I tried to post the other day but blogger lost my damn post and I gave up. Alot has been going on here. I had a lump in my breast removed on the 11th and thankfully all came back benign.... So, I had plenty to be thankful for this year. Its hard to believe Christmas is almost here....

I spent the holiday weekend at my parents house and had a lovely and relaxing time with no kids and no hubby. The kids went to their moms and Bill had cooking obligations for some neighbors, so I hooked to west texas to see my family..... good times.

'Tis The Season Of The Witch....

Happy All Hallow's Eve, my friends...

I think halloween is as much fun for the adults as the kids... It is the one night of the year we can dress up as someone else and have fun with fairly little out of pocket expense, if you are creative enough. This year as every year... I am a gypsy witch, and I think my costume is the best ever since my hair has grown rather long and wild looking and I have lots of interesting silver jewelry pieces to add to the costume as well as some beautiful and colorful scarves. My kids enjoy my dressing up and getting into the spirit of things and I get a kick out of their excitement. I have some family members that feel halloween is evil and totally against God... I however do not care. If I am going to hell for brining some joy and laughter into my house for a change then so be it. With that.... Happy Haunting and have magical night....
Re'

Netflix... How Did I survive without it?

Approximately two weeks ago I joined this movie rental club called Netflix. I am sure you all have seen the commercials for it, and I absolutely love it. For 22.00 dollars a month I have DVD's delivered via US Mail, no late fees,postage paid return envelopes, and 24-72 hour turn around time. No hassle of going to the video store and as long as I keep my rental que full of movies I want to watch and in the order I want to see them, I will always have something new and entertaing to due and I never have to deal with some pimply, hormonal teenager leering at me as though I were the enemy. Thank God for small wonders. So far it has only taken them a day to receive returned movies and the next day or two I get another one in the mail. I am very impressed and recommend it to everyone.

So far I have seen, The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood, Taking Lives, 50 First Dates, The Whole Ten Yards, and La Belle Et La Bete. Anywho, well worth the money.

I made the kids clean house from top to bottom today, took away their tv and video game priveleges and their allowance for lunch money (they wont starve they can take their lunch) until they learn a little respect for me and how hard I work to give them the things they want and need. A few simple chores is not too much to ask of them considering the long hours I work. After one week, if they get their acts together, I will re-instate everything on the condition that chores continue to be done. The kids and I worked hard on cleaning the house and I explained to them if they would just take the time each day we would not have to spend hours on the weekend cleaning. Maybe this time it will work.

That's all for now..
Re'

Time...

Everyday, my life is full and busy and that is a good thing, but I do miss having enough "time" to blogg. I visit several bloggs and have learned many things, and feel I have grown as person. The advantage of the internet is too use it as a tool to expand your mind and your opinions, to learn about different cultures and societies. I have learned that Americans, in general, are not viewed positively as a whole, and that saddens me. I have been humbled in my own opinion regarding my societies arrogance. Personally, I am thankful to live in a country where I am free. I am ashamed of what some people have done in order to enforce freedom in other countries. I am thankful to have grown up in a place where values and morals are still something we teach our children. I am saddened that we still have adults that need teaching. I am thankful I have a truly commited and loving husband. I am appalled at the number of relationships failing...

Members of our society, expect handouts. It is something our country encourages and I destest this ridiculous notion. We allow women to choose to have an abortion, but the man has no choice when an unplanned pregnancy occurs. We coddle our children to much, and dont discipline them enough.
We give substance to criminals by explaining their actions with doses of "he was neglected as a child" he was molested, she was beaten.... When we should be preventing these things or at least making the criminal realize the consequences of their actions.

Maybe my opinion is too narrow, but I am at least partially right.

Here is a poem I wrote a while back and I have posted it before, but it just seemed to fit how I was feeling. I hope you enjoy.

Social Inequities

Foolishness reigns society
Conscious logical thought is a Minority…
Consequence serves no master
Truth is only an illusion
Fate is our master
------Therefore Our God------
Therefore fools prevail in THIS world.
Folly holds us prisoner
Death is inevitable
Growth is not…
Insolence suffers “Green Manalishi” talks…
Pawns in a Game of Fate
Yes—We ALL Lose
Destiny is the only truth
Idealism is dangerous
Indifference breeds stupidity

And we all just walk away….

I had a "complete" physical on Tuesday...

Complete.... is now a dirty word in my vocabulary. I was poked and proded and violated and molested in ways my husband has never even had the balls to attempt much less ask. I hate preventative care, but I guess I should be appreciative. Due to proper medication, my blood pressure was down to 120/80, and Doc. was very pleased. I don't know the results of the pap smear or labs yet, but hopefully all is well in that aspect. I also have lost 13 lbs which doc was also pleased but I still have a long way to go. I can no longer have bread or potatoes and sugar must be used sparingly ... ie no sweets and I have to stop smoking... every dr says that... I have lost 33% of my lung capacity, i have emphysema/copd and at 33 that is not good. I was given a very stern lecture and told to stop. I have been given anti-anxiety medicine and it is helping but I still smoke.. just not as much right now. I am on my last pack from the carton we had, so bill and I are both going to quit. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I would give my life for my step-kids without second thought, but to give up smokes? I had never before even seriouslly considered it and now, now I want to stop...
I will probably be doing a lot of posting about this. I think it maybe theraputic because I was wanting a smoke really bad and since I have been typing the craving edged off.

All is well otherwise. Just life as usual, nothing to write home about. Love to All

Re'

I know I should have my blogging permit revoked for failure to appear....

Overtime at work is killing me physically and mentally, but financially it is going to look pretty nice....

I went to killer birthday party for a very dear friend of mine over the weekend and more fun than is safe to write home about.... tee hee.... Good Times....

I have some new stuff to post but I will share one with ya'll tonight....

Trembling like a wounded bird,
The lady's torment bleeds
To the surface of her resolve,
And the force of aged passion's
Ravages her sanity...
So te lady fades behind
A wall of protection...
Sheilding herself from
Future emotional pains
Within her dis-illusionment
She is like a blade
Cutting All she sees with true remorse,
But still unable to cease.
The will is weak and the anger strong
And the days grow harder, longer,
And the nights colder,
Offerring little repreive.
She hopes to grow softer ...
Even with no direction home...

9/9/04 Renee Herod

Some Call It A Dream...

FUNNY THING HAPPENED TO ME ON THE WAY TO POST.....

Tee hee.... I know I have been a naughty, naughty girl for not posting.... but hey I think you will agree that it has been well worth the wait... I have several poems for your enjoyment.... Email me, leave a comment, tell me what you think....


I started a new poetry journal and have dutifully titled it, "In Between The Knowing" My first two poetry journals were titled "Painted Pages Of A Poets Heart"....

The following poems are from "In Between The Knowing..."

And the Angel cried out into
The night and the demons fell away,
The voice calling down the rain,
The moon, and the water...
With the force of a God, A spirit
That moves through all that is, was...

And the Angel raised a
Force of wind and light
Casting away the pale shadows
Lurking outsided the lady's hall...

And the Angel fed the flame
Of hope with a Breath Of
Faith burning down the
Walls of decades past...

And the Angel sang the moon's song
Of love , of a faith of ancients
And the lady, the lady she
heard the wind, and the rain
And felt the wals falling, and
She glowed in the light of Evermore...

Renee Herod
8/27/04


Spirit of the End...
Spirit of the Wind...
Spirit of Everything...
Dances on the birth of an idea...
Long left in shadow...
Alone she wept with this thought...
She alone was tempted for the
Taste of the unknown...
Long left to grieve for this spirit...
She alone loved him...

Renee Herod
8/27/04


When the freedom of
Soft wind and moon lit
Night leaves a soul wanting...

And the lady hears a voice calling...
And waiting...
The vision of yet to come will
Always haunt her....
Always the force of nature
Pulling her to a higher dimension
Welcoming the cleansing
Fog of meditation...
She'll always take it...

And the hand of God crashes in
The night and she is within
A realm of illusion... and
She sees...She sees the death
Of her past, of what she was supposed to be...
No comming back again... the force hath taken
And wills her to wait for the comming dawn...

She can feel it, she can feel the
Forces pulling her spirit...
Sending her chasing the glory
of Knowledge... the force , A
Strenght within her own will...
And Illicit love consuming her...


Renee Herod
8/27/04


An element of Fire,
An element of ice,
Born of the moon,
And graced with the
Eyes of the earth
The lady exudes ancient power...

And in the arms of the ancient,
The wise,--- The forgotten,
She blooms like a night orchid
With sweet sadness, but never remorse...

Renee Herod
8/27/04

Hello Everyone!!!

Lordy Lordy Lordy!!!! It has been busy around here. It seems that I never have time to do anything extra anymore with the kids being home. My dad had a heart cath done and there was no blockage!!! Yeah!!! School started back on Monday and it has been the usual mountains of paperwork to be filled out and in triplicate since I have three.

The oldest is 15 and hormonal.... I may not live through these teenager years....

The kids biological mother moved to another state this summer
Not much else going on.... I have done some writing here and there and I will get it posted soon.... Love to All

Re'

Looks like I will be making the ol' switcheroo to Verizon DSL w/ MSN.... Money talks and bullshit walks... toodles AOL....    You are no longer the King in my opinion.  
 
I have been a busy little bee.... I have been going to work out everyday this week and next week I start Pilates twice a week.... Yeah Me.. I have lost 4lbs..... My current goal is to lose 30lbs by September 18th.   I am trying really hard to stay with it.  I have a total of 120lbs to lose and I will be back to a healthy weight.  Considering my weight my cholesteral is at 224 but needs to be lower.... I have already lowered it from 315... go me again!!! .... My blood pressure is up and I am currently taken medication for that but I want to get off those pills.... anywho... not much else going on here...... TTFN 

HMMMMMMMMM..... Interesting Prospects......


I am forever in search of a bargin, however; sometimes, I do pay for the convience of things, such as AOL, BUT, those days may soon be over. Currently, I have DSL through AOL and it costs a small forturne. Today, I found out that Verizon offers DSL with MSN for 29.95 no additional charges. While speaking with the rep from Verizon, I asked her several times... Does MSN charge an addtional charge for use of their services.... Her reply everytime was NO. A neighbor friend has recently signed up for DSL with Verizon and was told the same thing. She is supposed to let me know if this is true.... I just can't help but be suspicious. However, if it turns out to be true... I am so switching.... Good-bye AOL.... I called AOL to see if they offered anytime of promotion package that included the same as Verizon, and no they don't AND they are no longer promoting DSL or offering it to new customers. Existing customers can still carry it but at an additional charge of 31.95 or so a month. So, I am starting to think that I may truly be on too something here and that verizon is the way to go.... and if it is.... YAHOO!!!! I just saved us ooodles of money.... Yeah ME!!!!

The Truth Behind My limited Blogging....

I have a confession... I have not been blogging,simply because it is difficult to find any thing positive to blog about, so I simply do not blog. I do not want people reading my blog to think I am a totally negative person, though, secretly maybe I am... Who Knows... I think I have two personas... the one I show everyone, and then the one that lives inside my head... I am good at giving advice to people and supporting them, but my own head is a mess....LOL... "No one knows how I feel, or what I say unless you read between my lines." Stevie said it best....

Ta For Now...

Re'

With deliberate effort, I placed my feet in front of me and climb the steps to my front door. All four of the dogs were jumping and wagging their tails in an unconditional display of their love and affection for me and missing me all day while I was at work. I patted each one hello and said words affirming my love for them and stumbled exhausted to my trusty recliner. After smoking a cigarette that tasted almost as good as the one after sex, I began to shed my clothes... I hate clothes.. especially bras. I peeled my sports bra off and pulled it up over my head and let out a blood curling yelp as any good(evil) commanche indian would after scalping its hapless victum. I had my trophy(minus the blood)above my head and tossed it away. AHHHHH!!! FREEDOM at last... and I rested....


How's that for interesting, Satan Muffin? HMMMMMM????? TEE HEE...

"What We've got here is.... Failure to Communicate..."


So, I have not blogged in over 10 days.... So sue me... I dont care... TEE HEE...

Updates:

The biotch got 10 years probation,a fine, and 90 days in jail....
The system does not work.


My parents were in town for the weekend so I was very busy with family stuff. Had fun, ate to much..blah blah blah.

Not much else going on.

GUILTY OF MANSLAUGHTER...

One year and ten days ago a friend of mine, a father, a husband, a son, and productive member of society was ripped from our lives by a woman that is only being partially held accountable for her actions. The trial began on June 21st, exactly, one year ago to the day of the shooting, and yesterday afteroon she was found guilty of manslaughter and not murder which carries a penalty of probation or 20 years in prison. Today, the jury is deliberating her sentence and as of this writing I have not heard the outcome. While I am thankful for some form of justice, I am saddened that the outcome was not more severe, she did take a life. It can be argued that was not her intent, but let us be realistic for a moment. Her boyfriend was beating the shit out of his wife, yes wife, and my friend was trying to get him off her, and the woman went inside the house got a .357 magnum, and returned outside. The gunshot entered his thigh at close range and travelled upwards through his mouth and exiting his head. She told authorites she fired the gun in the air... (sorry folks does not compute). The wife, had been beaten unconscious, and has no recollection of the events after the fight with her husband began. The only three people that really know what happened are the woman, the husband, and my friend...

It can be argued this was a heat of the moment arguement that went all wrong, but it still doesn't change the fact she went and got the gun and used it on my friend and killed him. There are many more facts I could discuss, but it would take too much time, and I cannot change the verdict. I hope she rots in hell...

Got Poems???



Thing Of Beauty

Was the sky blue today,
Did anyone notice?
Reasons come raining
Down through the tears
From Above...
Lost inside an
Inner torment
Fueled by a lunatic's disease,
She waits for an epiphany,
Waiting on the edge of maddness...
No one came...
No one "got it"
No one provided a boundary...

And life lived and died with
A drug induced bloody euphoria
Shadows of the truth dimmed
By a purple haze...

Renee H.
6/21/04


False Validation

Take a walk outside your
Selfish proximity for
Just a moment of time
And maybe you will find
There is more to you than me..
And the life you lead
Could be so much more
If only you did not breathe for me...


Renee H
6/21/04 not finished


Aging

And she was alone in her darkness
Shadows of her beauty
Dancing through memory
Greiving for life times passed
And the losing grace of age,
Passing down to a
Tried little woman of
A dead era...

Renee H.
6/23/04

Leave

Go ahead, leave ifyou will
No so many tears fell in despair
No stories to be told of love here...
The flame born here,
Shall die here...
Just like me..

All night long
You danced with me and now
Morning is comming
So, Go ahead, leave if you must

The pale grey tears are only
Falling from the sky here...

Renee H

6/23/04

Little Dreamer

It is your heart beat
In the shadows of night
I hear calling to me...
It is your footsteps
In the hall I hear...
Some lonesome night...
And I became like a lunatic
Flying through the
Wind, and the rain
Just to get to you...

Renee H.
6/23/04

Written for the spirit of a mother getting to a frightened child deep in the night...

Vision Of Night

He stole away the light
Within the darkness
And brave she was...
And still she was changed...
No longer a weaver
Of enchantment
The lady faded with in
The Myst, within the night...
And she fell away from the dream,
She fell away longing for a night song...

Renee H.
6/23/04


Untitled

She turned to the sound of a voice
Calling out her name
And she became consumed
With the knowledge of time
Pressing down around her...
Just like the echoes of voices...
And the song she sang became
A lullabye to madness...
She was drowning in a pool of demons
Taunts never stopping, Age
Of reason slipping away...
And she never made it home...


Renee H.
6/23/04


Ilusion Within A Dream

Was it her you saw within
Your dream each night
The beauty unbeholden
To a voice or a brush,
Was she the one enticing you
To live within a lie...

In the silence of a moment,
In the beauty of a moment,
Whose face did you see...
In those dreams...
Whose eyes fell upon your sorrow
In tears of pain rolling down
An innocent face---weeping
For your pain...

But...

Maybe, it was you all
along drifting between realities...

Renee H
6/25/04

WELCOME TO MY WORLD....

I have been noticing that new people have been reading my blog and I wanted to welcome them and encourage them to post comments even if you disagree with my viewpoint. I am open to education, anytime. Also, I apologize for not posting everyday, but I am a very busy woman, with three step-children, all boys and two of them twins, ages 14 and 10(the twins are 10). I also work 40-60 hrs a week, have 4 Akitas, 1 cat, Two horses of our own, plus 30 more horses,that belong to my father, and a husband to love and nuture. My husband is Mr. Mom and takes care of all that he can during the day, but its a large job that takes the entire family jumping in and takin on duties. Even with all of the chaos, I still find time to write poetry, post on my blog, and enjoy the company of friends. Currently, I actually found time to write several poems today and will possibly post them later tonight. I just finished reading a book about "GIA" titled Thing of Beauty(I know proper grammer requires I underline the title, but my blogger always leaves it out.). I am still enchanted by Stevie Nicks, but have been listening to Sheryl Crow, Alanis Morrisette, and Avril Laigne. Stevie is still my favorite because she can send me to another world when I listen to her. Sheryl Crow is mellow to me and I find I can chill out and relax to her music. Alanis, she is a force all to herself and I love to Jam to her and sing out loud. Avril is a fairly new talent that is still kind of teen oriented, but I like her style and vocal range and look forward to see how she grows musically.

The kids leave in the morning to spend the rest of the summer with their mom, and will not be back until the 6th of august. We are having unusually mild temperatures here in Texas for June, which is great, I don't have to turn on the air conditioning, which means I save money.

Anywho thats me and what is going on for now.... Love to All

Re'

Humor Is In the Gufaw of the Beholder....

Apparently no one found my little antedote about Slash's guitar amusing. I thought It was hilarious. I guess it was one of those "you had to be there moments"....

The kids are leaving Thursday to be with their Mom for the rest of the summer. I am going to miss them, but I am also going to enjoy a break for a few weeks. Too bad I have to work the whole time they are gone... TEE HEE...

Not much else going on here... Just unusually cool temperatures for our area for this time of year. The high tomorrow is only supposed to be in the 80's, which is fine with me because,normally, it is hitting 100 about now.

I haven't written anything new in awhile.. I have a dry spell going, but it will pass .. it always does.

Well I should be in bed and I guess that about updates everything going on here. Muaz..

Re'

SLASH'S GUITAR...

Many, many, many years ago, in a Time far and away, My sister and I developed a strong friendship and love for rock n roll music. We were both HUGE Guns-N-Roses fans. We had the words to every song memorized and every move Axl made in the Patience and Sweet Child O'Mine video. Hope was especialy good at Axl's signature Snake move. One night, she and I were at a local hang out for kids in our area. It was a place to play pool, listen to music and of course veg out on burgers, fries, pizza, nachos... etc... etc... Anyway, we were sitting in a booth minding our own "biddness" when these two really "gross" older guys sat down with us and actually began flirting. It was sad, and can we say umm we were most definitely "jail bait"... We were trying to be nice and polite and not make a scene, but we could not get these guys to leave us alone. So out of no where, I said."Hey... Hope did I show you the postcard I got from George the other day?" My sister, not missing a beat says... "Umm no, where is he THIS time?"

ME: You are not going to believe this....

Her: ahh come on just tell me...

ME: You will just die....

HER: Will you tell me already...

Me: He is in California living in Slash's Guitar...

HER: That bugger he always said he was gonna do it!!! WOW awesome.. you gotta tell me everything...

TWO REALLY OLDER GROSS DUDES LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND LOOK AT US AND GO... UMM WHO'S GEORGE???

Without missing a beat and in complete unison, we said and I quote...."He's our imaginary friend from the Sixties and constantly fried"

Needless to say the guys thought we were too weird for them as I continued to give Hope all the glorious details of George's trip across America and finally making it to Slash's Guitar and the Jam sessions and parties he had been to.

That night she and I were so in tune with each other and we used this many times to make people laugh and the stories got wilder and wilder as time went on...

I wonder what George is doing now??????

Vacation...

I have had a very nice vacation time and have gotten a few things done around here that needed to be done and the kids have enjoyed me being home with them. They have had Vacation Bible School, Summer Reading Program at the Library, swimming at the local pool, shopping and of course swimming in our "redneck" pool. We have also continued working on bricking our back patio. We still have a long way to go, but I can see how beautiful it is going to look when we are done. We got all of these bricks for free when the old library was torn down. We went with a trailer every evening for about a week and picked up all these brick. So far we have bricked two sidewalks in front of the house, bricked two runners for Bill's driveway and have part of the back patio completed. I just hope we dont run out of brick....

I still have a luncheon date tomorrow with my bestest bud, a yard sale on saturday and movies on Sunday with the kids. So, needless to say I have not run out of things to do.... How I wish I could win the lottery and be here everyday. I have been more patient with Bill and the Kids and have really enjoyed being with them.

Fleetwood Mac night was a blast and I still wish I could have gone to the concert but hopefully there will be others.

Our female akita, Shae, is now offically unable to ever bear puppies again. Thank goodness....

There were things I planned to do that I didn't get done simply because I did not want to travel more than 10 minutes from the house. I know.. sad... Tee Hee.. but I like being secluded in my humble abode.

Talk to ya'll soon...

Re'