Garth Brooks was wrong....
Life is not a dance, it is simply what it is.... Life.
In my desperate attempt to be optimistic about Bill's declining health, I latched out to the neurologists preliminary diagnosis of MS and clung to it because there are so many advances made in treating this diseases. I wrong I was to cling to that idea.
After a year of tests, doctor visits, bill worsening, and a million and one things happening... the conclusion is not MS, it is early onset of Alzehiemr's.
And today I am not handling it well. I have cried all morning. We have known since the 19th of november and it has finally hit me today or rather been building up until today. How does a family live with this?
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Thursday, September 22, 2005
BREEDLOVE DEHYDRATED FOODS
WWW.BREEDLOVE.ORG
WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP WORLD HUNGER AND NATURAL DISASTER RELEIF....
$3.62 WILL PROVIDE 100 SERVINGS
THIS ORGANIZATION HAS SHIPPED 2.25 MILLON SERVINGS OF FOOD TO THE VICTIMS OF HURRICANE KATRINA AND IS PREPARING FOR RITA AS I TYPE THIS. BELOW IS A REQUEST FOR DONATIONS AND STATISICS.
Breedlove Dehydrated Foods
1818 N. Martin Luther King, Jr. Blvd.
Lubbock, Texas 79403
806-741-0404***Fax: 806-741-0447
Request for Support
September 22, 2005
Background
Breedlove Dehydrated Foods is a one-of-a-kind non-profit organization based in Lubbock, Texas. As a hunger relief organization, Breedlove processes, blends, packages, warehouses, and orchestrates hunger relief efforts both internationally and here at home. Breedlove has been responding to ongoing disaster relief needs in the Gulf Coast Areas, initially due to Hurricane Katrina. Breedlove is seeking funding to continue those efforts, to provide assistance to those that will be affected by Hurricane Rita, and the long-term needs of those affected by these two catastrophic events. The following table outlines the Breedlove Food produced and shipped to-date and the lead partnering organizations:
Organization Salvation Army of Lubbock/Houston
Houston, TX
NUMBER OF SERVINGS: 3,000
Salvation Army of Lubbock/Baton Rouge
Baton Rouge, LA
NUMBER OF SERVINS: 734,400
Mississippi Baptist Men
Biloxi, MS
NUMBER OF SERVINGS: 21,600
West Texas Council of Assembly of God Churches
Gulf Coast Area, MS
NUMBER OF SERVINS: 54,000
CIS Church Development Fdn/ Salvation Army of Lubbock/Houston
Houston, TX
NUMBER OF SERVINGS: 950,400
United Methodist Church of Graham, TX / Salvation Army of Baton Rouge
Franklinton, LA
NUMBER OF SERVINS: 43,200
Healing Hands International
New Orleans, LA
NUMBER OF SERVINGS: 442,800
TOTAL OF:
8 Organizations in
7 Affected Areas
2,249,400 Total Servings
As financial resources have been stretched to almost non-existence locally, Breedlove has been left vulnerable to be able to maintain ongoing disaster relief and any unforeseen events in the near future.
Breedlove’s Request
Breedlove is requesting funding from multiple potential donors for the processing/packaging, warehousing, and distribution of Breedlove Food Aid for ongoing disaster response to Hurricanes Katrina and Rita.
Breedlove has identified food needs to be a minimum of $900,000.
Ongoing Disaster Response
§ Costs to process, packaging, warehouse and distribute those items range between $0.04 and $0.20 per serving. $1.00 will provide approximately 20 servings of Breedlove Food Aid.
§ Breedlove has accumulated a database of freight donors for the relief response.
§ Breedlove has multiple food aid items beyond our simple Harvest Pro Vegetable Blend (potato, rice, carrot, onion, and protein soup mix) that will be made available to agencies upon request.
§ Breedlove will partner with Barbara Anderson and the Texas Association of Food Banks(19 locations) to deploy shipments of food when and where it is needed. Additional partners will be identified.
§ Texas Food Banks have requested the initial need for 18 truckloads of Breedlove Food Aid, representing 15 to 20 million servings of food.
§ With this funding, Breedlove will be able to respond to requests for food immediately. Our goal is to have a response time of "driving time" to make delivery in the first few hours, then a "24-hour" response time after the first day of the aftermath.
WWW.BREEDLOVE.ORG
WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP WORLD HUNGER AND NATURAL DISASTER RELEIF....
$3.62 WILL PROVIDE 100 SERVINGS
THIS ORGANIZATION HAS SHIPPED 2.25 MILLON SERVINGS OF FOOD TO THE VICTIMS OF HURRICANE KATRINA AND IS PREPARING FOR RITA AS I TYPE THIS. BELOW IS A REQUEST FOR DONATIONS AND STATISICS.
Breedlove Dehydrated Foods
1818 N. Martin Luther King, Jr. Blvd.
Lubbock, Texas 79403
806-741-0404***Fax: 806-741-0447
Request for Support
September 22, 2005
Background
Breedlove Dehydrated Foods is a one-of-a-kind non-profit organization based in Lubbock, Texas. As a hunger relief organization, Breedlove processes, blends, packages, warehouses, and orchestrates hunger relief efforts both internationally and here at home. Breedlove has been responding to ongoing disaster relief needs in the Gulf Coast Areas, initially due to Hurricane Katrina. Breedlove is seeking funding to continue those efforts, to provide assistance to those that will be affected by Hurricane Rita, and the long-term needs of those affected by these two catastrophic events. The following table outlines the Breedlove Food produced and shipped to-date and the lead partnering organizations:
Organization Salvation Army of Lubbock/Houston
Houston, TX
NUMBER OF SERVINGS: 3,000
Salvation Army of Lubbock/Baton Rouge
Baton Rouge, LA
NUMBER OF SERVINS: 734,400
Mississippi Baptist Men
Biloxi, MS
NUMBER OF SERVINGS: 21,600
West Texas Council of Assembly of God Churches
Gulf Coast Area, MS
NUMBER OF SERVINS: 54,000
CIS Church Development Fdn/ Salvation Army of Lubbock/Houston
Houston, TX
NUMBER OF SERVINGS: 950,400
United Methodist Church of Graham, TX / Salvation Army of Baton Rouge
Franklinton, LA
NUMBER OF SERVINS: 43,200
Healing Hands International
New Orleans, LA
NUMBER OF SERVINGS: 442,800
TOTAL OF:
8 Organizations in
7 Affected Areas
2,249,400 Total Servings
As financial resources have been stretched to almost non-existence locally, Breedlove has been left vulnerable to be able to maintain ongoing disaster relief and any unforeseen events in the near future.
Breedlove’s Request
Breedlove is requesting funding from multiple potential donors for the processing/packaging, warehousing, and distribution of Breedlove Food Aid for ongoing disaster response to Hurricanes Katrina and Rita.
Breedlove has identified food needs to be a minimum of $900,000.
Ongoing Disaster Response
§ Costs to process, packaging, warehouse and distribute those items range between $0.04 and $0.20 per serving. $1.00 will provide approximately 20 servings of Breedlove Food Aid.
§ Breedlove has accumulated a database of freight donors for the relief response.
§ Breedlove has multiple food aid items beyond our simple Harvest Pro Vegetable Blend (potato, rice, carrot, onion, and protein soup mix) that will be made available to agencies upon request.
§ Breedlove will partner with Barbara Anderson and the Texas Association of Food Banks(19 locations) to deploy shipments of food when and where it is needed. Additional partners will be identified.
§ Texas Food Banks have requested the initial need for 18 truckloads of Breedlove Food Aid, representing 15 to 20 million servings of food.
§ With this funding, Breedlove will be able to respond to requests for food immediately. Our goal is to have a response time of "driving time" to make delivery in the first few hours, then a "24-hour" response time after the first day of the aftermath.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Failure Of A System...Maybe; Failure Of A Society...Not Yet...
First, I must say forgive me if this particular post rambles. I have many things to say about the New Orleans disaster, the aftermath of Katrina, and America in general.
When did we become a Nation with the attitude of "entitlement"? This attitude grows stronger everyday and people expect the government to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives or simply choose to live on welfare because it is easier. I am not so harden that I do not have compassion for the tragedy in New Orleans and for the people who lost their lives and the people who lost everything. Tragedy is what it is ... Tragedy. No one expects it, No one plans it, and once it happens... It is done and cannot ever be taken back or changed. Long before "government" ever existed, People suffered tragedies and pulled together and got through it. I realize in these modern times we depend upon to many
conveniences and the reality of it all is as a nation and as individuals we have become soft and have lost our survival instincts. We have lost knowledge passed down from generation to generation because we look to the more technologic advances in order to make our lives easier. No wonder we are a "prozac" nation.
These people that lost everything have a horrible ordeal to face, but with help and support from "fellow" man... life can and will go forth. I lost everything I owned except the clothes on my back in a fire and the loss of those material things really made me realize the importance of having lived and not lost any loved ones. The hardest part was getting past the devastation. I am not trying to say my experience can compare to the devastation in New Orleans and the Gulf Coast... What I am saying is the human spirit can pick up the pieces and move on.
I also feel each person has a responsiblity to themselves and to their families and the government cannot be blamed anymore than the victims themselves. People made choices to stay, unfortunately some paid for it with the lives or the lives of their loved ones. Can anyone one person or nation claim to be prepared for an uncontrollable force of nature or a fanatic with an army? The efforts after the Tsunami were no more greater than those efforts during this horrible aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.
Man has always endured himself against the elements and when he/she is successful over and over again it simply gives a false sense of security and
invincibility and I feel that god or nature has to exert their authority and humble people once again.
The media has done an excellent job of exploiting all the short commings of relief efforts and the failure to provide immeadiate relief. However; what I have failed to see at this point is the reports of all the aid comming in from all over the nation. People are renting semi-trucks and trailers and filling them with food, water, clothing and other neccessaties. I had the opportunity to meet a group of people from Washington State that are members of the Washingtion Urban Search and Recue team heading to New Orleans to offer their help. These men and women had been driving for over 58 hours on their own time and money...
My sister is Part of a Non profit organization that makes dehydrated food products and it runs strictly on donations and charges nothing for this food and they have transported food daily. Each shipment enough to feed 30,000 people a day. Realtors that have bought the closed Military bases are opening their doors to our refugees. Carnival Cruise Lines have sent three ships to the gulf coast to provide shelter for the homeless. The people of this nation definitely have not turned their backs on our friends in need. I am not so naive as to think that these efforts are enough to take away all of the pain and suffering and loss of lives and homes but it is something to be thankful about.
Look Later for Part II...
First, I must say forgive me if this particular post rambles. I have many things to say about the New Orleans disaster, the aftermath of Katrina, and America in general.
When did we become a Nation with the attitude of "entitlement"? This attitude grows stronger everyday and people expect the government to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives or simply choose to live on welfare because it is easier. I am not so harden that I do not have compassion for the tragedy in New Orleans and for the people who lost their lives and the people who lost everything. Tragedy is what it is ... Tragedy. No one expects it, No one plans it, and once it happens... It is done and cannot ever be taken back or changed. Long before "government" ever existed, People suffered tragedies and pulled together and got through it. I realize in these modern times we depend upon to many
conveniences and the reality of it all is as a nation and as individuals we have become soft and have lost our survival instincts. We have lost knowledge passed down from generation to generation because we look to the more technologic advances in order to make our lives easier. No wonder we are a "prozac" nation.
These people that lost everything have a horrible ordeal to face, but with help and support from "fellow" man... life can and will go forth. I lost everything I owned except the clothes on my back in a fire and the loss of those material things really made me realize the importance of having lived and not lost any loved ones. The hardest part was getting past the devastation. I am not trying to say my experience can compare to the devastation in New Orleans and the Gulf Coast... What I am saying is the human spirit can pick up the pieces and move on.
I also feel each person has a responsiblity to themselves and to their families and the government cannot be blamed anymore than the victims themselves. People made choices to stay, unfortunately some paid for it with the lives or the lives of their loved ones. Can anyone one person or nation claim to be prepared for an uncontrollable force of nature or a fanatic with an army? The efforts after the Tsunami were no more greater than those efforts during this horrible aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.
Man has always endured himself against the elements and when he/she is successful over and over again it simply gives a false sense of security and
invincibility and I feel that god or nature has to exert their authority and humble people once again.
The media has done an excellent job of exploiting all the short commings of relief efforts and the failure to provide immeadiate relief. However; what I have failed to see at this point is the reports of all the aid comming in from all over the nation. People are renting semi-trucks and trailers and filling them with food, water, clothing and other neccessaties. I had the opportunity to meet a group of people from Washington State that are members of the Washingtion Urban Search and Recue team heading to New Orleans to offer their help. These men and women had been driving for over 58 hours on their own time and money...
My sister is Part of a Non profit organization that makes dehydrated food products and it runs strictly on donations and charges nothing for this food and they have transported food daily. Each shipment enough to feed 30,000 people a day. Realtors that have bought the closed Military bases are opening their doors to our refugees. Carnival Cruise Lines have sent three ships to the gulf coast to provide shelter for the homeless. The people of this nation definitely have not turned their backs on our friends in need. I am not so naive as to think that these efforts are enough to take away all of the pain and suffering and loss of lives and homes but it is something to be thankful about.
Look Later for Part II...
Monday, August 22, 2005
I CAN DRIVE 55…
Yes folks with the rising cost of gasoline, I have decided to do my part to conserve gasoline and help my pocket book all at the same time. No longer will I drive above 55 MPH. I am also trying to rally a group of people to car pool. I can no longer afford the cost of driving back and forth to work each week. Not to mention the havoc said costs have done to other costs as well. Our natural gas and electricity is said to rise up to 66% this coming winter. While we are paying $2.599 a gallon, the country of Iraq is paying .05 cents a gallon for gas… and the war was not for oil "he" says. Rising costs of inflation is "supposed" to be the major factor in costs rising… Hmmm, I watched a report on the news the other night that the estimated cost for a pack of cigarettes was "supposed" to be $2.00 a pack in 2005 as compared to the 1.25 a pack in 1995. New Yorkers are payin 7.50 a pack. While the cost of living is rising, our wages are not. The only energy saving technique our leaders can create and agree upon is to extend daylight savings time…. BIG FAT FUCKING HAIRY DEAL.
So, In my effort to conserve I am making changes. If enough of the citizens did, our voices could be heard.
Imagine if all of the vehicles used to transport goods, mail, packages and so forth went on strike? Our country would lose millions upon millions of dollars in taxes and revenue…. Money talks and bullshit walks….
Anyone have any ideas on how to tighten the belt on our pocket books even more? I would be glad to hear it….
Yes folks with the rising cost of gasoline, I have decided to do my part to conserve gasoline and help my pocket book all at the same time. No longer will I drive above 55 MPH. I am also trying to rally a group of people to car pool. I can no longer afford the cost of driving back and forth to work each week. Not to mention the havoc said costs have done to other costs as well. Our natural gas and electricity is said to rise up to 66% this coming winter. While we are paying $2.599 a gallon, the country of Iraq is paying .05 cents a gallon for gas… and the war was not for oil "he" says. Rising costs of inflation is "supposed" to be the major factor in costs rising… Hmmm, I watched a report on the news the other night that the estimated cost for a pack of cigarettes was "supposed" to be $2.00 a pack in 2005 as compared to the 1.25 a pack in 1995. New Yorkers are payin 7.50 a pack. While the cost of living is rising, our wages are not. The only energy saving technique our leaders can create and agree upon is to extend daylight savings time…. BIG FAT FUCKING HAIRY DEAL.
So, In my effort to conserve I am making changes. If enough of the citizens did, our voices could be heard.
Imagine if all of the vehicles used to transport goods, mail, packages and so forth went on strike? Our country would lose millions upon millions of dollars in taxes and revenue…. Money talks and bullshit walks….
Anyone have any ideas on how to tighten the belt on our pocket books even more? I would be glad to hear it….
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
The Wonder Of It All
I feel as though I am watching scenes from the proverbial soap. I hate soaps and I despise when my life feels as though I am caught up in a day time drama plot/subplot. Why all the "Drama"? Well, lets just catch everyone up-to-date. The man I love more than anything in this world has been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Currently, his neurologist is determining the type he has. Watching my husband detoriate and waste away these last 4 years has been horrible and fighting with doctors to find what has been wrong with him, even worse. Most have said, it was all in his head. Finally, we have a Doctor that seems to know what he is doing. I just hope he does not have any effects that will linger since it has taken so long to determine his illness. The pain he suffers everyday grows worse and he has aged 20 years in the last 4. The memory loss is worse, he has difficulty speaking, sometimes difficulty swallowing, and he is unable to use cognitive reasoning and he has begun using his cane daily. It is even affecting his ability to be intimate.
I am so very angry, right now that I can not even begin to put into words how deep my hurt lingers in my heart and how much I am dissappointed in the whole human or rather rat race minus a few close friends.
I am tired of the struggle. I am tired of being strong. I am tired of keeping it all together with just a tiny strand.
Even though I feel all of these things, I also know there are people close to me that I am thankful for, Allen, Jenny, My dad, My mom, and Bill, and the kids... I am just tired.
I also went to the Dr. today to have an IUD inserted that emitts hormones that was to eliminate my horrible periods. However; the dr was unable to properly insert it due to the fact that my uterus is extremely small and tilted and will not allow for the iud to be inserted. My dr of 15 years did not realize this until today, and this also accounts for part of the reasons I have never been able to conceive.
I hate my life today....
As always, bills are due and no money, school is starting in two weeks and I have no money for new school clothes for the kids. All in all things suck... I am outta here for now... I am depressing myself even more...
Later
Re'
I feel as though I am watching scenes from the proverbial soap. I hate soaps and I despise when my life feels as though I am caught up in a day time drama plot/subplot. Why all the "Drama"? Well, lets just catch everyone up-to-date. The man I love more than anything in this world has been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Currently, his neurologist is determining the type he has. Watching my husband detoriate and waste away these last 4 years has been horrible and fighting with doctors to find what has been wrong with him, even worse. Most have said, it was all in his head. Finally, we have a Doctor that seems to know what he is doing. I just hope he does not have any effects that will linger since it has taken so long to determine his illness. The pain he suffers everyday grows worse and he has aged 20 years in the last 4. The memory loss is worse, he has difficulty speaking, sometimes difficulty swallowing, and he is unable to use cognitive reasoning and he has begun using his cane daily. It is even affecting his ability to be intimate.
I am so very angry, right now that I can not even begin to put into words how deep my hurt lingers in my heart and how much I am dissappointed in the whole human or rather rat race minus a few close friends.
I am tired of the struggle. I am tired of being strong. I am tired of keeping it all together with just a tiny strand.
Even though I feel all of these things, I also know there are people close to me that I am thankful for, Allen, Jenny, My dad, My mom, and Bill, and the kids... I am just tired.
I also went to the Dr. today to have an IUD inserted that emitts hormones that was to eliminate my horrible periods. However; the dr was unable to properly insert it due to the fact that my uterus is extremely small and tilted and will not allow for the iud to be inserted. My dr of 15 years did not realize this until today, and this also accounts for part of the reasons I have never been able to conceive.
I hate my life today....
As always, bills are due and no money, school is starting in two weeks and I have no money for new school clothes for the kids. All in all things suck... I am outta here for now... I am depressing myself even more...
Later
Re'
Sunday, July 17, 2005
HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE....
I like many other fans, have awaited the release of this book with excitement and of course i was at my local bookstore on midnight July 16th to get my copy. It was 1:30 am before I reached home and I was so tired I fell asleep with out reading it. I woke at 1 pm on saturday and began reading around 3 and did not put the book down until 6:49 Am Sunday morning.... and all I can say is SHOCKING......I am completely upset.....and hope the plot is a trick..... that is all i can say without spoiling for others....
I like many other fans, have awaited the release of this book with excitement and of course i was at my local bookstore on midnight July 16th to get my copy. It was 1:30 am before I reached home and I was so tired I fell asleep with out reading it. I woke at 1 pm on saturday and began reading around 3 and did not put the book down until 6:49 Am Sunday morning.... and all I can say is SHOCKING......I am completely upset.....and hope the plot is a trick..... that is all i can say without spoiling for others....
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Stagnent???? I have been called Much Worse......
LOL OMG.... I should be ashamed but I am not. I have been purely lazy and I have loved every minute of it..... TEE HEE... So here is a new post.....
Going Back Again
And then there are the things
That come to pass again
Once we did not comprehend
But now we understand…
Every step away from you
Only brought us home again
To every choice a reason or
Maybe, never any reason at all…
Just like a changing season
Youth has drifted away into
The knowing age of reason
And still, we do not know it all…
And when the light begins to fade
Listen for a heartbeat calling us home
All we ever needed was to dream of home
Maybe we weren’t at our best, Maybe
We could have changed our minds….
But calling out to our dreams…
That was all we could do…
That was all we could say…
We were young, dreaming for the moon.
Reaching for the stars, and only wanting
For you to dream with our troubled youth….
And the now the things have come to pass
And your voice lives within us and
We know the choice was ours to make
And ultimately leading us home….
-Renee H. 6/25/05
Written for Mom and Dad….
LOL OMG.... I should be ashamed but I am not. I have been purely lazy and I have loved every minute of it..... TEE HEE... So here is a new post.....
Going Back Again
And then there are the things
That come to pass again
Once we did not comprehend
But now we understand…
Every step away from you
Only brought us home again
To every choice a reason or
Maybe, never any reason at all…
Just like a changing season
Youth has drifted away into
The knowing age of reason
And still, we do not know it all…
And when the light begins to fade
Listen for a heartbeat calling us home
All we ever needed was to dream of home
Maybe we weren’t at our best, Maybe
We could have changed our minds….
But calling out to our dreams…
That was all we could do…
That was all we could say…
We were young, dreaming for the moon.
Reaching for the stars, and only wanting
For you to dream with our troubled youth….
And the now the things have come to pass
And your voice lives within us and
We know the choice was ours to make
And ultimately leading us home….
-Renee H. 6/25/05
Written for Mom and Dad….
Monday, May 09, 2005
The Inocence Of Youth and The Age Of Reason , errr... umm Confusion
As I have been getting older, I arrogantly patted my own back congratulating myself on my well earned "supposed" maturing and thought, "Hey, now I am wise and shall go forth and spew my drivel at whomever I deem un-worthy." Basically, I don't know when to shut my trap and keep quiet. It seems if I should ever learn this vitrue, I will be at peace. Now, On to other things.
My twin step-sons have a friend that comes over nearly every day to play with them and this kid is an Eddie Haskell of sorts, but I adore him all the same and I am glad the twins have a good friend. He lives with his grandmother, who happens to be the same age as my husband, 43, and he is an inter-racial child from a severly dysfunction family but somehow he has risen above it all and is a very good kid. I like to kid around with him and tease him and he in fact reminds me of a friend I had from childhood until he was killed in an auto accident a few years ago.
Now, this kid, (we'll call him Eddie), is your typical boy, getting into boy trouble and your normal everyday thing with kids in general. Sometimes he would grate on my husband's nerves terribly, and myself too, and I have even grounded him from comming over to play, but something about the kid has always pulled at my heart strings. It was on friday that I realized part of it was him reminding me of my long lost friend and because of his less than desirable home life and me wanting to give something to this kid he could always remember and look back on and possibly even learn something.
And Today, around 1:30 pm he showed up and immeadiately wanted to see me,
His grandmother that he lives with had passed away on Sunday morning. All I could do was grab him and hug him. I am shocked to say the least, considering she was healthy and the same age as my husband and only 10 years older than myself. Eddie hung out here for awhile and I called his mother to make sure she knew where he was and she told me she knew because he had told her he really needed to come and talk to me. I broke down crying. My first thought was how sad he felt he needed me more than his mother, and my next thought was how undeserving I was of this connection to this child. When I told my husband what had happened, he spoke the words I was thinking and feeling, Eddie can come and live with us if the need ever arises and yes we are very serious about this. I am not sure if his mom is going to be able to take care of him and I want him to be safe and with people who care about him. The kid has been through enough. I pray, though that his Mom will rise to the cause and take responsible action. If not my family and I are going to be there......
Later
As I have been getting older, I arrogantly patted my own back congratulating myself on my well earned "supposed" maturing and thought, "Hey, now I am wise and shall go forth and spew my drivel at whomever I deem un-worthy." Basically, I don't know when to shut my trap and keep quiet. It seems if I should ever learn this vitrue, I will be at peace. Now, On to other things.
My twin step-sons have a friend that comes over nearly every day to play with them and this kid is an Eddie Haskell of sorts, but I adore him all the same and I am glad the twins have a good friend. He lives with his grandmother, who happens to be the same age as my husband, 43, and he is an inter-racial child from a severly dysfunction family but somehow he has risen above it all and is a very good kid. I like to kid around with him and tease him and he in fact reminds me of a friend I had from childhood until he was killed in an auto accident a few years ago.
Now, this kid, (we'll call him Eddie), is your typical boy, getting into boy trouble and your normal everyday thing with kids in general. Sometimes he would grate on my husband's nerves terribly, and myself too, and I have even grounded him from comming over to play, but something about the kid has always pulled at my heart strings. It was on friday that I realized part of it was him reminding me of my long lost friend and because of his less than desirable home life and me wanting to give something to this kid he could always remember and look back on and possibly even learn something.
And Today, around 1:30 pm he showed up and immeadiately wanted to see me,
His grandmother that he lives with had passed away on Sunday morning. All I could do was grab him and hug him. I am shocked to say the least, considering she was healthy and the same age as my husband and only 10 years older than myself. Eddie hung out here for awhile and I called his mother to make sure she knew where he was and she told me she knew because he had told her he really needed to come and talk to me. I broke down crying. My first thought was how sad he felt he needed me more than his mother, and my next thought was how undeserving I was of this connection to this child. When I told my husband what had happened, he spoke the words I was thinking and feeling, Eddie can come and live with us if the need ever arises and yes we are very serious about this. I am not sure if his mom is going to be able to take care of him and I want him to be safe and with people who care about him. The kid has been through enough. I pray, though that his Mom will rise to the cause and take responsible action. If not my family and I are going to be there......
Later
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Some say my font is silver-gray.... I say it is a hazy shade of winter....
Hey folks... surprised to see an update so soon? Well, hell I am surprised at myself as well.....
I had a post all planned out in this little ol' brain of mine and I guess age is catching up with me because I have forgotten what the bugger was all about. So, I am just going to ramble, which seems to be what I do best nowadays.
I am recovering from surgery fairly well, except that now, everything I eat is automatically turned into explosive devication without probable cause. Which means get the hell out of my way I need the pot!!!!
Bill's Mom is comming for a visit on the 13th and will be the first time I have ever seen her in person. I am a little nervous, but more excited. I know the kids and Bill will enjoy it very much..... Now if I can just get Bill to Clean his mess, I will be in heaven....
That's all for now....
Re'
Hey folks... surprised to see an update so soon? Well, hell I am surprised at myself as well.....
I had a post all planned out in this little ol' brain of mine and I guess age is catching up with me because I have forgotten what the bugger was all about. So, I am just going to ramble, which seems to be what I do best nowadays.
I am recovering from surgery fairly well, except that now, everything I eat is automatically turned into explosive devication without probable cause. Which means get the hell out of my way I need the pot!!!!
Bill's Mom is comming for a visit on the 13th and will be the first time I have ever seen her in person. I am a little nervous, but more excited. I know the kids and Bill will enjoy it very much..... Now if I can just get Bill to Clean his mess, I will be in heaven....
That's all for now....
Re'
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Like Sands Through The Hour Glass.....
So Are The Days Of Our Lives....
So I suck at blogging.. big, fat, hair, deal....
HMMMMMMMM....
Things going on with me...
I just had surgery to remove my gallbladder.
I have lost almost 50 lbs.
Bill and the kids are fine.
I hate prissy little girls that think everyone is mean to her just because she does not get her way.
I probably pissed her mom off today and I don't fucking care.
I know my kids are not perfect and lord knows I bitch and gripe at them enough, but I am sick and fucking tired of hearing how Emily is tired of the twins being mean to her, or how they call her "evil", well if the shoe fits......
Anywho, I asked the twins and threatened them with in an inch of their lives, to tell me what was going on and they said they had not called her evil in a long time. She also does not like their friend Brian and because she can't boss him or the twins around when he is here, then she tells her mom that he is mean to her.
I told her mom today that I am not going to stop the twins from playing with Brian just because Emily does not like him and I think I pissed her off..... oh fucking well.
Not much else going on here.... ta for now.
So Are The Days Of Our Lives....
So I suck at blogging.. big, fat, hair, deal....
HMMMMMMMM....
Things going on with me...
I just had surgery to remove my gallbladder.
I have lost almost 50 lbs.
Bill and the kids are fine.
I hate prissy little girls that think everyone is mean to her just because she does not get her way.
I probably pissed her mom off today and I don't fucking care.
I know my kids are not perfect and lord knows I bitch and gripe at them enough, but I am sick and fucking tired of hearing how Emily is tired of the twins being mean to her, or how they call her "evil", well if the shoe fits......
Anywho, I asked the twins and threatened them with in an inch of their lives, to tell me what was going on and they said they had not called her evil in a long time. She also does not like their friend Brian and because she can't boss him or the twins around when he is here, then she tells her mom that he is mean to her.
I told her mom today that I am not going to stop the twins from playing with Brian just because Emily does not like him and I think I pissed her off..... oh fucking well.
Not much else going on here.... ta for now.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
The other day, I asked the kids to create something for me to hang on my cubicle wall at work....and this is what Matthew came up with and I am very impressed....
NIGHT
Night is cool,
Night is fright,
When I go,
It's sure a sight,
I'm so afraid,
That I hide,
In my closet,
Like a mouse,
Who seen a cat,
And the next night,
And the next night,
Till one day,
I stood up and said,
"I'm not afraid!"
Now the night is scared,
Because it thinks,
I'm a knight,
So I'm the
Knight of the night....
Matthew H. Age 11
3/15/05
I am still impressed....
NIGHT
Night is cool,
Night is fright,
When I go,
It's sure a sight,
I'm so afraid,
That I hide,
In my closet,
Like a mouse,
Who seen a cat,
And the next night,
And the next night,
Till one day,
I stood up and said,
"I'm not afraid!"
Now the night is scared,
Because it thinks,
I'm a knight,
So I'm the
Knight of the night....
Matthew H. Age 11
3/15/05
I am still impressed....
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
I just finished reading a biography about Fleetwood Mac titled Never Break The Chain, Fleetwood Mac and the making of Rumours.... By Cath Carroll....
I must say, I did find the book interesting and informative on certain aspects of Fleetwood Mac I did not know, at first.....And then it happened, close to the end of the book when the author refered to Robin Anderson(Stevie's Closest Friend), as a "He". One can only hope this was a typographically error..... and to me an obvious one. It is the only mention of Robin and I find it hard to believe that the author did not whom he/she was addressing. Anywho, It was a good read for any die hard "MAC" fan and well worth the 14 bucks I shelled out for it.
Now on a different note, I know I have not blogged of late and basically have been too busy, to consumed in my own day to day crisis as well as not giving a flying fuck....
I have written a few new poems and i hate everyone of them and feel totally un-inspired simply because why write when it will never mean anything to anyone but me. At least that is where my attitude has been lately. I will get over it. I am on vacation this week and getting a much needed break from the pressures of work.... Thankfully, when I return next week I will be starting a new job within the company and will be in training for 8 - 10 weeks... sooooo NO overtime... Yippeee!@!!!!
I have also been extremely busy purging junk from my life and my house in the hopes of losing some clutter and adding some semblence of style... If only I could twitch my nose like Samantha, and covert my pack rat of a husband and children..... Boys Suck.....LOL
Right before christmas, Me, my step-son, and a couple of friends re-decorated my living room and it has turned out fabulous.
I have also been doing alot of reading. I am currently working on The Lord of The Rings and should finish it this weekend. I set it aside for a time to rest my brain and read the Mac book. Now I am ready to tackle it again.
I have also cancelled my AOL service and will seeking a new DSL/ Cable provider in the months to come. I want my money to be spent wisely and AOL was riping me off.
Anyway all is well here ... Sorry to have been away so long...
Re'
I must say, I did find the book interesting and informative on certain aspects of Fleetwood Mac I did not know, at first.....And then it happened, close to the end of the book when the author refered to Robin Anderson(Stevie's Closest Friend), as a "He". One can only hope this was a typographically error..... and to me an obvious one. It is the only mention of Robin and I find it hard to believe that the author did not whom he/she was addressing. Anywho, It was a good read for any die hard "MAC" fan and well worth the 14 bucks I shelled out for it.
Now on a different note, I know I have not blogged of late and basically have been too busy, to consumed in my own day to day crisis as well as not giving a flying fuck....
I have written a few new poems and i hate everyone of them and feel totally un-inspired simply because why write when it will never mean anything to anyone but me. At least that is where my attitude has been lately. I will get over it. I am on vacation this week and getting a much needed break from the pressures of work.... Thankfully, when I return next week I will be starting a new job within the company and will be in training for 8 - 10 weeks... sooooo NO overtime... Yippeee!@!!!!
I have also been extremely busy purging junk from my life and my house in the hopes of losing some clutter and adding some semblence of style... If only I could twitch my nose like Samantha, and covert my pack rat of a husband and children..... Boys Suck.....LOL
Right before christmas, Me, my step-son, and a couple of friends re-decorated my living room and it has turned out fabulous.
I have also been doing alot of reading. I am currently working on The Lord of The Rings and should finish it this weekend. I set it aside for a time to rest my brain and read the Mac book. Now I am ready to tackle it again.
I have also cancelled my AOL service and will seeking a new DSL/ Cable provider in the months to come. I want my money to be spent wisely and AOL was riping me off.
Anyway all is well here ... Sorry to have been away so long...
Re'
Saturday, December 25, 2004
The Greatest Gift Part Two...
When I first posted my entry regarding my love for my husband, Bill, and his love and himself being the greatest gift I could ever receive, I had no idea I was preparing myself to be more aware of the love surrounding me. On Christmas Eve Day, at the elderly man that owner financed my home and lives next door to me called to wish Bill, the kids, and I a very Merry Christmas and told me how much he cared for us. I replied, "Abe, well we love you very much too." I have known him for a long time and had never told him those words. He treated my kids as his grand-kids and loved and adored us. When he called, I had a strange feeling and got goose bumps all over and the whole phone call seemed odd.... He then said, "God Bless Ya'll and that is all I wanted to say"... and I said okay and God Bless Ya'll too." A few minutes later an ambulance arrived, then several other cars, and a police car. Abe had clicked off the phone and slumped over in his chair and had passed on. All the way to West Texas I knew he was dead, but could not bring myself to admit it. I had talked to his wife before the ambulance left and she did not know his condition. When I got to my parents house, I called and found out for sure. I cannot put into words the emotions going through my heart. It was very un-nerving to have been the last person he spoke too, but at the same time it was very special and I feel he was telling us good-bye. I also wonder why I was the person he thought to call before he died. It was odd... it was as though he knew he was going... Christmas is going to mean something entirely different to me and my family from now on.... and I think I now have a guardian angel....
All My Love,
Merry Christmas
Re'
When I first posted my entry regarding my love for my husband, Bill, and his love and himself being the greatest gift I could ever receive, I had no idea I was preparing myself to be more aware of the love surrounding me. On Christmas Eve Day, at the elderly man that owner financed my home and lives next door to me called to wish Bill, the kids, and I a very Merry Christmas and told me how much he cared for us. I replied, "Abe, well we love you very much too." I have known him for a long time and had never told him those words. He treated my kids as his grand-kids and loved and adored us. When he called, I had a strange feeling and got goose bumps all over and the whole phone call seemed odd.... He then said, "God Bless Ya'll and that is all I wanted to say"... and I said okay and God Bless Ya'll too." A few minutes later an ambulance arrived, then several other cars, and a police car. Abe had clicked off the phone and slumped over in his chair and had passed on. All the way to West Texas I knew he was dead, but could not bring myself to admit it. I had talked to his wife before the ambulance left and she did not know his condition. When I got to my parents house, I called and found out for sure. I cannot put into words the emotions going through my heart. It was very un-nerving to have been the last person he spoke too, but at the same time it was very special and I feel he was telling us good-bye. I also wonder why I was the person he thought to call before he died. It was odd... it was as though he knew he was going... Christmas is going to mean something entirely different to me and my family from now on.... and I think I now have a guardian angel....
All My Love,
Merry Christmas
Re'
Sunday, December 12, 2004
The Greatest Gift...
I have been going through some personal changes over the past year. I have constantly tormented myself with the question of WHY? Why do we exist, Why is there so much pain and suffering in the world, Why do we hurt the ones we love?, Why does humanity seem lacking in moral character?... Maybe, it is because I am growing older, maybe it is because I am still adjusting to an instant family... I am not really sure. When the doctor did my yearly well woman exam, he suggested a baseline mamogram and I went and a lump was found. One I could not even feel. I had to go back for an ultrasound, the radiologist doing it, stopped for a minute and went and got a Dr. I was so frightened and immeadiately I went numb. I was told it was a septated cyst and one in nine are cancerous. I could not believe what I was hearing. I was totally in shock. I had it removed and everything came back okay and I was so totally thankful. During this whole ordeal, my husband was there beside me in a way only he could be. I love his sense of humor and his quiet way of loving me. He told me that in the worse case scenerio that IF i had to have chemo, then I would lose all the weight I had been wanting to lose and if they had to take my breasts then I would be able to get the breasts of mine and his dreams. When he said that I died laughing, and loved him so much more than I already did.
I guess my point in this rambling is that this year my depth of understanding the greastest gift has matured and grown more than I thought possible. Bill and I were meant to be together and the boys were meant to be with us as well. If i never have another thing in my life, it would not matter...as long as I have my greatest gift, Bill....
Merry Christmas everyone...
Re'
I have been going through some personal changes over the past year. I have constantly tormented myself with the question of WHY? Why do we exist, Why is there so much pain and suffering in the world, Why do we hurt the ones we love?, Why does humanity seem lacking in moral character?... Maybe, it is because I am growing older, maybe it is because I am still adjusting to an instant family... I am not really sure. When the doctor did my yearly well woman exam, he suggested a baseline mamogram and I went and a lump was found. One I could not even feel. I had to go back for an ultrasound, the radiologist doing it, stopped for a minute and went and got a Dr. I was so frightened and immeadiately I went numb. I was told it was a septated cyst and one in nine are cancerous. I could not believe what I was hearing. I was totally in shock. I had it removed and everything came back okay and I was so totally thankful. During this whole ordeal, my husband was there beside me in a way only he could be. I love his sense of humor and his quiet way of loving me. He told me that in the worse case scenerio that IF i had to have chemo, then I would lose all the weight I had been wanting to lose and if they had to take my breasts then I would be able to get the breasts of mine and his dreams. When he said that I died laughing, and loved him so much more than I already did.
I guess my point in this rambling is that this year my depth of understanding the greastest gift has matured and grown more than I thought possible. Bill and I were meant to be together and the boys were meant to be with us as well. If i never have another thing in my life, it would not matter...as long as I have my greatest gift, Bill....
Merry Christmas everyone...
Re'
Monday, November 29, 2004
I tried to post the other day but blogger lost my damn post and I gave up. Alot has been going on here. I had a lump in my breast removed on the 11th and thankfully all came back benign.... So, I had plenty to be thankful for this year. Its hard to believe Christmas is almost here....
I spent the holiday weekend at my parents house and had a lovely and relaxing time with no kids and no hubby. The kids went to their moms and Bill had cooking obligations for some neighbors, so I hooked to west texas to see my family..... good times.
I spent the holiday weekend at my parents house and had a lovely and relaxing time with no kids and no hubby. The kids went to their moms and Bill had cooking obligations for some neighbors, so I hooked to west texas to see my family..... good times.
Sunday, October 31, 2004
'Tis The Season Of The Witch....
Happy All Hallow's Eve, my friends...
I think halloween is as much fun for the adults as the kids... It is the one night of the year we can dress up as someone else and have fun with fairly little out of pocket expense, if you are creative enough. This year as every year... I am a gypsy witch, and I think my costume is the best ever since my hair has grown rather long and wild looking and I have lots of interesting silver jewelry pieces to add to the costume as well as some beautiful and colorful scarves. My kids enjoy my dressing up and getting into the spirit of things and I get a kick out of their excitement. I have some family members that feel halloween is evil and totally against God... I however do not care. If I am going to hell for brining some joy and laughter into my house for a change then so be it. With that.... Happy Haunting and have magical night....
Re'
Happy All Hallow's Eve, my friends...
I think halloween is as much fun for the adults as the kids... It is the one night of the year we can dress up as someone else and have fun with fairly little out of pocket expense, if you are creative enough. This year as every year... I am a gypsy witch, and I think my costume is the best ever since my hair has grown rather long and wild looking and I have lots of interesting silver jewelry pieces to add to the costume as well as some beautiful and colorful scarves. My kids enjoy my dressing up and getting into the spirit of things and I get a kick out of their excitement. I have some family members that feel halloween is evil and totally against God... I however do not care. If I am going to hell for brining some joy and laughter into my house for a change then so be it. With that.... Happy Haunting and have magical night....
Re'
Sunday, October 03, 2004
Netflix... How Did I survive without it?
Approximately two weeks ago I joined this movie rental club called Netflix. I am sure you all have seen the commercials for it, and I absolutely love it. For 22.00 dollars a month I have DVD's delivered via US Mail, no late fees,postage paid return envelopes, and 24-72 hour turn around time. No hassle of going to the video store and as long as I keep my rental que full of movies I want to watch and in the order I want to see them, I will always have something new and entertaing to due and I never have to deal with some pimply, hormonal teenager leering at me as though I were the enemy. Thank God for small wonders. So far it has only taken them a day to receive returned movies and the next day or two I get another one in the mail. I am very impressed and recommend it to everyone.
So far I have seen, The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood, Taking Lives, 50 First Dates, The Whole Ten Yards, and La Belle Et La Bete. Anywho, well worth the money.
I made the kids clean house from top to bottom today, took away their tv and video game priveleges and their allowance for lunch money (they wont starve they can take their lunch) until they learn a little respect for me and how hard I work to give them the things they want and need. A few simple chores is not too much to ask of them considering the long hours I work. After one week, if they get their acts together, I will re-instate everything on the condition that chores continue to be done. The kids and I worked hard on cleaning the house and I explained to them if they would just take the time each day we would not have to spend hours on the weekend cleaning. Maybe this time it will work.
That's all for now..
Re'
Approximately two weeks ago I joined this movie rental club called Netflix. I am sure you all have seen the commercials for it, and I absolutely love it. For 22.00 dollars a month I have DVD's delivered via US Mail, no late fees,postage paid return envelopes, and 24-72 hour turn around time. No hassle of going to the video store and as long as I keep my rental que full of movies I want to watch and in the order I want to see them, I will always have something new and entertaing to due and I never have to deal with some pimply, hormonal teenager leering at me as though I were the enemy. Thank God for small wonders. So far it has only taken them a day to receive returned movies and the next day or two I get another one in the mail. I am very impressed and recommend it to everyone.
So far I have seen, The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood, Taking Lives, 50 First Dates, The Whole Ten Yards, and La Belle Et La Bete. Anywho, well worth the money.
I made the kids clean house from top to bottom today, took away their tv and video game priveleges and their allowance for lunch money (they wont starve they can take their lunch) until they learn a little respect for me and how hard I work to give them the things they want and need. A few simple chores is not too much to ask of them considering the long hours I work. After one week, if they get their acts together, I will re-instate everything on the condition that chores continue to be done. The kids and I worked hard on cleaning the house and I explained to them if they would just take the time each day we would not have to spend hours on the weekend cleaning. Maybe this time it will work.
That's all for now..
Re'
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Time...
Everyday, my life is full and busy and that is a good thing, but I do miss having enough "time" to blogg. I visit several bloggs and have learned many things, and feel I have grown as person. The advantage of the internet is too use it as a tool to expand your mind and your opinions, to learn about different cultures and societies. I have learned that Americans, in general, are not viewed positively as a whole, and that saddens me. I have been humbled in my own opinion regarding my societies arrogance. Personally, I am thankful to live in a country where I am free. I am ashamed of what some people have done in order to enforce freedom in other countries. I am thankful to have grown up in a place where values and morals are still something we teach our children. I am saddened that we still have adults that need teaching. I am thankful I have a truly commited and loving husband. I am appalled at the number of relationships failing...
Members of our society, expect handouts. It is something our country encourages and I destest this ridiculous notion. We allow women to choose to have an abortion, but the man has no choice when an unplanned pregnancy occurs. We coddle our children to much, and dont discipline them enough.
We give substance to criminals by explaining their actions with doses of "he was neglected as a child" he was molested, she was beaten.... When we should be preventing these things or at least making the criminal realize the consequences of their actions.
Maybe my opinion is too narrow, but I am at least partially right.
Here is a poem I wrote a while back and I have posted it before, but it just seemed to fit how I was feeling. I hope you enjoy.
Social Inequities
Foolishness reigns society
Conscious logical thought is a Minority…
Consequence serves no master
Truth is only an illusion
Fate is our master
------Therefore Our God------
Therefore fools prevail in THIS world.
Folly holds us prisoner
Death is inevitable
Growth is not…
Insolence suffers “Green Manalishi” talks…
Pawns in a Game of Fate
Yes—We ALL Lose
Destiny is the only truth
Idealism is dangerous
Indifference breeds stupidity
And we all just walk away….
Everyday, my life is full and busy and that is a good thing, but I do miss having enough "time" to blogg. I visit several bloggs and have learned many things, and feel I have grown as person. The advantage of the internet is too use it as a tool to expand your mind and your opinions, to learn about different cultures and societies. I have learned that Americans, in general, are not viewed positively as a whole, and that saddens me. I have been humbled in my own opinion regarding my societies arrogance. Personally, I am thankful to live in a country where I am free. I am ashamed of what some people have done in order to enforce freedom in other countries. I am thankful to have grown up in a place where values and morals are still something we teach our children. I am saddened that we still have adults that need teaching. I am thankful I have a truly commited and loving husband. I am appalled at the number of relationships failing...
Members of our society, expect handouts. It is something our country encourages and I destest this ridiculous notion. We allow women to choose to have an abortion, but the man has no choice when an unplanned pregnancy occurs. We coddle our children to much, and dont discipline them enough.
We give substance to criminals by explaining their actions with doses of "he was neglected as a child" he was molested, she was beaten.... When we should be preventing these things or at least making the criminal realize the consequences of their actions.
Maybe my opinion is too narrow, but I am at least partially right.
Here is a poem I wrote a while back and I have posted it before, but it just seemed to fit how I was feeling. I hope you enjoy.
Social Inequities
Foolishness reigns society
Conscious logical thought is a Minority…
Consequence serves no master
Truth is only an illusion
Fate is our master
------Therefore Our God------
Therefore fools prevail in THIS world.
Folly holds us prisoner
Death is inevitable
Growth is not…
Insolence suffers “Green Manalishi” talks…
Pawns in a Game of Fate
Yes—We ALL Lose
Destiny is the only truth
Idealism is dangerous
Indifference breeds stupidity
And we all just walk away….
Thursday, September 16, 2004
I had a "complete" physical on Tuesday...
Complete.... is now a dirty word in my vocabulary. I was poked and proded and violated and molested in ways my husband has never even had the balls to attempt much less ask. I hate preventative care, but I guess I should be appreciative. Due to proper medication, my blood pressure was down to 120/80, and Doc. was very pleased. I don't know the results of the pap smear or labs yet, but hopefully all is well in that aspect. I also have lost 13 lbs which doc was also pleased but I still have a long way to go. I can no longer have bread or potatoes and sugar must be used sparingly ... ie no sweets and I have to stop smoking... every dr says that... I have lost 33% of my lung capacity, i have emphysema/copd and at 33 that is not good. I was given a very stern lecture and told to stop. I have been given anti-anxiety medicine and it is helping but I still smoke.. just not as much right now. I am on my last pack from the carton we had, so bill and I are both going to quit. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I would give my life for my step-kids without second thought, but to give up smokes? I had never before even seriouslly considered it and now, now I want to stop...
I will probably be doing a lot of posting about this. I think it maybe theraputic because I was wanting a smoke really bad and since I have been typing the craving edged off.
All is well otherwise. Just life as usual, nothing to write home about. Love to All
Re'
Complete.... is now a dirty word in my vocabulary. I was poked and proded and violated and molested in ways my husband has never even had the balls to attempt much less ask. I hate preventative care, but I guess I should be appreciative. Due to proper medication, my blood pressure was down to 120/80, and Doc. was very pleased. I don't know the results of the pap smear or labs yet, but hopefully all is well in that aspect. I also have lost 13 lbs which doc was also pleased but I still have a long way to go. I can no longer have bread or potatoes and sugar must be used sparingly ... ie no sweets and I have to stop smoking... every dr says that... I have lost 33% of my lung capacity, i have emphysema/copd and at 33 that is not good. I was given a very stern lecture and told to stop. I have been given anti-anxiety medicine and it is helping but I still smoke.. just not as much right now. I am on my last pack from the carton we had, so bill and I are both going to quit. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I would give my life for my step-kids without second thought, but to give up smokes? I had never before even seriouslly considered it and now, now I want to stop...
I will probably be doing a lot of posting about this. I think it maybe theraputic because I was wanting a smoke really bad and since I have been typing the craving edged off.
All is well otherwise. Just life as usual, nothing to write home about. Love to All
Re'
Thursday, September 09, 2004
I know I should have my blogging permit revoked for failure to appear....
Overtime at work is killing me physically and mentally, but financially it is going to look pretty nice....
I went to killer birthday party for a very dear friend of mine over the weekend and more fun than is safe to write home about.... tee hee.... Good Times....
I have some new stuff to post but I will share one with ya'll tonight....
Trembling like a wounded bird,
The lady's torment bleeds
To the surface of her resolve,
And the force of aged passion's
Ravages her sanity...
So te lady fades behind
A wall of protection...
Sheilding herself from
Future emotional pains
Within her dis-illusionment
She is like a blade
Cutting All she sees with true remorse,
But still unable to cease.
The will is weak and the anger strong
And the days grow harder, longer,
And the nights colder,
Offerring little repreive.
She hopes to grow softer ...
Even with no direction home...
9/9/04 Renee Herod
Overtime at work is killing me physically and mentally, but financially it is going to look pretty nice....
I went to killer birthday party for a very dear friend of mine over the weekend and more fun than is safe to write home about.... tee hee.... Good Times....
I have some new stuff to post but I will share one with ya'll tonight....
Trembling like a wounded bird,
The lady's torment bleeds
To the surface of her resolve,
And the force of aged passion's
Ravages her sanity...
So te lady fades behind
A wall of protection...
Sheilding herself from
Future emotional pains
Within her dis-illusionment
She is like a blade
Cutting All she sees with true remorse,
But still unable to cease.
The will is weak and the anger strong
And the days grow harder, longer,
And the nights colder,
Offerring little repreive.
She hopes to grow softer ...
Even with no direction home...
9/9/04 Renee Herod
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