What a wonderful, glorious long weekend.

I slept late today.... But once I got out of bed I began barking orders at the kids and we cleaned house rigorously from 11 am until 2:30 pm and the house is spotless for a change. After that I took a shower and we ate a wonderful meal cooked by Bill... Smoked ribs, and brisket, red beans and cornbread on the side... It was delicious. After the dishes were done I started the laundry and parked myself in front of the computer to type all the poems I have written in the last few weeks and get them saved to floppy disk and I feel I have accomplished something today that actually pleases ME and not everyone else.

Ronnie, you are such a dear friend and I thank you again for all the kind words you have given me and the ear when I need it... I feel you are a wonderful lifelong friend.....

It has been raining here all weekend but it is a nice kind of rain.. and I love it..... so here is my tribute to it......

Ballad of Blue

Beads of iridescent color
Trickle down a smooth plane
And the music begins a slow
Serenade, resonating soft
Notes of blue color
Singing a song of quiet peace
Leaving a longing for blue
Light to blanket past sorrows and
All turmoil to come…

Renee H 8/4/2003

Written for the soft summer rain I love so very much…

good night my friends...

Re'

Here are some poems I have been working on, Hope you enjoy...

Unaware of the grace
Flowing around you
Like a blanket of comfort
Sent by the hand of god
On the wings of angels--
Delivering ou from your
Self-inflicted despair.

You live a world
Created in nightmares and dreams.
Illusions turned real
Pain led by tears
Let go tof the gray-black
Embrace the blue blanket
Of grace surrounding you.

A stranger, out time, out of place...
In search of "A something" more
Unaware of the grace
Flowing around you...

8/27/03
Renee H.


Come down out of those
mystic clouds and stay with me for awhile...

I don't know what you mean...
I live in my own time...

Lady of the Clouds, You are living on a
Silver cloud. Just wait until the bottom
Falls out and Rains come...

Stop.... I will do this on my own
without you...I only need a little more
enchantment and little less reality....
Baby all is well here on my mystic mountain,
Just a stone's throw from reality to illusion.
I plan on staying here awhile. On my own
again---Living on the line, drifting away from
false magick and taunting voices....
Renee H 8/27/03

Inspired by Ronnie Spady's Shadow Hill....

Shadow Children

Born of the moon
Darkened from grace
Selling Incense and tales of
Haunted lives past lived
By spirit gypsies,
Legends... dancing on the winds...
Moon shadow children with
Silver bangles and tambourines
Whispering a faint rythm
Belonging to ancient Myths,
Belonging to ancient Gods.
Keepers of the enchanted night,
Keepers of the shadows....
Dance on gracefully until the Dawn...

Renee H 8/26/03

Well..... I am a Grandmother, so to speak. Our female akita has given birth to 6 very healthy and very cute puppies, 4 males and 2 females..... Anybody Want a dog?? lol... Actually, these dogs help to suppliment our income which comes handy at times, but this is the last litter for Mamma Shae, she is getting fixed after she weens these guys... She has earned it.

I have been doing alot of writing just to lazy to type it up.. Will get it posted soon though....Take care everyone
ttfn
RE'

MY LIFE IS NOT MY OWN....

Greetings and salutations.... Life is to complicated sometimes.... I long for peace and serenity.... and of course when it finally comes I will die of boredom....LOL.... Things are busy right now and I am working alot... When I can complete a simple intelligent thought I will blog again.... See Ya'll Soon...

RE'

Cats Are An Intity All Unto Themselves...

A little over a week ago My cat, Thomas, died unexpectedly. We had been together for a very long time and been through some really bad times as well. He, infact, survived a fire that had destroyed my home and leaving him with third degree burns on his face, paws, and tip of his tail. Also, the very tips of his ear's were burned to a crisp, literally. I loved this cat very much... and he is missed so very very very very much... However, I think he has returned to me. Strange, I know, but it is entirely uncanny the way this litte Minx kitten found me... Yes,,, FOUND ME!!!. Late yesterday evening I went to the local grocery store and I sat in the car while my step-son went inside. Just as he walked into the door, I heard this screeching YOWL and this kitten leaped into my open window and looked at me and yowled again, as if to say.... THERE YOU ARE!!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING ALL OVER FOR YOU. Well, fate being fate and all.... I knew this was meant to be.... I took him home and we all immeadiately fell in love with him. He is only part Minx.... Now, the discerning characteristics of Minx is the fact the do not have tails... Just stubbs. Part Minx usually come out with Half tails. This kitten has a half tail and the hair at the end of it has an appearance of having been cut with dull scissors leaving a Jagged looking hair cut.... Soo... I named him Jagger.... NO ALLEN it is not for the radio show personality I used to have an unhealthy obession for....lol... Jagger suits him perfectly and he already knows his name. He sleeps curled up on my shoulder in my hair. The cat loves my hair and he purrs constantly. So to end this winded tale(tail) hehehe... I think Jagger was sent to me during my time of mourning and yes the burden is lessened and I am at peace....

Re'
t

Whew... What a week. Returning to work was very tiring. Plus I worked some overtime. I planned to sleep late today, but was woke up at 9:30 so I made the kids clean house from top to bottom while i dusted hard to reach places, washed clothes, and cleaned off my desk, which was no small task. I have a ton of writing to catch up on plus I want to find some new inspiration. Today is the perfect day to do some writing. Bill is outside painting, the kids are folding clothes and cleaning their rooms, sooooo I will be left alone for awhile. I have my headphones on and turned up loud to shut out any background noise and to help to carry me away to another time and place. Of course it is Stevie Nicks' "Trouble IN Shangri La", excellent cd...

I am in awe that I actually have a few moments of peace.... I am beside myself and don't know where to start first...lol... Typical...

Well I am going to surf the web and just go with the flow and let my writing instincts take over.
Later
Re'

Tomorrow, I have to return to the dredges of employment... and I am looking forward to the break I will get from Bill and the kids... I am not looking forward to being on the phones; however. I have delevoped an ear infection and feel miserable and my mouth still hurts and has sores on the gums from wear the Dentist had to force his way around....

Why is that kids push you to the limit? My 14 year old step son in a temper fit broke the broom handle and hid it from me in hopes that I would not find it. What drives this motivation to be deceptive? I don't not understand it and I am at loss as to what to do. I am not one who responds to deception lightly no matter the depth of it. This is not the first time he has done this, and I cannot for the life of me understand it. I have simply chosen not to speak to him about it for I do not trust what would come out of my mouth. I have turned the ordeal over to his father to handle. You may be thinking, its just a broom handle... That is not the point... The point varies from his inablility to control his anger and his need to be deceptive and not hold himself accountable for his own actions. I realize he is only 14, but he needs to be given coaching regarding how to handle situations that anger, upset, or he plain dislikes. I have been trying for over 2 years now and feel I have made little head way. I must go for now...

Becoming

Ghost of a touch
Phantom to passion’s kiss
Faded glory
Pale memory of a liquid fire
Once burning there.
A kiss to a flame
Can take you there
Slip inside the velvet underground
Where cream and lace surround
You there and ancient scents
Absorb your wake and you
Become enchanted and you
Become a woman.

Renee H
8/1/03

Lightning

Spider veins of light
Dance across blackened sky
Lighting grotesque shadows
Once absorbed by darkness.
Giving substance to ghostly apparitions
Resurrecting haunts of old,
Renewing fears once untold.

Private waltz with Insanity
On the edge of midnight
On through the witching hour
Just until the false dawn
With each full moon
Intensity grows…

How much longer will this
Siege reign, how much longer until
This veil of sanity falls and
Lightning illuminates…

Renee H
7/25/03

Today was a day of celebraton of Bill's birthday. I baked him a cake and cooked lunch. My father was in town and came over to help us celebrate. The kids all bought their daddy gifts and cards and had more fun watching him open his presents. After lunch me and the kids went to the hay field to help my dad haul hay.... It was hot and exhausting... but fun too.... This was the first time for the twins and it was lots of fun to watch. On a sadder note my cat, Thomas, died this morning. He was a beautiful Siamese that had survived horrible burns sustained in a fire that destroyed my home almost 5 years ago. Tom was 10 and is greatly missed by me and my family. He was a cantankerous old fart with lots of spirit... The kind that draws people to you.... Even though he could be disagreeable at times it was his way of accepting you into his life. He never liked kids before he met bill's boys and he loved them greatly. He actually sought them out for attention and love. The peroid of time i spent alone before I met Bill, he was a great friend and snuggle partner and bossed me around quite a bit..... God how I love that cat... and I miss his Yowllllll.... Rest In Peace my dear friend....
Re

Well, I survived the dentist and I have no cavities and no gum disease, but I got a cleaning from hell.... My mouth hurts like hell but the up side is the next time i go it wont be as bad.

Life is pretty much back to normal around here with the kids home and me bitching at them for one thing or another...lol....Actually, they have been pretty good. Not much else is going on other than enjoying what time i have left on my vacation. I could use another week...lol...

ttfn
Re'

Hidee Hoo!!!!!!

Well, I made it through vacation and had a wonderful time at my friends house and totally fell in love with the area that they live. I am even considering moving there. Time will tell, there are things that need to be done here first and so forth.

We had fun at El Mercado and I spent way to much money on vacation but I do not regret it at all.

I have a dentist appointment this afternoon and I am soooooooo not looking forward to it. I have not been in over ten years.... I dont have any bad teeth but since i now have dental insurance i need to take care of business. The kids go every 6 months and they have really healthy teeth and I want to keep it that way. Well, I am busy fine tuning things around the house so i better go for now... I will blogg more later... TTFN
RE

Well, summer vacation is almost over for the kids and I am going to meet them and their mom in South Texas this comming weekend and I am looking forward to their return. We have lots to do before they get back, so, I may not be blogging that much. We got our new roof on this weekend and it looks great. We bought one of those above ground pools featured at Wally World and we absolutely love it... and I am sure the kids will too. Not much else to blog about and I am going to have a glass of cheap wine and go to bed.... Have a good week folks....

YOU CAN TAKE THE GIRL OFF THE FARM.......

but you will never take the farm off the girl.....
Today my father, brother, and nephews worked hard all day cutting, raking, baling, and hauling hay. I took them supper that consisted of smoked ribs, beans, cornbread,coleslaw, fresh sliced tomatoes and onions, and for dessert Watermelon. Oh yeah... cannot forget the orange soda pop. Not one drop of food was wasted and every bit of it was eaten minus the rib bones which a neighboring dog confiscated quite easily. My husband cooked all of the food except for the coleslaw ...I made that. My family was so appreciative and it made me feel good I could contribute something important short of donning my jeans and boots to help haul the nasty, itchy, scratchy shit. I did however drive for awhile so one of the trailers could be loaded and Ironically, I enjoyed being out there in the spirit of togetherness.... The sound of friends and family working hard together and laughing while doing it made my spirit soar and I feel good about small town life. When I was growing up, we worked hard and we did have fun while doing it, However; when you are a kid and having to do all that work you become bitter and resentful and miss the important aspects. I earned a great work ethic and sense of doing a job and doing it right and to never ever give up. I know how to survive with little of nothing but still have more spiritual wealth than most people. I can grow my own food if needed and store it for later consumption. The importance of these things are so lost to society in today's world... Even my husband has no concept of this kind of commitment to work. He was not raised in this kind of environment and I do not begrudge him at all. Everything I felt my parents had taken from me as a teenager seems pathetic and very self-centered at this point and time in my life. I am grateful for all they gave me and for all the characteristics, morals, values and sense of worth for those are things no one ...... NO ONE.... will ever be able to take from me. Yes, my parents were hard, strict people, but look at me... I am strong, well adjusted, and able to stand on my own two feet.... What more does ANY human being have the right to ask? Life on the farm was not about being a victim.... It was about being a survivour....

Below are just a few things I have been working on... Hope you enjoy...

Illusions

Actors on a stage
Grasping for a passion
Just beyond mortal reach
Can you read between the
Silver screen’s lines---Lies?
What about the guilded page
And the fables spoken of
Fires burning past the point of rescue?
Painted passion coursing through
Our body Vains, yes vains.
Futile existence, is it really there?
A glimmer of desire in her eyes?
A spark of fire burning there?
Perhaps we love the illusion,
Not what our souls must
See when the night is quiet, and
Darkness blankets sleeps.

Renee

Mysticism

Magic across the miles
Dance of poet’s hearts
Leaps and bounds of
Fairytale faith left
Fluttering in winter wind &
Waxing moon.

Your wistful sigh of longing
Heard across oceans spanning
Taunts reverberating in your mind
Spiritual hunger fed with painted
Words and impish dance of delight.

Drawing your soul nearer to mine
Fantasy feeds our contentment
Needing nothing more than this
For reality would disillusion
Our lover’s dance and breed
Discontentment in our restless hearts.

Your kiss remains a whisper on the
Wind; your burning a flame within
My own longing heart.
Renee

Social Inequities

Foolishness reigns society
Conscious logical thought is a Minority…
Consequence serves no master
Truth is only an illusion
Fate is our master
------Therefore Our God------
Therefore fools prevail in THIS world.
Folly holds us prisoner

Death is inevitable
Growth is not…

Insolence suffers
“Green Manalishi” talks…

Pawns in a Game of Fate
Yes—We ALL Lose
Destiny is the only truth

Idealism is dangerous
Indifference breeds stupidity

And we all just walk away….

well I for one absolutely refuse to blog when blogger is acting like the spawn of satan. Hence, the reason for so little activity this past week. However; I do plan to blog my brains out this weekend, so be prepared for some new stuff.... Note I said new.. not necessarily interesting....lol... Anywho, I need to get a few things done around the homeplace before I submerge myself into blog utopia. Till then, Keep your head up high, but not in the clouds...

Re'

nothing new going on... busy as hell.... talk soon....