentle wind

Renee H
01/20/04

So..... I was sitting at my computer tonight contemplating what to write and felt the need to write something Profound..... Well Here goes....

PROFOUND.....

Whew... there I did it....man was that mentally exhausting.....


Okay, but seriously folks. I am way to serious minded for my own good and felt I needed a little humour tonight....LOL....

I am looking forward to this new year and have been feverently praying for more financial stability.... I do necessariy want overwhelming wealth, but I would like to be able to at least put money back for emergencies instead of living paycheck to paycheck. I feel I have made some strong postive decisions and pray that I continue do so...

I also want to take a moment and thank all of the great friends I have out there.. Allen, Jenny, Ronnie, and Tonya.... Ya'll are the greatest....and I am very blessed to have ya'll in my life and have you to lean on...and to have good times with....Everyday, I learn something new from one of you guys and I grow and become a better person for it.... Thanks for accepting me for me and all my faults..... Lots of love to you...

Re'

What can I say... nothing much is going on and alot is going on.... busy trying to get my taxes finished....Though I wont see much of the return... Its going to pay off a bill....working massive overtime and generally feeling drained... I have a few things I am working on and will post soon.....

Love to All

Today has been a rough day.... and I really dont know what to blogg about.... so I am going to ramble. I do not want to focus on the negative so I am not going to give it substance by writing about it on here. Saturday, However, Allen will get an ear full....LOL.... well I am going to go do something constructive and get myself together.... I will blogg this weekend...

Re

Below is an email I got about the differences between Cats and Dogs... I have gotten this before and it always makes me chuckle and have a new respect for my cat, Beau. I did not write and I do not know the author but I thought I would share it....

Dogs And Cats

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:

8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 a.m. Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
Noon- Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 p.m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 p.m. Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!
5:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favorite!
6:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!
8:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:
Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,while I am
forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild scolding I get from ruining the occasional
piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan...

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
placed solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could
hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what
this is and how to use it to my advantage.I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait - It is only a matter of time….

Here is a List of Things Currently going on In my life....

Reading: Moon Magic (Myth & Magic, Crafts & Recipies, Rituals & Spells) By D. J. Conway

Listening to Stevie Nicks ... anything by her.

Learning about herbs and oils

Favorite candle of the moment is "Leather" Made by Peggy

Still Smoking Marlboro Red Kings

Watching Nothing on TV... I am not a boob toob Junkie....

Last Movie Watched was Terminator 3.... Big Dissappointment

Wanting to see Lord of the Rings Two Towers and Return of the KIng...

I will blogg something more interesting later....

I soooo... love the New Look of My Blogg!!!

A big kudos to Ronnie over at "and the days go by..." for getting it up and running for me.... I am stupid when it comes all this stuff....

Now if I could figure out how to download pictures I will be happy....
Ya'll have a good one and I will blogg more later....

Re'

So I have coasted into the new millenium finally...

Well, folks its finally here.... DSL... My area has not had this available until recently and as soon as it came available, I jumped on the band wagon... I got home tonight to my new modem and handy dandy instillation instructions... Which by the way WERE in english and WERE very easy to read and understand and I am impressed with the Service I received from AOL for the Whole schitamacheeze... I am sorry Allen if I spelled that wrong...So I now have DSL... and I am in Love.... Now.. If I could only get a new computer...

To all the Women in the world hurting right now... For whatever reason, for whatever injustice... I offer a simple poem Written by Veronica Shoffstall.....


Comes The Dawn

"After a while, you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean possession
and company doesn't mean security,
and loneliness is universal.
And you learn that kisses aren't contracts,
and presents aren't promises...
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes open,
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all of your hope on today,
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain,
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
because tomorrow's ground can be too uncertain for plans;
yet each step taken in a new direction creates a path
towards the promise of a brighter dawn.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden,
and nourish your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
and you really do have worth.
And you learn and grow...
With every good-bye you learn.

By Veronica Shoffstall

OKAY TO CLEAR UP ANY CONFUSION.....

UNDERNEATH THE WORD LINKS TO THE RIGHT OF THE SCREEN IS THE LINK TO MY EMAIL ADDRESS AS WELL AS LINKS TO SOME INTERESTING WEB SITES. THE LINKS ARE NOT ADDITIONAL PAGES TO MY SITE. MY STUFF IS ON A FRONT PAGE ONLY UNLESS YOU ACESS THE ARCHIVES WHICH IS LISTED AT THE BOTTOM OF THE RIGHT SIDE....UNDERNEATH THE ARCHIVES TITLE... AS SOON AS I SEE RONNIE AGAIN I WILL HAVE HIM ADD SOME BETTER TITLES TO EVERYTHING. SO SORRY FOR ANY CONFUSION....

SNOW DREAM

Like frozen butterfly wings
The softness falls
Blanketing nature while the lady sleeps
The images of tomorrow (no two the same)
Merge together like pieces of a puzzle.
If only those could see, there IS an easy grace
Floating all around us,
Nipping at our face, like frozen butterfly wings

Kissing eyelashes
Wetting tired eyes.
Cleansing the pollutted night
Absorbing all of time's trespasses
Within its white innocence
In hopes the tired will go on,
Like frozen butterfly wings...

You believe in the moment...
I believe in the fate that we
Go on even after the Snow fall
Melts away...
Born again in some other place
On frozen butterfly wings.

Renee H
Written 1/13/04


Inspired by Ronnie Spady's Snow Queen poem and by the images brought to life In Allens story....

Enjoy...

Anticipation Is A Folly Often Dissappointed With Reality....

Okay so I am a Drama Queen... Never said I wasn't....

The Day after Christmas Allan and I went shopping and I ordered myself a copy of "Stevie Nicks, Rock's Mystical Lady" by Edward Wincentsen.... The book store called me friday night and told me it was in so I went to go pick it up today and was sorely dissappointed....While the book has some wonderful photos and sketches that I truly love, the contents of the book were flat and even I could have written the contents. I felt this was simply an extorsion of Stevie's name and mysticism in order to make a profit. Were the Photos worth Sixteen bucks... maybe.... If they had been in color I would have paid more and not even blinked an eye. The author would have been better off doing a collection of Stevie photographs.
I guess I am going to have to wait for the real "Stevie" book to be published when she does her biography or auto biography.

Nothing much else is going on except more layoffs at work.... So far I have not gotten the Axe....

More to come....

We all have songs that touch our hearts and our souls.
And I too have a song that is possibly my all time favorite country and western song.
“Smoke Rings In the Dark” Sung by Gary Allan is a soulful rendition of a love dying.
The poetry and the music breathe a sigh of saddness into your soul as you listen to it and I think It is one of the better “modern” country songs out there. Here are the lyrics and I hope you enjoy the words and if you do… Go by the CD the Steel Guitar makes a lonesome cry only it could make and totally sets the mood for this song…




Smoke Rings In The Dark
Gary Allan

(Rivers Rutherford/Houston Robert)

Well I won't make you tell me
What I've come to understand
You're a certain kind of woman
I'm a different kind of man
I've tried to make you love me
You've tried to find a spark of the flame that burned but
Somehow turned to smoke rings in the dark

The loneliness within me
Takes a heavy toll
'Cause it burns as slow as whiskey through an empty aching soul
And the night is like a dagger
Long and cold and sharp
As I sit here on the front steps
Blowing smoke rings in the dark

I- I- I know I must be going
'Cause loves already gone
And all I'm taking with me are the pieces of my heart
And all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark

The rain falls where it wants to
The wind blows where it will
Everything on earth goes somewhere
But I swear we're standin' still
So I'm not going to wake you
I'll go easy on your heart
I'll just touch your face and drift away
Like smoke rings in the dark

I- I- I know I must be going
'Cause loves already gone
And all I'm taking with me are the pieces of my heart and
All I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark

I HAVE PMS AND A HANDGUN... ANY QUESTIONS????

Since everyone enjoyed last month's post of "The top ten reasons to remove the child safety cap from midol", I thought I would humor them and myself with another top ten list.....

TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A WOMAN WHILE SHE IS PMS'ING

10)Whats wrong?
Whats wrong... whats wrong??? MY gawd how fucking dare you ask me whats wrong.

9)How was your day?

8) Would you like fries with that? I am bloated like a cow and you want me to buy fucking fries?

7)Anything... dont open your flap and you'll live longer

6) Do you know why they call it PMS? Answer: because Mad Cow Disease was already taken......to which any sane or insane woman in the throws of hormonal dysfuntion will kill you dead and get off because she was PMS'ing

5) So what if your feet are bloated and you cant wear your shoes... why don't you put on something that will fit..... Like, say, Wyoming... (this is just wrong...Plain wrong)

4)Sorry, we are out of chocolate and coffee.....(never, never, never never ever say this to a woman whose body has taken over her mind... she will kill you)
3) Satan doesn't exist....(excuse me.... but he lives in me every 28 days and ALL MAN KIND shall suffer)

2) You mean its that time Again? (wtf do you mean its "THAT" AGAIN... DIE YOU BASTARD)
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING TO NOT SAY TO A WOMAN PMS'ING

1) ARE YOU PMS'ING?

GOOD NIGHT FOLKS AND HOPE YOU ENJOY....

OPERATION "CLEAN SWEEP 2004"

I have declared WAR on the Herod Household and all occupants, including myself.

My husband, my kids, and myself are pack-rats. The men of the household being the worst and I, for one, and tried of the house looking like shit.

On New Year's Day I watched a show on THE LEARNING CHANNEL(TLC) called CLEAN SWEEP. It was a marathon running of all of their episodes. The crew from the show go into a home and clean sweep two rooms of the house and re-decorate, re-organize, and re-plan. The show caters to people whose rooms are in utter chaos. While watching the shows I first started to become a little depressed wishing my house was more decorated and organized, BUT I did not subcumb to the depression, instead I let out a blood-curdleding war cry and DECLARED WAR on Bill and The KIDS. I stormed into our bedroom and told him of my plans and that this year the inside of the house was going to be organized and decorated or I was leaving... Period.. end of discussion. He didn't say much, which was a good thing because my battle plans were already laid and I was not turning back. The kids got home late that night from being gone for two weeks and I informed them that I had declared WAR and told them what I planned to do... At first I think All of them, including Bill, did not take me seriously. On friday, the 2nd, I granted them all a repreive from chores and such since they had been on the rode for 14 hours and thought they might enjoy a chance to play with their christmas loot. I was being a NICE GENERAL.,,,,, BWAAHHHHAHBWAHHHH BWHAHHHHSAAHAHAHHA......
That night I told the kids I wanted their room cleaned and the house straightened up the next day before I got home from working overtime. After working for 10 hours, I came to a house that had hardly been touched.... Only the christmas tree had been taken down.
So, Instead of screaming I grab trashed bags and hollered for the kids to get in their room.

Now, my oldest "collects things" all kinds of things right down to fuzz balls and dust bunnies. The twins are 10 and dont know quite yet how to organize. Billy had three half size book cases full of books he never reads.... I let them pick out a few and the rest went into trash bags for a yard sale. I made the Twins clean out from under their bunk beds.....OH MY GAWD.... kids are filthy... and that is just plain wrong...lol.... I do not have room to explain all of the things we found under their bed. We then tackled the toy box that was so full of stuff it would not even close..... I let them pick out the stuff they played with the most...then the broken things were thrown away and the salvagable items where again placed in trash bags for a yard sale. Santa brought them tool box to put their hot wheel cars and what nots in and we filled them up with their cars. The toy box now is pratically empty... Wow....
We then tackled billy's bed and head board that had all kinds of neat boy type collectable stuff like nails, and fence nails, and well just plain junk that went to the trash pile.... We also clean out the closest and the twins chest of drawers... all of this took from 5 until about 1 am. It sounds easier than it was... We came out with 10 trash bags of TRASH and about 7 bags for yard sale. But wait folks there is more.....

Today... We tackled christmas decorations. This is where the pack rat issue comes in hand with me. I went throught this stage of buying anything cute that was christmas... none of it meant anything... so guess what folks .. I bagged that up too and kept my most treasued items... I went from 6 tote boxes of christmas stuff just for the inside of the house... to only two!!! Yeah me!!!! We then moved to my office and billy helped me to file papers that needed to be filed and various other things and got that organized....

Needless to say it has been a tiring experience and I am not completely done yet.. I still have the hall closet and two china cabniets to sort through and chunk junk....

But the kids room looks great with all of those book shelves out of the way we re-arranged some furniture to make more room... We also got rid of three out dated video game system and placed the most current one in the living room and organized all of the games into a CD Case Binder and chunked the cases...
we cleaned under beds, dressers, and other furniture and really got alot of organizing done...

The house is shaping up and I cannot wait to by some new furniture for the living room and get some paint on these plain white walls...

Anywho... Ya'll be good and have a good Monday!!!!

Lost Spirit

She said…

“Mirror Mirror”
And the winds raised, and the flame of her candle
Went down in sorrow, before the question could
Come to life… The answer revealed itself---
A ghost reflection in the silver glass
Haunt of a spirit from so long ago
Calling friend, cursing Foe, cursing Time…
The dreamer of old, faded,
Transcended through time, Now
Only a wisp of magic smoke
Wafting away on the wind.
Day is dawning
Cover of night slipping away, along
With her hopes, her dreams and the
Spirit of the wind …


Renee Herod
8/20/2003

Life is so short… some of us have the courage to live out our dreams and some of us hardly have the courage to live…

To The Sea...To Be Free

And up from the Ashes
She arose, like a phoenix
Reborn on the wings of hope,
And Dawn of a new day.
Evil shall not prevail

And the spinning globe of glass
Turns on with the force of time
Winter settles in like an old lover.
And the Goddess sleeps in his arms.
Gaining strength for her return.


Another life, another time
Blessed with the kiss of a promise
Holding fast upon her heart and
All of the Years fall away and melt
Unto the sea ...

Like a Phoenix
She rises up out of the Winter

and
Flees to the sea...

Take me... Take me home ... Take me to the sea...
With the night she is gone .... Dancing across the sea with silver wings....

Dancing to be Free...

THE GIFT OF KNOWLEDGE

For several years, I have been wistful, longing for something more in my life. I have been moping around trying to figure out what is missing, and the more I think about it the more I know what it is that I want. I want to return to school and obtain my teaching degree. I want to quit my dead end job and something meaningful with my life, and I have made up my mind to do it. Come the fall, I hope to be able to quit my job and return to school full time. Its going to be hard but well worth the investment of my time and my efforts. I am so excited about this... I will blogg more later this week... it is hard to type right now... I chopped off the tip of my finger yesterday.... ttfn

INVASION OF THE MONGOLIAN BODY SNATCHERS A LA ALLEN AND JENNY STYLE......


Yesterday ...hmmmm Yesterday.... I WAS NOT THE FIRST ONE TO COLLAPSE......NEEENNERRRRRNENRNENENENNENENENENENRNERERERERE....... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.....

Yesterday was my first time attending the Annual Christmas Shopping Spree, graciously hosted by Allen and Jenny A.K.A... "Those Goddamn Mongrolians".....hehehehe.... and I must say I had the absolute most bestest time I have had in a really long time.... and all I have to say to those two bastards is..... "You Die... You Die and go to Hell.... You die hard you die wlong You goddamn mongrolians....." LMFAO.....

Let me share with how my day started....... ((((wavy lines wavy lines fade to bedtime night before))))

Me:(speaking to Bill) are we gonna have Hot nasty Birthday sex?
BIIL: Why... you want too?
ME: well... it is my birthday and my heart wants to but my body is sooo tired....
Bill: Me too....
ME: Lets just relax and watch some tv...
Bill(staring at tv): hmm... do you say something?
Me: naww... I love you baby....

I went to bed at 12ish and arose at 5 am and got ready and went to work.. I worked from 6 am till 9:15 am and then went to Allen's....

Was berated for being late...We all piled into Allen's Durango and off we went.... First was breakfast at Sonic for Allen and Jenny... Then on to Mcdonalds for me...

We went to Justin, Tx to the Justin Boot Outlet and it was totally crowded and you couldn't find anything in the right size.... Allen had a momentary lapse of reason as was feeling all the "gayness being sucked right of him" in the midst of all the macho cowboys sauntering around.... We left and I was again berated ...
Allen: We came all the way down here and you only bought one thing?
Me(pious and pitful): I am so sorry my Lord, it shall not happen again....
Allen muttered something but by then I had spotted another outlet store advertising Rockies for only 10.00 dollars and I shouted to Jenny..... Rockies.... over there lets go....

There I found me a pair of rockies but Jenny could not find any in her size.... I did find her a pair of RED SHINY PLEATHER PANTS FOR ONLY 5.00....I thought she was going to choke me with them...so i said... I guess not huh?

So we go back to the trusty Durano and Allen starts babbling about the easiet way to get to Frisco from there and I said go back like we came except hit 380 and we'll cut across... He proceeded to check his map and said.... 5 points to Re- Re ... 380 it is....
so off we went....

We arrived in frisco and went straight to Pier 1, then some candle shop and a book store and then we went to Texas Land and Cattle Co. to eat....

I have never had such delicious food.... I had a sirloin steak, grilled shrmp, cesar salad, onion strings, wine, garlic mashed potatoes and a ball of ice cream rolled in carmel and hot fudge and pecans.... Heaven ..pure heaven....
We head back to sherman and Jenny lays down in the back with a bad headache. We go to Allen's house and drop off packages and by then Jenny is feeling really bad... she decides to lay down for awhile and Allen and I go to the Mall..... I hate the Mall... and I was so dissappointed in Dillards' international Santa Collection... It used to be very chic... now it looks like the cheap dollar store stuff that is overpriced.... Allen found him some neat journals and waldens and we went back to his house... Jenny was still under the weather and asked us to give her 30 more minutes before hitting Wal-Mart.....
We made it to Wal-mart and that is where the chaos began.......
I have never seen so many morons collectively gathered in one place in all my life.... They were everywhere... I hate the Sherman Wal-mart... I despise it... their toy selecton sucked as did their CD selection... Jenny had gotten her second wind by then and was ready to shop.... Allen and I ... well we were starting to get tired.... By then we had been at it for over 12 hours.... We just wanted to get our shit and get gone.... We were so Evil to Jenny....... I hope she will forgive us...
I thought Allen was gonna pop when I said I had to go to the bathroom....
and i cannot even bring myself to talk about the Electronics incident....

We finally left wal-mart and went to sonic for drinks and back to allens house ... we unloaded and loaded our cars and I headed home... I stopped and got gas and then I was finally on my way..... I got home left all my shit in the car and came inside pulled off my shoes and my clothes and go into my pj's and watched TV will Bill......

The pain set in... OMG.... MY hands ached from being used to pick up and inspect things and ponder. My hair ached from being tossed about, my toes and feet swelled to unbelivable proptions and my jaws hurt from talking so much.... and my sides hurt from laughing so much all day....

All In All it was a really great time and I cannot wait to do it again Next Year.... I was prepared somewhat this year... but next year..... hehehehehehehhe I am gonnna take them "goddamn mongolians" down....hehehehehe...ehhehehehehehe...hehehehehehehehhe mwahhhhh muahhh..... snot... gasp guffaw.....

Merry Christmas!!!!

Happy Birthday to My Daddy....

Tonight we had a really nice and cozy birthday celebration for my Daddy. He turned 65 today. Bill cooked supper and baked a triple chocolate fudge (two-layer) cake. We had fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, black eyed peas, spinach, and biscuits....YUM YUM....The boys all made dad homemade birthday cards and he adored them. It was really nice... I love my daddy very much... He will always be my first love.....

Daddy's and their little girls all share a sacred bond. The first man a little girl falls in love with is her daddy and as she gets older she breaks her daddy's heart with her selfishness and rebellion.... But as Time goes by.... and we get older "The Landslide brought me down" .... and I realize all that was sacrificed in the name of love for your child/ children and you find a new respect and a deeper love for your parents than you could have ever imagined. I love my dad very much and pray for his health, safety, and happiness.... Thank you Daddy.... and I love you...

CLOSED FOR MAINTENCE??????


What's up with that? Evidentily my shout it is suffering technical diffiiculties and no on bothered to tell me..... OH WELL ... I am not on long.. having major anixeity attack and can barely sit still... Email me if the Shout Out thingy is broken..... TTFN

Friday....

Well I made it through another week.... Thank Goodness Pay Day Is next Thursday... I am soooooo looking forward to the up and comming shopping excursion next Saturday.... Another Gift Idea for me folks is Lord of the Rings Two Towers..... I dont have much to blogg about right now... so I will catch ya'll on the flip side...
ttfrn

I TAKE IT BACK I DO HAVE SOMETHING TO BLOGG ABOUT.....

MIchael Jackson and the Allegations of Child Molestation....

I am really surprised, no shocked at the number of people that feel he should just be "left alone". We live in a society that is shocked and outraged when a child has been violated and demand satifaction from our government and the authorities when the child's rights have been violated. We teach our children that is important for them to speak up and tell when they have been wronged. However, in many cases we choose NOT to hear them, because we "just cannot believe" that someone close to us would do such an unspeakable act. By doing this we in turn EMPOWER sexual predators to coerce and maniuplate our children. Sexual predators feed on our vulernablities and are very good at using those vulernablities against us and sometimes we wise up to it and sometimes we do not. They tell us things we want to hear because we are so desperate for kindred spirits and knights in shinning armour that we do not see the forest for the trees.

Michael Jackson may or may not be guilty of child molestation but I do feel if allegations are being made they should be investigated. He lost his right to a normal life when he chose a life and career that depends on the public. If he is innocent, then so be it... If he is guilty He needs to be stopped...

People have made comments stating " whats wrong with letting a child sleep in your bed" To this I have to say if you are a 45 year old man sleeping in the same bed as a 10,12, 13 year old child something is amiss.... My children Do Not sleep in the same bed as me or their father even when they are sick. Its not conducivive to healthy behaviour patterns. I did not sleep with my parents. If I were sick, I slept nearby on the couch but not in the same bed and I have my kids do the same. It does not mean I love them any less.

Also, Have any of you taken a close look at the changes Michael Jackson has made to his face over the years? If you look at the pictures taken inside his ranch of all of those dolls he has, you would see the resemblence. He is trying to look like a doll.... Something is just not right....

Honestly, In my opinion, I feel there is room for alot of doubt of his innocence. However, if I am wrong ... all the better for the kids and their familes. Being a victim and comming forward is not an easy task... You are humilated, violated and persecuted because people simiply refuse to believe.

Sexual Predators are your friends, your family, your neighbors, and your co-workers. They are not all greasy, scumy looking people. Determing if a child has truly been molested is not always an easy task and usually behaviour changes are the first sign... Dont Ignore the signs....

I saw an intresting title to a Blogger Page.....
"Diarrhea of a Sick Mind"

While I did not click my handy dandy websurfing mouse to go view this curious icon.... I found the Title most amusing.....

What is Diarrhea of a sick mind? Tell me fellow bloggers what you might interpret this to be?

I dont really have anything of note to blogg about.... Honestly, I am ready for some new Stevie Stuff.... I would trully like to see her and Lindsey do an album together and just lay it all on the line about their relationship for that last 30 plus years....I realized today that I am the same age Stevie was when Wild Heart and Rock A Little where released..... and I have been listening to those songs for most of my life.... She is truly an Inspiration.

I maybe totally off track here but I think I relate to her writing and her songs and her mystical lyrics because we have similar characteristics... For example,
She has had to be cold and calculating and tough in a man's world. She has had to be strong and go on even when she did not feel like.
Secretly all she has ever wanted to be was a "lady" ... loved and revered... Placed on a pedestal by a Knight in shining armour.... To be visioned as a lovely mystical creature and loved unconditionally....
But reality is a hard game to play...
I think she has had to use womanly cunning to get her voice listened too....
I think her intelligence is far deeper than most will ever realize.
I think that she is not "what you see is what you get" There is a layer there kept covered and we see a little bit of that in her lyrics.

These are just some ramblings of a poet.... dont mind me...

Hope all is well out there for everyone and hope to hear from ya soon...
ttfn

by the way...for all you happy campers out there....Its only 10 more days until my birthday..... Just a few gift ideas listed below....

Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money....

The bad news is.... I am broke....very broke...The good news is come January I wont be so broke....

If I can keep it all together till then Life will be good.

I finally had to break down and have my dr refill my headache pills.... I get tension headaches so bad I cant see straight.
I wish he would prescribe me xanex again....When I had those, I did not stress out so bad....OH Well.....
I hope all of you little christmas urchins are doing well and getting ready for Santa Claus....
I dont have anything interesting to post so I am off to bed....
ttfn

Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmm.......

1) dogs/cats licking their balls
if someone invented ball flavored dog/cat food... we would have alot of happy dogs/cats runnining around....

2) spandex
3) Santa can be re-arranged as SATAN
4) red-necks and all they encompass
5) morons driving 45 mph in the fast lane with their left turn signal
blinking
6) breasts on Men???? I mean what the fuck are those for?
7) the chicken or the egg? which came first....?
8) pot is illegal... doesn't cause cancer... but we can buy booze and cigarettes that cause liver damage, heart disease and cancer....
9) artificially flavored??? why fucking bother?
10) kids.... I needed kids like I needed butt implants....

THE CHRISTMAS SEASON HAS NOW OFFICALLY STARTED....

Today, I finally got to watch my mostest, favoritist, funniest christmas movie in the whole mad mad mad world. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase and Beverly D'angelo. This movie is a satire about Christmas and Family and it is frighteningly true even in its most of the wall dramtics. That is my family.... right down to the cousin Eddie and anything that can go wrong will. I love this movie and I laugh and laugh right down to the very end when the light bulb blows out on the The End sign.. The Christmas Season cannot truly begin until I sit down and watch this movie from begining to end parked on the couch with hot chocolate, my flannel pj's, a pillow and a fuzzy blanket.

I dont watch much T.V or movies for that matter because mostly I can figure out the plot within 15 minutes of the watching the movie. Yes.. I am one of those people that run it for everyone else. But when I do find something that I like... PLEASE SUCH THE FUCK UP AND LET ME WATCH MY DAMN MOVIE. I cannot watch T.V with Bill because he talks constantly and I usually miss something I wanted to hear because he is flapping his jaws. He means no harm and It is just one of those character things that I love so much about him..... Yeah Right....TeeeHeee.....Bill hates watching T.V. with me because most of the stuff I can tell him exactly what is going to happen... drives him nuts.... He told his dad about on the phone one day and they plotted to "fix my wagon" last christmas. We had to stay up until 3 am and watch "Pearl Harbor" in order to see if I was as good as Bill said I was..... When the woman's man's plane went down.... I knew the whole story plot and I blurted it out.... Boy meets girl... boy falls in love... boy "dies" and she finds out she is pregnant and falls in love with his best friend and boy returns and one of them end up dying for the other so everyone can live happily ever after. All Bill's dad could say was well we will just have to watch to find out now won't we? I said okay... but mark my words....Sooooooo we watched it and of course I was right..... Now, dont get me wrong... it was a good movie and was done really well and I did enjoy watching it.... but I could also get up and go to the bathroom without fear of losing the storyline.... After the movie was over, Bill said... See Dad I told you... She is not normal.... I said... well at least I can REMEMBER seeing the movie... In two hours you will have forgotten that we saw it.....(that is another posting entirely, Bill suffers from major memory loss)....

Anyway, My point is.... WELL I DONT REALLY KNOW WHAT MY POINT IS BUT YOU GET IT ANYWAY RIGHT? RIGHT.. GOOD SHOW OLD FELLOW...

I have some poems to fine tune and hopefully get them posted soon....

I am going with Allen and Jenny on their annual Christmas shopping spree on the 20th and I am sooooo looking forward to this.... they have no ideal how much of an evil shopper I am... I truly hate shopping and crowds of people and I cannot wait to have a breakdown in front of them.... It will be soooooooo funny.... teeeehehehehehheheheheh.....

Well, I am off to bed with visions of mall maulings in my head.....

PMS AND CHILD RESISTANT SAFETY CAPS.....

The two do not mix.... When I say I have PMS... I mean I have PMS.... I dont have the time nor the patience to fight a safety cap on a bottle of pills.... So to humor my raging hormones I have come up with a top 10 list.

10 REASONS SAFETY CAPS SHOULD BE REMOVED FROM MIDOL AND OTHER PMS MEDICATIONS.

10) TO PREVENT A HORMONE ENRAGED STERIOD BUFFED WOMAN FROM CRAMMING IT UP SOME UNSUSPECTING PHARMACIST'S ASS.
9) PEACE ON EARTH
8) IF YOU ARE ON THE RAG THEN CHANCES ARE YOU DONT HAVE ANY FRIGGING KIDS TO PROTECT THEM FROM THE DANGERS OF PMS PILLS.
7) HORMONALLY IMBALANCED WOMAN ARE MORE OF DANGER TO THEIR KIDS THAN THE PILLS
6) THREE YEAR OLDS HAVE MORE OF A CHANCE OF GETTING THE SON OF BITCHING BOTTLE OPEN THAN AN ADULT
5) PEACE ON EARTH
4) HANDGUNS AND PMS DO NOT MIX... GIVE THE GAL A PILL ALREADY
3) TRYING TO OPEN A BOTTLE WHILE DRIVING DOWN THE HIGHWAY IS A HARZARDOUS TO OTHER DRIVERS.... NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE A HORMONAL FEMALE BEHIND THE WHEEL JUST TRYING TO GET SOME FUCKING RELIEF....
2) PUSH DOWN AND TURN IS A JOKE... IT NEVER WORKS....
***********AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON CHILD SAFETY CAPS SHOULD BE REMOVED FROM MIDOL***********************
1)ITS AN EVIL PLOT DEVELOPED BY MAN SIMPLY TO TORMENT WOMEN ......

THINK ABOUT IT LADIES....
GOODNIGHT....

Christmas Nymphs and Gnomes I need you NOW.....

I love the whole spirit of christmas and the cooking and making candy and decorating and the magic in all the little kid's faces christmas morning.... Staring in wonderment at all the goodies under the tree and in their stockings. I love it !!! But I also get stressed out over money. It seems that every year no matter how hard I try to have extra money at christmas I never suceed and I have to scrimp and cut corners in order to provide my kids with what appears to be a good christmas. I dont know how my parents ever did it.... Maybe that is why mother is psychotic.....LOL... SNORT ... GASP ... Guffaw.....TEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHe....Anywho....
Ya'll pray for me and maybe some money will fall out of sky......

I have done really well so far at keeping my attitude in check. Its hard... its very hard..... but I am having small sucesses here and there and I focus on those.
Well.. I hope all of you are safe and well... I am off to bed.... I have an appointement with a hot water bottle, a heating pad, and midol.... Smooches.

PERFORMING AN EMOTIONAL AS WELL AS A HOUSE EXORCISM

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

Okay, so I am one of those happy, gay, cheerful, christmas slults that absolutely LOVE this time of year. The smells, the colors, the air, the decorations, the food, the music, and the cheer. I LOVE CHRISTMAS....

now back to the exorcism thingy.. I know its spelled wrong but overlook it... I am working hard to change my attitude and expunging the demon that has been riding my back for way too long and spending 4 days with my mother has been motivation to do so and to do it quickly. My life is NOT horrible... I have a GREAT husband AND kids. A warm, safe, and happy home with wonderful neighbors and a few close friends and lots of aqaintances that respect me and my family. I am a good person with a strong will that is toooooooo serious all the time and make mountains out of molehills.... why my husband has so gracefully put up with me I will never know..... (maybe it is good head) teehee teehee...the latter comment was inspired by my bestest bud Allen and he'll catch my drift....lol
Anyway, I do solmenly swear to uphold my commitment to purging most if not all negative thoughts and actions and to make a full fledge effort to be positive.

Now, I am not so naive to think that I will have bad days and I will still use my right to vent and purge it and turn into something postive. My life is not a soap opera and I will not subcumb.
I promise that I will post on my good days as well as my bad days instead just posting when I have something to bitch about.
I will laugh at my husband's jokes and not think he is trying to say something else.
I will try very very very hard to be more patient with my 14 yr old stepson... I need lots of help on this one....
I am not going to let money problems consume me.

I think I have covered most everything.... Wish me Luck...

Now back to ALLEN'S MOSTEST FAVORITE HOLIDAY OF ALL TIMES.....
CHRISTMAS.......

MUAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHMAUAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHAH i JUST HAD TO SAY THAT......TEEEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHE

Bill, the boys, myself and Gulliver the puppy all went to Lowe's this afternoon and picked out our christmas tree. We went there because they were supposed to have the best Douglas Fir Trees in the area at a reasonable price of 21.88.... Now those trees were very nice and very green and were lovely. However, my stepson walked past a Fraser Fir Tree and paused to look at it. I stopped to see what he was looking at turned my head this way and that way and fell in love with that tree. I felt like Clark W. Griswold in Lampoon's Christmas Vacation when he found "The Griswold Family Christmas Tree" The choir sang "Hallelujah" and a beautiful golden light shone down on that tree. My husband walked up and I said... Just look at that tree its beautiful.... and My husband said Yeah... it is.... Well, I then noticed the price of 49.98.... and I was hmmmmm..... Lets go look at the Douglas Firs and see if there is one there we like as well.... Well of course there wasn't because we all LOVED the Fraser tree.... So,, I said to Bill... What the hell.... lets get it... Lets not "settle" for once. I was so impressed with Lowe's as well. The clerks trimmed off what I wanted and cut an inch of the bottom as well so it would absorb water better. They netted the tree and provided the nylon string to tie to the top of our van.... We went home a happy family. When we got home, Bill got up in the attic and brought down All my decorations... Which my friends is no easy task... I have a ton of Christmas stuff. Me and the boys decorated the tree and placed the remaining outside decorations on the porch so daddy could finish tomorrow. I still have most of my inside decorating to do.. but it will be a piece of cake with the tree out of the way. My tree decoratons are red lights and green lights, red and green glass balls, silk poinsettas on single stems strategically placed on the tree, red bead garland and red tinsel. When we got together as a family we started a new tradtion of each boy picking out the tree topper and It was their's to keep for when they grow up and get out on there own. This year was Jonathon's turn and he picked out the most beautiful red stained glassed poinsetta with clear light placed behind each leaf. It looks great on the tree.
I still have my santa collection to put out and my many porcelin trinkets but I will enjoy every minute of it. Well I better wind this down... because I could write a book about christmas... TTFN

Peace and Joy to you and yours....
Re

AFTER THANKSGIVING REFLECTIONS AND UPDATES

Well, My feast was a sucess and we ate heartily and happily considering it was almost cancelled at the last minute. Wednesday, my mothers van caught fire in her carport, caught her dinning room on fire, and burned up another car in the car port as well. Both vehicles exploded and pratically burned to the ground. Her carport is gone and most of her dinning room... which was an add on, which in turn ended up saving the rest of the house from bursting into flames. The entire house is smoked damaged and is not liveable at the moment. So we are Thankful this year for everyone being alive and their home not burning to the ground. The house and vehicles are insured, thankfully, so now it is just a matter of re-grouping. My brother and his wife were on their way back from my sisters when it happened so they brought mom down here with them so she could get away from it all. Dad had to haul peanuts so he stayed in their camper trailer and made sure everything was secure.

I know what my mother is going through, I have been through it myself. I lost my entire home to a fire and most of my possessions.... So I can relate. She is still in shock and is being very negative about everything and I kinda lost my temper with her. The people from her area have all offered them housing and use of a vehicle if necessary... Everyone is being very helpful and wonderful. I lost my temper because she made a statement to me "You don't understand... I am homeless....My little red car burnt I dont have a car now..." I snapped at her and said.. .excuse me... I dont know know what you are going through? Bullshit... Mom, I LOST my home and everything in it. All I had were the clothes on my back and one car and NO FUCKING INSURANCE and NO ONE in my community helped me... NOT ONE FUCKING PERSON.... AND YOU... YOU have only lived there for two years and the whole town is offering to help. Your home is repairable, your car is replacable and YOU HAVE FUCKING INSURANCE. So dont pull your self-pity shit with me. Go be negative somewhere else...

I know... I was not very compassionate, but you would have to understand my mother and the "DRAMA QUEEN" she loves to be and she loves to be a victim and wallow in self pity. and then.... I had an ephiany.... I realized I have been becoming her, treating my kids the way she had treated me.... and I was very ashamed of myself and made my New Year's Resolution right then and there. I am going to change my attitude about life and work and my family .. it wont be easy but I will do it. I DO NOT WANT TO BECOME HER. Even if I have to seek counseling I am going to learn how to channel her neagitive genes out of me and into positve ones....

I want my family to remember me fondly, not as a moody, psychotic, drama queen angered easily.

I took the twins window shopping of sorts today to get ideas on what they want for christmas and we had such a nice time. They are such sweet boys. They were not greedy or pushy or whiny. They pointed out their most favorite items which I can count on one hand. I was so proud of them. Not much else is going on... Tomorrow we hang the christmas decorations and I am soooo looking forward to it. I am more in the holiday spirit than I have been in years. Well I must go for now...

THANKSGIVING AT MY HOUSE.... WOOOHOOOOOOOO.....

I am so excited about Thanksgiving this year. Usually, it is spent in the car with 3 boys,me, my husband and a dog.... Not this year.... This year I am staying home while Bill goes to Lubbock to pick the kids up from their mom's. My parents are actually comming here to spend time with Grandmaw, so I told them I would cook and we could do our Thanksgiving on Friday. They are thrilled. I have so far 11 people comming for dinner..... I bought a 23lb turkey, a 13lb ham, and all the fixings. Mom and I are going to cook the things we can on Thursday and just spend the whole day together drinking wine , cooking, chit-chatting and watching our Traditional holiday movie.... You know.. the one with Chevy Chase... "THE GRISWALD FAMILY CHRISTMAS" properly titles Lampoon's Christmas vacation..... My mom and I LOVE this movie. We used to always watch it Thanksgiving weekend to bring in the offical holiday season. We are gonna drink cheap wine and have an all out mom-daughter fest... I am sooooo excited....
Here is the menu:
Turkey
Corn bread dressing
Ham
Cheesy green beans
Green bean casserole
Brocolli and rice casserole
Candied Sweet Potatoes(yams for all ya'll non southerners)
Mashed Potatoes
Cranberry Sauce
Gravy
Relish Tray
Deviled Eggs

Desserts...
Pumpkin pie
Pecan Pie
Cherry Cheese Cake
Sweet Potato Pie
Fruit Cocktail

All Homemade and fresh for the pickings....

Cant wait... cant wait... cant wait....

I love to cook and entertain....
See Ya'll later...

Like Sand Through the Hour Glass.... So are the Days of Our Lives....

A few months ago I posted a story about a cat I named Jagger that found me at the local grocery store. This was no ordinary cat. He was absolutely adorable, totally loved me and was a constant comedian. He followed me across the street today as I went to visit with my neighbors. I had yelled at him to get out of street and he did but came into their yard. Something spooked him and he ran back into the street and was struck by a ford ranger pickup.... It flipped him up in the air and he cartwheeled several times struck the street and died horribly and it was awful.... I was screamming for Bill and all I could think about was for Bill to help me... help Jaggar to help him stop hurting.... All I could do was rub his hind quarter and watch him die..... It was horrible.... My baby is gone and it hurts so bad. I only had him for a little over three months and I was severly attached to this cat. I have really long hair... and he loved my hair he would curl up in it and purr and rub my chin with his face. When he was outside while we would sit on the porch and people would walk by on the sidewalk... he would stalk them... and bow up like he was guarding his territory... Today, the wind has been strong and leaves were blowing every where and covering the ground and he would run and leap and jump and dive into piles of leaves....He was so HAPPY. and I failed to protect him... He slept with me at night and he would purr so loud you could hear it the next room and every evening when I got in from week he would meet me at the car...Not many cats are like that.... This hurts so much.... I miss him

CAPTAINS BLOGG: WEDNESDAY NOVE..@#@$@#@$@#$ OH WHAT THE FUCK EVER....

I CANNOT TELL A LIE... ONLY DID A 10 HR DAY TODAY... BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS... I CAN WORK PART OF MY OT ON SATURDAY..... THANK YOU TO THE OVERTIME GODS.....

LATER....

CAPTAINS BLOGG: TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 18,2003 11:20 PM

DAY TWO

Mornings are horrible... and should be illegal. I arose at 8:01 am... got dressed and arrived at work at 8:52 am.... Worked until 9:40 pm... and got me another 12 day under the belt.... Two down... three to go....

Normally sane people do crazy things when exhaustion sets in.... a group of coworkers working late as well began playing some rap music out loud and stood up for a "booty" call and dance for a few beats.... I suppose this was a well intended "tension" breaker.. and I did hurummph... I know a rather pitiful laugh but I just wanted the day to be over.

36 hours since Gulliver last puked... which is a positve sign and he has begun eating small tidbits of food here and there.... I am praying that soon he will be recovered.......Poor Poor Puppy.

Later Gators...

CAPTAIN'S BLOGG: MONDAY, NOVEMBER 17,2003
DAY 1 OF MISSION MAINTAIN

I did not arise at 5am... but I did arise at 6:45 am and made it to work by 8am... and I accomplised a 12 hour day today.... I worked to 9pm arrived home at 9:40 pm and now I am scarfing down warmed over hamburger helper and typing in my blog...I am one fifth into my mission and still feel hopeful to suceed. Carry on adventurers and until tomorrow.... always remember and dont ever forget..... to piss with your back to the wind....

Later

Captains Blogg: Sunday, November 16th, 2003 8:49 P.M.

My mission.... To Maintain....

I must work five 12 hr days inorder to achieve monetry stability for December. These days must be done consectively and done starting tomorrow, Monday thru Friday. There is no option to fail... This must be done or my world as I know it will suffer....Good Luck to you my alter ago and may the force be with you....



I used to love the holidays, but since comming into a ready-made family and being their sole support Financially , I dread them.... However, inorder to maintain this year I do have the opportunity to work overtime and make some money.... and I have to do it fast because there is only three paychecks left till christmas....
So, My friends out there.... Encourage me this week... ask me if I made the 12 hr day each day..... Anything to keep me motivated .... I must be up at 5 am everyday this week ... and I am not a morning person..... So please... I beg of Ya'll... help me to maintain....

Goodnight... and Blessings to all...

Re

PART TWO: THE BEAST FROM QUAD 5 THAT WOULDN'T DIE!!!!

Here is part two as I promised. Please take into consideration that anything I have say about this person, I have infact said to her face so I can continue with my rant with a clear mind.

This person in my opinion is a bi-polar, schizcophrenic, manic depressive, obsessive complusive socieopath and a boil on my ass not to mention society. Names are withheld to protect the innocent(me)...

This person uses the appearance of sweetness and innocence to maniuplate not only her family but co-workers as well. If she does not get her way, there is revenge, malicious, spiteful, manical revenge. For example, she did not want her husband to switch from the night shift to the day shift and to prove her point she now comes in later at work so he arrives home before her and "gets" to cook supper. She also gives him ultimatiums.

Her child needs speech therapy and she does not take him because it is an inconvience. He needed tubes and she felt the dr's were being too pushy about it.... My kids are deaf because the dr's waited too long...

She refuses to be a teamplayer and does not do any work outside of what she considers "her job". If she can pass the buck.. she will....
Now... this is also a very smart woman..... She has paid for her home and her vehicles and has no debt whatsoever....but she complains because her son needs new underwear and it is just too expensive to waste money on.... he is almost four and still wears size two toddler clothes. The child still sleeps in the same bed as his parents.... The same place they have had sex to create another.... child....Yup, she is prego.... and he still takes showers with momma and daddy because it is easier for her....
She is constantly paranoid the her husband is going to leave her,
she does not like him to do anything that is not with her...
I could go on and on and on and on.... Like I said.... The BEAST that wouldn't die.....

ttfn

okay... So I haven't Hugged My Blogg Lately....

I know my life cannot be so boring as to not have a colorful post waiting for the public to read everyday, but when I get home late in the evening, my brain is so fried, and my nerves so frazzled, I cannot bear to live it over again while I type...
Strange but true.... I am a bit neurotic... Does anyone care? Possibly...LOL....

Today I want to use my bit of cyberspace for evil... pure unadulterated evil.... I have kept my mouth shut for too long and I have got to find a release or find myself in a padded room in a straight jacket drooling.... Okay I know.. a little dramatic but I am going for a good read for ya'll .. stick with me and note the colorful sarcasm as I go on.....

I am in QUAD hell at work....You say "what the hell is a quad?"... A quad is a cubicle of sorts.... Instead of having your own personal desk and cubicle... you share a larger version with 3 other people.... You have no privacy... and sometimes have to tolerate people less fortunate than you that were not given brains at birth....

Am I exaggerating.... I dont think so.... One of the ladies I share with is very intelligent,straightforward and shares most of my viewpoints. The second lady is only visting us temporaily but I like her just fine....... The third lady... drives me nuts...

tune in later for Part Two.... THE BEAST FROM QUAD 5 THAT WOULDN'T DIE

HOME OF THE FREE… LAND OF THE BRAVE

Today, my stepsons had the honor of representing, not only
The Weblos, Pack 1 and Boy Scouts Troop 38(their respective divisions of scouts) but their country as well. The pack and troop were asked to perform the Flag Ceremony as a way of beginning and ending a Program organized in my hometown to honor Veterans.
First, I must say, I am extremely proud of my sons and my heart swelled even larger with love and pride seeing them participate in such an important social gathering. The program was well organized and I felt did an excellent job honoring the men and women that have and are serving our country. Our state representative was on hand to speak, our mayor, and various men and women that have served and are currently serving our country.

I was humbled by their courage…Awed by their sacrifices, and ashamed at my grief over petty trials and tribulations. One man, I have had the honor of hearing speak while a sophomore in highschool was also a speaker today. He served in World War II and survived “The BATTAN MARCH OF DEATH” and being held captive as a prisoner of war in a Japanese prison camp. He did not go into details today, but I remember his story… I remember the crack in his voice as he spoke to my history class telling us how good a drink of muddy water tasted that had a bloated dead body laying in it… I remember the tears gently rolling down his cheeks as he told us it was an honor to serve his country and would do it again without pause. I remember my eyes were not dry either and I remembered the shame I felt at my own selfishness. This man was reduced to 70lbs while a POW… over two-thirds of this body weight wasted… I remember him telling us when he was given food that his body rejected it and he was so hungry that he would eat it again after his body purging it, and he ate bugs and other things just to stay alive. The horrors seen by this man, by other men as well… we the people cannot EVEN begin to imagine or relate. We live in our comfortable little worlds and “THINK” we know the answers to the world’s problems… These men and women DIE for our country, for our beliefs, for our constitutional rights and all for less than what you or I make. They DIE for this…. They SURVIVE unspeakable horrors while we sit by and get our “fix” on disgusting horror movies, senseless killing in action movies, and lewd porno movies, and EVERY one of those men and women that spoke today said basically two things…. They would do it again without question…. And when your life is on the line and you’re in distant land, in a trench, foxhole, plane or whatever…. You have no doubt there is a GOD and you are not afraid because you feel him walking beside you… even carrying you at times…
I am awestruck. I am humbled… but I AM PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN… and I for one, WELCOME HOME ALL THE MEN AND WOMEN WHO HAVE EVER SERVED OUR COUNTRY….

Thank you for your self-less service

Okay... I think I need to attend blogging school... I need to learn how to make my blog more colorful and interesting. I wanna download Stevie trivia and such and pictures and all kinds of things... Where do I go to learn more?

Nick... Thanks for stopping by... I am glad you did. I promise to have more interesting stuff here soon....

Allen... Dude.... My Buddy, My Pal .... What happened today? I hope all is well...... Ya, got me worried, man.....

I hope to get in the mood to do some writing this weekend..... anywho I will catch ya'll later...

TTFn
Re'

I spend way to much time fretting over the little things......

and not enough enjoying the sound of my kids laughter, or taking time to listen to my husband's little jokes to lighten the mood...or the fact that he and the kids have missed me so much during the day that they all can hardly wait to share it all with me. I seem to be too short of time these days and only think about what needs to be done.. .Have the kids finished their homework, are the household chores done... is the checkbook balanced, have I paid the bills... so on and so forth...It seems I cannot seem to squeeze it all in a 18 hour day.... but i trudge forward with the hopes of conquering time and one day finally reaching my "UTOPIA" hA Ha....I do find that as I am getting older that I have less time for stupid people and petty things. I am more apt to speak my mind and lay all my cards on the table for whoever to like or dislike what I have to say. We spend way too much time being politically correct and the problems are still there.... Will they ever go away.... NO they won't... as long as human nature exists mankind will falter, make wrong choices, and simply choose to remain ignorant or uneducated. I do not have a college degree to tag at the end of my name, but I do have the need to grow and learn and develop into the best possible human being I can. As my mother used to say..... No One is PERFECT..... BUT,,,some of us are closer to it than others......

ttfn
Re'

A.O.L HELL!!!!

I DESPISE AOL'S BUSINESS ETHICS AND CUSTOMER SERVICE, BUT I LIKE THEIR INTERNET SERVICE. I HAVE TRIED MSN, EARTHLINK, COMPUSERVE, AND A LOCAL INTERNET SERVICE AND THEY SUCKED..... YEAH SUCKED.....GREAT CUSTOMER SERVICE BUT THEIR INTERNET SOFTWARE SUCKED....

I DOWNLOADED THE 8.0 PLUS AT KEYWORD AOL AND RECEIVED A COMPUTER VIRUS.... I CALLED AOL TO REPORT AND THE IDIOT ON THE PHONE HAD THE GALL TO TELL ME THAT THERE IS NO WAY IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED. MY NEIGHBOR HAD DOWNLOADED IT TOO.... AND SHE GOT THE SAME FUCKING VIRUS.... COINCEDENCE? I THINK NOT.... I TOLD THE PERSON I WAS NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING OR A HANDOUT BUT SIMPLY TO REPORT THE PROBLEM SO THEY COULD FIX IT.... HE PROCEEDED TO LECTURE ME ABOUT THE INTERNET AND UNLESS YOU HAD A FIREWALL YOU WERE NOT PROTECTED AND BLAH BLAH BLAH... I TOLD HIM I WAS NOT STUPID AND WAS AWARE OF THE FLAWS IN BEING ONLINE, BUT THAT I KNEW WHERE I HAD GOTTEN THIS VIRUS FROM.... HE PROCEEDED TO TRANSFER ME TO A TECH... WHO IN TURN TOOK MY REPORT AND DID SO IN AN EFFICIENT MANNER BUT HAD THE CARE AND WARMTH OF A CAST IRON COMMODE ON A SHADY SIDE OF AN ICEBERG.... HE THEN TRANSFERRED ME ANOTHER PERSON WHO BEGAN ADVISING ME OF WHAT ACTIONS TO TAKE... I STATED I KNOW WHAT ACTIONS TO TAKE JUST FIX THE PROBLEM ON YOUR SITE..... SHE KEPT ON...I SAID LOOK ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS REPORT THE PROBLEM... I HAVE FIXED MY COMPUTER ON MY END.. NOW PLEASE INVESTIGATE ON YOUR END AND THANK YOU FOR WASTING MY TIME,GOOD NIGHT.. AND I HUNG UP.... I AM STILL CONSIDERING LOOKING FOR ANOTHER INTERNET PROVIDER... I HATE STUPID PEOPLE POSING AS GENIUS'S BEHIND A SCRIPT DEVELOPED BY CORPORATE BLOWHARDS THAT DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING CLUE ABOUT THE COMMAN PEOPLE AND THE VERY PEOPLE THAT PAY GOOD MONEY FOR THEIR SERVICES. I AM TIRED OF THE COLLECTIVE ATTITUDE BY PEOPLE AROUND ME THAT JUST THROW THEIR HANDS UP AND LET THE MASSES BUTT FUCK US WITHOUT A KISS, A CIGARETTE OR VASELINE....YES I AM PISSED AND PISSED BIG TIME... SO..... THE MORAL IS DONT DOWNLOAD 8.0 PLUS FROM THE INTERNET GET THE FUCKING DISK..... HAVE A NICE DAY...

HI everyone!!!

Grandmaw is doing VERY well and has been pretty fiesty....LOL. She was moved out of ICU yesterday and is recovering nicely and Is HIGH as a kite....She told the nurse to keep the pain medicine acomming or we would have words about that.... She is aspiring to be a drug addict by the time she is dismissed from the hospital.....Her words not mine...lol but she was joking.... She also told the nurse to make sure her coffee was hot in the morning and not cold like it has been. She also said she wanted her Malt -o -meal and nothing else....LOL.... and I was afraid she would not stick up for herself.... The nurse thought she was a hoot and totally loves her spunky attitude.... It was such a relief to see her feeling so spry.....I have not written anything new lately but I am planning too.... I am shooting for a total relaxation day Sunday....

I have lost 18lbs....Yeah!!! I joined a Ladies Workout express today and so far I really like it!!! My goal is to lose 51 lbs by April.... Then 50 more by next october....yeah me!!! I am trying to be really commited to this... I used to be very thin and I know I will never be "really" thin again but I do want to be healthier...... So wish me luck....

I am going to be really busy the next few days and wont have much time to blog. My grandmother, who is 92, fell and broke her hip. She had surgery today and has come out of that well so far. She has a strong wiil and I am sure she is going to be fine, but I am not going to miss a day in seeing her.... I will blog as I can.... Love to all...

I made it home safe and sound from seeing my family and I had a really good time. I had written a poem for my brother and he read it and he cried and then he read it aloud to everyone and we both cried.... I found out he writes too, and a door that had seemed closed for so many years, openned wide again and My brother from childhood emerged again and we were close again.... There are wounds that have not healed from our childhood...Wounds that I have chosen to not think about... Wounds that brother has had eat away at him for years, but we each endured the same "torture" at the hands of our Mother..... I will not go into details... It brings back to much rage, and I am at a point in my life where her actions no longer matter and I can speak my mind to her and still maintain a relationship with her.... She is my mother no less.... Enought of that.. I dont want to go down that road tonight.

I will post the poem I wrote for my brother in a few days... I forgot to copy it down for me and I am going to have him email it to me....

It was exciting to discover that my brother writes as well and he does it beautifully. He is very gifted. He has also lost alot of weight and Looks awesome.... He weighs what he did in Highschool and makes me jealous.... I remember when I was skinny...LOL.... I think he has motivated me..... I want to feel healthy again.....

This week is a busy week... still have overtime, the Peanut Festival is this weekend and we have company comming. The boys are marching in the parade with boy scouts... Their mom maybe comming to see them as well.... So much is happening, Time is flashing past.... and even with all this to do and having Bill and the Boys... My soul still feels lonely tonight.... and I feel ashamed for feeling that way.... I do not understand myself.... I just dont know....

Signed on to my blogger today......

and it asked for a sercurity verifcation because it had been so long since i had posted anything.....HA HA HA.... just kidding....

I have been so busy this week with work and the kids and trying to get organized to go to West Texas tomorrow night to see my parents and my brother. It is my mom's birthday and my brothers 40th birthday. I am excited about seeing my family. I miss them.

I have written some new things and I am going to post them tonight...so here goes...

Untitled at this time

Painted Room with shades of blue
A shelter from a storm ... Raging
Within Her... Ghost of a blood shed
And tormented screams slowly dying
Wiped clean with the dawn of reasoning,
With the rising sun a veil of numb
Fell across her shoulders, Masking a
Shell... Allowing her to exist in the "OTHERS"
World for a few hours...and
For a time the solace of darkness entombed her...
A coma, for the wounds...
Allowing her to heal...And
Slowly the wings unfurled ... giving her flight
And she grew...
And she became a woman with an Ethereal
Essence and she learned
Her Magick and lived in glory...

Renee H....
10/8/03

The Heavy sound of darkness
Filled her room, painted blue, every day
Every night...
The sound of clicks echoed
Like distant footsteps
A Hovel, a hole carved
In A Time
A continuium
Her fortess
Her solitude

Escaping there each night
In search of truth, revealation,
Completeness
Betrayed in her world, Seeking
Acceptance in a new one...
Marveling at the freedom, the souls set
Adrift, Lost on a sea with no end...

Torment defined in new illusions
New name~~~Different game...
All to win~~~All to Lose...
And the ride became more like
The sea, and the danger became
Real, and the price of her soul...

She thought it was all free....

The sound of loneliness....
So thick....
So deep...
Like a fog....
And it twisted her preception, her reflection,
Twisted her mind, on thru the void
She went...The edge of nowhere loomed
Like an unseen Omen... Past the point
The Rescue... A lady of one time...
Living alone, secretly in another...

Renee H
10/8/03

Well, Its a boring Sunday Here~~~~

But I guess I needed it!!! After working my butt off last week with a horrible cold, I need some peace and quiet so I could rest. I took a two hour nap this afternoon and feel a little better. I wish I could have just slept till the morning, but no such luck with Bill and the kids around. Bill has been hounding me lately to get more exercise, and I understand his point, but with having near bronchitits I think I need to get well first before I start going on walks in the humid fall air...

I have written a couple of new poems but need to do some fine tunning before I post them. Hello to everyone and I will be seeing more this week.... TTFN

RE'

FOR BILL AND HIS BOYS... FOR WHOM WITHOUT I WOULD STILL BE EN-TOMBED IN A WORLD OF ONE.....


Countless lonely nights
En-tombed in a world of one
Reaching for the answers,
Reaching for the sun, the moon
and her stars...

A dreamer set adrift on
A age-less tear
Left to find her answer,
If she could only hear the call...

And the days were hard, and the
Nights... well no one will ever
Really know about those...

and just when the shadow's fell deep
Across the dreamer's heart...
A light touched-- A glimmer of a promise

Fueled by Two...
Searching for "The One" and So
The sun, the moon, and the stars came to her...

Her answer delivered, and the tears
No longer fell and she...
She was no longer adrift in a world of one...

Renee H
10/1/2003

For my Moon,... Bill,
For my Sun,... The boys,
For My stars,... the love you give that lights the way....

Without you, there would be no purpose. I love you! All of you....

Sometimes.... Its A Bitch.....

Overtime is here and is here to stay for a while. The money is nice and well needed, but it takes away so much time from my family and the things I enjoy. The kids have been great about doing the small chores which makes things easier and much nicer to come home and see all in order. I have a horrible cold too, and I am completely miserable. I am going to bed early tonight and get some rest. I will probably fall asleep listening to the Stevie Nicks CD I got in the mail today from Ronnie..... I can't wait to here all of it...... Thanks Ronnie you are totally cool!!! Well, the puppies are 5 and half weeks old and almost ready to sell.... I will miss the little buggers but the money will come in handy to either pay off the van or build a fence.... All in due time. TTFN ...

Re'

Well, Neighbors and friends I am back online.....Yahooooooooooooo!!!!! My phone service is up and running and things are crazy as usual. I am working mega overtime.....

Ronnie and Allen........ I have sooooooooooooooo missed you guys...... Ronnie, I received the Street Angel CD and I of course totally love it.... I mailed you a letter thanking you....I am glad you and Mark are safe!!!!
I need to go for now...I am trying to get my monitor to show the right colors.... talk to you soon....RE

Due To TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.....

and one bitchy, hick infested, fly by night phone company..... I am out of telephone service until October 20th. I will be using a friends computer from time to time to update my blog.... I have not fallen off the face of earth(though sometimes it seems to be a favorable thing) but will not be able to blog as much as usual unless the problem is resolved more timely by some act of Congress or God... Whichever comes first....ha ha....

Ronnie,

I hope all faired well with the hurricane and that you and Mark are well and so is your family ..... I will keep in touch as best as I can.... I am going to miss my BLOG......ARRRRGHGGHGHGH.... LEAVE ME POSTS AND SUCH.... TTFRN AND TAKE CARE...

Did I mention I married a Nomad at heart? This man that I love has lived in more places that I have fingers and toes, and his kids have lived in more towns than I have even visited overnight. I find this truly amazing. I have a wild heart, but a comment sense brain that gets in my way of throwing caution to the wind and the very reason I do not live in a commune in the hills in California living on the land, writing music and following my favorite rock stars from place to place. But enought about that, this is about my husband's Nomadic Idiosyncrasies, and yes that is spelled correcty.... I looked it up in the dictionary. When I met my husband, we feel completely and utterly in love and could not be apart. He came to spend two weeks with me in June of 2001, and we decided we could not be apart from each other so on my vacation we moved him and his kids to my home(he lived 331 miles from me). After we got moved in and situated, we decided my house was too small for all of us and we bought another house two doors down.... We moved into it the day we got married.... Since we have been in the new house, we have re-arranged furniture at least a dozen times. Now, when I say moved furniture, I do not mean moving the couch from one side of the room to the other..... Bill literally moves furniture and switches rooms all around. I came home from Work Monday and our bedroom is now where the living room used to be... The living is now where the oldest bedroom was, and all three of the kids now share the Biggest bedroom and We have an office in the twins old room. The dinning room is fairly empty since we have no dinning table. We eat off the bar that separates the kitchen from the dinning room. He is also planning to tear out a wall and finish the attic to make a whole master suite upstairs..... I am like Why bother? The kids are going to be gone soon? I fear he does these things to satisfy his nomadic urges..... Guess it could be worse.... I never know what I am going to find when I come home.....

Amazing.... This man keeps me on my toes and I love him...

All of the below poems were written shortly after I started writing again in 1999. Goddess of Nymphs is a very special poem to me because I created it after someone very close to me called me his Goddess...


A Love Found Dead

Your lips, unmoving, no words
To be found, I look upon your face,
Void of color, I hear the
Rasping monotone of death.
Placid tones of surrender
Echoing among these walls,
Hidden voices inciting innuendoes.

Looking into your vacant eyes
Swollen river of despair begins
Silently falling, rolling down
The valley of my cheek

Resting upon satin pillows
Darkness settles upon my
Heart as the coldness of your
Hand seeps into my flesh.

Silently, mentally, I confess
My love once more with
Pleading touch and Your
Emptiness I feel.

Desperation consumes me
And at that Moment I know
All is lost and I step away
Fading to black.

Renee H


Goddess Of Nymphs

Midnight arrives in the secret garden.
A glimmer of movement, pattering of footfalls
Laughter echoing in the darkness of night.

Jasmine and sage waft in the air as though
Pillars of smoke dancing to lure the senses.
Illusions from the mist of a world not there.

Yet you are drawn magically each night
An Interloper, a voyeur, intrigued by
The images dancing to drums.

Urchins, gnomes, and nymphs
Leaping and lurching before the
Glowing flames of their lovers.

Flesh hot and flushed from
Exhertsions of dance and lust.
The creatures part, kneeling

Making way for their Queen
Honoring her with displays of ecstasy
Sighs of pleasure.

Desire lingering in the air
Only a taste away, upon your lips
Wet with wanting as you see her there.

Beckoning you to join her
On her throne. Rule with her

THE GODDESS OF NYMPHS.

THINK OF ME AS ONLY A WHISPER ON THE WIND AND A DREAM IN THE NIGHT.

Renee (means rebirth)

"What I really want is a soul-mate... someone else to catch this drift."----Alanis Morrsiette

Renee H



Dancing on Moon Shadows

Shadows silhouetted across
A golden mane of sea grass,
Brown and brittle form winter's
Unmerciful toil.
Moonlight bathes the night
With sharp white luminescent glow
Giving the landscape a mystical
Appearance of a secret realm.

The Infinite blackness of the
Ocean alludes to no horizon.
Waves gently caress the shore,
Surging and receding, pungent
Odor of salty sea life fills the air.
Smoke from a fire dances lazily
Upward, merging with the stars.

The cold dampness of the sand
Penetrates my skin as I lay here
Drifting to thoughts of you...
Unknown to me in the flesh,
I feel your spirit each night.
My longing grows for as deep
And as strong as the ocean before me,

As the water caresses the shore,
I long to caress you, as the waves
Take hold of the shore, pulling bits
Of Sand unto its breast, I long to
Pull your heart and soul unto me
As slowly and tenderly as the water's kiss.

Renee H

More Words For Thought...

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmkkkkkkkkk.....
I am not sure I understand this new thing on my blogger of only a small space to type in.....strange... very strange...

My topic tonight is again regarding inspiring lyrics by Guns N Roses...

Estranged is possibly my favorite G'n'R song of all times, simpily because it was a very important song to me when I was going through my divorce and I was In fact 28.....here is Estranged...
Estranged

When you're talkin to yourself
And nobody's home
You can fool yourself
You came in this world alone
(Alone)

So nobody ever told you baby
How it was gonna be
So what'll happen to you baby
Guess we'll have to wait and see
ONE, TWO

Old at heart but I'm only 28
And I'm much too young
To let love break my heart
Young at heart but it's getting much too late
To find ourselves so far apart

I don't know how you're s'posed
To find me lately
An what more could tou ask from me
How could you say that I never needed you
When you took everything
Said you took everything from me

Young at heart an it gets so hard to wait
When no one I know can seem to help me now
Old at heart but I musn't hesitate
If I'm to find my own way out

Still talkin' to myself
and nobody's home
(Alone)

So nobody ever told us baby
How it was gonna be
So what'll happen to us baby
Guess we'll have to wait and see

When I find out all the reasons
Maybe I'll find another way
Find another day
With all the changing seasons of my life
Maybe I'll get it right next time
An now that you've been broken down
Got your head out of the clouds
You're back down on the ground
And you don't talk so loud
An you don't walk so proud
Any more, and what for

Well I jumped into the river
Too many times to make it home
I'm out here on my own, an drifting all alone
If it doesn't show give it time
To read between the lines
'Cause I see the storm getting closer
And the waves they get so high
Seems everything We've ever known's here
Why must it drift away and die

I'll never find anyone to replace you
Guess I'll have to make it thru, this time- Oh this time
Without you

I knew the storm was getting closer
And all my friends said I was high
But everything we've ever known's here
I never wanted it to die

--
"Estranged" Copyright Guns N' Roses 1991
From the album "Use Your Illusion 2" Released September 17th 1991

Greetings and Salutations......

One of these days I will become a pro at this blogging thingy and learn how to include links and pictures and such on this thing..... I wanna post a picture of the puppies so badly but have no clue. They are two weeks old today and fat and fluffy and OHHHHHHHHHHH soooooooooo adorable. I wish I could keep them all....

I spend alot of time oooooo'ing and ahhhh'ing over the inspiration and talent Stevie Nicks has influenced me with over the years and today I feel like I should also expound on my other inspirations just to let the world know my horizons are broader. I am compelled by Jim Morrison's poetry and his "mojo". Edgar Allan Poe, also, is another one of my favorite authors and poets. Dean Kootnz is very inspiring as well. He has an awesome ability with Imagery to transpose you the very place, thing, or emotion he is writing about and Intensity Is my Favorite book by him.

Now, the next person I am about to mention, I feel, was not given enough credit at his ability to write compelling verses, or poetry. He lived the life of a rock n roll star right down to the bare ugliness of it all and that is how he and his former band members are remembered. I am reffering to Axl Rose and Guns -N- Roses. His songs and music tell us a story about his life and the excess, the failures, the sucess, drugs, sex, and love. Use Your Illusion I and II is an awesome collaboration. "Don't Cry" is a story that Axl and Izzy about breaking up in a relationship....

"November Rain" was written by Axl and I cannot begin to even express the beauty of the words of this song.... So here they are...

November Rain
W. Axl Rose

When I look Into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same

'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we Both know hearts can Change
And its hard to hold a candle
In the cold November Rain

We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain

But lover's always come and lover's always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking Away

If We could take the time to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
Then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November Rain

Do you need sometime .. on your own?
Do you need sometime.. All Alone
Everbody needs some time on their own
Don't you know I need some time...All alone

I know its hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you?

Sometimes I need some time... on my own
Sometimes I need some time... all Alone
Everybody needs some time...On their own
Don't you Know you need some time all alone

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We can still find a way
'Cause nothing lasts forever
Even cold November Rain....

Don't Ya Think that you need somebody
Don't Ya Thnk that you need someone
Everbody Needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one...

Beauty of Love

Would you die from the
Beauty of a binding love?
A love given in place of your
Dreams? Walk Away?
Leave?
Watch the hearts break,
Worlds shatter, the balance shift
As you turned and walked
Out the door?
Is the Beauty enough to tame
The call of the wild echoing
Within you soul?
Is the Beauty the answer to your
Temptation, luring you like a
Lullaby into passive sleep?

Renee H

8/22/2003

Some thoughts, doubts are better off never spoken aloud…

”Blame it on my wild heart”…. Stevie Nicks…



Nightmare

Like the beating of crow’s wings,
Impending doom resonates
In the air and I feel death lurking.
The staleness of the stiff air
Repulses life to hide in
The darkest corners of this
Now forsaken land.

Drifting across blackened dunes
Of spidery sand the sun beats
Down, no shade from stumps once
Blooming trees, no cool water to
Quench earth’s dying thirst and I
Feel as though I have been transcended
To hell.

Renee H

Love’s Fate

Ironic how the hands of fate
Play their cards and we
Choose to ignore the foreboding
Whispers on the wind.
Moments climax, sought
With tunnel vision
UN-concerned of impending
Remorse lurking on the
Other side of future’s horizon

With a tug at my heart and
A whisper breathed unto my
Soul; Goddess Moon told me of you.
Excited, in awe, of this New
Glory, I did not hear
Love’s clause--- did not
Heed the warning…

For your smiling blue eyes
Warmed my heart and filled
My ears, drowning out the
Dooming echoes.
I can only find comfort
In Hope our love is not in vain
For this life we live together
Was meant to be even if it is
Not for ALL eternity.

Renee H

The fate of love does not lay in our hands.... but in our hearts. We bleed from wounds in order to live, laugh and love again. Bleeding not in vain, but in hopes of expelling all remorse from past trespasses upon our hearts.... Breathe On my friends.

I feel I need to comment today on a topic that is rather serious and most times misunderstood. I am talking about Depression. I am not so bold as to insinuate that I understand the mechanics of depression, but I do struggle against this demon often. I have taken antidepressant medication and it has helped for a period of time, However; after a period of months the medication inadvertantly stops working for me and begins working against me. I do not feel that medication alone can defeat this mind altering phenomenon. I have, over time, begun developing my own course of action that seems to work for me. I am NOT recomending anyone ignore the advice of their Doctor, not all cases are the same and most of the time what the Doctor orders is for the best. I am only referring to my own experiences. Wallowing in self pity only prolongs the drepression and makes it worse, so I decided to try wallowing for only a day and use that day to sleep it off, Usually on the weekends. After that I write about it in my journal and try to pinpoint what has me so upset and decide Can I fix it? or do I just need to write it off....Like water off a Duck's back. If I am really suffering from a dark case of it, I write about it.... Even though I fight this constantly one thing I have never considered and will never consider is Suicide. However, my poems regarding depression are very dark and might give that impression. Understand the poems are merely a tool used to expunge the dark thoughts boiling in my mind and I find that writing them on paper removes the thoughts from my mind. So, on that note I leave you with a poem I wrote.
Depression

Consumed by thoughts of black
Whispered woes filling voids
Tormenting idle body
Growing feeding on the despair
Encouraging dark—ignoring light
Despair is its breeding ground
Hope no longer dwells in your house
And peace no longer lives
Not even in your dreams…

Renee H
8/25/03

Sigh...

The crisp smell of an early fall is in the air and my season is returning... I love the crispness of fall and the rain... The rain falling like a gentle mist from an ancient waterfall... I walked in the cool rain today, letting the spray slowly gently cover me as an old lover would with great tenderness. I wrapped my arounds around myself and raised my face to the gray sky with an awakening of my spirit. The winds were cool and gentle, sweeping away the harshness of summer, bringing the rain with it to wash the sky, the earth, the trees, and... me. I have not had a day of peace like this in what seems a lifetime. I will not forget this day, nor the spirit it has returned.

And the gentle rain fell
like myst from the tears
spent from ancient legends
Bidding on high...
Welshing away a broken heart
taken by some mortal love
Back to their Home
Back to Mother Earth
Away from Immortality.

And the gentle rain
still fell, sending legend's
forgiveness of forsaking
love's tender kiss.
cleansing the interloper
healing the wound with
bitter-sweet tears...

and still the rain fell...

Renee H.
9/1/2003